Does social culture revolve too much around alcohol?

[carlsojo]

Alcohol isn't the center of social events, it's just present at all of them. The same way there's usually music, snacks, food, etc.

There's no reason you can't go to these places and drink a Coke. Someone bugs you for not drinking? How would they know?

Order mocktails.

Drink non-alcoholic beer.

There are ways around this but like you said, you're shy, and I think you're using this as an excuse to not go out more.

 

[Doran]

Lol who the hell said "no"?

Click to shrink...

I sad no, just because of the "too much" part. Love my brews, wines and cocktails.

 

[GYODX]

Yes. I refuse to drink apart from the rare wine/champagne during special events or dining at nice restaurants, and certainly never enough to get drunk or even buzzed. The concept of drinking for fun doesn't appeal to me. I think people feel judged when you don't partake. Some people have had... strange reactions to my refusing to drink. Couldn't care less, though.

 

[Deleted member 1476]

Should be weed instead. Alcohol sucks.

Click to shrink...

Nah, fuck that and cigarettes too. Shouldn't revolve around anything.

 

[carlsojo]

Also when someone asks to hang out, don't immediately reply I DONT DRINK. Maybe just... Go out with them.

 

[I Don't Like]

I sad no, just because of the "too much" part. Love my brews, wines and cocktails.

Click to shrink...

Ah ok that's fair. I'm the same - pretty much everything I do with my circle of friends revolves around alcohol - but looking at it from the perspective of a not-as-enthusiastic-about-drinking person's point of view I understand how it appears to be too much.

 

[gutter_trash]

in North America, too much. Way too much.

"I"M DRUNK YA!!!"
"Real men never turn down a drink!"
all that bullshit

look here, booze makes me sleepy,
booze makes my junk not work,
booze makes me want to go to the bathroom,
booze give me a headache if I don't counter with enough water,
booze gives me the shits,

Booze is so fuckin' overrated. The cons outweigh any of the pros

okay, you get a pleasant buzz for 45 minutes but then after 2 hours you get the dip, the downer, now this is where you go "booze sucks!"

Booze is a depressant

 

[Lozjam]

Just ask for a Nojito, or a Shirley Temple, a Cinderella, Cloudy Tokyo, Rasberry Cordial.

The bartenders will know what you are talking about, as these are all non-alcoholic drinks. Your friends will be non the wiser.

 

[ASilentProtagonist]

There's a fair bit of research on this and the way it impacts not just social culture/leisure but also work culture. It's one of the primary sites where the two spill over and if you don't partake you risk being left out.

Also, the whole 'just drink water' sounds nice on paper but it doesn't really work all the time. It's not the perfect neutral solution when society as a whole is still so entrenched with drinking culture.

Click to shrink...

Most night out's I don't feel like drinking or I'll drink very little. At parties or social gatherings I just fill up my red cup, or beer can with water. No one can tell lol

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Absolutely. I was drunk for so much of my life that being sober now is a new experience. Its crazy. This is what life is actually like? Fuckin bonkers.

Its all anyone ever does is get drunk. People can't even go for a damn hike without including booze. Shits wack. I did have some pretty crazy times though, not gona lie.

 

[dark_prinny]

Yes but it's actually pretty fun to go out sometimes totally sober. It's amazing the amount of stupid things people do when they drink. Me included 😅

 

[Akronis]

Didnt we had this thread just last week

Click to shrink...

that other thread was FAR worse

 

[Deleted member 4552]

I wouldn't be asking resetera for advice on socialising.

You say your a "brown skin" of immigrant parents, the only thing I can think is, so what.

Nobody does everything their parents want, your also an adult, if you want to drink that's on you buddy.

I'm sure your friends as teenagers weren't supposed to be drinking either that's not exclusive to muslims.

If you do start drinking now, go slow at first, people who didn't learn to drink as teenagers tend to get absolutely fucked up the first times they go drinking. Alcohol has been around for millennia go enjoy some.

But not too much, ok?

 

[Croc Man]

Not enough alcohol for my liking
I hate the rise of coffee shops. The casual suggestion of meeting for coffee sucks, straight up "no I don't like coffee" is met with the kind of reactions teetotalers talk about and I miss out on the social bonding.
Or I go along and miserably order overpriced tea that isn't as good as my builders tea, hot chocolate or a cold calorie filled monstrosity and wonder why I'm not in a pub.
The worst thing is they can order their coffee in a pub! And they say us drunks are thoughtless and anti-social.

