I'd say better for her to not talk to him at all than be an outright bitch, but what do I know.
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Fucking family for you.
- Thread starter It’s Time To Go
- Start date
Why not sit her down with the whole family and give her a reality check? Else just cut her out and stop inviting her to family events. If your mom has a problem with it then just tell her it's you or your sister who won't show up.
When you're an adult it makes no sense to put up with family members who are shit. I don't believe in putting up with it to make your parents happy either.
When you're an adult it makes no sense to put up with family members who are shit. I don't believe in putting up with it to make your parents happy either.
If it upsets you that much you need to take a minor stand
1 -next time it upsets you, get angry instead of anything else, and call it out. Let yourself get a little angry - this is actually healthy (in moderation). See how she handles it, be ready to let it slide. I mean literally just like "can you not speak over me like that?".
2 - The next time after that, walk out if she does it. With just an assertive "all right, I'm out", stand up and leave, no matter how impolite.
From then, avoid all contact until she asks about it and you can maturely, assertively explain that she doesn't respect you at all.
that has to be your line - she isn't respecting you. Because that's what she's doing.
1 -next time it upsets you, get angry instead of anything else, and call it out. Let yourself get a little angry - this is actually healthy (in moderation). See how she handles it, be ready to let it slide. I mean literally just like "can you not speak over me like that?".
2 - The next time after that, walk out if she does it. With just an assertive "all right, I'm out", stand up and leave, no matter how impolite.
From then, avoid all contact until she asks about it and you can maturely, assertively explain that she doesn't respect you at all.
that has to be your line - she isn't respecting you. Because that's what she's doing.
OP
OP
Ignore her, avoid her and don't do stuff she asks you to do and just be by yourself and if she asks why tell her to speak properly or you won't be speaking to her. At one point she will get pissed off and try to control her behaviour to make it up to you to a reasonable level.
Have you talked to your mother? Like a proper adult talk that doesn't come off as "kids are fighting again" thing that happens with family?
I find sometimes people treat living at home as an adult too similar to living at home as a child. Those who don't step up into an adult role in the house sometimes make it difficult to take them seriously. I have seen friends get a similar treatment from family who felt they were stagnating and not growing up at home but also didn't have the heart to confront them and kick them out or other complicated reasons. The sibling who had moved out was in a better position to come home and stir the pot because ultimately he can drop some bombs and leave where as if the parents had started the issue there would be discord in the house. The aim was to try and get my friend to self evaluate and pick his life up a bit and the mastermind behind the whole thing was actually the mum who would worry about him but also didn't know how to approach. She talked about her concerns, annoyances and disappointments with the older sibling. When the older sibling came home to visit he did have a bad impression of my friend fueled by all the ranting from the parents behind the scenes over time.
I'm not saying the above is your scenario but this one bit
Any ways. None of this makes the way your sister is behaving excuseable. If you have your shit together confronting her should be easy despite being unpleasant it is probably the better thing to do in order to find the root of the problem. Otherwise just avoid her and probably let your family know too. Sometimes siblings don't get along and it is for the better. Sometimes sibling fight and it gets real ugly before it gets better.
I find sometimes people treat living at home as an adult too similar to living at home as a child. Those who don't step up into an adult role in the house sometimes make it difficult to take them seriously. I have seen friends get a similar treatment from family who felt they were stagnating and not growing up at home but also didn't have the heart to confront them and kick them out or other complicated reasons. The sibling who had moved out was in a better position to come home and stir the pot because ultimately he can drop some bombs and leave where as if the parents had started the issue there would be discord in the house. The aim was to try and get my friend to self evaluate and pick his life up a bit and the mastermind behind the whole thing was actually the mum who would worry about him but also didn't know how to approach. She talked about her concerns, annoyances and disappointments with the older sibling. When the older sibling came home to visit he did have a bad impression of my friend fueled by all the ranting from the parents behind the scenes over time.
I'm not saying the above is your scenario but this one bit
Gives off a similar vibe to what my friend was like. He was just not used to doing house hold stuff and was overly reliant on his parents for even things like washing the dishes making him more of a nuisance in the kitchen because he was clumsy and unfamiliar or outright didn't know how to wash certain things.
Any ways. None of this makes the way your sister is behaving excuseable. If you have your shit together confronting her should be easy despite being unpleasant it is probably the better thing to do in order to find the root of the problem. Otherwise just avoid her and probably let your family know too. Sometimes siblings don't get along and it is for the better. Sometimes sibling fight and it gets real ugly before it gets better.
Gotta agree with those saying to just cut her out of your life and interact with her as little as possible. Try to avoid being in the same room if you can while she's there. Taking a stand with a person like this is a complete waste of energy. Don't bother.
God she sounds awful. One of those threads where you do a double take when you find out how old the people involved are. Based on the op alone I never would have guessed we are talking about a fucking 32 year old grown ass person
God she sounds awful. One of those threads where you do a double take when you find out how old the people involved are. Based on the op alone I never would have guessed we are talking about a fucking 32 year old grown ass person
And block her on any social media platforms you both use. Coping with having to interact with toxic family members and dwelling upon them or their actions isn't worth your time and mental health. My dad straddles along the same line as your sister seems to, and I wish I had dissociated myself from him many years earlier.
