Honest question, why has interracial dating become a controversial topic as of late (especially within the black community)?

[Neoxon]

It's something I noticed quite a bit on social media, including a conversation that I had with someone who claimed that interracial dating isn't as right for black people as it is for everyone else. I'm just trying to get another opinion on the matter as, at least to me, there shouldn't really be anything wrong with dating outside of your race as long as the connection is there, you don't put down your own, & your partner isn't a bigot. But perhaps you all could provide some insight on the topic.

 

[Starwing]

Haven't seen this myself, though admittedly I haven't looked on Twitter about it. I recall that we are usually seen as the least desirable partners overall, especially Black women, so maybe it has something to do with that.

 

[SolidChamp]

I wouldn't know about interracial dating for black people, but I've felt that some white men tend to fetishize and objectify women based on their race while applying racial stereotypes/misconceptions. Especially when it comes to white men and Asian women.

But those are just my observations. At the end of the day I don't really care or see "controversy", I just think it could prove to be problematic in some respects.

I think sexual objectification based on race is gross and a form of racism.

 

[Westbahnhof]

It... it has?
I'm not really on social media a lot (no facebook at all, for example), but that does sound all kinds of fucked.
Of course, interracial dating is fine, because why the fuck wouldn't it be, if two (or more for all I care) consenting adults are into each other, let them do their thing.
Of course, fetishizing happens, but that's its own can of worms and shouldn't be a reason to question interracial dating in general.

 

[Deleted member 52442]

has it...?

i would expect it to become more normalized if anything but i dont check social media for their takes on things like this

 

[Deleted member 56803]

Interracial has always been sadly controversial, no matter which community "side" you're on. Usually it's the same reasons, but there are specific ones depending on the community. Fetishization, dehumanization, internalized racism, and the like are all legitimatize and true concerns. However, many have viewed it as a communal betrayal unfortunately. In this current moment of tensions those feelings have flared up even more.

 

[NameUser]

Interracial dating is fine, just don't fetishize folx. It only becomes problematic say, when a black guy only dates white women or vice versa.

 

[Neoxon]

Interracial has always been sadly controversial, no matter which community "side" you're on. Usually it's the same reasons, but there are specific ones depending on the community. Fetishization, dehumanization, internalized racism, and the like are all legitimatize and true concerns. However, many have viewed it as a communal betrayal unfortunately. In this current moment of tensions those feelings have flared up even more.

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Some of the replies I've seen on Twitter claim that interracial dating apparently comes from a form of self-hate (which I called out as bullshit).

 

[Mr.fresh]

It's only really like this because of social media and black women feeling let down by a lot of black men. Recently a lot of black men claim to not date black women because they are to much to deal with, or even rather have a black women of a lighter skin tone. 50 cent and lil Wayne just had a conversation on young money radio and they were saying how they would rather have an exotic woman over a black woman.

 

[Soundscream]

Some of the replies I've seen on Twitter claim that interracial dating apparently comes from a form of self-hate (which I called out as bullshit).

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Twitter is the worst place to gauge actual public opinion

 

[Deleted member 56803]

Some of the replies I've seen on Twitter claim that interracial dating apparently comes from a form of self-hate (which I called out as bullshit).

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I have mixed feelings upon the issue. Internalized racism is a depressing real phenomenon, but to say that it accounts for all mixed-race relationships is quite a load of bull.

 

[shnurgleton]

they would rather have an exotic woman over a black woman

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[WedgeX]

Some of the replies I've seen on Twitter claim that interracial dating apparently comes from a form of self-hate (which I called out as bullshit).

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I think Common used to profess this view point, but that was also a decade or more ago (...so still firmly within the modern era) so not sure if his views have changed.

 

[entremet]

Lots of history in this topic if you're talking about Americans and black/white dating. We're talking about actual laws on the books, colorism, the weaponizing of false claims from white women to get black men killed and so on.