 

[kiaaa]

Nurse a drink (non-alcoholic in your case) for a couple hours. Gotta be there on the drinking days or you aren't gonna stay in touch and get invited to non-drinking activities.

Also, dinner as a date is a lot harder without some drinks. Invite your dates out to other shit. I'd use rock climbing if I was single for example.

 

[overcast]

Didnt we had this thread just last week

Click to shrink...

Yeah there have been a few lately. Not sure why.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

Alcohol isn't the center of social events, it's just present at all of them. The same way there's usually music, snacks, food, etc.

There's no reason you can't go to these places and drink a Coke. Someone bugs you for not drinking? How would they know?

Order mocktails.

Drink non-alcoholic beer.

There are ways around this but like you said, you're shy, and I think you're using this as an excuse to not go out more.

Click to shrink...

Yeah I didn't drink until I was 24 and I had similar thoughts. In retrospect, I realize I got invited to a lot of parties and hangouts. I just didn't go because they were drinking. Eventually I stopped being invited not because I didn't drink but because I never went.

I was pretty shy too so I think I used not drinking alcohol as an excuse. Kind of looked down on people for needing to "rely" on a mind-altering substance to socialize but what did I know? I barely socialized. It was totally on me.

 

[Poppy]

i voted no but i could certainly see it being a problem for some people

i never have felt pressured to drink and i like alcohol in general

 

[TaySan]

It's a big part of Adult socialization, but it doesn't have to be

 

[overcast]

Not enough alcohol for my liking
I hate the rise of coffee shops. The casual suggestion of meeting for coffee sucks, straight up "no I don't like coffee" is met with the kind of reactions teetotalers talk about and I miss out on the social bonding.
Or I go along and miserably order overpriced tea that isn't as good as my builders tea, hot chocolate or a cold calorie filled monstrosity and wonder why I'm not in a pub.

Click to shrink...

Weird, I think the coffee shop is a great alternative. Somewhere to talk while drinking something with little pressure at all. I personally love coffee, I'll go alone.

Drinking is certainly more fun, but sometimes people don't want booze so you gotta do what works.

 

[Arkanim94]

I wonder what would happen to humanity if Alcol completely disappeared for a month.

 

[dark_prinny]

Wrong thread

 

[TheClaw7667]

This is something I experienced in high school as well. I had a lot of friends in elementary school and into 9th grade. As soon as the partying scene took off and people started getting shitfaced and fucked up on a weekly basis I lost so many of those friends. Stopped getting invited to hang out as much and if I did I always felt pressured to drink. After that all of my friends in highschool were people that didn't drink at all.

As someone that is introverted and shy, I will always believe that my social life would have been better off if I had enjoyed alcohol.

 

[ProstatePuncher]

Its become an incredible social crutch for society. I know so many people who can't do a social gathering without firing a few down their gullets. There's also a few I know who joke about being alcohol dependent but they definitely are, every weekend drowning their sorrows, masking away how their job, relations and all the rest of it crush them. I don't drink myself and people think I'm either a psychopath or that I'm a saint because I don't seem to be crumbling from the inside out like them.

The dating scene is particularly hard with this one. People usually go silent when I suggest we go do something that isn't just go to a bar and get hammered. I much prefer to go walking in one of the many parks of my city, or use the museums and galleries. You can talk to each other better rather than shout over the cacophany, etc. I guess it might be easier to get to the boning part if you're a bit tipsy. Makes me feel like a total alien.

 

[Muu]

Didn't really start drinking till college, but yeah I agree. I'd say it gets worse as you get older cause your interests diverge more and more, and drinking becomes the only thing you might have in common with someone.

I have a 6yrold and you know what? I believe it's less the kids that make folks w/ kids disappear and more the fact that it's hard to incorporate your life into a bunch of drunks all of a sudden. Bars are off limits, brewpubs are relatively family friendly these days but part of your mind is always on your kids.

 

[Shahed]

Alcohol isn't the center of social events, it's just present at all of them. The same way there's usually music, snacks, food, etc.

There's no reason you can't go to these places and drink a Coke. Someone bugs you for not drinking? How would they know?

Order mocktails.

Drink non-alcoholic beer.