Do you have anyone close to confide in irl/outside this forum?
Sorry your sister's a complete twat. Good luck. :(
OP
OP
I blocked her a while ago, but thats just been another thing for her to have a go at.
It's kinda nice in a way to be like, not having to think about seeing her much again for a while. Like my mum will be pissed off, but like, I was very polite, the ball is in her court now.
No offense mate, but you gotta be more aggresive. From what I've read of your posts she's not interested in discussing or considering your feelings on the matter.
You need to be shouting it at her next time she speaks to you like that. Be aggresive. That's completely unacceptable how she talks to you.
Also ignore what people are saying about being civil. She will not respect that.
I dont really understand Posts like these.
She sounds awful and you don't live with her so distance yourself from her and politely ignore and/or distance yourself from her actively in all conversations and the problem is solved. Unless you like the drama of being the passive person in this shit relationship
You don't have to love your family just because you were born at similar times and have blood in common
She sounds awful and you don't live with her so distance yourself from her and politely ignore and/or distance yourself from her actively in all conversations and the problem is solved. Unless you like the drama of being the passive person in this shit relationship
You don't have to love your family just because you were born at similar times and have blood in common
Same thing but with my mom. Tired of her and sick of her shit, also im the black sheep of the family. I have two degress worked my ass off for them, eventually doing a masters, my bro got all the breaks from my parents and money to go to post secondary education. And my parents think less of me than him, somehow him being the first born he is the automatic golden child and the amount of neglect and bullshit I had to deal woth growing up especially while suffering a mental illness pisses me off. Problem is I cant tell her how it is be ause dad will get pissed at me, she will also deny it and then they both will just give me attitude. I dont like seeing her since i moved out yet she tries to force me to see her, i dont want to or care to please fuck off.
Let's not go overboard a lot of people will take advantage of you without thinking about it but they may not be a bad person .... if you talk to her and she still acts like a bitch then call her a cunt lol
Just think, you could feel that way all the time!
See. Be like Jack.
This thread is blowing my mind.
You have to be assertive in life. I'm not saying to act like some incel-god-Chad, but if somebody is disrespectful it's perfectly okay to let them know.
And if they continue their behaviour cut their toxic shit out of your life.
You have to be assertive in life. I'm not saying to act like some incel-god-Chad, but if somebody is disrespectful it's perfectly okay to let them know.
And if they continue their behaviour cut their toxic shit out of your life.
OP
OP
Beyond all the advice that was already given I'd like to suggest that you have a talk with your mother and explain to her, as an adult, that things have been this way far too long and from now on you will not be tolerating your sister's behavior.
Explain to your mom, calmly but assertively, that you've given it a lot of thought and you're sorry if this will make her feel uncomfortable but you are tired of your sister's abuse and do not deserve to be treated this way by her any longer.
It's very important to have this conversation during a quiet moment, free from the influence of any particular incident between the three of you, so that the next time there's a fight - and the situation is more heated - you be able to bring up this conversation as rational, well thought out, justification for your new behavior.
It will probably take longer than you'd like for everyone to adjust to your new attitude but you must stick to it and not agree to compromise your wellbeing.
Explain to your mom, calmly but assertively, that you've given it a lot of thought and you're sorry if this will make her feel uncomfortable but you are tired of your sister's abuse and do not deserve to be treated this way by her any longer.
It's very important to have this conversation during a quiet moment, free from the influence of any particular incident between the three of you, so that the next time there's a fight - and the situation is more heated - you be able to bring up this conversation as rational, well thought out, justification for your new behavior.
It will probably take longer than you'd like for everyone to adjust to your new attitude but you must stick to it and not agree to compromise your wellbeing.
Best way to handle people like this is to react to the actual activity that is the problem, instead of having a "talk" or "intervention."
Nasty to you -> "Don't talk to me like that"
Tells you to do something -> "No"
Complains about what you just cooked or fetched for her -> Take it away and leave
Continuously being terrible -> "Yeah okay enough abuse for one day," just get up and leave the room
None of this is really a conflict as much as a simple in-the-moment line that has been crossed, and you can deal with each case in small ways.
As far as mom is concerned, just say very plainly that your lines were crossed and that people have to earn respect. "Mom, I don't deserve the way she treats me. I will not play nice next time."
Nasty to you -> "Don't talk to me like that"
Tells you to do something -> "No"
Complains about what you just cooked or fetched for her -> Take it away and leave
Continuously being terrible -> "Yeah okay enough abuse for one day," just get up and leave the room
None of this is really a conflict as much as a simple in-the-moment line that has been crossed, and you can deal with each case in small ways.
As far as mom is concerned, just say very plainly that your lines were crossed and that people have to earn respect. "Mom, I don't deserve the way she treats me. I will not play nice next time."
Everyone, we understand that the connotations of the word vary wildly by country, but there are other words you can use to describe terrible people. Out of consideration for those who live in places where it's highly offensive to refer to women like this, please try to use different language.
