Hey Era, I Am Thinking of Eloping- Yay or Nay?

[Lozjam]

So Era, my fiance and I have been engaged for some time now. And... Boy the cost of weddings are ridiculous. I mean, with what my family wants for a wedding it would cost close to 10K, and it would be a backyard wedding! And that amount of money, for a single party is ridiculous for myself and my fiance. So, we have actually talked about eloping.

It turns out, there are a ton of elopement packages, and it turns out we can get married, and have a week long honeymoon for around 5,000. And boy that sounds so nice. No pressures, no weird things family(family relationships are tense across the board), and no huge financial strain that will put us in debt. Plus, a year later, when the wedding date is "planned", we can just throw an amazing party for 1/5 the cost. We will get to throw a party for our loved ones.

A lot of people say though, that eloping is "selfish" or it negates family. Or all that sort of stuff. So I wanted to hear your opinions on the subject, or if you had anything to add. What are your experiences with marriage, or eloping, or all that stuff?

 

[Mitch]

I mean, with what my family wants

Click to shrink...

Found your problem.

Do what you and your fiance want.

 

[Deleted member 17402]

If you want to elope, especially due to finances and the stress involved in planning an expensive wedding, then by all means go for it. You're not beholden to anyone. I do recommend having a little party sometime down the road to celebrate it with the people you love, but you're in no way obligated to have a wedding if that isn't what you and your partner want. Elope, enjoy it, and then plan a party for another time.

 

[Dyno]

It you cant get it done on a low price (min and my wifes was 4k) then yeah just elope. Book a holiday and do it out there. The family will be pissed but they're gonna have to get over it it lose both of you.

 

[SwampBastard]

Elope and have a reception when you get back.

 

[TransEuropaExpress]

As someone who had the big ass wedding for way too much money...

It's a great memory, it was a great party but if I had to do it again, I'd go with eloping and then having a private party for immediate family when we got back at someone's house or something along the lines. It was a fucking lot in every regard.

 

[Deleted member 15440]

if your family wants a 10k wedding they can pay for it

 

[Hektor]

A lot of people say though, that eloping is "selfish" or it negates family. Or all that sort of stuff. So I wanted to hear your opinions on the subject, or if you had anything to add. What are your experiences with marriage, or eloping, or all that stuff?

Click to shrink...

No one's entitled to get anything out of the relationship between you and your partner because it's your relationship, not your families.

 

[Wamapoke]

Eloping isn't selfish. A marriage is to be enjoyed by the two people getting wed.

Go off, save some money and have some fun.

 

[Fat4all]

elope and visit me

i'll buy you both Sheetz hotdogs

 

[skeptem]

As someone who had the big ass wedding for way too much money...

It's a great memory, it was a great party but if I had to do it again, I'd go with eloping and then having a private party for immediate family when we got back at someone's house or something along the lines. It was a fucking lot in every regard.

Click to shrink...

Our wedding was fairly small and cost efficient and even with that....I would elope and have a small party just like you (My wife agrees as well).

 

[TheJackdog]

do what you and your fiance want, but you should know, SOMEBODY is gonna be upset. It might be entirely unjustified and wrong for them to be upset, but, they are gonna be upset.

 

[QuinchoOsito]

Elope and have a reception when you get back.

Click to shrink...

This. My wife and I did something like this through a very circuitous route but it worked. We got officially married in a cigar bar with friends (one was ordained). Then we had a little ceremony 2 weeks later with just parents/siblings/one grandparent (the rest have passed), where we got dressed up and had a professional photographer. Then we had a party where she's from a month later, and a month after that we had a party where I'm from. It was great, and it would have been miserable trying to combine them all into one.

Don't let anyone tell you it's selfish. I felt bad about potentially leaving my parents out, so that's why we did a little ceremony, but you don't owe a huge wedding to like, your second cousins.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

Nobody wishes they spent more money on their wedding.

We got married at City Hall and just had a party the next day. Wouldn't do it any other way.

 

[pizoxuat]

I would be firm with your families that this is your wedding, this is your budget, and you are going to do it your way and have that wedding for 1/5th the price so they can be involved. You'd be surprised how long a mother can carry hurt in her heart over not getting to see her child get married.

