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Got sick, calls rain check on date & he says he doesn’t do reschedule?

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Illenium

Illenium

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Aug 7, 2019
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edit #2: no I'm not hung up on it, yes I know I have some faults but this thread wasn't a who's at fault type deal but more so of a reason why one would say that. Ultimate answer is: he's probably been ghosted on too many times and thought I was next.

Okay, this dude gave me really weird vibes.

LSS, I was on Hinge, matched with this guy, & I say we hit it off pretty well. He asked me what I like better, ramen or burrito? I pick ramen & he suggested we'd get ramen. He picks a spot for the upcoming Thursday, this whole convo happens on a Saturday and after the date was planned, all he said was "See you Thursday."

alright, whatever. We don't talk for the next 3-4 days. Coincidentally, I caught a cold and got sick, couldn't go to work for 2-3 days, and I hit him up morning of the date for a rain check & explained I was sick.

dude tells me "well, actually I'm not the type of guy to reschedule after a girl cancels on me the first time around. So good luck!"

????? does anyone actually do that besides him and if so, can you give a reason why? It was a legit excuse that I was sick 🧐

edit: since I have to keep clarifying, I didn't offer an alternative because I don't have a mon - fri job where I have a consistent work schedule. New schedule comes out every Friday, as noted, date was on a Thursday. I can't plan something in advance when I don't know if I work that day. And either way I'm not mad or anything. I consider it a bullet dodged since a lot of people have no issue with rescheduling. Behavior was just odd to me🤷🏻‍♀️
 
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Kurdel

Kurdel

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Nov 7, 2017
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Dodged a bullet there!

I can understand how it sucks, but that guy is a piece of shit, better to know up front!
 
subpar spatula

subpar spatula

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A lot of folks ghost people. I wouldn't put it past folks who immediately receive a rescheduling to stop caring. It's also a big pool out there, you're vying for their time too, so it's possible he was talking to others and since you rescheduled, his schedule got free.

It's what happens with online dating. You have to accept that you are a number to them and they are a number to you.
 
Gospel

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He likely just thinks you weren't serious. Doesn't really speak much about either of you.
 

Deleted member 4090

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Illenium said:
Okay, this dude gave me really weird vibes.

LSS, I was on Hinge, matched with this guy, & I say we hit it off pretty well. He asked me what I like better, ramen or burrito? I pick ramen & he suggested we'd get ramen. He picks a spot for the upcoming Thursday, this whole convo happens on a Saturday and after the date was planned, all he said was "See you Thursday."

alright, whatever. We don't talk for the next 3-4 days. Coincidentally, I caught a cold and got sick, couldn't go to work for 2-3 days, and I hit him up morning of the date for a rain check & explained I was sick.

dude tells me "well, actually I'm not the type of guy to reschedule after a girl cancels on me the first time around. So good luck!"

????? does anyone actually do that besides him and if so, can you give a reason why? It was a legit excuse that I was sick 🧐
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If you're sick or something comes up, it is on you to suggest the rescheduled date/plans. Cancelling without a reschedule date is pretty much the universal "Go Away" sign and about as direct as a guy will get on a dating app. If you were sick, you should have messaged him sometime before the day of the date as well. He basically cleared his evening schedule for you, and it is going to be difficult for him to fill the evening if his plans fell through the day of.

Lots of people on dating apps just lead people around with no intention of meeting up, and it isn't hard to see people being more than willing to move on at the first sign. If you had rescheduled earlier rather than a day-of cancellation, I don't think he would have reacted the same way. You really kind of messed up by cancelling the day of the date rather than the day before when you knew you were sick.

Anyhow, I don't schedule any first meets that far in advance, because the flake rate is too high to bother keeping one's schedule clear.
 
PeakPointMatrix

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Oct 25, 2017
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He's a turd.

