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Help me learn origami. Want to impress my crush at Whole Foods

Zen

Member
Nov 1, 2017
3,853
Crikey people this is supposed to be a lighthearted thread. We can all agree cold approaching a random cashier with whom you've exchanged small talk a few times with Origami and a love letter is probably not going to be successful and perhaps embarrassing. The only real argument is whether it's acceptable to attempt asking someone out at work at all whether or not they show interest back. Beyond that I think most of the disagreements stem from different ends of the same side of the coin.
 

Conal

Member
Oct 26, 2017
909
Op, this is not the way to live life. There is a very simple, easy solution to your dilemma.

Give her the Origami with your number without a word, then don't go back to that store unless she calls you!

IF you're not willing to sacrifice the store, don't do it! Accept the fact that you only have a 10% chance. Maybe 20% if you're traditionally good looking.

But I feel most of ERA thinks abandoning your whole foods is unthinkable. Is it?

And remember, taking risks and being bold IS sexy. I speak from 2 decades of experience.

And another thing. People are fucking weird. What repels or horrifies some will excite and attract others. This is true of women as well as men, as we are all human. This too is something I learned from 2 decades of experience.
Please don't do this, OP.

Even if you don't plan on ever returning, she doesn't know that and the anticipation of bumping into you again and potentially having to make awkward smalltalk could be just as anxiety inducing for her as the interaction itself.

Remember, a lot of men handle rejection badly and having to be on the lookout or some could-be weirdo is not something she should have to deal with at work, a place she can't easily leave if she feels uncomfortable and a place you know she'll be everyday.

Furthermore, if she really has enjoyed chatting with you on a platonic level this is only going to reinforce the idea that you were solely talking to her to get in her pants.

When someone thinks they've made a genuine connection with another human being only to discover that it was all a cover for ulterior motives, it can really mess with a persons sense of self worth.

As for for plan itself, I'm sorry but there's nothing BOLD or SEXY about asking someone out on a piece of paper and then running off into the night never to be seen again. It's somewhat creative sure, but at the end of the day it just comes across as an elaborate way of avoiding the potential embarrassment of a face-to-face rejection. Not very sexy if you ask me.

Personally, I don't think it's appropriate to ask someone out at their place of work but if your minds already made up, I'd suggest the following steps:
  1. Go in on a Friday, engage in general smalltalk.
  2. Let her know your plans for the weekend and casually ask if she has any of her own.
  3. If she's non specific about life outside of work don't push the issue, this is generally an indication that she's not interested in anything other than an employee/customer relationship.
  4. If she says she's going to be at a specific bar/park/activity, let her know you like it there and go sometimes (it's going to help if you're genuine here).
  5. She's more likely to be comfortable opening up about her weekend if she already knows you have your own plans but if she's responds unenthusiastically or changes the subject, again don't push the issue she's probably not interested.
  6. If she reacts positively or even mentions potentially seeing you there at some point in the future, remind her that you have plans this weekend but that you'll probably go next weekend.
  7. If you see her there next weekend OR if she changes her plans to be where you are this weekend feel free to go up and say hi, she's probably at least a little interested.
It's a pretty fool-proof approach because it gives her the power to escalate the conversation if she's inclined as well as offering you a number opportunities to naturally disengage if it's becoming clear she's not interested.

Whatever you do don't try and inject yourself into her plans by coincidentally 'running into her' where she specifically told you she was going to be this weekend. Even if she's into you this is a pretty bad look.
 

Doomsayer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,126
Crikey people this is supposed to be a lighthearted thread. We can all agree cold approaching a random cashier with whom you've exchanged small talk a few times with Origami and a love letter is probably not going to be successful and perhaps embarrassing. The only real argument is whether it's acceptable to attempt asking someone out at work at all whether or not they show interest back. Beyond that I think most of the disagreements stem from different ends of the same side of the coin.
This is my biggest issues with threads like this. Everyone goes into a deep psycho-analysis about this the morality of this.

Dude just wants to ask a girl out, it happens all the time.
 

Wamb0wneD

Member
Oct 26, 2017
16,080
You too. Good thing you didn't ask me out.
If I had I wouldn't have done it with creepy phone numbers in Origami. But I would also have probably bailed the moment I would have noticed your weird reluctance to adress even a single sentence I said outside of wishing you a nice day, while at the same time being incredibly smug about your (barely elaborated on) opinion.
 