 

[gar3]

My wife and I just went to the Justice of the Peace one day. Just us. That's what it's about. My brother was upset after the fact because "you have to" have a big whatever and say vows in front of family and God and whatever else. Forget that. It's about you two. Period.

 

[King Alamat]

You're an adult, do what you want.

 

[NealMcCauley]

All my friends who've gotten married all said eloping and a small reception later should have been the way to go.

 

[Fulminator]

do it

 

[Chivalry]

Just sign the papers and stay home playing vidya.

 

[scottbeowulf]

A lot of people say though, that eloping is "selfish" or it negates family. Or all that sort of stuff. So I wanted to hear your opinions on the subject, or if you had anything to add. What are your experiences with marriage, or eloping, or all that stuff?

Click to shrink...

Eloping would be good if your family didn't approve or wouldn't go anyway. But if they would want to go there are ways to include them. You can still do a very cheap wedding. My wife and I got married in Vegas. Nothing fancy at all. Our close family and a couple friends came, the actual wedding was only like 30 minutes, then we all got to hang out in Vegas for a couple days. The whole wedding was less than $1500. The family still talks about how it was their favorite wedding ever.

 

[Hollywood Duo]

Get a live video feed of the ceremony so they can watch

 

[Deleted member 1478]

If you both want to then absolutely. Despite what family may say the wedding has nothing to do with them, you do it however you want to.

 

[Red Liquorice]

You don't have to elope, just have the wedding you two want. Unless your family (assume parents?) are partial to putting on bitter frowns when they don't get their own way, then elope and don't let them ruin your wedding.

 

[TronLight]

My two cents, don't spend 10k on a wedding just because your family wants to. Don't spend 10k on a weeding at all really.

 

[cosmickosm]

Do what you and your wife want, that's ultimately what matters most.

My sister in law and her husband dropped around $20k on their wedding (with a quarter paid for by the husbands family). My wife and I saw that and said fuck that noise.

We invited our parents, my niece, 2 brother in laws, and my sister in law to our small wedding. Went to a local garden, had my brother in law marry us, then went to brunch at the garden. Couple hours, spent around maybe $300ish with entrance fees and the food bill, nigh zero stress. it was perfect for us.

Do what you guys want.

 

[Tigress]

How is a wedding in your backyard that expensive? We wed at Oshkosh air show and it was not that expensive. Granted it was not a huge wedding, just close relatives and a few friends. It was fun though and people really enjoyed it.

 

[tangeu]

"what my family wants"

Are they paying for it? No? Then it doesn't matter what they want.

My wife and I had to really put some close family members in their place while planning our wedding, for some reason everyone goes insane and gets pushy for weddings. We wanted a wedding so we persevered and planned what we actually wanted but if you don't, just go to the courthouse and sign some papers then if you want to involve family, host a generic family 'get-together' and be all "surprise we're married, celebrate with us"

 

[Squirrel09]

You can have a good cheap wedding. Have it between 1pm-4pm. No meals expected, also no one expects an open bar. Have the ceremony at a small local church and only invite close friends/family. That's what my wife and I did.

That being said, her sister eloped without telling anyone. That didn't go well and some people are still holding grudges (Including her). If the purpose of the eloping is to save money, great. If it's to hide the relationship, prepare for some heartache.

 

[Deleted member 55795]

Elope and throw a wedding party afterward with close friends and family.

 

[Wreckord Collection]

Weddings are for the couple. Do what makes sense for you as a couple.

 

[shnurgleton]

If this will further strain your family relationships then I would absolutely not recommend it

Weddings are for the couple. Do what makes sense for you as a couple.

Click to shrink...

Eh, not really. It's very easy to become married, basically just get some stuff notarized and filed. The wedding is really about sharing with family and friends

 

[carlsojo]

Wife and I eloped and it was one of the best decisions we ever made. Had a beautiful ceremony on a beach at the fraction of the cost.

 

[Deleted member 8752]

Do it. Do it and don't even think about it.

If your fiance is down for it and you are too, DO NOT let anyone else tell you to do otherwise. This is about you two. It's your family's job to support what makes YOU happy, not the other way around. Especially when you're the one paying.

