Hey Era, how does one flirt?

[Youngfossil]

I went on a date recently, toward the end of the date after we were making out and she says, "I'm surprised you liked me, you didn't flirt much. I like someone that flirts a lot" At that moment, after 34 years on this planet, a marriage and a couple of relationships later... I realized, I don't know how to flirt. I think I'm always afraid of crossing a line by flirting too hard... or maybe I just don't know how to do it. So I present the question, How does one flirt?

 

[Deleted member 8197]

Wiggle the eyebrows.

 

[adj_noun]

 

[Huncho_Houdini]

Well it's important to first greet the person you want to flirt with.

Make eye contact, slowly tip your fedora, and say "m'lady."

It's all easy from there.

 

[SoH]

Start by punching her in the arm and running away laughing then work your way up from there.

 

[louisacommie]

Say something sexy in a subtle way
With a dream works facial expression

Or just talk about communism

 

[danowat]

Grab her by the pussy.

 

[Sordid Plebeian]

Hit her with that uwu rawr ;3

 

[LinkStrikesBack]

I suck at flirting too, but I do know is that you must avoid is holding a door open for them, lest you cause them to take offense.

 

[Smurf]

ask them how they doin

 

[Stuntman]

 

[Sulik2]

I going to give you an honest answer. I'm 34 and am only starting to learn and honestly most people don't really know how either from what I can tell. It comes natural to a small amount of people, but Its hard for most people. Part of it is touch, a touch on the arm or back during conversation is one of the main ways I've started to express interest. Not long lingering way, but brief physical contact during conversation is part of it for sure.

 

[Shadybiz]

I have had success by giving the woman I like a wet willy.

 

[Youngfossil]

Keep em coming people! I'll be a casanova in no time

 

[astro]

Flirting isn't something you can force. It's something that spontaneously happens between two people.

If you find it hard to naturally socialise and read cues I'm not sure there's any simple answer here.

If you force it, it can be creepy and annoying.

 

[Gyro Zeppeli]

Make jokes that are inclusive to the person you are attracted to. I find that goes a long way. Basically, laugh with them, not at them.

Unrelated to the topic, I find that making jokes with others in general, attraction or not, that are inclusive and not meant to tease the people you are telling the joke, a lot more rewarding in building relationships.

 

[WascallyWabbit]

Flirting really is all about making eye contact, having a conversation, and actually listening and responding with genuine interest in what the other person is talking about. Subject of conversation needs to be light, but fun. Keep it to things you know they'll respond well to, like asking about their hobbies, where they want to travel, etc.

If you actually are on a date, some subtle touching is OK too, but it's got to seem super natural and must remain in the appropriate places.

 

[lt519]

Flirting is something that happens naturally. You either have it or you don't, sorry.

 

[CrazyAndy]

Click to shrink...

 

[anexanhume]

Flirting is really just like joking with a friend with a lot more physical tells - direct eye contact, touching the shoulder, etc. Sprinkle in complements based on how they're responding. Be genuine and not try-hard.

Also, the fact that your date gave you that honest feedback unsolicited is fucking gold.

 

[Kingpin Rogers]

Just follow Martin Freeman's advice here.

 

[johan]

In any case its all about subtlety

 

[Youngfossil]

Flirting really is all about making eye contact, having a conversation, and actually listening and responding with genuine interest in what the other person is talking about. Subject of conversation needs to be light, but fun. Keep it to things you know they'll respond well to, like asking about their hobbies, where they want to travel, etc.

If you actually are on a date, some subtle touching is OK too, but it's got to seem super natural and must remain in the appropriate places.

Click to shrink...

Thats just having a conversation, I do that very well. I dont consider this flirting unless the conversation itself was flirting in some way

 

[MJForum Poster]

For lack of a better description, it's about directing a conversation. You want to come across as interested in a topic they know about or are interested in. You also need to be able to chain topics together with segues and double down when you find something you both have in common (but not in an aggressive way). Don't be afraid to be a little self-deprecating as well.

 

[Youngfossil]

Flirting is really just like joking with a friend with a lot more physical tells - direct eye contact, touching the shoulder, etc. Sprinkle in complements based on how they're responding. Be genuine and not try-hard.

Also, the fact that your date gave you that honest feedback unsolicited is fucking gold.

Click to shrink...

I know, I really appreciated it. Now I know something I didnt know before

 

[Fliesen]

I'm not sure there's a rulebook to what constitutes flirting.
Like, there's people who think it's shit like negging, or purposefully going for physical contact.