But maybe he's used to being cancelled on a lot and thinks people are just making up excuses not to see him and says that as a self defense?
 
subpar spatula

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Neoweee said:
If you're sick or something comes up, it is on you to suggest the rescheduled date/plans. Cancelling without a reschedule date is pretty much the universal "Go Away" sign and about as direct as a guy will get on a dating app.

If you were sick, you should have messaged him sometime before the day of the date as well. He basically cleared his evening schedule for you, and it is going to be difficult for him to fill the evening if he found out the day of.
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Oh yeah, I glanced over that part. OP did cancel day of and not before. Not a good sign for the other party.
 
Armadilo

Armadilo

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It's the outcome of a dude who gets ghosted often on these apps that makes a dude not care too much about it, yeah this shit sucks but whatever you just move on.


Dating apps suck because of the whole culture that was created because of it.

- also canceling the day of the date happens so often that it automatically feels that you had second thoughts and just bailed, that happens so often too
 
OP
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Illenium

Illenium

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Neoweee said:
If you're sick or something comes up, it is on you to suggest the rescheduled date/plans. Cancelling without a reschedule date is pretty much the universal "Go Away" sign and about as direct as a guy will get on a dating app.

If you were sick, you should have messaged him sometime before the day of the date as well. He basically cleared his evening schedule for you, and it is going to be difficult for him to fill the evening if he found out the day of.
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It's kinda hard to take him seriously when the restaurant he suggested is in his neighborhood. Also yeah I was thinking of messaging days before but I was hoping I'd get better by then. And I didn't want to set a rescheduling date because I don't have a consistent work schedule every week and I wasn't going to know until that week Friday for my work schedule.
 
olag

olag

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Oct 28, 2017
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If someone Cancels a date on short notice without any assurance or suggesting another date I take that as the universal fuck off sign and just move on. Welcome to online dating.
 
FernandoRocker

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Not to sound rude, but from my point of view, it seems you were in the wrong here.

If a girl told me that the very day of the date, it would seem like she is making excuses to not see me. I know you were sick, but that's the oldest of the excuses.
 
subpar spatula

subpar spatula

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Illenium said:
It's kinda hard to take him seriously when the restaurant he suggested is in his neighborhood. Also yeah I was thinking of messaging days before but I was hoping I'd get better by then. And I didn't want to set a rescheduling date because I don't have a consistent work schedule every week and I wasn't going to know until that week Friday for my work schedule.
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Did you explain all this to him while you were sick?
 
BizzyBum

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Oct 26, 2017
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Well, he definitely thought you were ghosting him. The "I'm sick" is one of the oldest excuses in the book so no one actually believes that even if it's true. lol
 
NTGYK

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Illenium said:
Okay, this dude gave me really weird vibes.

LSS, I was on Hinge, matched with this guy, & I say we hit it off pretty well. He asked me what I like better, ramen or burrito? I pick ramen & he suggested we'd get ramen. He picks a spot for the upcoming Thursday, this whole convo happens on a Saturday and after the date was planned, all he said was "See you Thursday."

alright, whatever. We don't talk for the next 3-4 days. Coincidentally, I caught a cold and got sick, couldn't go to work for 2-3 days, and I hit him up morning of the date for a rain check & explained I was sick.

dude tells me "well, actually I'm not the type of guy to reschedule after a girl cancels on me the first time around. So good luck!"

????? does anyone actually do that besides him and if so, can you give a reason why? It was a legit excuse that I was sick 🧐
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If you were sick for two/three days before that, you probably should have canceled earlier and not day of, or had some more conversation or something. I can see a situation where that's happened to him before and now he doesn't bother investing if it seems like he's gonna be ghosted.

Part of this is on you tbh
 

thesaint08

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Apr 23, 2018
203
If you were sick for 2-3 days, then you had plenty of time to tell him.
On Tuesday, you could have texted him to say you haven't been into work because of a cold, but are hoping you are well enough to go on your date, but if not, you will let him know asap.
 
grang

grang

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Nov 13, 2017
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You're not wrong in any version of this

But did you say "rain check I'm sick" or something like "I'm sick, let's meet up on the 30th at [place] instead," because that will inform us on why he responded the way he did.
 
