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Ghosting on dating apps

Elitist1945

Elitist1945

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,657
Ottawa
Are people really too much of a pussy to just say they don't want to hang out or meet, instead of agreeing to meet after having a lot of convo, and then blocking/deleting you? It's literally happened 5 times to me in the last 2 weeks. I'd say it's me given the amount, but it literally never gets to the point of actually learning anything about me before I get blocked.

Ugh.

EDIT: pussy is a strong word. was just heated when posting.
 
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Deleted member 8118

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
3,639
You'll eventually learn to ignore it and move on. It pissed me off when I was using those sites, but I realized I'm wasting time if I'm trying sitting around waiting for someone.
 
neptunez

neptunez

Member
Apr 21, 2018
1,127
Ghosting only sucks the first time it ever happens to you, once you learn what the concept is you should prepare for it from anyone.

basically don't ever get too invested in any new relationship(romantic or platonic) and DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL.
 
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Deleted member 176

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
37,160
Ghosting is one of my favorite things. I don't even mind when I get ghosted because I know how nice it is to have it as an option.
 

softfocus

Member
Oct 30, 2017
813
People just change their minds out of nowhere. It's very weird.
With Grndr it's probably people getting cold feet about hooking up with a stranger. I personally don't know myself but I don't even know people who have "hooked up" on Tinder unless they already knew them.

Sadly I've ghosted myself and reason usually is because there was no spark and I knew they felt the same so no point dragging something out.
Good luck on getting some dick, OP.
 
Airegin

Airegin

Member
Dec 10, 2017
3,229
I ghost almost everyone tbh. Only before there is any conversation. I just don't answer the first message. That's more ignoring than ghosting really.
 
The Praiseworthy

The Praiseworthy

Member
Oct 30, 2017
5,919
What really puzzles me the most when you get Match on Tinder and you two say hello to each other’s... then suddenly the other person stop responding :/

Why then swiping right and say hello in the first place?
 
Jinfash

Jinfash

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,384
How do you present yourself in your bio and in conversations? Do you come across as serial killer? Have you ever said something doing the lines of "I can't wait to wear your skin"?
 
Chrno

Chrno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,449
The Praiseworthy said:
What really puzzles me the most when you get Match on Tinder and you two say hello to each other’s... then suddenly the other person stop responding :/

Why then swiping right and say hello in the first place?
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because numbers. You're not the only person they've said hello to, and someone else was probably more interesting/attractive.

I'm doing the online dating thing now too, and I have hammered it into my brain that ghosting is a large part of it. Someone up there basically nailed it on the head; don't take anything personal. Think of the whole experience like gambling. Even when you start to win, it's possible to lose. Wait for the golden ticket/jackpot, THEN start celebrating.
 
Lump

Lump

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,311
Being married I don’t have skin in the game, but I imagine it’s just a side effect of how shitty people react when being rejected - especially the fucking incel crowd.
 
Jinfash

Jinfash

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,384
Chrno said:
because numbers. You're not the only person they've said hello to, and someone else was probably more interesting/attractive.

I'm doing the online dating thing now too, and I have hammered it into my brain that ghosting is a large part of it. Someone up there basically nailed it on the head; don't take anything personal. Think of the whole experience like gambling. Even when you start to win, it's possible to lose. Wait for the golden ticket/jackpot, THEN start celebrating.
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This is the right answer, imo. And I'll reiterate: don't take it personally. If you continue to do so, the apps are not for you.
 
G_Shumi

G_Shumi

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 26, 2017
5,429
Cleveland, OH
Yeah, it's really aggravating but there's nothing you can do except call them out on it. And even then, what are they gonna do, respond? Lol.

I've had conversations on apps like those where we were chatting about video games since we were both gamers and all of a sudden, poof! Never responded.
 
Dingens

Dingens

Circumventing ban with an alt account
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
2,018
Chrno said:
because numbers. You're not the only person they've said hello to, and someone else was probably more interesting/attractive.

I'm doing the online dating thing now too, and I have hammered it into my brain that ghosting is a large part of it. Someone up there basically nailed it on the head; don't take anything personal. Think of the whole experience like gambling. Even when you start to win, it's possible to lose. Wait for the golden ticket/jackpot, THEN start celebrating.
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since this thread is as good as any to ask: are these apps pay to score by now? like there's in-app purchases to boost you chances, right? And from what I can tell, the algorithm isn't exactly transparent, so can you even get a match or whatever without paying? Lkewise I'd also imagine people who pay get more hits, hence the ghosting...? maybe?
 
CountAntonius

CountAntonius

Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,864
People on dating apps can't take rejection. Because of this many people choose to just ghost instead and not risk the person going psycho on them which happens often.
 
Abraxas

Abraxas

Member
Feb 16, 2018
228
Dallas
Ghosting on an app is nothing...

Try to take it from the app to phone number asap along with setting up the 1st date. Less chat actually leaves more to talk about during that date than over the app and helps a lot.
 
ruxtpin

ruxtpin

Member
Oct 30, 2017
514
PA
It happens. I’ve done it myself. Ghost your barista. Ghost your pizza delivery guy. Ghost someone while they conversate with you. It’s fun.
 
Jinfash

Jinfash

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,384
Elitist1945 said:


I even got the dog in my profile pic
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If you're truly just looking for dick, update the bio to: "vers, looking for FWB, can host, 6' 2", 7.8", 6", safe sex only."

If you're unable to do so, then you're looking for more than dick on Grindr, and you're setting up yourself for disappointment.
 
