Ever go on an official 'break' from your family?

[Hallucinations]

I've been needing to make massive changes (and money) and just essentially told my mother 'I might be gone for months or years. I don't know.'

I've already left, but she does call me. So I told her to stop and that I wanted a break for a indefine amount of time (telling her this was for everyone too). And really I intend to do it with everyone in my family (they're not annoying or anything, if anything I annoy them)

Has anyone here on ERA done something similar?

 

[ShadowKingpin]

Is there any reason why you are going this route, OP?

 

[SpottieO]

I don’t understand why you would “break” from your family if there aren’t any problems...

 

[Foot]

Do you have access to a therapist?

 

[halcali]

I tried to, but my mum threatened to call my employers.

T__T;

 

[entremet]

Need more details here, OP.

Why? What has caused this fracture?

And no, never had myself. I'm very fortunate to have a loving and supportive family up until my current age as an adult, but I know not everyone is that lucky.

 

[____]

I’m on an unofficial one atm

 

[OrangeNova]

When I first moved out, I didn't talk to them for probably 3 months.

 

[DarkChronic]

OP I would consider seeing a therapist possibly, this doesn't seem healthy at all if there are no issues with you and your family.

 

[Silver-Streak]

My situation is a bit different than most, but I gained emancipated minor status and full legal disownment from my biological family at 16 to remove their legal and tax rights over me. So...yes, I guess?

 

[HardTimesFamilyPride]

Yep I am currently no-contact with my family aside from my youngest sibling and the occasional text to my mother. Been about a year now.

 

[Orb]

I officially cut ties with my family of origin over a year ago. I asked them to not contact me ever again. Lots of reasons but basically they are a toxic influence in my life and do not support my family or my decisions despite us all doing very well.

 

[Elfgore]

With my Dad yeah. Didn't engage with him for almost year.

 

[Arrogant PsycHOPathy]

I have a cousin who is about 15 years older than I and had spent much of her life single (now married in Virginia area ) and has ben apart of the Presidential Band for about 20-ish years now. About 10-ish years ago, she took a vacation on a cruise or to some Tropical destination, if I recall correctly.

Never told anyone. When my aunt couldn't reach her, she contacted her superiors. Went so far as have the FBI to track her down...

 

[Ain't Nobody]

Well I'm old and choose not to speak to my parents, if that counts.

 

[mikhailguy]

My brother did a similar thing and burnt out after 5 or 6 years. He does very well money-wise, but now calls us daily -- complaining about the meaninglessness of life. As others have mentioned, seeing a professional might be a good idea if possible.

 

[Carnby]

I refuse to speak to my brother.

He threatened to kill my mom because he wouldn't let him move in with her. My son and nephew were there when it happened. It was traumatic for my son. So he asked that his Uncle not come over to his birthday party because he was afraid he would cause problems. In retaliation my brother refused to let his son (my nephew) attend my son's birthday party. It was very disappointing for him because it was the only other child who was going to attend (due to covid and small gathering rules.)

He's dead to me. The fight between him and our mom was their own problem. But when he went out of his way to ruin my son's birthday was too far.

 

[LoftyCroft]

I did. I stopped talking to my mom and dad for four years until I let my mom back in because we mended our relationship. Not an easy thing to do, and most people will always try to convince you that you should forgive your parents for whatever happened without actually knowing what had happened. Take your time and trust your instincts. I also went to therapy to figure out how I felt about a lot of things. I don’t know the reason why you are doing this, but you clearly need time and that’s absolutely okay.

By doing this, my relationship with my mom got infinitely better. Hang in there.

 

[Twinsun]

I'm not on any official break, but I don't communicate all that much with most of my family.

 

[HardRojo]

Oh, I thought this was gonna be a "they're annoying and bigoted and I don't want to keep putting up with their shit" thread. I get not wanting to be on constant communication like every single day or so, but other than that, why do you feel that way if there aren't any problems (apparently).

 

[Cotton McKnight]

I've done it for 20 years with minor communication along the way. The stress that I am free of is very nice.

 

[Vic Damone Jr.]

When I move out I will. It’s overdue.

 

[Viewt]

I've gone through stretches of not talking to my parents/siblings after big fights, but not in a really long time. I'm on good terms with everyone and even though we only touch base every month or so, it's all pretty friendly. I'm ultimately just not super close with them.

As for whether it's a good idea, I mean, I dunno. If it's a toxic relationship, then I suppose a break to allow for some growth may be a good idea. If you're just doing it to be petty or as an overreaction, then maybe it's not. Depends on your situation.

 

[tangeu]

Once, when severe depression and anxiety had strong influence on my actions. Caused a lot of emotional pain and suffering to those who care about me. Please rethink your actions.

 

[aett]

Well I'm old and choose not to speak to my parents, if that counts.

Click to shrink...

Same. Stopped talking to my dad altogether about nine years ago and only talk to my mom on/around holidays. Actually, we may not even do that anymore because she recently told us that "the Democrats have lost her vote" because "they can't keep their cities safe from the riots".

 

[RetroMG]

I have not ever told my parents that I was breaking up with them, no. I've just kind of dropped off the map for a while and not really talked to any of my family, but I've never told my family, "I need a break from you."
Unless there's some kind of massive schism you haven't told us about, I don't see why you would do that.

 

[Richietto]

That just seems kinda fucked up if they did nothing wrong. Like its cool if you don't want to contact them, nothing wrong with keeping to yourself, but if they are on good terms with you and contact you from time to time it seems kinda wrong to tell them not to. You're just hurting a relationship for no reason.

 

[pushit420]

I use to do this. I'd proclaim every so often that I wasn't talking to my dad any more. He did some bad things in life, but the older I get the more I realize I'm not a little angel myself. People have faults and make mistakes. I definitely wouldn't do it for no reason.

 

[Pbae]

I wish I could but I'm the super glue keeping it all together.

 

[pokeystaples]

I stopped speaking to my dad, but it was because he was terrible to my mom during their divorce. But nah, never took a break from my family just to have a break. What’s going on with your folks that you can’t be around them during your growth period?

 

[Seirith]

Nope and never would, I love my parents and has no desire to not speak to them or have a break from them.

To be honest, unless there is an issue cutting your family off for no reason seems very odd.

 

[Seirith]

Oopps double post

 

[SillyEskimo]

My mother was quite toxic when I was a teen so I moved 800 miles away and didn't contact her for 6 years. When I moved back home, we had a real heart to heart (something she was completely incapable of when I left) , she apologized, and we have been great ever since. This was about 20 years ago. She still pulls all kinds of bullshit with my siblings but never, ever, ever with me.

 

[Captain Tuttle]

My wife and I haven't spoken with her mother or stepfather in 11 years. It's complicated and personal but lets just say the personal safety of our children is involved.

You don't give a reason (and you shouldn't have to to a bunch of internet strangers) but just make sure it's worth it, it took my wife a few years and some therapy to come to turns with what we did