MiHighGator

Member
Nov 8, 2018
293
Asking her out isn't the best idea, but it's not a terrible one. Asking her out with origami makes it a terrible idea.
 

Bamm_Bamm

Member
Oct 27, 2017
472
If I had I wouldn't have done it with creepy phone numbers in Origami. But I would also have probably bailed the moment I would have noticed your weird reluctance to adress even a single sentence I said outside of wishing you a nice day, while at the same time being incredibly smug about your (barely elaborated on) opinion.
Let's say you told me you were Napoleon and that you'll have your armies in Russia this Winter and no matter what I said about the futility of it you knew you would win the war, you'd get the same response; there is no arguing with you.

I gave you all the information you needed.

Your opinions on "Women speaking for all women", "women want to be asked out" (paraphrasing) it's normal, nothing to see here etc are what I was responding to in the first place so you'd STOP digging. Instead you took umbrage. I mean "PM me" is the forum equivalent of "lets take this outside buddy!". Ok the "keep googling" comment could be taken as terse but you are the one insisting on taking it as an insult. Have you wondered why the others stopped responding to you? If you haven't, you should.
 
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Butch

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,484
So, for the people saying he should look her up in social media instead of asking her out, that to me would be a lot creepier and scary tbh. I work at customer support and I sure hope no one does that to me lol
 

FeistyBoots

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,138
Southern California
Let's say you told me you were Napoleon and that you'll have your armies in Russia this Winter and no matter what I said about the futility of it you knew you would win the war, you'd get the same response; there is no arguing with you.

I gave you all the information you needed.

Your opinions on "Women speaking for all women", "women want to be asked out" (paraphrasing) it's normal, nothing to see here etc are what I was responding to in the first place so you STOPPED digging. Instead you took umbrage. I mean "PM me" is the forum equivalent of "lets take this outside buddy!". Ok the "keep googling" comment could be taken as terse but you are the one insisting on taking it as an insult. Have you wondered why the others stopped responding to you? If you haven't, you should.
It's quite amusing that the poster is saying "don't speak for other women" while, you know, speaking for other women.
 

Wamb0wneD

Member
Oct 26, 2017
16,080
Let's say you told me you were Napoleon and that you'll have your armies in Russia this Winter and no matter what I said about the futility of it you knew you would win the war, you'd get the same response; there is no arguing with you.

I gave you all the information you needed.

Your opinions on "Women speaking for all women", "women want to be asked out" (paraphrasing) it's normal, nothing to see here etc are what I was responding to in the first place so you STOPPED digging. Instead you took umbrage. I mean "PM me" is the forum equivalent of "lets take this outside buddy!". Ok the "keep googling" comment could be taken as terse but you are the one insisting on taking it as an insult. Have you wondered why the others stopped responding to you? If you haven't, you should.
You never tried to argue with me in the first place. You shared an article about the male gaze while already assuming I wasn't aware of what that is, because me disagreeing with your position must already mean I'm not knowledgable. That's not how discussions work.

You have been incredibly intellectually lazy by saying you gave me all the information I need and then ignoring everything I have to say about said information. You're still putting yourself on a pedestal by coming down from the heavens of wokeness to grace me with your knowledge because I appearently dug something.
I have not taken anything as an insult, I just found your condescending tone grating. Can you answer me any of these questions?

If you apply your argument of the male gaze to what I originally said about the whole "one woman speaking for all women as if they were a monolith isn't right" statement (I never said anythign to the effect of "nothing to see here". I repeatedly said that her opinion as an individual is absolutely valid), does that really mean you see any form of a man engaging in a conversation with a woman they don't know in any shape or form as part of the male dominant social construct described in the article?

Do you really think that all women engaging with men in such a way (flirting, agreeing on a coffee together, whatever) or women disagreeing with the sweeping argument I originally responded to here are somehow trapped in that construct and therefore their opinion is invalid? Do you really think this article automatically invalidates any opinion on the matter outside the one you and Feisty hold?

The "PM me" was more thought as a means to not have this relatively lighhearted thread where most people are just busy making fun of and with the OP spammed with my long ass posts. But you weren't interested in said long posts anyway, so that was moot I guess.