Abraxas

Abraxas

Member
Feb 16, 2018
228
Dallas
The Praiseworthy said:
What really puzzles me the most when you get Match on Tinder and you two say hello to each other’s... then suddenly the other person stop responding :/

Why then swiping right and say hello in the first place?
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Not trying to brag or anything... (Maybe a little :P) I recently had 9 matches on a dating app at once and keeping track of all that is a lot of work. I'm male, and can only imagine it's much worse for women... I kept conversations going for 3 of those that seemed the most interesting...
 
lenovox1

lenovox1

Member
Oct 26, 2017
6,577
Elitist1945 said:
I'm using Grindr. I literally just want some dick and I can't even have that lmao.
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Grindr is a very, very unique platform for this and I wonder if any studies have been done specifically on it.

Social psycologists have looked in ghosting itself, and it's actually not that pervasive (about 20% of people do it) and most people don't like it.

What's unique about Grindr is that you can open up a conversation with absolutely anyone within a very small radius. I think that leads to multiple conversations with multiple people and leads to not feeling a real attachment to anyone.

For example: I normally only use Grindr as a gaydar and to browse through other people's profiles, but I also received about 30 messages and "taps" (essentially like a Facebook "poke") throughout the whole day.

I didn't talk to any of those guys, mostly because I wasn't interested in have sex with them.

I had zero obligation to reply to any of their inquiries, but there were still a few guys that were upset anyways.

CountAntonius said:
People on dating apps can't take rejection. Because of this many people choose to just ghost instead and not risk the person going psycho on them which happens often.
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Or, more succinctly, this.


And your profile is fine Elitist1945
 
Raiku

Raiku

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
1,003
California, USHeyHey!
You're handsome OP. Unfortunately I'm not gay or else your quest for dick would come to a close.

Gotta learn to let things roll off your back when it comes to online dating.
 
Aztechnology

Aztechnology

Community Resettler
Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
10,729
People are fickle, feckless, fucks.

Sorry needed the alliteration.
But I agree OP, I wish more people were honest and straightforward in general. But it's either Apathy or they're worried they'll hurt your feeling/come off as mean. So they do that instead, which is way worse in my opinion.

I can't speak for Gindr or gay men though. Is that more common on Grindr than other dating apps?
 
lenovox1

lenovox1

Member
Oct 26, 2017
6,577
Abraxas said:
Ghosting on an app is nothing...

Try to take it from the app to phone number asap along with setting up the 1st date. Less chat actually leaves more to talk about during that date than over the app and helps a lot.
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That's a good tip even for getting dick on Grindr. Move the conversation off that platform and on to something else (text, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.) immediately.
 
Mahonay

Mahonay

Member
Oct 25, 2017
28,823
Pencils Vania
It’s fine. Online dating services have always been like that. They’re not into you/got distracted and they don’t feel like explaining themselves, it’s ok. They are strangers. They have no duty to you.
 
Senator Toadstool

Senator Toadstool

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,241
they’ve likely found someone else and had a date and it worked out. ghosting in my experience doesn’t really mean something negative about you.

you’re profile is fine. though i’d take a photo without the ear buds but otherwise it’s not that
 

FrozenPizza

Member
Jul 1, 2018
16
There are a lot of psychotic/entitled people out there that are unable to deal with rejection. People don't want to have to deal with either some one freaking out on them when "no" is said, or that person not accepting the "no" and starting to harass them, so they avoid it happening.
 
BernardoOne

BernardoOne

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
10,287
Definitely a dick move when you already scheduled a meeting or whatever. Outside of that is fine
 
dmoe

dmoe

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,290
M52B28 said:
You'll eventually learn to ignore it and move on. It pissed me off when I was using those sites, but I realized I'm wasting time if I'm trying sitting around waiting for someone.
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The worst is tinder. Like you both match which means they were interested. Then they can’t be bothered to respond. Makes no sense
 
Biske

Biske

Member
Nov 11, 2017
5,313
As others have said its probably the cleanest way to avoid bullshit/crazy bullshit, people don't owe you anything, just move on.
 
Fierro

Fierro

Banned
Oct 29, 2017
960
It is nothing, the end result is the same and wishing you good luck and all that jazz will not make it easier. I would even argue that them telling you why they don't want to work it out could be more harmful. You are too short, too skinny, too tall, too far, bad breathe (actually this one would be good to know.).

Accept it and move on, in no time you will end up doing the same.
 
Jinfash

Jinfash

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,384
dmoe said:
The worst is tinder. Like you both match which means they were interested. Then they can’t be bothered to respond. Makes no sense
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If you think people take a lot of time to consider how they swipe, then (again) you're setting yourself up for disappointment. I've seen enough serial swipers in my day, who want to ensure their have more time to consider later.

That said, I know Tinder made some changes to combat this, but I have no idea how successful it was.
 
Chrno

Chrno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,449
Dingens said:
since this thread is as good as any to ask: are these apps pay to score by now? like there's in-app purchases to boost you chances, right? And from what I can tell, the algorithm isn't exactly transparent, so can you even get a match or whatever without paying? Lkewise I'd also imagine people who pay get more hits, hence the ghosting...? maybe?
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there's no real Pay2Win system in place, for any of the apps. If anything, it's Pay2AppearMore. You can purchase items that let more people see you, being more visible at peak hours of the day, putting you in front of the swipe-line, etc. Fact of the matter is if someone doesn't like you, they aren't going to like you. Patience is key.

the only thing I ever found worth paying for is the ability to 'see likes'.
 

Deleted member 3815

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,633
The Praiseworthy said:
What really puzzles me the most when you get Match on Tinder and you two say hello to each other’s... then suddenly the other person stop responding :/

Why then swiping right and say hello in the first place?
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I once matched with someone, so I was about to say hello but for some reason the woman just blocked me.

I have never met her before, I have never talked to her before and I can't understand why she blocked me but eh it doesn't matter, I ended up deleting the app off my phone as most of the women there weren't serious.
 
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