Record her being an asshole and post it to YouTube. Publicly humiliate her and let everyone she knows what a toxic asshole she is.
OP
OP
This morning she didn't acknowledge my existence at all! And then I went out early, so that's progress of sorts.
User Banned (Permanent): Inappropriate behaviour towards an admin post. Account still in junior phase.
lol, what the fuck is this? Sarcasm, right?
User Banned (3 Days): Ignoring mod post, history of infractions.
Stand up to her dude. She sees you as a weak little brother that she can slap around. If REALLY standing up for yourself doesn't work, then she is just a cunt (I can say this word no? or are dick or asshole and words like that banned too here?). And then it's time to just ignore her.
Idiots saying 'cut her out of your life completely' don't realise just how damaging that can be to your own wellbeing.
However difficult it could turn out in the short term, I would 'tackle' it directly with her.
However difficult it could turn out in the short term, I would 'tackle' it directly with her.
Stand up for yourself. Why let anyone speak to you like that? Have some self respect and stand up to her whenever she speaks to you like that.
"Cut her out of your life" is almost a meme from GAF/here now. People seriously suggesting this, you must run away from every problem you ever have. Cut your family off forever because you don't like them is the most childish reaction to a problem I've ever heard.
"Cut her out of your life" is almost a meme from GAF/here now. People seriously suggesting this, you must run away from every problem you ever have. Cut your family off forever because you don't like them is the most childish reaction to a problem I've ever heard.
Being aggressive back and calling her names is bad advice. It's so easy to say 'just beat that bully up!' from the comfort of your own couch isn't it?
From all accounts it seems like shes louder, more confident, more quick witted, and in a way better position than you because if she ever pushes everyone too far she can just fuck off back to her own house and you don't have that luxury. You can't win by rising to her provocations.
My advice would be to make up your mind that she doesn't treat you well enough to be on friendly or 'familial' terms. And you must train yourself to remember that you don't deserve to be treated with such disrespect. Call her out when she interrupts you or makes nasty remarks in front of others. She will probably double down and you'll have to say "well if i'm not getting any respect here than I guess i'm out" and go play videogames, call a real friend, or something. Make yourself happy. The rest of the family are gonna have to start having your back a little better if they want you to have to share the same space with someone who ruins your day.
If she ever tries to escalate things to violence, its time to call the cops.
Don't respond to her if she doesn't address you nicely. Don't do nice things for her just because you're doing them for the nice members of family that you DO like. Show, don't tell, that you only make tea or coffee for people who you respect. Your family will likely treat you like you're being the petty bad guy, and wouldn't it be nice if you bent over backwards so that you could appear to all get along? But it sure feels better to be called 'a bitch' than to be treated like one.
It's ironic that she treats you like a dog when she's the one acting like one, following a feral instinct to enforce a hierarchy by opportunistic behaviour. Just like training a dog, you have to be patient, firm and mature, reward good behaviour and correct bad behaviour.
From all accounts it seems like shes louder, more confident, more quick witted, and in a way better position than you because if she ever pushes everyone too far she can just fuck off back to her own house and you don't have that luxury. You can't win by rising to her provocations.
My advice would be to make up your mind that she doesn't treat you well enough to be on friendly or 'familial' terms. And you must train yourself to remember that you don't deserve to be treated with such disrespect. Call her out when she interrupts you or makes nasty remarks in front of others. She will probably double down and you'll have to say "well if i'm not getting any respect here than I guess i'm out" and go play videogames, call a real friend, or something. Make yourself happy. The rest of the family are gonna have to start having your back a little better if they want you to have to share the same space with someone who ruins your day.
If she ever tries to escalate things to violence, its time to call the cops.
Don't respond to her if she doesn't address you nicely. Don't do nice things for her just because you're doing them for the nice members of family that you DO like. Show, don't tell, that you only make tea or coffee for people who you respect. Your family will likely treat you like you're being the petty bad guy, and wouldn't it be nice if you bent over backwards so that you could appear to all get along? But it sure feels better to be called 'a bitch' than to be treated like one.
It's ironic that she treats you like a dog when she's the one acting like one, following a feral instinct to enforce a hierarchy by opportunistic behaviour. Just like training a dog, you have to be patient, firm and mature, reward good behaviour and correct bad behaviour.
CormoranStrike have you tried asking to have a private, serious conversation with her?
My younger brother did this and it completely changed our relationship. I thought we had some kind of friendly sibling rivalry going on but he felt hurt by some of my comments and actually lashed back, which I misread as him playing along. He asked if we could simply stop... and we pretty much did.
My younger brother did this and it completely changed our relationship. I thought we had some kind of friendly sibling rivalry going on but he felt hurt by some of my comments and actually lashed back, which I misread as him playing along. He asked if we could simply stop... and we pretty much did.
Don't do any of this. The 'silent' or 'pissy' attitude won't get you anywhere in the long term. This attitude is best nipped in the bud quickly, as it's clear resentment is building.
My advice if this means so much to you that you want to repair the relationship is to seek professional mediation.
Also, it's likely the source of her own resentment towards the OP, is that she may feel OP should have also left home as she has had to.
I've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt.
