Fucking family for you.

Oct 25, 2017
2,150
You need to learn to stand up for yourself OP. Your sister is going to keep doing this because YOU allow it. No one can change this but you, and if your mom gets pissed off explain to her that you aren't going to let a family member disrespectdisrespect you like that.
 
OP
OP
CormoranStrike
Dec 2, 2017
5,482
you both still living at home together?
No, she lives with her boyfriend in a different city, she'll be gone this time tomorrow.

You need to start setting boundaries with her. At the very least, break the "she expects me to wait on her hand and foot" cycle. Tell her to do her own shit.
Yes this, I think Although I don't know if I should start now or just let it go till next time.

Your sister is very aware of your non confrontational attitude and uses you as a punching bag because of this, either confront her about it or avoid her altogether just don't reward her behavior with inaction.
Yes I should I just get anxious about confrontation. Or I will, I mean.
 

Darkmaigle

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,108
Sorry OP, I basically got shit on by everyone in my family for 16 years until I moved out on my own and never looked back. These people will never meet my wife or my children. Life's too short to let people treat you less than your worth.
 
Oct 29, 2017
4,263
Your sister is very aware of your non confrontational attitude and uses you as a punching bag because of this, either confront her about it or avoid her altogether just don't reward her behavior with inaction.
From personal experience I would say that there is some fucked up Pavlovian shit going on when you grow up being a cunt to your siblings. I know I felt a pleasurable reward whether it was initially laughter and then just amusement every time I saw my little brother's reaction when I threw shade at him when we were growing up, to the point that I was looking forward to being a cunt just because I would get that pleasure. I can imagine some people never grow out of it.
 

Moff

Member
Oct 26, 2017
2,122
People treat you how you let them treat you, that counts for family, realtionships, work, friends, everywhere. I am not trying to blame you, she is a bitch and a bully, but you need to stand up for yourself, OP. Start with no longer doing this for her
the things I've done for her this weekend is pretty long considering she's only been here since Friday afternoon, I don't think I do anything to justify her treating me like that.
 

nonuser

Member
Oct 27, 2017
452
Honestly, if she's been mistreating you all these years.

I doubt you can change her.

Sometimes, you just gotta limit your contact: talk like she's not even there.
 

Van Bur3n

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
11,092
You should confront her about this, but with an attitude willing to have a conversation about it, not one out of anger. If nothing comes of it, I would ignore her as best you can during family gatherings. Even any attempts at her downplaying you during a conversation, just ignore them and continue forth saying something.

Then when you're finally on your own, you can cut her out entirely.
 

srsly?

Member
Feb 24, 2018
2,306
Older siblings are bullying shits.*

* Obviously not all older siblings are bullying shits, but sure seems like it sometimes.
 

SpitfireKit

Member
Oct 27, 2017
66
You still live at home at 24 so she likely doesn't see worth in you as a person with valid thoughts and feelings, like people do with children.
 

Skelepuzzle

Member
Apr 17, 2018
6,080
Reasonable confrontation is a necessity with people like this. If you explain her behavior in a rational fashion and she melts down you'll have a good reason to not speak to her anymore. Which sounds like an improvement.

Or maybe she will actually treat you better, though that is unlikely with that sort of person.
 

zektbach

Member
Oct 28, 2017
100
Cut her off, give her one more chance at some point further down the road. If she still can't sort her shit out, cut her off completely. This is coming from someone who has repeatedly let his awful shitstain of a brother back into his life on like 4 different occasions, only to regret it every single time. Had I have cut him out completely after the first time I would have saved myself a lot of grief.
 

jb1234

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,033
Reasonable confrontation is a necessity with people like this. If you explain her behavior in a rational fashion and she melts down you'll have a good reason to not speak to her anymore. Which sounds like an improvement.

Or maybe she will actually treat you better, though that is unlikely with that sort of person.
She might respect him more although I'll admit that's a long shot with this personality type.
 

Heromanz

Member
Oct 25, 2017
14,437
I can't be the only who this thread was going to be about someone fuckin their family righ
 
OP
OP
CormoranStrike
Dec 2, 2017
5,482
I mean she didn't move out of home herself till she was 23, so I don't know why that would be a factor.


I will say something to her tonight. Or try to anyone if I don't bottle it.
 
Feb 10, 2018
12,116
I would adivce that you do the same things to her and if shes gets mad, you can be like "its not very nice being dismissed and disrespected, is it! and then say somthing like "pehaps you should treat people the same way you wanted to be treated".
However this may be difficult if you dont deal with confrontations to well.

So my alternative is if she want you to do somthing for her say no, then write a letter to her explaining why you didnt do what she wanted you to do.

If that does not work write a letter to her telling her how u feel and if that does not work cease contact with her.
 

Zojirushi

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,361
If you let people treat you like this you'll get stomped on in life, so maybe look at this as an exercise in standing the fuck up for yourself.
 

honest_ry

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
4,288
How about we don’t call family members that.
If my brother or sister was acting like a total bam then you are damn right I'm gonna tell them. And also tell them the error in their ways.

Calling someone a cunt isn't as bad in my country as it is other places. We are more laid back and less sensitive in Scotland though.

Clearly this person is a cunt. ;)
 
OP
OP
CormoranStrike
Dec 2, 2017
5,482
I said to her 'Kate, I think you talk to me proper bad and I'm not being funny but if you carry on acting like that I'm gonna be real pissed off with you so could you not please'

And she said 'I didn't ask for comments on my life from the peanut gallery thanks' so I guess I'll just have to avoid her?
 