You can't look at things in isolation.

This is all colors the topic.

 

[Deleted member 4452]

Some of the replies I've seen on Twitter claim that interracial dating apparently comes from a form of self-hate (which I called out as bullshit).

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The subset that only dates people of other race X or 'any race will do' except their own is definitely suspect.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

Some of the replies I've seen on Twitter claim that interracial dating apparently comes from a form of self-hate (which I called out as bullshit).

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Nope, you are right, that is bullshit. There are some people who are self-hating to some degree I'm sure, but to apply that to all interracial relationships is just as bigoted as assigning inherent characteristics to racial groups.

 

[skillzilla81]

Because we don't talk enough about how america, and black people, have demonized black women. Have said they're too ghetto, too loud, too this or too that. We don't talk enough about how many of us have been socialized to think that black women are the worst option. How many black men say, on the regular, that black women "just don't like them" or other bullshit like that.

Yeah, interracial dating is fine, but, when it comes to black women, we're not talking about why people might choose to date outside of their race.

 

[RailWays]

Lots of history in this topic if you're talking about Americans and black/white dating. We're talking about actual laws on the books, colorism, the weaponizing of false claims from white women to get black men killed and so on.

You can't look at things in isolation.

This is all colors the topic.

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Yep, had ancestors who had to escape to Canada to marry for these reasons.

 

[Westbahnhof]

Some of the replies I've seen on Twitter claim that interracial dating apparently comes from a form of self-hate (which I called out as bullshit).

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That's just such a disgusting thing to say about interracial couples.
It also ignores minority women and men who live in places where their ethnicity/skin color is very rare, like why the hell should a person like that have to stick to "their own"? Disgusting mindset imo.

 

[Grouch Douglass]

I have noticed a lot of people refuse to acknowledge mixed people exist and try to place them in a single race box (whichever one is convenient for conversations sake). I think there is a little tribalism involved honestly.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

It's only really like this because of social media and black women feeling let down by a lot of black men. Recently a lot of black men claim to not date black women because they are to much to deal with, or even rather have a black women of a lighter skin tone. 50 cent and lil Wayne just had a conversation on young money radio and they were saying how they would rather have an exotic woman over a black woman.

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Sure but that's just 50 Cent and Lil Wayne being fucking racist. There are absolutely tons of racist people and that figures into their dating behavior as well, but that doesn't make interracial dating as a concept problematic.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Interracial has always been sadly controversial, no matter which community "side" you're on. Usually it's the same reasons, but there are specific ones depending on the community. Fetishization, dehumanization, internalized racism, and the like are all legitimatize and true concerns. However, many have viewed it as a communal betrayal unfortunately. In this current moment of tensions those feelings have flared up even more.

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This is the only issue I've ever had issues with. Date who you want, be happy. God bless and all that. But I've known dudes that only date white girls. And hey, you like what you like but when you go out of your way to put down and disrespect black women I have a problem with that. No, they're not all teeth sucking stereotypes man....

Don't be like this chump here. That's all.

Love who you love. I've been in relationships with white, black, and brown women. Never got the sense I was betraying my community from them.

 

[AnansiThePersona]

God knows Twitter is not the place to have an interracial dating discussion

 

[ExoExplorer]

In topics as sensitive as these, I really think there can be a disconnect between the ideas that very online people post and how other people think and live. Lots of nuance is thrown out the window. It's true the discussion on racism, and power dynamics is very important. At the same time healthy interracial relationships are possible and shouldn't be discounted.

 

[Neoxon]

Basically his argument was that my love & protection would be wasted on someone other than a black woman (Context: I'm black), & that I don't really care about the black struggle because I consider dating outside my race as an option (his point is that marrying black is apparently the most basic thing to do to support the black community).

