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Does anyone else not want kids?

Oct 27, 2017
7,069
Seattle
My wife and I have gone through a lot in the past 5 years, and having kids always seemed like a given but now at least I feel like I really don't know. There's some depressive thoughts that get in the way, but at the same time I've seen friends/siblings who've had kids and I really don't know if I want to give up so much of my freedom. A lot of these days I'm just really grateful and don't want to mess with that. Plus my wife and I also have pretty successful careers where we work a lot so something would have to change drastically.

You can't really think about 'giving up your freedoms' I think something kicks in after you have kids, where maybe your outlook is different/you want different things? If that makes sense? Plus as the kids get older, they likely will start to align with your interests and that is when things really take off. (Hockey Games, Football games, Couch Co-op, Traveling, Disneyland, lego building etc)
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,516
Canada
My wife really wants a kid, and wants one soon. I don't want to make a person who might die of famine in a developed nation in their lifetime. Global warming is a legit concern.
We aren't just going extinct in one hundred years. There's a million tech advancements that can boost fertility of plants , etc. You can't live by being afraid of the future. if it comes to it I'll gladly die for my daughter's carbon footprint .

Was never sure I wanted kids but she is the best.
 
Oct 26, 2017
2,005
Seattle
You can't really think about 'giving up your freedoms' I think something kicks in after you have kids, where maybe your outlook is different/you want different things? If that makes sense? Plus as the kids get older, they likely will start to align with your interests and that is when things really take off. (Hockey Games, Football games, Couch Co-op, Traveling, Disneyland, lego building etc)
I've never really bought the whole "losing your freedoms" thing when having kids. Sure we do things that she'd enjoy, but I haven't lost my hobbies or my ability to hang out with my friends. We still travel on a regular basis both domestically and internationally and for the most part she comes with us unless my parents keep her while we go. In 2018 we went to Maui and Japan along with long weekends to Oregon. In 2017 we took her to Disney World and also did a big trip to Morocco and the Netherlands.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,174
It is controversial but I feel life is kind of shitty and futile and am not really happy that my parents imposed this on me so I wont impose it myself on anyone else.

Feel free to tell me how wrong I am.
I never wanted kids, never had them, and still don't plan on having any. Yeah I burst my parent's "dream" of my life, but it's my life.
 
Oct 27, 2017
257
There are plenty of people who do not want children, and it relatively common and completely reasonable position.

Fully support anyone who is child free.

However, anyone who is Child Free™ is a dick.
 
Jan 8, 2019
303
Never want kids, none of my previous partners have wanted kids and I'll only be in relationships with women that feel similarly. Don't really feel it's controversial at all, you're not wrong and don't let anybody try to tell you otherwise. My main reason is elementary and middle school was absolute hell for me, and I wouldn't wish that on anybody. Plus I like having money and time.
 
Nov 7, 2017
7,014
It is controversial but I feel life is kind of shitty and futile and am not really happy that my parents imposed this on me so I wont impose it myself on anyone else.

Feel free to tell me how wrong I am.
I'm 32 now and tried to have kids with my ex a few years abck, because she really wanted them, I figured I would get into the grove once it all hepenned.

5 years later I am so, so glad it didn't work out.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,357
It’s a figure of speech. Obviously OP doesn’t think that. Little weird this needs to be clarified.
you're putting me into a position where i'd want to ask something like "is anyone else unreasonably annoyed by this turn of phrase, especially when it's applied to relatively common things" and i'm not ready to own myself like that right now
 
Nov 7, 2017
7,014
Better off ourselves now then, life just isn't worth it...

I'll be sure to tell my daughter she was a mistake and should never have existed.
I mean, we aren't the one's who live through the worst parts of the oncoming calamity, we enjoyed the end of the golden age.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,410
California
I don't want kids because I wouldn't have the money to care for them.

I'm also reaching the age where I'm going to have to start repaying the favor and take care of my aging parents. OP, are you going to be a deadbeat kid and just abandon your parents when they're going to need your help?
 
Oct 27, 2017
20,537
Northern Ontario
I don't, and have never had that interest or felt like I needed to have one. I think it'd be too much anxiety, worry and commitment. I don't know if I'd be able to be the parent I'd want to be, either, so I don't think it's fair to have a kid based just on that, but there are other factors.
 
Oct 27, 2017
4,359
People always use climate change and that the world is shit now as a reason not to have kids and then call the people that want kids despite these problems selfish. But has the world ever not been dangerous? There’s always been some shit going down hasn’t there? You’re not waiting for a solution to climate change, you just don’t want kids. That’s fine.
 