I don't have to wonder why FeistyBoots, who put words in my mouth because she was too lazy to adress my actual argument since she can't handle differing opinions, and is now trying lame gotchas from the second row in an attempt to create a circlejerk, isn't responding to me, no. I'm well aware.
 
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Wamb0wneD

Member
Oct 26, 2017
16,080
It's quite amusing that the poster is saying "don't speak for other women" while, you know, speaking for other women.
If you have something to say about me I'd prefer it if you quoted me. What I said was "don't speak for all other women", but I guess leaving out that detail makes me look worse. So...yay? But I just realized it's you and you love to misrepresent other people's arguments so I shouldn't be surprised.
Don't you think it's kind of lame to completely ignore what I wrote in response to you earlier and now trying to get at me in this backhanded way?
 
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Bamm_Bamm

Member
Oct 27, 2017
472
You never tried to argue with me in the first place. You shared an article about the male gaze while already assuming I wasn't aware of what that is, because me disagreeing with your position must already mean I'm not knowledgable. That's not how discussions work.

You have been incredibly intellectually lazy by saying you gave me all the information I need and then ignoring everything I have to say about said information. You're still putting yourself on a pedestal by coming down from the heavens of wokeness to grace me with your knowledge because I appearently dug something.
I have not taken anything as an insult, I just found your condescending tone grating. Can you answer me any of these questions?

If you apply your argument of the male gaze to what I originally said about the whole "one woman speaking for all women as if they were a monolith isn't right" statement (I never said anythign to the effect of "nothing to see here". I repeatedly said that her opinion as an individual is absolutely valid), does that really mean you see any form of a man engaging in a conversation with a woman they don't know in any shape or form as part of the male dominant social construct described in the article?

Do you really think that all women engaging with men in such a way (flirting, agreeing on a coffee together, whatever) or women disagreeing with the sweeping argument I originally responded to here are somehow trapped in that construct and therefore their opinion is invalid? Do you really think this article automatically invalidates any opinion on the matter outside the one you and Feisty hold?

The "PM me" was more thought as a means to not have this relatively lighhearted thread where most people are just busy making fun of and with the OP spammed with my long ass posts. But you weren't interested in said long posts anyway, so that was moot I guess.
does that really mean you see any form of a man engaging in a conversation with a woman they don't know in any shape or form as part of the male dominant social construct described in the article?

Every man and woman needs to be aware of the systemic nature of our patriarchy; simple as that. Normal human interactions and conventions may proceed, you know, as normal as I'm sure they will.

Do you really think this article automatically invalidates any opinion on the matter outside the one you and Feisty hold?

This "article" (or any feminist theory) is not an attempt by anyone to undermine opinions. It is an attempt to reveal how things work: once we understand and agree that things work a certain way we can agree to change those things if they need changing.

Do you really think that all women engaging with men in such a way (flirting, agreeing on a coffee together, whatever) or women disagreeing with the sweeping argument I originally responded to here are somehow trapped in that construct and therefore their opinion is invalid?

We all live in a Millenniums old patriarchy and our behavior is (mostly) unconsciously affected by that. Flirting is a positive human behavior that no one wants to end. All sexual human behaviors can be successful, unsuccessful, positive, negative, unwanted, wanted etc regardless of gender or sexuality. Opinions on such behaviors are broadly (if not almost completely) shaped by our patriarchy. We should be aware of this.

You can learn all of that (in a much more verbose form, which you seem to enjoy) from the "male gaze" wikipedia page.
 

Jom

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,742
As someone who likes origami let me say this: no girl has been impressed by an origami gift ever.

Though if you want to learn for fun please go ahead. There are a ton of resources online. Also keep in mind you should use special origami paper.
Hey my wife likes the little boat I make her out of the chopsticks paper sleeve to rest the chopsticks on.


But she's my wife already so I'm pretty sure pretending to like it is part of the marriage contract or something.
 

MaximumSpider

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,754
What’s important here is that OP knows that this wasn’t the way to do things and he managed to try out a new hobby! Good on you!
 

Wamb0wneD

Member
Oct 26, 2017
16,080
Every man and woman needs to be aware of the systemic nature of our patriarchy; simple as that. Normal human interactions and conventions may proceed, you know, as normal as I'm sure they will.
First of all, thanks for engaging normally now. Much appreciated.
What I don't get here is how would that awareness change these interactions? What I'm basically saying is, what does being aware of it imply? FeistyBoots opinion was: "Don't ask out women out at their workplace, ever" and "getting asked out (regardless of at work or not) by strangers makes us (I disagree here) uncomfortable because they could be incels who might murder us because they got rejected"
So what does a man aware of these social constructs do? How would you like his behaviour to be? When is he allowed to approach a woman? Shouldn't that be up to the indiviual woman as opposed to you know...social constructs?