My issue with this is that if you find your soulmate (which he thinks doesn't exist) in someone outside your race, it shouldn't immediately exclude you from caring about the black struggle & doing something about it. You can still support the community & date outside your race. That's not to say that I won't date black women (my previous relationship was with a black woman, & we're actually still friends despite me screwing up big-time), but leaving one's options open isn't a bad thing. So yeah, I definitely called out his claims as bullshit.

 

[Westbahnhof]

Basically his argument was that my love & protection would be wasted on someone other than a black woman (Context: I'm black), & that I don't really care about the black struggle because I consider dating outside my race as an option (his point is that marrying black is apparently the most basic thing to do to support the black community).

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That's actually horrifying

 

[Double 0]

It becomes a thing when misogynoir and or fetishism comes to play.

Which, because sexism, racism, and colorism, are huge systemic problems, comes to play quite a bit.


I'm in an interracial marriage, though not the one usually talked about (I'm in a black/indian marriage). And it was a concern we both had going into it. What people would say, whether or not we had the right intentions, etc.



I don't get as angry about it, but I feel like it would be very different if I married a white woman. Especially in the US.



And we very much have to acknowledge how often men, including black men, go out of their way to go for lighter skinned women of any race. But specifically denigrate or on the other side of the coin, fetishize black women. And the social power balances when dating inter-racially.

 

[iareharSon]

There's absolutely an element of this within society, and there always has been, but I wouldn't base what's commonplace or not on what I'm seeing on Twitter or comments sections. At the same time, there's a lot of truth to the idea that Black Women have been systemically depreciated in the eyes of society, a sentiment that is often times internalized by Black Men. There's a sense of abandonment and betrayal when it comes to Black Men, as a demographic born out of an identical struggle, specifically to those who unconsciously or purposely go out of their way to not pursue Black women.

 

[JDSN]

If the person that says that uses the term ADOS every five tweets and follows Tariq Nasheed, you can safely ignore it.

 

[kmfdmpig]

I wouldn't know about interracial dating for black people, but I've felt that some white men tend to fetishize and objectify women based on their race while applying racial stereotypes/misconceptions. Especially when it comes to white men and Asian women.

But those are just my observations. At the end of the day I don't really care or see "controversy", I just think it could prove to be problematic in some respects.

I think sexual objectification based on race is gross and a form of racism.

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I hate that so many people assume that people who are dating or married interractially are doing so because of a fetish. I'm white and married to a Japanese woman. If I had a dollar for every dumbass joke about "Asian fetish" blah blah blah then I'd be rich. It's stupid when it's based on nothing other than the existence of a marriage or relationship.
It also, to me, implies that dating/marrying within one's own race should be considered the default/normal option which seems racist and old-fashioned as hell.

 

[captmcblack]

It's social media.

People will do and say anything to advance any hot take and division that can exist, ESPECIALLY in times of social and civil disruption. I'll agree that Black women (and Black men) have been demonized and beat up in the dating/relationship game, particularly online. But right now, it's a grain of salt thing when I hear/read about issues with interracial dating - not because nobody has ever said they have problems with it or because nobody has an opinion on it - but instead because those issues in the context of talking online are often a backdoor into other nebulous racial wedge issues.

I personally am kinda tabling any peripheral things like this on the Internet and waiting until we get to a post-virus reality before I start dealing with other shit, lol.

"If the person that says that uses the term ADOS every five tweets and follows Tariq Nasheed, you can safely ignore it." - also this.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

Basically his argument was that my love & protection would be wasted on someone other than a black woman (Context: I'm black), & that I don't really care about the black struggle because I consider dating outside my race as an option (his point is that marrying black is apparently the most basic thing to do to support the black community).

My issue with this is that if you find your soulmate (which he thinks doesn't exist) in someone outside your race, it shouldn't immediately exclude you from caring about the black struggle & doing something about it. You can still support the community & date outside your race. That's not to say that I won't date black women (my previous relationship was with a black woman, & we're actually still friends despite me screwing up big-time), but leaving one's options open isn't a bad thing. So yeah, I definitely called out his claims as bullshit.