Oct 29, 2017
1,949
Glasgow, Scotland
Not to internet diagnose, but it sounds like your feeling on kids stems from some sort of depression or other problem. If you have those types of thoughts, please find someone to talk to. That mindset can get dark very quickly.
Hmmm... When does just being a realist get confused with depression. Is it a mental illness to take a look at the state of the planet and our global society and where we are headed and maybe think it might not be the wisest or most moral of choices to bring another resource gobbler into the world... Is that mental illness? I swear half the problems with humanity right now is that we are so blasé about everything and never grasp the impact we have on the world and each other, and so it continues.

And no, my partner and myself don't want kids. We would rather be "selfish" and look after ourselves and give ourselves a good life rather than bring up more kids who struggled like we did in youth, and into a much worse world to boot.
 
Nov 7, 2017
7,014
People always use climate change and that the world is shit now as a reason not to have kids and then call the people that want kids despite these problems selfish. But has the world ever not been dangerous? There’s always been some shit going down hasn’t there? You’re not waiting for a solution to climate change, you just don’t want kids. That’s fine.
Some kind of twisted optimism that stems out of defeatism?
 
Oct 25, 2017
138
I have absolutely no desire to have children. My only goal is to have a partner that wants to just enjoy life together without children. As stated before we're overpopulated as it is and I'm not insecure in wanting to have kids to take care of me when I can't (that's just rude, your kids shouldn't have to make sacrifices to help you in the twilight years).
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,521
Anyone actively seeking to conceive in 2019 is either willfully ignorant of the climate crisis that will irrevocably destroy any semblance of global stability within that child’s lifetime, and possibly before that child even reaches adulthood, or they’re just selfish bastards who don’t care. This is my hottest take, but it’s also the hill I’m most willing to die on.
Pretty much my reasoning as well. We don't live in a perfect world, and we never have. It's not "fair" to any person alive now, or in 50+ years. In a "perfect" world i'd love to have children, because in a perfect world there would be no negative consequences or major regrets - that is not our reality...
 
Oct 27, 2017
4,359
Pretty much my reasoning as well. We don't live in a perfect world, and we never have. It's not "fair" to any person alive now, or in 50+ years. In a "perfect" world i'd love to have children, because in a perfect world there would be no negative consequences or major regrets - that is not our reality...
Are you saying that you suffer every single day of your life? That you don’t enjoy the slightest bit of happiness? Why are any of us even here if the world is so awful? Do you curse your existence?
 
Nov 7, 2017
7,014
Are you saying that you suffer every single day of your life? That you don’t enjoy the slightest bit of happiness? Why are any of us even here if the world is so awful? Do you curse your existence?
Because people will reproduce even in the harshest of conditions, it's not an indicator of anything.
 
Feb 17, 2019
12
No, neither my partner nor I have/want kids. I've never wanted them, and while I can't speak for him, i don't think he has either.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,257
I mean, we aren't the one's who live through the worst parts of the oncoming calamity, we enjoyed the end of the golden age.
Oh okay, so I'll tell my daughter to off herself once she's old enough to understand that life isn't worth it.

Fuck you.
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,499
I never want kids. I think having kids, in this period of time, is the most selfish thing you can do. How can you propagandize them into our poor monetary system? To normalize a dying world? To handwave the fact we already have enough people on this planet who lack care, love, and compassion?

I'd rather work on those who are here and not add to the count.
 
Nov 7, 2017
7,014
Oh okay, so I'll tell my daughter to off herself once she's old enough to understand that life isn't worth it.

Fuck you.
This reminds of people who visceraly hate vegetarians and vegans: simply discussing the topic makes them fly off the handle.

Like, if what I said made you imagine scenarios where I would be rooting your child commits suicide, I mean, yikes
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,211
Having kids is my worst fear. Fully irrational, since it’s obviously completely avoidable, but man. It would ruin my life.

Oh okay, so I'll tell my daughter to off herself once she's old enough to understand that life isn't worth it.

Fuck you.
The post you’re replying to didn’t even slightly suggest that.
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,680
I love my kids more than just about anything and haven't regretted having them for even a second, but I would never pressure anyone else into having kids. I've seen more than enough really shitty parents who obviously regret their decision and the effect that has on their kids and it's definitely not something I would want to encourage more of.

With that said, for people saying that they hate being around kids, do know that it's very different when the kids are *your* kids. Being around other people's kids over whom you have no control or influence can be annoying and stressful.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,257
This reminds of people who visceraly hate vegetarians and vegans: simply discussing the topic makes them fly off the handle.

Like, if what I said made you imagine scenarios where I would be rooting your child commits suicide, I mean, yikes
If you told me if I was going to die in a nuclear blast tomorrow and asked if I could, would I rather never been born, my answer would be I'd rather have lived than not existed at all.

Shits going to be tough, but to pretend you know with certainty it's going to be a Mad Max reality show is just stupid.

