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Help me learn origami. Want to impress my crush at Whole Foods
- Thread starter MajulaDream
- Start date
She made sure to mention she has a boyfriend so she knew what was up
Yeah...this is why you should always find out if someone has a S/O before getting all lovey dovey over someone.
I'm sorry if I'm wrong, and I don't want to nitpick spelling.
This is just because I'm not sure if you maybe meant something different... but do you mean bouquet, or is there something called bokeh that I don't know?
Sorry english is not my first language. I meant bouquet š
Never ask romantic questions to someone who can't literally run away from you.
Parties? Good.
Bars? Good.
Social hangouts? Good.
Concerts? Good.
Workplace? Bad. If she wants to get away from you, she has to walk off the job and maybe get fired.
That is literally the whole point behind the Implication bit from Always Sunny. Dennis knows they can't say no, so he forces consent via the context of where he's asking her.
I worked at a grocery store for a couple of years and was asked out a few times. I did not find it creepy either. Was flattered tbh. I'm curious if the OP was a woman and the cashier was a male would this be as creepy to some?
How would you feel about someone who cruses businesses for dates?
What the hell? This topic has been brigaded by people saying that it's some type of predatory sin to ask someone out at their place of work. Sounds like an exaggeration. I stick by what I said earlier.
Again, if someone is simple and tactful with it, there's no issue. In the case of the OP, if he's checking out of line, as she prints the receipt or is scanning the last item, asking her out for coffee casually ("hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?") isn't going to force her in a position where she can't say no. If she says "I'm not interested" or "sorry, I have a boyfriend" then that's that. Wish her a good day, and you continue out of line with the knowledge she's not interested.
Again, if someone is simple and tactful with it, there's no issue. In the case of the OP, if he's checking out of line, as she prints the receipt or is scanning the last item, asking her out for coffee casually ("hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?") isn't going to force her in a position where she can't say no. If she says "I'm not interested" or "sorry, I have a boyfriend" then that's that. Wish her a good day, and you continue out of line with the knowledge she's not interested.
Personally wouldn't care myself. If someone asked me and took the rejection well, I'd just go about my day. Some folks here are trying to make simple acts out to be more nefarious than they are, which isn't a surprise given some of the social struggles a lot of people today deal with. I'm not sure if many here are really the right people to be asking about approaching anyone tbh.
While it could be bad taste to bother someone on the workplace, some of the responses here seem overblown. There's a big difference between being a creeper and being forward and asking someone out. Just be cool with the answer and understand you're not owed a date either way if you get declined. If the person you're asking seems uncomfortable, apologize and leave em be. Just have some self-awareness.
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"oh i'm going hiking with my boyfriend"
"oh wow so fun, hope you have a great time"
"what about you?"
"What about me you say"
[grabs origami roses]
[throws them in the air]
[starts singing kiss from a rose]
"oh wow so fun, hope you have a great time"
"what about you?"
"What about me you say"
[grabs origami roses]
[throws them in the air]
[starts singing kiss from a rose]
Yes, things have changed.
I've seen people that I know IRL claim that approaching someone at a bar / party / nightclub was something creepy.
So imagine I'm the other person. How can I know how you took my rejection, it seems to be fine at the moment. But I also know you're a regular customer and you'll be coming back and I will have to interact with you, but now it's with knowledge you want or at least wanted something more from me.
Things could go well and there's no harm done, I might accept the apology and go on with my life. But things could also go wrong, I don't know you, so I really don't know if I can trust your apology.
Self-awareness is good, but you also need mutual understanding. In all the cases of asking someone out there are two people involved, not just one.
Most women on this thread: "here's why it's creepy, please leave us alone at work"
You: "but actually"
Like I said, this is mansplaining.
Honestly, that's the risk of almost any situation where you can ask someone out that you see daily. That's general social interaction and most of us get through our lives fine engaging in it. If I'm in there shopping and not bothering anyone after, then it seems a bit much to immediately be a ball of nerves over the interaction. Having been approached on the job, I can't say I'd be all that concerned unless someone gave me a specific reason to be. That said, I think it's a situation that could be uncomfortable for anyone and that people should err on the side of caution in either case if they're not sure.
Let us flip it around.
Is it weird if she were to ask him on date?
"Hey, I get off work at 6, wanna go grab some coffee?"
I could see a similar issue wherein "I am just trying to shop for groceries not have you try to objectify me"
There has to be a middleground.
And I think it does come down to: is the attraction real.
In either scenario, if both people do have a connection, and there is mutual interest, it isn't weird at all.
The problem comes from people assuming a connection where there isn't one, more so than what scenario do you ask someone out.
Is it weird if she were to ask him on date?
"Hey, I get off work at 6, wanna go grab some coffee?"
I could see a similar issue wherein "I am just trying to shop for groceries not have you try to objectify me"
There has to be a middleground.
And I think it does come down to: is the attraction real.
In either scenario, if both people do have a connection, and there is mutual interest, it isn't weird at all.
The problem comes from people assuming a connection where there isn't one, more so than what scenario do you ask someone out.
It's a risk, yes. I don't know how the other will react and vice versa, so there has to be safety available. They shouldn't have to deal with me if they so choose, it's fine if they want to but it's not reguired. In working environment it's really easy to put someone on the spot with no possibility to escape. I'm not saying hooking up with someone working can't happen, I've gone out with my regular pub's bartender, but it happened only after it was well established that there was more in play than just common courtesy.
