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Friend just shat himself in traffic
- Thread starter Prolepro
- Start date
I mean... if you do something like eat Indian food or some kind of curry in the middle of downing a 5th of vodka, yeah, you probably have a high chance of shitting yourself.
It just takes astronomically bad planning (even for drunkenness)
Diarrhea farts suck. Thankfully they are way, way far apart. I feel for your friend.
You're a keeper- a friend willing to try help a mate out in such shitty times is a true friend indeed.
You're a keeper- a friend willing to try help a mate out in such shitty times is a true friend indeed.
While a very nice offer, I'm genuinely curious what he would do them. Like, is he going to pull over, drop his pants and clean himself in public, and then drive home naked from the waist down? haha
i hope your friend asked for your consent before sharing this potentially upsetting information with you
My friends and I got drunk one night and came up with this principle that everyone is destined to poop themselves if given a long enough lifespan. Basically the longer you live, the less control you're going to have over your body, and you'll have more and more situations that will keep you away from a reliable toilet--as well as being more prone to defecation by shock and surprise. Everyone will poop themselves eventually. To think that you won't is absolute hubris and ignorance. Even if your body manages to hold up better than most and you maintain more control of your faculties as you age, imagine all the situations where you were uncertain you would make it to the toilet in time but everything happened to work out at the last second. There will come a day when things will not go so miraculously well. You will fail and poop yourself. With each passing year this only becomes more and more certain as these events will increase and your ability to overcome them will decrease. Your only hope to avoid it is an early death, and even in such an occasion, you'll likely lose control of your bowels during the event, or shortly after your passing.
Basically, self-defecation is a mathematical certainty in an average human lifespan.
I named this idea the Sandra Principle, after my friend. She kept telling us that we were putting too much thought into this and we were too drunk, and I got mad and named it after her. Your first self-defecation in adulthood is called the Sandra Event.
Basically, self-defecation is a mathematical certainty in an average human lifespan.
I named this idea the Sandra Principle, after my friend. She kept telling us that we were putting too much thought into this and we were too drunk, and I got mad and named it after her. Your first self-defecation in adulthood is called the Sandra Event.
The worst part isn't the shame of you putting this on the internet, nor the fact that he has to wash shit off himself. No, the worst part is that it'll take days before his car doesn't smell like an outhouse.
I have Crohn's. I don't decide when I get to poop, I just do it.
OP
OP
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OP
One of my best friends in high school had to start homeschooling and taking online classes for our last 2 years because he got crohns. It was sudden and pretty awful, so I feel for ya on that.
Barring shitty medical conditions, though...
Sorry, I didn't mean you said they were trolling, that other poster just got a warning for saying it. I must have accidentally quoted you.
I had this happen to me and it was completely unavoidable. There is a lot of empty space in Canada and I ended up in a traffic jam on a highway with nothing but woods around me. traffic was at a complete stop for 30 mins due to a really bad accident. I held for as long as possible and thought, ok, you can either shit yourself or try to go in the woods. I decided with all the cell phones people have there was no way I could be positive that someone couldn't see me taking a shit in the woods. What if someone decides to record it and I end up online as the dude who shit in the woods?
While this was going through my head I ran out of time and shat myself. It was awful.
While this was going through my head I ran out of time and shat myself. It was awful.
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Grab the clumps by the feet and base of legs throw into a separate bag (also have grocery bags I'd've given him). Wipe down the steering wheel. Clean what you can kind of thing.
Oh, yah... strange warning indeed
I choose to believe this poster couldn't finish their last sentence because they just shat themselves.
This is why I never trust a fart if I'm not close to a shitter. If I'm stuck in the interstate and I fart and I feel that cold drop in the pit of my stomach and then the gentle growl of an intestine about to rip, BAM 7 people dead because of the fumes that are about to come out.
I mean, I'd rather be recorded taking a dook in the woods than to shit in my car.
I came close to having this happen. Thankfully it was late at night so I pulled into an alley and waited for the contractions to slow. They didn't so eventually I took the risk and raced home, soaked in cold sweat. As soon as my pants passed my butthole everything dropped out. It was horrible and I would have crapped in the alley if it hadn't been mid winter.
Must have been some pretty sparse woods. I would have pulled over and walked as far in as needed. Don't want no shit juice soaking into the seat.
Must have been some pretty sparse woods. I would have pulled over and walked as far in as needed. Don't want no shit juice soaking into the seat.
Mods, really? A warning for this one joke post out of three pages of joke posts?
unless "pooper" is some new racial slang, y'all are just embarrassing yourselves at this point Jesus Christ
Dude most people shitting themselves probably have medical problems. I have IBS but there were years where I was having symptoms and had no idea what it was. Your friend may have IBS (he would know if he had Crohn's though).
Not me man. I'd rather not have my name be attached to a video of me shitting in the woods. All it would take is one person that recognizes me.
Yeah, they were. It was mostly small bushes and trees but because of the time of year you could see everything. Also, leather seats.
It sucks but it's not really that bad considering he's alone and on his way home already.
This could be a helluva lot worse tbh.
This could be a helluva lot worse tbh.
I shat myself when I was 13-14. Brother of mine was spinning me in one of those red plastic Flintstone toddler cars, I was sitting through the "windshield"-opening and told him I needed to go to the bathroom badly. He wasn't listening, eventually the centripetal force of being spun had me lose control of my bowels, shat all over myself. I had a long and awkward penguin walk up the stairs to the bathroom, so I could change and clean up.
I can't imagine what it would be like in a car, I'd bail and just take a dump behind a barrier or something if it was that bad. Not risking a drive home with shit-filled pants. The shame I would feel, your friend has my condolences.
I can't imagine what it would be like in a car, I'd bail and just take a dump behind a barrier or something if it was that bad. Not risking a drive home with shit-filled pants. The shame I would feel, your friend has my condolences.
Ate 2 bags of pork rinds the other night and they hit me hard. I've had straight liquid poops all day.
I had a physical therapy appointment early in the morning that I was running late for. Unfortunately my body takes about 45 minutes to warm up and then like clockwork boom I'm dropping a load.
Didn't have time to poop before leaving for the appointment and nearly shit in my sweatpants. Almost had to bail halfway but powered through. Nearly lost my load doing one legged balance exercises.
Needless to say I went cross-eyed AF once I got home and blew it out of my ass and into the toilet.
I had a physical therapy appointment early in the morning that I was running late for. Unfortunately my body takes about 45 minutes to warm up and then like clockwork boom I'm dropping a load.
Didn't have time to poop before leaving for the appointment and nearly shit in my sweatpants. Almost had to bail halfway but powered through. Nearly lost my load doing one legged balance exercises.
Needless to say I went cross-eyed AF once I got home and blew it out of my ass and into the toilet.