There are ways around this but like you said, you're shy, and I think you're using this as an excuse to not go out more.

Click to shrink...

You have some good points.

As for alcohol not being the center, but just merely present? Like music, food and snacks?

Well in my experience, my 'white friends' when thinking of places to hang out will go to places without food or music. But if it doesn't have alcohol present, the majority of of the time said social event will be considered 'boring' and they'd rather go elsewhere.

So alcohol might not be the center of social events. But only social events that have alcohol are largely considered. Food and music tend to be optional, but not the case with alcohol

As for the shyness? That is true to an extent. But that doesn't apply to outspoken friends that were former drinkers. And they feel left out too, even having disagreements with close family members when refusing to have a glass of wine at Christmas. In fact that happening is what gave me the idea of this thread!

Also when someone asks to hang out, don't immediately reply I DONT DRINK. Maybe just... Go out with them.

Click to shrink...

I've done that. When it comes down to ordering at the bar, restaurant or even not wanting to try her drink, eventually the fact I don't drink alcohol comes out. And you can legit see their face drop and lose interest. Some have even tried really hard to make me try some and didn't hide their disappointment when I said no lol

I find it easier to just get that step out of the way early

 

[Rangerx]

I'm Irish our drinking reputation isn't a stereotype. Pretty much every single social event revolves around alcohol. It's nearly impossible to escape from.

 

[Deleted member 1656]

This is just one more reason I'll never support socialism

 

[kiaaa]

In my experience on both sides, people who aren't drinking at social events are very bad at hiding their boredom/discomfort around drinkers.

 

[Shahed]

I wouldn't be asking resetera for advice on socialising.

You say your a "brown skin" of immigrant parents, the only thing I can think is, so what.

Nobody does everything their parents want, your also an adult, if you want to drink that's on you buddy.

I'm sure your friends as teenagers weren't supposed to be drinking either that's not exclusive to muslims.

If you do start drinking now, go slow at first, people who didn't learn to drink as teenagers tend to get absolutely fucked up the first times they go drinking. Alcohol has been around for millennia go enjoy some.

But not too much, ok?

Click to shrink...

This is pretty much exactly what I'm getting at. Especially the last paragraph.

Yes as a Muslim I was told alcohol was forbidden. Same thing with sex before marriage and needing to eat Halal food. As a child you just go along with it all. But once you are an adult, you make your own choices.

My decision not to drink now, is purely because I don't want to drink. It's the same reason I don't do drugs or smoke cigarettes even though they are allowed. It's mainly for health purposes, but also I dislike the smell of alcohol, just like I can't stand cigarette stench.

It's nothing to do with it being forbidden. So is sex outside marriage, but that's gone out the window and I have zero qualms about that. Same for halal meat. I don't particularly care about it, I'll eat whatever. But in the end, I rarely eat meat anyway.

Your last bit encouraging me to try some and the overall tone of your post is pretty much exactly what me and other people get when we say we don't want to drink alcohol at social events. 'Go on try a bit, you're an adult now' or 'people do forbidden stuff all the time'. It's like some people just can't fathom how someone can't be interested in drinking for their own personal reasons, so try to convince them anyway.

Unless all of what you said was meant to be sarcasm

 

[Deleted member 1476]

Your last bit encouraging me to try some and the overall tone of your post is pretty much exactly what me and other people get when we say we don't want to drink alcohol at social events. 'Go on try a bit, you're an adult now' or 'people do forbidden stuff all the time'. It's like some people just can't fathom how someone can't be interested in drinking for their own personal reasons, so try to convince them anyway.

Unless all of what you said was meant to be sarcasm

Click to shrink...

I thought the same thing after reading that post.

 

[Shahed]

Didnt we had this thread just last week

Click to shrink...

that other thread was FAR worse

Click to shrink...

Oh I must have missed this. What thread was this? Curious how it was far worse too

 

[Maple]

Yes. Work and social events all seem to revolve around going out and drinking. Makes it difficult for those of us who don't drink.

And if people find out you don't drink, they view you as some kind of social deviant and outcast.

 

[DrScruffleton]

yeah. I dont drink. And anytime I go to an event or anything where everyone is drinking, I feel super awkward. And then there are always those couple people who refuse to take no for an answer and try to get you to drink all night. Its annoying.

 

[Cat Party]

Absolutely, yes.

I love drinking, but it's hard out there for people who don't or can't.

