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Guys who try to crush your fingers when shaking hands

viciouskillersquirrel

viciouskillersquirrel

Cheering your loss
Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,200
I get it, you want to show that you’re engaged with the meeting and don’t want to give a limp, dead fish handshake. I understand that for whatever reason, a meme has taken root among men that a firm handshake is a sign of manliness and leadership, so if you’re invested in projecting power, you have an interest in ensuring your handshake communicates what you want it to.

“Firm” however doesn’t mean you need to treat every handshake like a goddamn compression arms race and actively try to hurt the hands of the people you meet, dumbass. Worse still is when you pull me in so I have to get a whiff of your sweat and cheap cologne.

Also, if you’re the type of man who tries to turn every handshake so your hand is on top, effectively turning a friendly greeting into a stupid dominance game, fuck you and your tiny penis.

/rant
 
Ryuelli

Ryuelli

Member
Oct 26, 2017
11,237
Jokes on you, my hands are literally the size of a third graders.

Source: I teach 3rd graders.
 
Fatagnus

Fatagnus

Member
Dec 24, 2017
54
Wish we could do away with this aniquated notion that handshakes mean a damn thing.
 
Shadybiz

Shadybiz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
7,738
You're right, using a handshake to establish some sort of immature, masculine "dominance" is weird.

...This is why I prefer to greet other men by kicking them in the nuts.
 
Cyanity

Cyanity

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,944
it's okay, years of landscaping has rendered my grip strength completely nonexistent
 
boxter432

boxter432

The Fallen
Oct 28, 2017
4,491
Knew trumps dumbass tug would be posted lol. I hope someone soon realizes he’s going to do that and stand far enough away and is strong enough to withstand his heftyness that when he tugs he tugs himself forwards towards them.
 
Kelsdesu

Kelsdesu

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,614
Hahaha like....Why? If you shake proper they can't, but you can tell they are trying.
 
ClivePwned

ClivePwned

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,487
Australia
People in Australia are being urged not to shake hands or kiss people hello during the covid 19 outbreak.
Hopefully it kills handshakes, kisses on cheeks, high fives, fist bumps, chestbumps, and the worst of all, the manly hug where people slap each other on the back so hard it feels like extreme sunburn for five minutes.
 
MontlyCure

MontlyCure

Member
Oct 27, 2017
784
FL
I'm currently working my way up to the Captain of Crush #4 just so I can turn the bones in everyone's hands to dust when I shake them.
 
fertygo

fertygo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,511
I legit would punch people if they do this to me. That is your idea of being a man huh punk.
 
TheMango55

TheMango55

Banned
Nov 1, 2017
5,788
This isn't as bad as when they grab your fingers prematurely and are just squeezing your fingers together as hard as they can.
 
StopMakingSense

StopMakingSense

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,842
I have arthritic hands and I actively think poorly of the person who goes overfirm on their handshake, which can be extremely painful for me.

subpar spatula said:
A firm handshake is great. Maybe let people know before the shake to not use any firmness?
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In my experience the people who I would say this too are the meat head types who would in turn think worse of me for being disabled. Like, this has actually happened IRL. Even by a very close family member.
 
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viciouskillersquirrel

viciouskillersquirrel

Cheering your loss
Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,200
ClivePwned said:
People in Australia are being urged not to shake hands or kiss people hello during the covid 19 outbreak.
Hopefully it kills handshakes, kisses on cheeks, high fives, fist bumps, chestbumps, and the worst of all, the manly hug where people slap each other on the back so hard it feels like extreme sunburn for five minutes.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
The actual advice from the Health Minister is to switch from handshakes to back slaps. I don’t know if COVID-19 is the get-out-of-jail-free card you think it is.
 
TaterTots

TaterTots

Member
Oct 27, 2017
11,414
I agree. Firm handshakes are fine, but when you're out here trying to break a damn finger its not cool. It just makes me squeeze hard as hell back and neither of us enjoy it.
 

Deleted member 11985

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
4,168
The secret to winning a hand shake is to squeeze a little bit harder than the other person. If they squeeze harder, then you just gotta squeeze harder right back. Don't stop until one of you bleeds.
 
DeadmansTheory

DeadmansTheory

Member
May 10, 2019
1,316
Switch to "Zangief Russian accent" and say: "My strength is much greater than yours."

Then perform this move:

 
Kace

Kace

Member
Feb 10, 2020
207
the system
A firm handshake is probably the premier way to greet someone.

As for trying to crush fingers its stupidly easy to tell if someone is just firmly shaking your hand or if they are actually exerting extra pressure when doing so.

And if they aren't but you still feel like your hands being crushed that's on you.
 

T-800

Member
Oct 30, 2017
647
My handshake always matches that of the person shaking my hand. Good luck to you if you go in too hard.
 
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