This "article" (or any feminist theory) is not an attempt by anyone to undermine opinions. It is an attempt to reveal how things work: once we understand and agree that things work a certain way we can agree to change those things if they need changing.
I'm not saying the theory itself is, I'm saying that is what you used the wiki-article of the theory for. When you quoted it to say women who engage with men in a manner that you deem part of that male dominated social construct you basically said women who would disagree with Feistyboots opinion (and they absolutely exist) are therefore conforming to said construct. Like they somehow aren't woke enough to have a valid opinion on the matter.

We all live in a Millenniums old patriarchy and our behavior is (mostly) unconsciously affected by that. Flirting is a positive human behavior that no one wants to end. All sexual human behaviors can be successful, unsuccessful, positive, negative, unwanted, wanted etc regardless of gender or sexuality. Opinions on such behaviors are broadly (if not almost completely) shaped by our patriarchy. We should be aware of this.

You can learn all of that (in a much more verbose form, which you seem to enjoy) from the "male gaze" wikipedia page.
And now you go back to acting like I'm not aware of any of this. I'm really curious. You seem to be a reasonable person who is for some weird reason hellbent on coming across as condescending as possible. What do you gain from constantly acting like I'm not aware? For the most time this was basically your argument: "You don't know about this because I just assume you don't, ignoring every single instance of you telling me you do. Now I'll repeat this a few times and then act like you don't listen".

If flirting is such a positive behaviour, why do you argue against me saying some women like to flirt and be approached by men sometimes? That's literally all I argued. All I said was that FeistyBoots argument of "We don't like being approached at work" doesn't hold true. For her personally and a lot of other women it obviously does, but she constantly kept using "we" and "us".
As you said every person reacts to approaches of other people differently, hence they can turn out "successful, unsuccsessful, positive, negative, unwanted, wanted." I would agree that it should be on the men to read the room to minimize unwanted approaches. All I argued against was the notion that all women react the same way to these (wildly varying) situations. And in response I get her mansplaining accusations and your weird need to educate me on things I already know.
 
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Bamm_Bamm

Member
Oct 27, 2017
472
First of all, thanks for engaging normally now. Much appreciated.
What I don't get here is how would that awareness change these interactions? What I'm basically saying is, what does being aware of it imply? FeistyBoots opinion was: "Don't ask out women out at their workplace, ever" and "getting asked out (regardless of at work or not) by strangers makes us (I disagree here) uncomfortable because they could be incels who might murder us because they got rejected"
So what does a man aware of these social constructs do? How would you like his behaviour to be? When is he allowed to approach a woman? Shouldn't that be up to the indiviual woman as opposed to you know...social constructs?


I'm not saying the theory itself is, I'm saying that is what you used the wiki-article of the theory for. When you quoted it to say women who engage with men in a manner that you deem part of that male dominated social construct you basically said women who would disagree with Feistyboots opinion (and they absolutely exist) are therefore conforming to said construct. Like they somehow aren't woke enough to have a valid opinion on the matter.


And now you go back to acting like I'm not aware of any of this. I'm really curious. You seem to be a reasonable person who is for some weird reason hellbent on coming across as condescending as possible. What do you gain from acting like I'm not aware?

If flirting is such a positive behaviour, why do you argue against me saying some women like to flirt and be approached at by men sometimes? That's all I argued. All I said was that FeistyBoots argument of "We don't like being approached at work" doesn't hold true. For her personally and a lot of other women it obviously does, but she constantly kept using "we" and "us".
As you said every person reacts to approaches of other people differently, hence they can turn out "successful, unsuccsessful, positive, negative, unwanted, wanted." All I argued against was the notion that all women react the same way to these (wildly varying) situations. And in response I get her mansplaining accusations and your weird need to educate me on things I already know.
So what does a man aware of these social constructs do? How would you like his behaviour to be? When is he allowed to approach a woman? Shouldn't that be up to the indiviual woman as opposed to you know...social constructs?