 

[Torpedo Vegas]

Yes.

 

[Nordic4tKnight]

I actually think social culture revolves around junk food more (donuts at work, pizza everywhere, etc.) and is a much larger issue.

 

[GalvoAg]

My friends and myself abide by the rule do whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt others. So from experience I just don't see it, most of the time it's the non drinker chilling in the corner making the night a waste all by themselves.

 

[overcast]

There's also such a gulf in terms of what kinda drinking you're going out doing. Having 2-3 drinks over a few hours hangout is nothing. Getting plastered is a whole nother thing.

 

[Bakercat]

As a person who really doesn't drink, yes. Anytime I try to find something to do with other adults our options are pretty limited if no alcohol is around. Especially at night.

 

[Timeaisis]

No. It is and has always been optional.

 

[Jer]

Nah, alcohol is great, and if you don't want to drink, don't. I've had nights where I've felt sick so I just drank soda, no one cared. The idea that non-drinkers are somehow shamed comes up a lot, but I've never seen it.

 

[AcidCat]

There's also such a gulf in terms of what kinda drinking you're going out doing. Having 2-3 drinks over a few hours hangout is nothing. Getting plastered is a whole nother thing.

Click to shrink...

Yep, the party of 20-somethings getting puke drunk is a whole different scene, generally at my age group in your 40s most folks know their limits and the days of puking and making a fool of yourself are long behind, and having a few drinks during a social event just makes everything more pleasant and relaxed.

 

[Genesius]

As a teetotaler, it's incredibly disconcerting to see how many people can't conceive of not drinking while socializing.

 

[Shahed]

Nah, alcohol is great, and if you don't want to drink, don't. I've had nights where I've felt sick so I just drank soda, no one cared. The idea that non-drinkers are somehow shamed comes up a lot, but I've never seen it.

Click to shrink...

This is probably a bit more serious and morbid of an answer or direction in this topic I'd want, but here goes anyway.

It's probably a bit like racism, sexism or any other kind of discrimination. The recipients can tell when it happens, but other people might not notice it. And there's a difference in approach for someone who doesn't want to do a particular thing (be it drinking or anything) at a certain moment because they're ill or whatever, compared to someone not wanting to do it at all.

But equating the feel of people judging you for not drinking and their lack of awareness around it, to more real world problems like discrimination comes off very strong. Sure the same thought process may be present somewhat, but that is absolutely a road I don't want to go down.


The easy way, is to simply ask people who don't drink at all (whatever the reason), and see how they feel about it.

 

[Irnbru]

When you are doing dry January, are you doing dry January together as a group in bars? Or when you go to a bar, is the group still dominated by people who will drink?

Click to shrink...

Group dominated by people who will drink. I will say, the lack of alcohol has made for my brain to go total surround checking mode. I never really noticed how much shit is actually happening at bar. But to your point, nobody has given any of us shit. Heck at one bar people were jealous because we had fresh coconuts and their drinks weren't as good lol

 

[ProstatePuncher]

Nah, alcohol is great, and if you don't want to drink, don't. I've had nights where I've felt sick so I just drank soda, no one cared. The idea that non-drinkers are somehow shamed comes up a lot, but I've never seen it.

Click to shrink...

I've had questions come up at job interviews regarding how I'd handle myself in social situations drinking with superiors, and when I tell them that I don't drink, there's always an audible intake of air through the teeth, then the mention that I "won't get along" with any of the superiors since I "can't do work social nights". You get treated like a social pariah, even if nowadays more people are into video games and you could easily do a social night of that kind of stuff to get to know one another.

Also I've never gotten one of those jobs after hearing that kind of question.

 

[Aurica]

I found this to be frustrating when I lived in Japan. "Wanna hang out?" "Yeah. Let's go drink." Every single one of my Japanese friends since college. I mean, I still had fun, but I don't like to drink a lot of alcohol at a time, and I try not to drink super often.

 

[Dr. Lucien Sanchez]

I wouldn't be asking resetera for advice on socialising.

Click to shrink...

Probably should be a stickied post in every era thread about drinking tbh.

Anyway, I guess my question would be how does one quantify 'too much?' Yes, it's prevalent in many social situations, but there is a clear reason for that.

 

[QuantumZebra]

It should be more reliant on weed

Sports events wouldn't be as hilarious though