Showing that you're having a good time with the other person. Eye contact. Smiling. (Earnest) compliments.
Also, stuff like showing the desire to see one another again ("Next time, we should / could ...", "Have you ever been to place XYZ, we should totally go there...") is a very simple and non-confrontational way to signal "yes, i am into this and into you, otherwise i wouldn't ask for a sequel"

 

[BDS]

Usually I just make a bunch of self-deprecating comments about how much I suck, you might try that. Please be advised this strategy currently has a 0% success rate.

 

[louisacommie]

Btw a study came out that you can just stare at someone's face and they will assume it's eye contact

Can't tell the difference

So you don't have to keep perfect eye contact

 

[Taurus Silver]

For me I will smile, to show off my dimples make direct eye contact and make a joke. Pretty simple.

 

[WascallyWabbit]

Thats just having a conversation, I do that very well. I dont consider this flirting unless the conversation itself was flirting in some way

Click to shrink...

That's the thing though. It's a very thin line. You could say having a conversation where you're trying to gain anyone's favor whether or not you're romantically interested in them, plays out exactly the same. Just with slightly different content

 

[Cordy]

At 32, I wish I knew lol. I've had girls say I've done it in the past but shit I'm like "what? I thought we were just talkin."

 

[Youngfossil]

For me I will smile, to show off my dimples make direct eye contact and make a joke. Pretty simple.

Click to shrink...

Low key brag here

 

[Dixie Flatline]

I wear different pants than most of you but this is how I flirt and it's effective.

• Maintain eye contact
• Keep your head straight and look up at him, don't tilt your head
• Always smile
• Stand close to him

If the guy starts getting nervous or stuttering, I know I got him.

 

[Fliesen]

Low key brag here

Click to shrink...

It's more fun if you imagine that it autocorrected from "pimples"

 

[DarkDetective]

Flirting is basically a collective name for small gestures that people make to show affection. This does not necessarily have to be romantic affection btw, but usually the more flirting (and the less subtle), the more romance is behind the motive.

You'll have to find your own style of flirting. What kind of flirting gestures do you like to use, without feeling forced or awkward? In the beginning, you will probably have to get outside your comfort zone to like any of these things, but you'll grow in it, I'm sure.

Examples of flirting behaviour:
- Giving compliments (for example, about a cloth or an accomplishment/decision she's made)
- Light touching (for example, a short touch on her forearm while you laugh at a joke)
- Teasing (there's a big difference between teasing and bullying; keep it playful)
- Make eye contact to intensify the power of the moment (don't stare, but make sure to focus on her and not the environment; I know it's difficult at first)
- Be honest with your non-verbal communication: laugh when she's funny - in your opinion, not hers, so it's a genuine laugh. But also for other emotions. Honesty is important because it shows whether you two match or not.

I think Dr. Nerdlove made a good video (and a bunch of written articles) about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aL3kCZN3X0

 

[chirt]

Hey it's ok, I don't really "flirt" either.
Just be you and eventually someone will come along that appreciates that. Probably. Maybe.

 

[thewienke]

Flirting changes by age and in your late 20s and 30s it's generally light touching like everyone else said and less suggestive innuendo. You can typically tell if it would be well received based on body language or general interest in conversation. The nice thing about dating people in their late 20s and 30s when you're also that age is that there is less ambiguity and people tend to be more direct than they were in their teens and early to mid 20s. Notice how she just came out and said what she said about flirting? A second date should be a breeze now.

Maybe it's the one on one aspect but I think dating is a lot easier to navigate than a social mixer or any group situations. Every friend I've ever made in life was because I got to have some good one on one time.

 

[wholahay]

Let's ask flirting expert Rebecca Larue.

 

[Youngfossil]

Flirting is basically a collective name for small gestures that people make to show affection. This does not necessarily have to be romantic affection btw, but usually the more flirting (and the less subtle), the more romance is behind the motive.

You'll have to find your own style of flirting. What kind of flirting gestures do you like to use, without feeling forced or awkward? In the beginning, you will probably have to get outside your comfort zone to like any of these things, but you'll grow in it, I'm sure.

Examples of flirting behaviour:
- Giving compliments (for example, about a cloth or an accomplishment/decision she's made)
- Light touching (for example, a short touch on her forearm while you laugh at a joke)
- Teasing (there's a big difference between teasing and bullying; keep it playful)
- Make eye contact to intensify the power of the moment (don't stare, but make sure to focus on her and not the environment; I know it's difficult at first)
- Be honest with your non-verbal communication: laugh when she's funny - in your opinion, not hers, so it's a genuine laugh. But also for other emotions. Honesty is important because it shows whether you two match or not.