I'll just quote the below since they put it more eloquently than my simple "fuck you" to those who shame others into not having children or thinking their children was a mistake.

All humans have been born with the possibility of great suffering ahead of them. Incredible wars, starvation, natural disasters... To live is to struggle and not all lives end in happiness, but I truly believe that even a life cut short was worth it just for the chance alone. My kids could die tomorrow, but I know I've given them the best life I could in the short time they've been here and they have known a lot of happiness and given a lot to other people. That's the best anyone could truly hope for. None of us get out alive, be it 5 years or 100. It's not the time that matters, but what you did in the time given.

Make your choice as you see fit, but having children is literally one of life's greatest joys and 99% of the time, you'll never be able to convince people that their children weren't worth it. Remember that you're only here in the first place because someone, somewhere in your family's history decided to have children and raise them despite living in a terrible situation. If you can say that you can give a child love and give them even the smallest fighting chance, then no, I don't agree that it's wrong to have one or two kids. It's literally the biological point of existing in the first place.
 
Nov 7, 2017
7,014
If you told me if I was going to die in a nuclear blast tomorrow and asked if I could, would I rather never been born, my answer would be I'd rather have lived than not existed at all.

Shits going to be tough, but to pretend you know with certainty it's going to be a Mad Max reality show is just stupid.

I'll just quote the below since they put it more eloquently than my simple "fuck you" to those who shame others into not having children or thinking their children was a mistake.
People rationalize adding people to this planet in hundreds of ways, I am simply saying that we have the gift of foresight, and will never understand people who just see bringing human lives on this planet as rolling the dice for YOUR happyness.

It is selfish. Especially when there are children that are waiting for adoption somewhere.

You want a mini-you, nothing I can do to convince you otherwise. I'm just saying from a moral point of view, I would never do that myself.
 
Nov 8, 2017
152
im too anxious about my financial stability without having a child, i live in a rented studio with my gf, she is a contract worker, im in a dying industry

but, she wants a child and i dont, this topic comes up regularly and causes serious drama

i mean, i would like to have a kid if we had our own house and shitloads of disposable income, but that's probably never gonna happen
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,347
Hmmm... When does just being a realist get confused with depression. Is it a mental illness to take a look at the state of the planet and our global society and where we are headed and maybe think it might not be the wisest or most moral of choices to bring another resource gobbler into the world... Is that mental illness? I swear half the problems with humanity right now is that we are so blasé about everything and never grasp the impact we have on the world and each other, and so it continues.

And no, my partner and myself don't want kids. We would rather be "selfish" and look after ourselves and give ourselves a good life rather than bring up more kids who struggled like we did in youth, and into a much worse world to boot.
I think there’s a difference between what you’re saying and feeling like life is futile. That’s a dark path. But I get what you’re saying.
 
Oct 27, 2017
7,069
Seattle
im too anxious about my financial stability without having a child, i live in a rented studio with my gf, she is a contract worker, im in a dying industry

but, she wants a child and i dont, this topic comes up regularly and causes serious drama

i mean, i would like to have a kid if we had our own house and shitloads of disposable income, but we live in Eastern Europe, so that's probably never gonna happen
The children issue is going to be ongoing, so unless you are serious about children, might want to think of letting her go
 
Oct 26, 2017
591
I have no desire to have kids at all. I see the physical and financial stress it has put on my cousins.

I told some of them I didn't want kids and they totally understood. It hinders your life in so many ways but I guess in other ways it could also better your life.

I just know I don't want that stress in life. I see my cousins that don't have kids and they travel the world and never have to worry about money.

To be honest my only reason to have kids is for selfish reasons (Take care of me when I'm older) so I believe I just shouldn't have them at all.

Hopefully we'll have robot helpers in 30-40 years.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,257
People rationalize adding people to this planet in hundreds of ways, I am simply saying that we have the gift of foresight, and will never understand people who just see bringing human lives on this planet as rolling the dice for YOUR happyness.

It is selfish. Especially when there are children that are waiting for adoption somewhere.

You want a mini-you, nothing I can do to convince you otherwise. I'm just saying from a moral point of view, I would never do that myself.
I'm not trying to rationalize my child's existence. You can make a choice not to have children without shaming other people for having them of their own.

Mankind suddenly stopping procreating isn't going to magically fix our problems.

I hope my daughter will appreciate her existence someday. But I'll be sure and ask her her thoughts on her life before she is vaporized and post about it on Era.
 
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I'm conflicted. Part of me does because I feel like I'd disappoint my family if I did not. And eventually letting my father's lineage die with me. On the other hand, I can't really interact with kids. I talk with my nieces and nephew like I do regular adults, minus swear words. I try to simplify for them to understand but I dunno, maybe it's because they're not biologically mine. I am undecided for now.