Choppasmith

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Not excusing his attitude, but he probably has one too many dropped dates. I'd like to think I'd be understanding and see it as a way to be more appealing and have things go better in my favor but I've never partaken in dating apps.
 
Dhx

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Neoweee said:
If you're sick or something comes up, it is on you to suggest the rescheduled date/plans. Cancelling without a reschedule date is pretty much the universal "Go Away" sign and about as direct as a guy will get on a dating app.

If you were sick, you should have messaged him sometime before the day of the date as well. He basically cleared his evening schedule for you, and it is going to be difficult for him to fill the evening if he found out the day of.
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This would be my advice as well. Life moves on and he probably overreacted, but if you know ahead of time you may miss the date, contacting someone immediately rather than day of is always the way to go. This applies to plans with friends as well. Having plans and then having them blow up with little notice is going to rub anyone the wrong way.
 
OP
OP
Illenium

Illenium

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olag said:
If someone Cancels a date on short notice without any assurance or suggesting another date I take that as the universal fuck off sign and just move on. Welcome to online dating.
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lol thing is I'm not new to online dating tho. Been a user of online dating since 2016 and I actually found a relationship out of it, made friends through the rest. But it was just weird because other people were totally okay with rescheduling.. I also know the terrible stereotype females get for ghosting/flaking/not displaying proper disinterest so I try my best to avoid all that. But oh well I guess.
 
BrucCLea13k87

BrucCLea13k87

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Oct 27, 2017
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As a frequent app dater, when a girl bails on you on the first date it's kind of a signal to guys that the woman isn't interested. Just move on, you're just a victim of circumstance with these shitty dating apps. I'm sorry.
 
Armadilo

Armadilo

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So as you can see Resetera has experience with this type of stuff sadly :(

It's life though., whatever
 
OP
OP
Illenium

Illenium

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grang said:
You're not wrong in any version of this

But did you say "rain check I'm sick" or something like "I'm sick, let's meet up on the 30th at [place] instead," because that will inform us on why he responded the way he did.
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So, like I said in OP, he randomly ends the conversation the night of the plans being created. Which, still threw me off. We both said to each other that we're gonna check into each other day of to confirm. Between the Saturday and Thursday, there was no communication between the two of us. Morning of the Thursday, woke up at 8am because I was planning to go into work but still wasn't feeling good enough to which I texted my manager & then went on Hinge to message him, something along the lines of "hey! I'm not feeling my very best and I don't think it's a good idea to meet up tonight. So rain check?"

date was scheduled to be at 7pm.
 
subpar spatula

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Illenium said:
So, like I said in OP, he randomly ends the conversation the night of the plans being created. Which, still threw me off. We both said to each other that we're gonna check into each other day of to confirm. Between the Saturday and Thursday, there was no communication between the two of us. Morning of the Thursday, woke up at 8am because I was planning to go into work but still wasn't feeling good enough to which I texted my manager & then went on Hinge to message him, something along the lines of "hey! I'm not feeling my very best and I don't think it's a good idea to meet up tonight. So rain check?"

date was scheduled to be at 7pm.
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So both of you were incommunicado because of reasons for 4 days and then on the day of you want to reschedule without a plan? Why didn't you talk to him during those 4 days?
 
OP
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Illenium

Illenium

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Avitus said:
You canceled at the last moment and offered no alternative. Not sure what you were expecting.
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I replied somewhere up there it's hard to offer an alternative when I don't have a consistent weekly work schedule. Also, just wanted to add that when we created that date, he asked me prior to when I was free. I gave him three days of the week that I was free, and he still picked a day that I didn't list. 🙄.
 