I don't have these answers for you brother.

When you quoted it to say women who engage with men in a manner that you deem part of that male dominated social construct you basically said women who would disagree with Feistyboots opinion (and they absolutely exist) are therefore conforming to said construct. Like they somehow aren't woke enough to have a valid opinion on the matter.

You are conflating opinion with behavior.

What do you gain from acting like I'm not aware?

I am unenthusiastic engaging with you because you are IMO a disingenuous actor who wants to win an argument where there is none.

"We don't like being approached at work" doesn't hold true. For her personally and a lot of other women it obviously does, but she constantly kept using "we" and "us".

FB is aware of the constant power imbalance present in our society by virtue of being a women (I'm assuming), whereas you are unaware of it by virtue of being a man (I'm assuming). Remember that; as in "don't ever forget it".

All I argued against was the notion that all women react the same way to these (wildly varying) situations.

There is really no need for you to argue this. Dear God why would you argue this? It's why I told you to look up the male gaze and yet here we are.

And in response I get her mansplaining accusations and your weird need to educate me on things I already know.

Facepalm.

EDIT:a word
 
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Wamb0wneD

Member
Oct 26, 2017
16,080
I don't have these answers for you brother.
Then don't act like you do.

You are conflating opinion with behavior.
No, I'm wondering why their behaviour deems their opinion non-valid in your eyes.

I am unenthusiastic with engaging with you because you are IMO a disingenuous actor who wants to win an argument where there is none.
So basically you are trolling, got you. I had a very simple point to make that immediately got misconstrued.

FB is aware of the constant power imbalance present in our society by virtue of being a women (I'm assuming), whereas you are unaware of it by virtue of being a man (I'm assuming). Remember that; as in "don't ever forget it".
Maybe don't make so many assumptions then. You based your whole argument and interpretation of my point on an assumption. That's why I said that's not how discussions work. I don't need to remember shit I'm already aware of, I don't have Altzheimers. Whereas you should check a doctor with the amount of times you seem to forget that I already told you I'm aware.

There is really no need for you to argue this. Dear God why would you argue this? It's why I told you to look up the male gaze and yet here we are.
There absolutely is when someone makes sweeping statements to shut down arguments, with really wild viewpoints like women murdering incels being a thing you might come across every day. The male gaze has nothing to do with that argument, because ouside of trying to invalidate opinons of women who don't share FeistyBoots viewpoint due to them "conforming to the male social construct" there is literally no connection there.

Facepalm.
Facepalm indeed. Try saving someone else from digging (lol) next time. Or maybe sit your condescending wannabe-woke ass down, I dunno.
 
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Bamm_Bamm

Member
Oct 27, 2017
472
I don't have these answers for you brother.
Then don't act like you do.

You are conflating opinion with behavior.
No, I'm wondering why their behaviour deems their opinion non-valid in your eyes.

I am unenthusiastic with engaging with you because you are IMO a disingenuous actor who wants to win an argument where there is none.
So basically you are trolling, got you. I had a very simple point to make that immediately got misconstrued.

FB is aware of the constant power imbalance present in our society by virtue of being a women (I'm assuming), whereas you are unaware of it by virtue of being a man (I'm assuming). Remember that; as in "don't ever forget it".
Maybe don't make so many assumptions then. You based your whole argument and interpretation of my point on an assumption. That's why I said that's not how discussions work. I don't need to remember shit I'm already aware of, I don't have Altzheimers. Whereas you should check a doctor with the amount of times you seem to forget that I already told you I'm aware.

There is really no need for you to argue this. Dear God why would you argue this? It's why I told you to look up the male gaze and yet here we are.
There absolutely is when someone makes sweeping statements to shut down arguments, with really wild viewpoints like women murdering incels being a thing you might come across every day. The male gaze has nothing to do with that argument, because ouside of trying to invalidate opinons of women who don't share FeistyBoots viewpoint due to them "conforming to the male social construct" there is literally no connection there.

Facepalm.
Facepalm indeed. Try saving someone else from digging (lol) next time. Or maybe sit your condescending wannabe-woke ass down, I dunno.
That's about what I'd expect to get from engaging with you. Well played.
 

