It's like, there's nothing wrong with asking someone on a date per se, but there's appropriate times and places for that, not during their work shift with an origami crane.
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Help me learn origami. Want to impress my crush at Whole Foods
- Thread starter MajulaDream
- Start date
This is where I'm at.
I used to work for Target many years ago and worked with a lot of young, college age women. Pretty much all of them hated when dudes would hit on them and ask them out on dates while they were working. I witnessed this many times.
Given, I can't speak for every woman, but ever since I always was under the impression that this was a big no no.
This literally made me LOL.
Honestly, good on you for being positive. Many times, threads that blow up have a very negative effect on the OP (and it's understandable imo).
At least you can learn a new skill! (origami is cool)
If you have to ask on an internet gaming forum for advice on how to hit on women, it's never going to be from a guy that's been able to work it out for himself and considers it a side quest in an RPG where all they have to do is perform a few simple tasks to get the girl.
While I see the point of having to be nice no matter what and how that might create an awkward situation, anything else said here has nothing to do with people being on a job. Like, are you never supposed to ask someone out on a coffee because you have no real connection with them beforehand? Getting anxiety and fear of them being an incel has also nothing to do with being at work.
If you fear every man who asks you out on a coffee might be out to kill you I don't know what to tell you. I'm not saying don't be wary, because that's the world we live in, but that mentality isn't healthy imo. And to your second point:
I'm not sure about entitled. It's just a question being asked and if it's declined then so be it. I have several friends, both women and men, who work or have worked as waiters and waitresses, got asked out while serving and went into a relationship with that person, some for several years. I'm not approving of how OP is going (or was planning to go) about it mind you, that shit is just creepy because not only can she not decline directly and instantly, but also has this shit on her mind for the next time she sees him.
I'm also not saying you shouldn't feel the way you feel about the situation, I just don't think it's fair to apply your viewpoint to everyone else and speak in their stead.
Responses to this thread are about as bad as the idea of asking someone out at their place of work. People go right for the jugular telling the dude he's a creep and making it a shame-thread. Fat shaming doesn't work and this doesn't either. If you want to further contribute to making shy awkward people into incel alt-right assholes then carry on...
Where's the user with the Pinkerton album cover when you need him most?
That's because you're not socially awkward/anxious, which is what a select number of users here suffer from but instead of getting help hide behind the word "introversion".
Asking her out isn't OP's problem, his (original) methods are. Giving someone a gift, particularly in a romantic sense, is usually only reserved between people who have built up enough rapport. It would also help if OP works to see her outside the confined of work where conversation isn't so calculatedly polite and he can get a more genuine side of the girl to establish said rapport
OP, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but the fact that your idea for giving her your number is to go to the extreme lengths of making a gift doesn't give me much confidence that you have the experience/people skills to read the situation correctly. Most cashiers are just trying to get through the day and if you come across one that is unusually talkative it's usually because brief conversations are one way to both meet the requirement to be friendly and to deal with the monotony of it all. I'm not going to take a hard line and say that a cashier should NEVER be asked out, because there are in fact cases where interest is clearly being expressed (as a gay guy, I've encountered it with both male and female cashiers), but a significant portion of people interpret "being nice" as flirting, which leads to very uncomfortable moments for cashiers. In general, leave them alone.
I think you're just jealous because you aren't getting an origami flower!
Pretty much. You need to know the difference between flirting and niceness as a job requirement. Asking someone out at their work is fine if you're respectful and have a valid reason to do so.
My ex was a waitress at a restaurant I frequented, even though I thought she was attractive and wanted to get her know better already, I didn't make my move up until she started giving me clear signals. I asked her out during closing time and we ended up dating for a good 2 years before eventually splitting up, and I don't regret a second of those 2 years.
Not to be mean, but OP gives off the vibe that he doesn't have a firm grasp on real life relationships and male-female interactions. Giving her a gift when you only know her as a cashier at Whole Foods is wack and weird as fuck. You're better off just plain asking her if you're that desperate. Less stress and work and same 2 possible outcomes.