OP
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Illenium

Illenium

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subpar spatula said:
So both of you were incommunicado because of reasons for 4 days and then on the day of you want to reschedule without a plan? Why didn't you talk to him during those 4 days?
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the dude said "see you Thursday!" At like 7:45pm. Mind you, this was right after he just Sent me a google map link to the restaurant. He didn't even give a time, I had to say "wait what time are we meeting though?? Lol" then he says "does 7 sound good?" And I said ok. Both said we'll reconfirm with each other day of.

that "see you Thursday" to me sounds like he doesn't wanna talk 🤷🏻‍♀️
 
Shadybiz

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Illenium said:
It's kinda hard to take him seriously when the restaurant he suggested is in his neighborhood.
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Sorry, what does this mean? How does the location of the restaurant factor in here?

olag said:
If someone Cancels a date on short notice without any assurance or suggesting another date I take that as the universal fuck off sign and just move on. Welcome to online dating.
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Basically. I'm sure OP was legitimately ill (I know colds tend to knock me on my ass), but the guy has probably been given the runaround or the brush-off before, and decided he couldn't be bothered, even though that was not OP's intention.
 
Caddywomus

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Meh I wouldn't worry about it. If someone is into you they will give a little bit of leeway. Especially early in when there is nothing to loose.
 
Avitus

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Illenium said:
I replied somewhere up there it's hard to offer an alternative when I don't have a consistent weekly work schedule. Also, just wanted to add that when we created that date, he asked me prior to when I was free. I gave him three days of the week that I was free, and he still picked a day that I didn't list. 🙄.
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You can offer your interest. Your reply, if that's how it went down, is not very direct and doesn't really communicate much interest aka not enough to overcome the perception of flakiness. If you had said "I'm so sick I can't work but I still really want to see you" or something to that effect, you would have likely gotten a different response.
 

Water

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Oct 30, 2017
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Dude sounds annoying, but also I'd do something similar if someone canceled my first date. For online dating, dates are dime a dozen. You didn't talk for 3 days and then you canceled the date. Unless you guys really clicked (Sounds liked you didn't) why keep putting in the effort. It's not like he ghosted you.
 
Immortan

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Makes sense honestly, if I haven't talked to someone for 4 days and then day of the person is...oh yeah, I'm sick...it sounds like a blow off. So rather focus on other things that are brewing. I mean he did still say, "good luck!" and not, "fuck off!"
 
Soapbox Killer

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Shit happens, then you flush.


I can see how it sounds like bunk but still, if you were down to go on a make up date than whatever to this dude.
 

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Yeah I agree with others, he probably thought you were just ghosting him since you didn't give a reschedule date. He could have phrased it differently, but it's just kinda an unlucky situation.

Illenium said:
the dude said "see you Thursday!" At like 7:45pm. Mind you, this was right after he just Sent me a google map link to the restaurant. He didn't even give a time, I had to say "wait what time are we meeting though?? Lol" then he says "does 7 sound good?" And I said ok. Both said we'll reconfirm with each other day of.

that "see you Thursday" to me sounds like he doesn't wanna talk 🤷🏻‍♀️
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For what it's worth, it's super common (at least in my experience) to not talk much after scheduling the first date. At that point we've chatted enough to know we're interested so any other conversation i'd prefer to save for the date itself and we can see how it goes. Ultimately there's only so much energy to put into someone when you've not even had a first date, and it's kinda a numbers game. I remember the one time I spent a ton of time chatting with someone and thought we were hitting it off well, and then in person we had 0 chemistry and we'd put in a lot of energy and time for nothing.
 
subpar spatula

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Illenium said:
the dude said "see you Thursday!" At like 7:45pm. Mind you, this was right after he just Sent me a google map link to the restaurant. He didn't even give a time, I had to say "wait what time are we meeting though?? Lol" then he says "does 7 sound good?" And I said ok. Both said we'll reconfirm with each other day of.

that "see you Thursday" to me sounds like he doesn't wanna talk 🤷🏻‍♀️
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So y'all just never talked because he said, "see you Thursday"? Uh lol it sounds like neither of you weren't interested in the first place.
 
spootime

spootime

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If someone messaged me that they were sick day-of and didn't offer to reschedule I wouldn't even respond.
 
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