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FBI probe hoax manufacturing sexual assault allegations on Mueller, Jacob Wohl hilariously involved

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Trouble

Trouble

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Oct 25, 2017
6,125
Seattle-ish
BWoog said:
Back to the classics

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Tjt1i5C.gif
 
The Albatross

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
38,956
bmdubya said:
You don't go to the local hipster coffee shop to talk about politics with your friends?

I want to start tweeting things like "I was at the local gun range yesterday and two cowboys were talking about how excited they were for the blue wave."
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I was at the local Hobby Lobby this morning and there was an aisle with a heterosexual, Methodist, coal miner couple talking about how excited they were to Vote Blue today!
 
EssBeeVee

EssBeeVee

Member
Oct 25, 2017
22,742
The Albatross said:
You gotta hand it to him though, that he's capable of telling that a random couple at the other end of the restaurant is, simultaneously, lesbian, gay, and bisexual, and transgender.
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It's probsbly covered in rainbows and glitters and the table only has one chair and they are sitting in each other and they are wearing huge tags
 
Kard8p3

Kard8p3

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,269
SolidSnakex said:
- For a few weeks the media receive messages that multiple women are planning to accuse Mueller of sexual assault
- They try to verify it but can't and someone eventually reports the reports to the FBI
- Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman take to social media to talk about how they have proof of the sexual assault and at least one woman is willing to come forward
- A company named Surefire Intelligence is attached to Wohl/Burkman's investigation into the assaults
- Reporters dig into Surefire Intelligence. Wohl claims to have no association with it. But the website itself is registered in his name. A number on the website also redirects to a voicemail registered to his mom.
- People become suspicious of the employees at Surefire. Employees include Bar Refaeli (a supermodel) and Christopher Waltz (an actor). And most curious one employees photo is darkened, but upon lightening it reporters find that it's none other than Wohl himself
- A document is posted on Gateway Pundit (and website that Wohl writes for) claiming to detail the sexual assault
- The document claims that Mueller raped a woman in NY in the St. Regis on August 2nd, 2010. But reporters find that Mueller was actually serving jury duty on that day in DC. Not only that but the 19th floor of the St. Regis, where Mueller supposedly led the woman to his suite, is actually a gym
- Wohl and Burkman promise to hold a press conference on November 2nd where the first rape victim will appear
- On the morning of the 2nd, Wohl and Burkman announce that the woman is no longer going to be there because she's receiving threats (keep in mind that no one even knows who this woman is at this point)
- Burkman does the entire conference with his zipper down without realizing it
- The conference ends up being a disaster in which neither Burkman or Wohl can really answer any questions

That's kinda where we're at now.
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Oh my God is this peak burn after reading?
 
Beer Monkey

Beer Monkey

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
9,308
Kard8p3 said:
Oh my God is this peak burn after reading?
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There are things missing. Like digital signature on an affidavit which is completely illegal.

Ugh, there's something else I've already forgotten. One other item in specific that I can't recall right now. Maybe Reddit has a better list but this is a damned fine list, just add the digital signature thing. I will try to add more soon.
 
AYF 001

AYF 001

Member
Oct 28, 2017
828
Beer Monkey said:
There are things missing. Like digital signature on an affidavit which is completely illegal.

Ugh, there's something else I've already forgotten. One other item in specific that I can't recall right now. Maybe Reddit has a better list but this is a damned fine list, just add the digital signature thing. I will try to add more soon.
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Was it them botching some random lady's investigation when she contacted SI about a job, which is illegal because they aren't actually livensed investigators, then refunding her more than what she paid basically as hush money?
 
Granadier

Granadier

Member
Nov 4, 2018
1,605
Wohl was shown to have advertised on Craigslist for "bikini models" and "Instagram models" for the role of NeX's "Director of Fun" to accompany him on marketing trips and entertain clients.[5]
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They seriously looked at this dumbass kid and thought, "yeah, let's get this genius to create a smear campaign against the guy investigation our entire administration."
 
Beer Monkey

Beer Monkey

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
9,308
So basically the person who Wohl claimed was violently raped by Robert Mueller now says she never said it was Mueller and is very confused with her interactions with Wohl's camp and her affidavit.

Checks out.
 
massoluk

massoluk

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,573
Thailand
What I think happen is that she is not sure if it's Mueller. Jacob got involved offering to investigate if it was Mueller. She agreed to go on record on what happened to her, which Jacob will then collaborate with his investigation. Jacob speedrun it without any investigation and made up the details and here we are.
 
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