I think Dr. Nerdlove made a good video (and a bunch of written articles) about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aL3kCZN3X0

Click to shrink...

Yaa, I figured I'm in for a few L's cause I have to get practice and get out of my comfort zone. Not looking forward to it though

 

[Youngfossil]

Flirting changes by age and in your late 20s and 30s it's generally light touching like everyone else said and less suggestive innuendo. You can typically tell if it would be well received based on body language or general interest in conversation. The nice thing about dating people in their late 20s and 30s when you're also that age is that there is less ambiguity and people tend to be more direct than they were in their teens and early to mid 20s. Notice how she just came out and said what she said about flirting? A second date should be a breeze now.

Maybe it's the one on one aspect but I think dating is a lot easier to navigate than a social mixer or any group situations. Every friend I've ever made in life was because I got to have some good one on one time.

Click to shrink...

That was the 2nd date, and she ended after that, (No biggie)

 

[Kor of Memory]

Flirting can be a combination of things depending on the personality.

Some people flirt with dialogue. Innuendo is a great form of flirting. You can either be cheesy with it and make really bad jokes (I thought about bringing you a pizza with extra sausage), or you can own it and lean into it (Your apartment is so warm, I'm surprised you're comfortable wearing so much clothes with your heat turned up like this).

Some people flirt with physical contact. Tell a story that involves a part of your body. You have to find a transition though. For example I could tell a story about how my sister does Palm reading for fun. Then I could grab the girls hand and run my fingers across her palm as I attempt to demonstrate what little knowledge I have about palm reading.

Some people flirt with body language. As a dude, if you're wearing long sleeves, roll them up and show off your forearms after you get comfortable. Stretch out your arms up and out with your chest forward. If the other person is into it, let them catch you checking out their body a few times. This doesn't have to be straight at the chest either. I've heard a ton of girls say they can tell when guys are staring at their lips, to the point that kissing becomes all they can think about.

 

[Spinluck]

JuST be playful in the moment.

Push and pull.

Not take things too seriously.

 

[DarkDetective]

Yaa, I figured I'm in for a few L's cause I have to get practice and get out of my comfort zone. Not looking forward to it though

Click to shrink...

I've had the same question as you have right now, and I started reading articles and watching videos about what kinds of signals people attract to. Personally, I learned a lot from the written articles by the guy whose video I posted.

Stepping outside your comfort zone is difficult and requires courage, but once you've overcome that initial fear, you'll think "wait, is this it? Was I really that afraid for just this?". It's such a weird feeling. Most of the times, the reward of stepping outside your comfort zone outweighs the fear you have beforehand. I've been there; it sucks right in that moment, but it will be worth it! Good luck, I'm sure you'll get there if you try :)

 

[Cream Stout]

tell them to meet you by grub's tavern and will show them where the treasure is hidden

 

[Belfast]

You've got to be cocky, but funny.

 

[DarkDetective]

Flirting can be a combination of things depending on the personality.

Some people flirt with dialogue. Innuendo is a great form of flirting. You can either be cheesy with it and make really bad jokes (I thought about bringing you a pizza with extra sausage), or you can own it and lean into it (Your apartment is so warm, I'm surprised you're comfortable wearing so much clothes with your heat turned up like this).

Some people flirt with physical contact. Tell a story that involves a part of your body. You have to find a transition though. For example I could tell a story about how my sister does Palm reading for fun. Then I could grab the girls hand and run my fingers across her palm as I attempt to demonstrate what little knowledge I have about palm reading.

Some people flirt with body language. As a dude, if you're wearing long sleeves, roll them up and show off your forearms after you get comfortable. Stretch out your arms up and out with your chest forward. If the other person is into it, let them catch you checking out their body a few times. This doesn't have to be straight at the chest either. I've heard a ton of girls say they can tell when guys are staring at their lips, to the point that kissing becomes all they can think about.

Click to shrink...

This is a good post.

 

[Taurus Silver]

Low key brag here

Click to shrink...

A little bit. But I was told by a female friend whenever I flirt my dimples magically start showing. She was right.

 

[BDS]

 

[Youngfossil]

Click to shrink...

Hahaha, the 2nd one happens to all the time even to this day

 

[papermoon]

Warmth, flirty eye contact, playfulness, being emotionally expressive facially, being attentive to the other person