Wamb0wneD

Member
Oct 26, 2017
16,080
That's about what I'd expect to get from engaging with you. Well played.
After you constantly talked down to me and now accuse me of being a bad faith actor while admitting to trolling me from the getgo you think I'm just going to sit down and take your bullshit? Why would I? I'm just stepping on your level of being "unenthusiastic with engaging with you." I thought I was too verbose for you?
Try baiting someone else, why don't you.
 

Morrigan

Armoring
Moderator
Oct 24, 2017
12,488
Official Staff Communication
This current line of discussion is going in circles.

If you can't disagree without getting defensive or veering into mansplaining or dismissing the experience of the women of Era, or without resorting to aggressive generalizations and snarky accusations and shutting down all disagreement, it's time to stop.
 

pseudotsuga

Member
Feb 4, 2018
937
Hi Era! Here is my flower + basket after practicing a bit.




Ta daa :)

To reiterate, no I am not gonna give it to the cashier. If I'm fortunate enough to be in a relationship maybe then lol.
Still had a lot of fun learning to make this! :)
Great job OP, looks awesome!! Glad you came to the decision that you did and you found a new hobby!
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,349
I've seen a grand total of 2 people in this thread suggest the actual way to ask the girl out, sans flower.

It's 2019, goddamnit. Add her on fb/instagram. You have options that don't make her work life uncomfortable, jeez.


Do this so you don't bother her at work, you put the ball in her court if she wants to literally "accept" your friendship, chatting with you in a more relaxed setting, and you can easily ask her out there.

Why y'all gotta make this so hard?
 

Zen

Member
Nov 1, 2017
3,853
I've seen a grand total of 2 people in this thread suggest the actual way to ask the girl out, sans flower.

It's 2019, goddamnit. Add her on fb/instagram. You have options that don't make her work life uncomfortable, jeez.


Do this so you don't bother her at work, you put the ball in her court if she wants to literally "accept" your friendship, chatting with you in a more relaxed setting, and you can easily ask her out there.

Why y'all gotta make this so hard?
So do you creep stalk them on social media or ask them for their social media and have it construed as being too forward
 

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,460
UK
If you fear every man who asks you out on a coffee might be out to kill you I don't know what to tell you. I'm not saying don't be wary, because that's the world we live in, but that mentality isn't healthy imo. And to your second point:


I'm not sure about entitled. It's just a question being asked and if it's declined then so be it. I have several friends, both women and men, who work or have worked as waiters and waitresses, got asked out while serving and went into a relationship with that person, some for several years. I'm not approving of how OP is going (or was planning to go) about it mind you, that shit is just creepy because not only can she not decline directly and instantly, but also has this shit on her mind for the next time she sees him.

I'm also not saying you shouldn't feel the way you feel about the situation, I just don't think it's fair to apply your viewpoint to everyone else and speak in their stead.
It's healthy because it's realistic. You just need to see the statistics for domestic violence and mass shootings and murder suicides by intimate partners, where it's men being rejected by women or are misogynists. No need to bring up anecdotes, it still comes as justifying asking someone out while they're at work and generally it's not a good idea.
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,349
So do you creep stalk them on social media or ask them for their social media and have it construed as being too forward
Do y'all like... know how social media works? If you know their full name you can just add them. No "creep stalk" required!~

When was the last time you asked someone in person, "is it ok, if I add you on Facebook/Instagram?"

lol.
 

Rand a. Thor

Member
Oct 31, 2017
9,025
Greece
I read this in a southern drawl, anyone else had this happen to them?
Fold 1000 cranes (exactly) and string them together. Show up to Whole Foods draped in it (and nothing else), walk up to her, wink, and say, "Make a wish".
String together the origami, write a sonnet on each one and then place it on her head as you call her My Queen. Boom, a literal crown of sonnets!
OP if you really want to do this, you need to do a little prep

1) Find out her hours
2) Camp out in the parking lot and wait for her to go into her shift. This way you know if she has a car
3) Go look up some youtube videos on how to mass produce origami swans. Very simple.
4) Now that you know what car she has, you can follow her back to her home/appartment
5) To show you're really serious, make around 350 paper swans and fill her car with them while she is asleep, all with the phrase "CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU <3"

Once you did that, the next time you go to the store, right after you pay and get your change, just casually leave a single paper swan on the counter and smile, she'll know you're the one. Just walk away without saying anything.
I kinda feel like I’m taking crazy pills because I’ve known several coworkers that went out on dates with customers.