Yeah, we're definitely in agreement regarding establishing that it's beyond common courtesy.
The thing is though if you are or aren't being creepy is not something you can self proclaim. That's entirely on the person you are talking to to decide. If someone says you're being creepy then 9/10 times you're being creepy. It's not as simple "just apologize" since it's simple for YOU but the other person has no idea how you're going to take that rejection and now they might have to interact with you everyday.
Nobody can read your mind. Nobody can tell if you're just trying to "be cool" or not. Consider the other person.
As said above, I don't think simply asking someone out if you genuinely think the situation has escalated beyond common courtesy to be creepy, so there's not much more I plan on adding at this point. The poster below explains my feelings fairly well.
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You're basically trying to force these weird scenarios and "what ifs" into what I'm saying.
If you ask someone out for coffee and they say no or they have a boyfriend, then you just "oh ok have a good day" and go on about your day, you do not need to make it creepy or do anything else after they say no.
So many people in this thread are making this out to be more then it is or using some weird "scenario" where the person asking them out is crazy/a stalker/violent and that they'd need to physically "run away" from this person asking them if they'd like to grab a drink. These types of things can happen with ANY social interaction involving this, rather it be from tinder, at a club, on vacation, etc. If someone asks you out and they are a stalker or something worse it does not matter where they ask you out, nothing is gonna change that sadly.
I don't know where on earth this is the "normal" reaction to asking someone out, almost anyone I know that is a couple or married met either at:
1. Their workplace (co-workers or random people they met while working)
2. Bars
3. HS sweethearts
To me it'd feel safer then even using tinder, you don't know what you're walking into with that. At least this way you've seen the person/interacted with them for a bit and built up somewhat of a general feel for them to know if you're attracted or not and if you say no you're around other people and not alone worse at their house or yours (like how many Tinder hookups happen).
Gotta disagree with not asking out at work. Of course, it comes down to how you do it but generally it should be fine. Honestly less weird than getting a message on social media from someone you don't know that spend the effort to track you down online.
Of course if you flip the genders, it's different because men don't get hit on at a frequent basis. There's a power dynamic. If you got hit on daily and at inconvenient times or circumstances, then really would you still be flattered? We as men can't really speak for female customer servicing workers.
I agree. It's different. Very different.
I had people try to follow me home after I rejected their advances. One shouted angrily at me. Another tried to gift me a heart shaped pendant after I replied to his good morning on my way to work twice.
Those are just some examples where I was out and actually could remove myself from the situation. And men have only started to have increased interest in me for 6 months now.
I don't have a customer facing job right now but I would not appreciate having to deal with such things at work. Someone here suggested waiting for her outside after her shift. That would be a nightmare scenario for me.
You're not quite seeing it.
If this girl turns this guy down, she can be fired. Because she's working customer service, and he can just freak out and cost her her livelihood.
Yes, people can freak out wherever. But in a public place like a party or bar, you don't have to worry about your job.
That's coercive. This girl in this story was taking a legit risk if she said no. In abar, at worst, she has to go to another bar. You can't go to another job.
Tell that to the extremely large number of men who believe this is exactly the sort of thing they can speak for. Asshats.
I feel like I'm missing something. Why are we assuming that OP is going to hound a person or be predatory or freaking get the girl fired if she says no?
I've worked in service and I've talked to or been around teammates who have been asked out before. It didn't freak them out. One girl I knew (this was at Staples) turned a guy down and he said "oh okay sorry" kind of awkwardly and left as normal, but she was actually flattered and it made her day better. She was telling all of us "hey this guy that came in yesterday, he came to pick up his laptop and asked me if I wanted to go out sometime" kind of proudly.
I also worked at a video game shop and this regular asked a girl out and she actually agreed. Of course, IDK if that was pressure because afterward she told another guy who worked there "Hmmm IDK if I should cancel" but she ended up going and had a fine time. It didn't go anywhere from what I remember but whatever.
I'm not saying that it's clear cut whether to do one thing or the other...but acting like it is objectively bad to ask someone out at work feels pretty black and white on a subject that is really situational...at least based on my experience talking to different women about the subject and anecdotes from my previous work in retail.
We aren't!
That's irrelevant though. If my boss asks me to go out, he may be chill if I say no! But I can't assume that. To do so is to bet my job on his demeanor.
Again, this is all the Implication bit from Always Sunny. The situation makes consent unclear.
Well your situation (boss asking a direct report) is a lot different from the one in the OP (repeat customer who has interacted with multiple times).
If OP asked if he should ask out his subordinate I would say "HELL NO. FUCK NO."...that's one of the shittiest situations around and any boss who would do that doesn't deserve to be a manager (much less a leader).
You're being really obtuse. The principle is the same. The cashier, the worker, the whoever cannot assume that you are going to take rejection well. What is so hard to understand about this?
This girl Simone in the Glamour video is crushing on this barista ("we'd have great kids") at a coffee shop. She somehow found his instagram and asked him out on a date. He declined, and now going to this regular coffee shop has become "kinda awkward" now that "it feels like we're pretending it never happened". She most likely might start going to other coffee shops. So yeah, hitting someone up at their workplace is not the greatest of dating strategies.
Yup. The Shield. The shield is actually double purpose - it saves the inquirer from an awkward situation as well.