Kirblar

Member
Oct 25, 2017
24,041
She's 32. You're 25. Just stop interacting with her.

This isn't a personality type you fix, it's one you ignore.
 

Dead Guy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,366
Saskatchewan, Canada
I said to her 'Kate, I think you talk to me proper bad and I'm not being funny but if you carry on acting like that I'm gonna be real pissed off with you so could you not please'

And she said 'I didn't ask for comments on my life from the peanut gallery thanks' so I guess I'll just have to avoid her?
Sounds like you need to drop her from your life dude. She sounds miserable as fuck
 

jb1234

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,033
I said to her 'Kate, I think you talk to me proper bad and I'm not being funny but if you carry on acting like that I'm gonna be real pissed off with you so could you not please'

And she said 'I didn't ask for comments on my life from the peanut gallery thanks' so I guess I'll just have to avoid her?
Yeah, just don't interact with her any longer. If she's visiting, try to get out of the house as much as possible. Your mom will probably be upset but that's just the way it goes.
 

Pockets

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,584
You confront her with white gloves on while she’s ripping off the boxing gloves to go bare knuckles?
 

Bobo Dakes

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
20,749
Family members shouldn't get a special treatment. That's just the reason why they become like this usually.

I feel you OP. Had similar issues with my family and made it easy for myself: No more contact. And over a year later I'm super happy with my decision.
Not calling someone a cunt is giving them special treatment.

Okay ...

I wouldn’t do that to anyone, but I definitely wouldn’t do it to family because it would definitely come back to bite me, but what do I know.
 
OP
OP
CormoranStrike
Dec 2, 2017
5,482
Thank you guys for all the advice and empathy by the way, I appreciate it. Least I tried to say something even if it was timid, so now its on her. I'm just going to go out for an hour and she should be off for the night by then.
 

Bobo Dakes

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
20,749
Ok but this isn't him calling her a cunt because she likes pineapples on pizza, he's calling her a cunt because she's being a cunt. It's like saying "Why would you call a racist racist?"
I don’t know how it goes in your family, but if I’m calling my sibling a cunt, no matter what they’re doing, I’m no longer the good guy.

There are more productive ways to let someone know you have a problem with them.
 

Sub Boss

Member
Nov 14, 2017
10,632
I'm 25, she's two months off 32.


She doesn't thankfully, she's down for the weekend.


And if I called her a cunt, my mum would be pissed off at me, and I don't like to piss anyone off. She has a really bad relationship with her siblings and sort of insists on a strange harmony between all of us and gets pissed off if any of us start an argument with the other. Although she does agree she talks to me very badly and does speak up for me when she's going on.
Hey, i have horrible siblings too, we get along somehow now, in part because they moved we aren't next to eachother but you basically have two options here.

1) shut up and ignore her, try meditation, to make peace until she is gone, don't let her little comments harm you, spend as little time as possible with her and before you know it she is back in her house, you should try mindfullness regardless.

2) call her a cunt, asshole or @$#£%3 whatever and your mom will be offended, BUT, she doesn't consider your feelings does she? There may be arguments, corrections, apologizes, but sometimes this is the sanest way around, or else you keep up with their bullshit, explain you can't tolerate her attitude.

As always, when there is an earthquake later comes peace, your mom/sister might get mad with you but inside they know what is right and eventually peace comes again
 

Bobo Dakes

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
20,749
Sometimes that's the only way to reach people man. I don't owe being nice to anyone if they aren't gonna be nice to me. Including family
It’s not about being nice.

If I want to solve an issue I have with someone, I’m more likely to go, hey, can we talk, do you have some kind issue with me, not Oy you been acting like a really cunt lately and I’m getting sick of it.

Sure, it could escalate to that, but that’s not a good opener. But whatever.
 

dpunk3

Member
Oct 27, 2017
375
Massachusetts, USA
I don’t know how it goes in your family, but if I’m calling my sibling a cunt, no matter what they’re doing, I’m no longer the good guy.

There are more productive ways to let someone know you have a problem with them.
In my family if someone's being an asshole to another person, someone who isn't the person being dicked with tells the other person off. The fact that OP has to stand up for himself says plenty about his situation. Being "friendly" and "courteous" isn't going to get him anywhere.
 

Dead Guy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,366
Saskatchewan, Canada
It’s not about being nice.

If I want to solve an issue I have with someone, I’m more likely to go, hey, can we talk, do you have some kind issue with me, not Oy you been acting like a really cunt lately and I’m getting sick of it.

Sure, it could escalate to that, but that’s not a good opener. But whatever.
Did you miss the previous post where the OP did try to talk to her in civil manner about their issues and she said his opinion doesn't matter? That's the kind of person were dealing with here. If she's not gonna even listen to another's point of view There's nothing to discuss
 

Bobo Dakes

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
20,749
In my family if someone's being an asshole to another person, someone who isn't the person being dicked with tells the other person off. The fact that OP has to stand up for himself says plenty about his situation. Being "friendly" and "courteous" isn't going to get him anywhere.
Like I said, it’s not about being friendly. But if you open a conversation your way, the person you’re going off on may not want to keep talking to you.

I’d probably say, yeah, I don’t need this from you right now, fuck off and suck my my dick from the back. Which would be perfectly reasonable considering what you opened with. Congrats, that accomplished nothing.