Oh dang, sorry for the late reply. I couldn't remember what the actual term was used in the title, and I ran out to get some groceries. Sorry for leaving you in suspense lol. The best part that I even forgot about was that the OP was asking for opinions of "women of era" and the thread went as predictably as possible. It also wasn't about cat calling specifically, but moreso just randomly asking women out (I had confused it in my memories I guess lol). Cat calling does get brought up though.
just leave the lass alone OP
now, if she's making it exceedingly obvious that she wants you to say something, then perhaps casually ask if shes wants to get coffee sometime. but only if it's extremely obvious that she's doing this. if it's not that clear, then don't. again, if she's just being plain nice to you, that's her job. you are not special.
now, if she's making it exceedingly obvious that she wants you to say something, then perhaps casually ask if shes wants to get coffee sometime. but only if it's extremely obvious that she's doing this. if it's not that clear, then don't. again, if she's just being plain nice to you, that's her job. you are not special.
"Actually, let me explain why what you said is wrong and guys should be given deference"
Nah. Again, just because a guy thinks we're pretty, it doesn't give them license to bother us.
I don't understand the people saying don't ask a customer service person out on a date while they work. It's a damn super market, it's not like she's some big wig sales person or someone at a call center. I asked my now fiance out at a staples while she was working, No one is going to take it that hard if you ask them out while they are working a cash register.
That's cool thanks for the link. There's a few terms I don't know in here tho lmao I'll need to go through it when I'm not on my phone
I've been workshopping this in my head, and the only way I think the origami angle could work (without you coming across as a total psycho) is if you got really good at making something out of origami with a receipt, then whenever you're there and there's a weighty queue just make it then. As you pay for your goods just mention you made it in the queue and give her it, no number, no asking for a date. Maybe it would be a conversation point for the future, maybe it'd never come up again, who knows.
I'm wanting you to just go for it while also wanting you to leave her alone for the time being. It's a weird feeling.
I'm blushing deeply. Also, I'm at work.
See OP? It totally works.
Watch him get banned from his only food source
Can you actually adress any of my points instead of accusing me of mansplaining? Again, if you feel uncomfortable by men asking you out on a coffee then it's your right to feel that way. Don't apply your feelings to every person that happens to share a gender with you though. Not everyone is automatically bothered by being asked out, not even while at work.
My sister and her friends complain all the time that the guys they know are too timid and 'unmasculine.'
Takes all kinds, I guess?
Have you read any previous discussions on this topic where women who use the site responded en masse? 80-90% said they didn't wish to be approached while at work/on the street.
I don't necessarily think you can extrapolate the Era user to the general population.
Maybe if he wears the origami as Adam wears his fig leaf au naturel
I'm not sure 'women who use Resetera' constitute a representative sample of the entire gender.
No, the representative sample is clearly your "sister and her friends".
Pretty much.
I did. Not sure where you got that number from, but even if that were the case, that would mean that 10-20% are women who probably don't like getting told how they have to feel about this issue.
I repeatedly said I never said FeistyBoots or anyone elses opinion and feelings on the matter are wrong. They are understandable, but this "us" rethoric is just wrong when there are enough people who don't share that viewpoint. And trying to shut that down by accusing me of mansplaining or trying to make my agrument look like some men's rights bullshit just sucks.
Also this.
Pretty sure his point was that you can't use either sets of data to extrapolate anything to the general populace.
Ehh I mean it's just a piece of paper, I can make a crane in less than a minute.
Personally I think it's cute and relatively harmless, like at least it avoids an awkward situation or putting weird pressure for her in front of others.
I say go for it and see what happens.
Trying to run into her to build some a kind of report feels more awkward and creepy imo. You'd have to go out of your way to talk to her, I dunno feels desperate and creepy but I dunno
Personally I think it's cute and relatively harmless, like at least it avoids an awkward situation or putting weird pressure for her in front of others.
I say go for it and see what happens.
Trying to run into her to build some a kind of report feels more awkward and creepy imo. You'd have to go out of your way to talk to her, I dunno feels desperate and creepy but I dunno