this is all outdated, read the threadmarks ya dinguses
TLDR at the bottom. I'll answer questions in this thread as I have time.
I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by making this thread, but I've been talking about it nonstop for the last couple days and it's made me feel better. I guess venting helps.
Two years ago, I thought I met the love of my life. We instantly clicked on every level imaginable. We both said we never met anyone like this before. We did everything together. Instant best friends. We both blurted out "I love you" maybe a month into it. Met each other's parents like a week after that. She proposed six months into it. I proposed back after giving her my grandma's ring.
We had a few communication issues but we never once had serious talks about ending it or anything, and I felt like we genuinely made improvements. Arguments were sparse and about trivial stuff that we figured out immediately.
Thursday night, she casually mentioned to me that her best friend (another girl) and her boyfriend approached her about having a threesome with them. She told me she eventually said no but only because they "didn't know how I'd react." Apparently they talked about it at length but decided not to. Not once did she ever bring up polygamy or partner sharing in the two years prior. She never talked about other people before this.
I then told her that I absolutely couldn't handle her being with another person, and that I felt it was fine for her to be attracted to other people physically, but to act on and even talk about it at length with others hurt me. I told her I still trusted her and that we could work this out. I told her I thought we should go to couple's therapy and while I absolutely wanted to repair us and get married in the future and I was committed to her, we should consider postponing the wedding a month or two until we knew we were on more solid footing. I never once used the word cancel or anything like that.
Soon as I told her that, she broke down, asked if I still loved her (ofc I do) and said she needed to drive home two hours and spend time with her folks to think about things. I didn't hear back from her for hours.
Fast forward to Saturday, when she told me she was coming to talk with me for a little bit but wouldn't stay. I figured it was over then but I held out hope. I was going to make her favorite dinner and play our favorite record; I still have a 2x6 banner I printed out with photos of us that said "Welcome Home" that's waiting for me at Walgreens.
She ended up knocking on my door with her mom and sister in tow, who straight up took turns yelling at me and blaming me for her ending it. She didn't show an ounce of emotion; at first, she handed me a letter saying it was over, but I couldn't bring myself to read it. After a couple hours of this, she packed up with her family right in front of me, cracking jokes and shit the whole time.
She said she still wanted to be friends and that she considered this a break, but she refused to set any kind of ground rules or timeline. She broke my heart when she said she'd be open to dating other people, even though I told her I couldn't do that. She wouldn't do long distance while we figured things out, she wouldn't commit to making it work or anything. Just "if it works out, it works out" kind of stuff. She wouldn't wear her ring. She dropped out of the college I worked at and moved back home two hours away just like that. She demanded I talk to a psychologist and work out my own issues (which I def have anxiety, but I've never felt it's major. Still talking to someone today about it though), and she wouldn't do the same for herself, even though she obviously needed help as well.
Three days later and I still don't have closure. She texted me last night and asked me to mail her spare car key, and she said she might follow up with me in the next few days to see if I feel like talking. I don't know what I want to do. I just want closure. I don't know if this if is fixable anymore or if I even want it to be. It would take months if not years to get anywhere close to where we were.
I'm still in shock. We never once had what I considered a serious argument, though I guess she saw it differently. She was upset I didn't make time for her family and friends (her parents are hardcore Trump supporters and our personalities clashed), but we were always cordial; I planned a camping trip for us in a couple weeks while setting up a weekly game night with her friends. This seemed to be a sticking point for her. I don't know.
I can't believe how sudden this was and how easy it was for her to end it. I'll never forget how cold and cruel she was the last time I saw her. How she felt like a stranger.
Anyway, oof. This is already an essay and I'm trying to move on. I've talked about this nonstop with friends and family since Saturday and I guess it's helping. There are a lot more details I didn't really mention like the fact that she's still super young (20 while I'm 25). I guess we wanted different things. Just two weeks ago, we bought our wedding bands together.
TLDR: Was getting married in 80 days, fiancee casually expresses interest in a threesome with her best friend and her bf, I express how that's an issue for me, she throws away the relationship immediately and even brings her mom and sister along to trash me and break up by committee. Gym will be hit, photos are already taken down, etc. She left it open-ended but refused to commit to anything, basically leaving it up to fate. I need closure.