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This just sounds like bigoted gatekeeping. Like if you asked this person how they felt about biracial folks, you probably would get an equally gross answer. Not worth your time.

 

[cw_sasuke]

It has always been somewhat controversial - you just witnessing it more because of social media. It's nothing new.

It's also much easier to be ignorant and express stupid thought on the internet - the energy rarely is the same offline though.

 

[Arebours]

the danger of when identity politics loops back to essentialism.

 

[LegendofJoe]

We need to make progress recognizing that there are a lot of gorgeous, awesome black women in the world. If we can make that cultural change I think the taboo against interracial dating will be a lot less prevalent.

 

[魑魅魍魎]

I have so many issues with Interracial dating in the gay community but i will probably keep them to myself.

 

[antonz]

I think its a pretty complicated topic that has a lot of layers to it. I occasionally get the message asking if I am ok with the "swirl" or if I like chocolate. I have seen a bunch of women speak to the fact they only date outside their race because of past experiences which is sort of shitty because they are essentially condemning men of their own race due to the behavior of a small segment they have interacted with. Each person has their life experiences which leads them to date how they do but it as like most things is complicated.

Interracial Dating draws out the tribalism instinct in alot of people. How can you mingle with them rather then who you should be type bullshit

 

[Avinash117]

It is somewhat common for wealthier Black men to date or marry outside their race because of the belief that other races of women have more value than Black women. For Black people, marrying within your race can keep you grounded and marrying outside of that has the chance to diassociate yourself from the community that you were a part of. However, I think it is more of a choice.

I think that people that do that tend to view their own community in a negative light and choose to disassociate themselves. They will rather be part of a more successful social group. White men don't have the same problems because they are the most successful and have the most power as a group.

 

[Deleted member 6230]

Lots of history in this topic if you're talking about Americans and black/white dating. We're talking about actual laws on the books, colorism, the weaponizing of false claims from white women to get black men killed and so on.

You can't look at things in isolation.

This is all colors the topic.

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Yeah the history on this is pretty dense and OP should try to look beyond twitter comments to inform themselves on this

 

[collige]

This isn't new unfortunately.

the danger of when identity politics loops back to essentialism.

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This might be part of it, but for the black community specifically I think there's a lot more to it given the power structures of white supremacy and how it affects black people psychologically.

 

[Neoxon]

Yeah the history on this is pretty dense and OP should try to look beyond twitter comments to inform themselves on this

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I'll do just that, thanks. Any solid sources you could recommend, or should I just search through Google?

 

[Violence Jack]

I'm in an interracial marriage, and as someone who has mostly dated outside of their race (not by preference, but I just dated those who showed interest in me that I was also attracted to regardless of their skin color) that has always been a controversial issue. However, it's so commonplace these days that I don't really see anyone making a big deal about it anymore.

That being said, black women consistently get a raw deal when it comes to that. I hear complaints within my own family about black men choosing to date seemingly any other race besides theirs. Not only that, but there was that study done on OkCupid matches that rank black women the lowest as far as not responding to messages from them and lack of desirability. It's fucked up.

There's also that "black people are the boogeyman" feeling among non-black parents like dating someone black is somehow the bottom of the barrel, how all we want is sex, their daughter will come back pregnant, etc. I've experienced it myself, and that unfortunately still exists.

 

[Spork4000]

Well...shit's complicated. Just date who you want and don't have a fetish.

 

[DigitalOp]

Basically his argument was that my love & protection would be wasted on someone other than a black woman (Context: I'm black), & that I don't really care about the black struggle because I consider dating outside my race as an option (his point is that marrying black is apparently the most basic thing to do to support the black community).