This was like 1999-2007 in the pre tinder and mostly pre social media days though so are things super different now that makes this the worst thing ever?
Nope it still happens. While hitting on someone at work is kind of a jerkass move, it does work. Crazy thought here, but if it feels right for you and you're not just hitting on her the first time you meet her, there is a chance she does want to fo out with you. There is politeness and then there is seeing her couple of days a week, being on a first name basis and having discussed aspects of your life.
This is going to be one of those classic threads that we refer back to a few years down the line, isn't it?
This thread looks like its gonna be infamous for the wrong reasons the way its going.
Show her your Gundam collection, OP.
I dunno if you saw it but that totally worked, last week they got married after 3 years of dating.

Hi Era! Here is my flower + basket after practicing a bit.




Ta daa :)

To reiterate, no I am not gonna give it to the cashier. If I'm fortunate enough to be in a relationship maybe then lol.
Still had a lot of fun learning to make this! :)
That's the spirit! Learn new stuff, go ouy there and meet people with your interests, gain some confidence and the world is yours. Then maybe you can just ask her out instead of grand sweeping gestures. Trust me, this works out far better.
 

digdug2k

Member
Mar 28, 2018
699
"Ignore the women who tell you it's creepy and that we're made uncomfortable by guys doing this"

Is this peak mansplaining?

The reason people are saying not to do this:

You have no real connection with a person who is literally paid to be nice to you

It creates fear and anxiety. We can never tell if you're the next incel to kill a woman because you were rejected

If we decline, you can literally get us fired by complaining about something you made up, it's a fucked-up power dynamic

Women don't exist to be targets for every guy who thinks this is an original or acceptable approach

The problem here is, at root, the idea that men are entitled to a second of a woman's time just because they find them attractive. The entire concept neglects women's feelings just so a dude can "shoot his shot", as if it should be assumed men have the right to bother women where they work while women have no right to be left alone. It's toxic as fuck.
Nah. I just don't agree with you.

He spent time talking to her first. She reciprocated. As far as he can tell, its genuine. He can ask her out. That's... normal. If she says no. Let it go. You're still a good person. So is she. If he doesn't let it go, that's entitlement. It means he thinks he's entitled to her date/time. Pretty much what you said. If he cat called her on the street, that's entitlement too. But... he didn't. If she's putting out signals at work that she doesn't want to chat and he's bugging her, also creepy and entitled. But... no one here thinks she's doing that.
 

Radeo

Banned
Apr 26, 2019
1,305
Personally I think adding her on social media just because she was your cashier is way creepier than asking at work. I don't recommend asking her at work either, but if you can be sure without a shadow of a doubt she's being genuine with you and not out of professional courtesy, sure why not. Just be really damn sure lmao
 

Cat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,115
US
I have to admit, I am kind of surprised at the responses in this thread.

Conal said:
Personally, I don't think it's appropriate to ask someone out at their place of work but if your minds already made up, I'd suggest the following steps:
  • Go in on a Friday, engage in general smalltalk.
  • Let her know your plans for the weekend and casually ask if she has any of her own.
I would 1000x over rather have someone offer me their number on the inside of a small, very inexpensive homemade gift than wade through smalltalk while they slowly make their way towards asking me out while I'm working. In fact, those are the conversations I would dread as a cashier.

She has the option to not call, she doesn't have to reject OP to his face and deal with the usual outcomes that result from rejecting someone and feeling guilty about it... and if she's interested, she'll contact him. I don't claim to speak for all women, but as someone who has been in this situation thousands of times, I would have been so much happier to receive a kind gesture like this than the typical "let's make small talk with the very clear intent of my asking you out at the end" at work.

What you definitely shouldn't do is throw a plastic Pokeball at your cashier and yell, "I choose you!" ...
. . .
 
Oct 27, 2017
969
Hello "insert name here" how are you today? Hey listen,would i be doing too much if I asked you out for coffee sometime? Okay great here's my number,call me sometime ;)

Simple as that.
 

Cat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,115
US
OMG, is there more to it?
Not a whole lot, really. He followed it up with, "So, did I catch you?"
I (kindly) told him no, I'm at work. He asked, "What about later?", I said I was in a happy relationship, and that was that. I don't remember what he said in response, but it wasn't anything story-worthy. He still ran around the store with his friends until we finally had to lock the doors and close, so he must not have been too beat up about it.