TLDR at the bottom. I'll answer questions in this thread as I have time.
I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by making this thread, but I've been talking about it nonstop for the last couple days and it's made me feel better. I guess venting helps.
Two years ago, I thought I met the love of my life. We instantly clicked on every level imaginable. We both said we never met anyone like this before. We did everything together. Instant best friends. We both blurted out "I love you" maybe a month into it. Met each other's parents like a week after that. She proposed six months into it. I proposed back after giving her my grandma's ring.
We had a few communication issues but we never once had serious talks about ending it or anything, and I felt like we genuinely made improvements. Arguments were sparse and about trivial stuff that we figured out immediately.
Thursday night, she casually mentioned to me that her best friend (another girl) and her boyfriend approached her about having a threesome with them. She told me she eventually said no but only because they "didn't know how I'd react." Apparently they talked about it at length but decided not to. Not once did she ever bring up polygamy or partner sharing in the two years prior. She never talked about other people before this.
I then told her that I absolutely couldn't handle her being with another person, and that I felt it was fine for her to be attracted to other people physically, but to act on and even talk about it at length with others hurt me. I told her I still trusted her and that we could work this out. I told her I thought we should go to couple's therapy and while I absolutely wanted to repair us and get married in the future and I was committed to her, we should consider postponing the wedding a month or two until we knew we were on more solid footing. I never once used the word cancel or anything like that.
Soon as I told her that, she broke down, asked if I still loved her (ofc I do) and said she needed to drive home two hours and spend time with her folks to think about things. I didn't hear back from her for hours.
Fast forward to Saturday, when she told me she was coming to talk with me for a little bit but wouldn't stay. I figured it was over then but I held out hope. I was going to make her favorite dinner and play our favorite record; I still have a 2x6 banner I printed out with photos of us that said "Welcome Home" that's waiting for me at Walgreens.
She ended up knocking on my door with her mom and sister in tow, who straight up took turns yelling at me and blaming me for her ending it. She didn't show an ounce of emotion; at first, she handed me a letter saying it was over, but I couldn't bring myself to read it. After a couple hours of this, she packed up with her family right in front of me, cracking jokes and shit the whole time.
She said she still wanted to be friends and that she considered this a break, but she refused to set any kind of ground rules or timeline. She broke my heart when she said she'd be open to dating other people, even though I told her I couldn't do that. She wouldn't do long distance while we figured things out, she wouldn't commit to making it work or anything. Just "if it works out, it works out" kind of stuff. She wouldn't wear her ring. She dropped out of the college I worked at and moved back home two hours away just like that. She demanded I talk to a psychologist and work out my own issues (which I def have anxiety, but I've never felt it's major. Still talking to someone today about it though), and she wouldn't do the same for herself, even though she obviously needed help as well.
Three days later and I still don't have closure. She texted me last night and asked me to mail her spare car key, and she said she might follow up with me in the next few days to see if I feel like talking. I don't know what I want to do. I just want closure. I don't know if this if is fixable anymore or if I even want it to be. It would take months if not years to get anywhere close to where we were.
I'm still in shock. We never once had what I considered a serious argument, though I guess she saw it differently. She was upset I didn't make time for her family and friends (her parents are hardcore Trump supporters and our personalities clashed), but we were always cordial; I planned a camping trip for us in a couple weeks while setting up a weekly game night with her friends. This seemed to be a sticking point for her. I don't know.
I can't believe how sudden this was and how easy it was for her to end it. I'll never forget how cold and cruel she was the last time I saw her. How she felt like a stranger.
Anyway, oof. This is already an essay and I'm trying to move on. I've talked about this nonstop with friends and family since Saturday and I guess it's helping. There are a lot more details I didn't really mention like the fact that she's still super young (20 while I'm 25). I guess we wanted different things. Just two weeks ago, we bought our wedding bands together.
TLDR: Was getting married in 80 days, fiancee casually expresses interest in a threesome with her best friend and her bf, I express how that's an issue for me, she throws away the relationship immediately and even brings her mom and sister along to trash me and break up by committee. Gym will be hit, photos are already taken down, etc. She left it open-ended but refused to commit to anything, basically leaving it up to fate. I need closure.
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