My issue with this is that if you find your soulmate (which he thinks doesn't exist) in someone outside your race, it shouldn't immediately exclude you from caring about the black struggle & doing something about it. You can still support the community & date outside your race. That's not to say that I won't date black women (my previous relationship was with a black woman, & we're actually still friends despite me screwing up big-time), but leaving one's options open isn't a bad thing. So yeah, I definitely called out his claims as bullshit.

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Why ask an aggressively and predominately white board when it seems you looking for a black opinion??

I may not subscribe all the way to your friends philosophy but just take a look at the current world we live in?

Casual Racism, Denial, Virulent Racism

You do yourself a disservice to partner with somebody who doesn't understand the struggles you deal with when it comes to racial issues, and it's another level of effort to have to explain that to them let alone if debates arise which only just adds more stress and tension to a relationship

Basically, don't partner yourself with someone who "like Black people" but don't have shit to say or be involved in black issues of civil liberties

This is all just old shit coming to drastic measures now

This is all ontop of a lifetime of degrading and disrespecting black women, fetishization and everything else

 

[Deleted member 56803]

I'll do just that, thanks. Any solid sources you could recommend, or should I just search through Google?

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What Comes Naturally: Miscegenation Law and the Making of Race in America: Pascoe, Peggy: 9780199772353: Amazon.com: Books

What Comes Naturally: Miscegenation Law and the Making of Race in America [Pascoe, Peggy] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. What Comes Naturally: Miscegenation Law and the Making of Race in America

www.amazon.com

 

[Chaos Legion]

This isn't new unfortunately.

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Yup.

I've always tried to stay out of conversations when we denigrate interracial relationships. My immediate family is fairly ambivalent about who we date, but some extended family members have some narrow minded takes about dating anyone not black.

 

[Deleted member 46493]

Some of the replies I've seen on Twitter claim that interracial dating apparently comes from a form of self-hate (which I called out as bullshit)

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This isn't entirely BS though. A lot of POC, particularly women, proclaim to only date white and make up weird excuses for why ("men of my race remind me of my relatives", "they are all too traditional").

But yeah to say they are the majority is BS.

 

[Elegant Weapon]

I think people look at interracial dating as "superior" and it's annoying.

There is a LOT of self hate & fetishizing in interracial dating.

People think they're not racist cause they have a black SO or have weird "preferences" as if mass media hasn't programmed Eurocentric beauty standards into everyone

I've always felt pressured by my mother to date black girls and it wasn't cool but I can see where she's coming from. My last girlfriend was white and everyone in my family loved her and still asks about her.

 

[BioDigital Jazzman]

Basically his argument was that my love & protection would be wasted on someone other than a black woman (Context: I'm black), & that I don't really care about the black struggle because I consider dating outside my race as an option (his point is that marrying black is apparently the most basic thing to do to support the black community).

My issue with this is that if you find your soulmate (which he thinks doesn't exist) in someone outside your race, it shouldn't immediately exclude you from caring about the black struggle & doing something about it. You can still support the community & date outside your race. That's not to say that I won't date black women (my previous relationship was with a black woman, & we're actually still friends despite me screwing up big-time), but leaving one's options open isn't a bad thing. So yeah, I definitely called out his claims as bullshit.

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You could've posted this in the black culture thread and had a better conversation

my beliefs are that you should date whoever but when it comes to the fact that you are only dating them for their skin or what they are then that's offensive. I have asian girl friends who only date white guys because they fee that dating an asian guy feels like they are dating their brother. That's an internalized issue that needs to be addressed. I'm not the arbiter of anything so people can do what they want but still things need to be addressed

also when it comes to interracial dating as a black guy I personally need to make sure that the person I'm dating is, I hate this phrase but "woke" to things and not oblivious to the world. Know what institutionalized racism is and don't just ignore it because your white etc

 

[Deleted member 46493]

People think they're not racist cause they have a black SO or have weird "preferences" as if mass media hasn't programmed Eurocentric beauty standards into everyone

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"My wife/gf is Asian so I am not racist/I am super informed about all Asian topics" Era is in shambles right now.