You can have a good cheap wedding. Have it between 1pm-4pm. No meals expected, also no one expects an open bar. Have the ceremony at a small local church and only invite close friends/family. That's what my wife and I did.

That being said, her sister eloped without telling anyone. That didn't go well and some people are still holding grudges (Including her). If the purpose of the eloping is to save money, great. If it's to hide the relationship, prepare for some heartache.

Click to shrink...

This guy gets it. Eloping and doing a small cheap ceremony that is intimate with loved ones is great. Doing so to hide it from others is not good.

If they don't support your decision, then they should be the ones paying for a bigger wedding.

 

[KayonXaikyre]

Talk to your fiance and ask what they want and discuss what you want as well and go from there. If your family wants all that, they can pay for it and that's okay too.

 

[UltimateHigh]

elope

big weddings are a massive waste of money

 

[Zoe]

The idea that a couple has to throw a party for their families and friends is so incredibly entitled.

 

[Bear]

You should do what the two of you want. If that's eloping, then do that. Your parents can always throw you a party if they want to celebrate with a bigger group.

 

[Dixie Flatline]

Have you considered that maybe your family would at least like to attend? There's nothing wrong with a cheap wedding. Talk to them about it first and say that's what you two want. I'm sure if you bring that up, they will back down on their requests for an expensive wedding and work with you two more. That's what my husband and I did and everything worked out fine. If we eloped without his parents attending, they would have been heartbroken.

 

[Curler]

I have friends in this dilemma, especially because one side of the family wants it in one home country, and the other wants it in the other... They want something cheap and low-key but also don't want to piss off their families :/ Stuff like that can really get MORE confusing, and it sounds like they decided to have something small locally (but will most likely go visit their family in their respective countries for dinner or something at some point). Destination weddings can also be tough on the guests, too.

Takes the fun out when the parents want the big elaborate celebration more than the people planning it :x

 

[CloudWolf]

Don't do what your family wants, do what you want.

 

[Relix]

Me and my fiancé are doing this. We are just going somewhere, getting married, and coming back and just tell people we got married. We ain't doing receptions or anything. Just us.

 

[Inugami]

My and my wife did, celebrated 11 years last week. Weddings are a scam.

 

[TheIlliterati]

Do something cheap. Course I'm also getting divorced after 8 year but its amicable, so what do I know.

 

[BringBackSonics]

So Era, my fiance and I have been engaged for some time now. And... Boy the cost of weddings are ridiculous. I mean, with what my family wants for a wedding it would cost close to 10K, and it would be a backyard wedding! And that amount of money, for a single party is ridiculous for myself and my fiance. So, we have actually talked about eloping.

It turns out, there are a ton of elopement packages, and it turns out we can get married, and have a week long honeymoon for around 5,000. And boy that sounds so nice. No pressures, no weird things family(family relationships are tense across the board), and no huge financial strain that will put us in debt. Plus, a year later, when the wedding date is "planned", we can just throw an amazing party for 1/5 the cost. We will get to throw a party for our loved ones.

A lot of people say though, that eloping is "selfish" or it negates family. Or all that sort of stuff. So I wanted to hear your opinions on the subject, or if you had anything to add. What are your experiences with marriage, or eloping, or all that stuff?

Click to shrink...

If your family isn't paying for it, why would they have any say? Either way, do what you want.

 

[Triggerhappytel]

Yes, elope. Be selfish. Do what makes you and your fiancée happy.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

OP do what you want. Avoid the stress, be happy. Your families will eventually understand and if they don't, they don't get this isn't about them but what about what you two want.

 

[Falchion]

In your case it sounds like you should absolutely do an elopement. It's supposed to be about you all as a couple so do what makes you happy.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

I managed to dodge this by having the wedding in a Registry office in the morning and booking a flight to my wife's country the same day that meant we had to leave at 2PM to catch the flight. No time for a big party and reception, no extended releatives were going to travel to just the wedding part for the morning without the free party and expected paid hotels.

 

[DPT120]

There's nothing wrong with it. You should do what you and your fiance want. Weddings are super expensive.

 

[mute]

We went to Vegas. No regrets.