How did you decide to have (or not have) kids?

[Pwnz]

I've always wanted to. It's a way to mentor a person and leave your mark on the world. It also helps planning end of life care.

My wife has gone back and forth, but I think quality time with her aging parents and seeing her nephews grow tilted her towards having kids.

 

[Loona]

A passable to ideal parent should be more of a people person than I am, the world already has 7 billion humans and doesn't need my "help" to add to that, I barely manage my time between work, hobbies and my girlfriend (who doesn't want kids either), and I figure I'd aim for solo financial independence before binding another existence to mine.

 

[acheron_xl]

By never wanting one in the first place. I can't imagine anything I'd want less.

 

[AlsoZ]

I warmed up to the idea of having kids, but not to the idea of sacrificing several years of good sleep. I don't think I could do that without breaking.

 

[BarryFishFinger]

You'll never have enough money to have kids. If you're waiting for some magical amount to acrue and then you'll suddenly feel ready.....yeah, that's not how it works.

 

[Mona]

no way in hell im trusting myself with that kind of responsibility

i dont want it, i dont need it, and i dont trust myself with it

not having a kid is literally the easiest thing in the world to do for me

 

[Relix]

We enjoy the free time and all they money we have left over. Having the little bastards would honestly take happiness off us

 

[HyperFerret]

Fuck pregnancy. Number 1 reason I won't do it.

Also I can't afford it.

 

[Reddaye]

I generally don't like kids, so it's been an easy decision for me. I've had plenty of people tell me, "Oh, you'll regret it," or "Once you held them in your arms you'd change your mind." Maybe I will/would, and maybe I wouldn't. For 31 years I've had no desire to spend time around children, and frankly I doubt my ability to be a caring, attentive enough father. I like to think I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't be the type of parent a child should have.

 

[Deleted member 4367]

Not a paternal person, wife's not a maternal person. Neither one of us want to devote all of our time to making sure kids don't get screwed up. They likely would anyway. It would probably create all sorts of problems on our relationship.

Kids would suck.

 

[infinitebento]

I've always known I'm not mother material so my desire to have kids has always been nonexistent.

 

[cosmickosm]

It was an easy decision since I never really wanted them to begin with. My wife and I have been together 12 years (though just recently married) and we talked about kids once and agreed they weren't for us. I never felt the need, urge, or desire to have children.

 

[Veliladon]

My wife and I are childless by choice. Love the disposable income, love that it's just us.

We have cats. That's more than enough for us.

 

[theotherMittens]

My wife got pregnant by accident then had a miscarriage so we did it again on purpose.

 

[Powdered Egg]

I was bored so I made a kid.

 

[theotherMittens]

Kids are fucking annoying. It's not worth the hassle.
I'm also too fucked up to have someone else depend on me.

And lastly - there's tons of them out there already. The world doesn't need one more. I wish people were more open to adoption but most seem to be obsessed with their blood instead.

Click to shrink...

I have three of my own and one adopted. We were only trying to have two kids but we found out we were pregnant with twins at the same time we found out we could adopt our foster son. Whoops.

 

[Triggerhappytel]

First thing to understand is that you will never feel 'ready' to have kids. Just be in a pretty good place yourself, have a determination to love whatever you get, and the willingness to care for them and you'll figure out the rest as you go.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, this. Especially financially - there's never a right time, just so long as you're comfortable and have the means and support to bring a new little life into the world.

For what it's worth I was not paternal at all but have 3 kids now and they're the centre of my world. Bringing them up is so rewarding.

 

[Gaf Zombie]

My wife and I both came into the relationship knowing that we intended to have children. Have 1 boy so far. Might have 1 or 2 more.

Honestly, I think the kids discussion should happen as soon as thing get serious. I've seen to many people on either side of the fence resent their partner because they feel 'cheated' out of the life they envisioned. Your decision of whether to have children shouldn't hinge on your partner imho.

 

[ZeoVGM]

I don't like kids. My fiancee doesn't like kids.

Therefore, we have decided to never have kids.

 

[Lari]

I'm still working on finding a stable long term relationship, haven't even really considered kids.
But I have thought many times about adopting together with a partner if I ever felt I could give a kid a good, stable home.

 

[Baphomet]

Me and my wife tried in 2015, my wife is very medically frail (she had thyroid cancer, so they took it out but she still takes medication for it in case it returns). I was still in the army , and my wife was 14 weeks pregnant. Things happened during December that i do not wish to discuss in detail , but she had a miscarriage and it was one of the worst experiences of our lives. After that we stopped trying, I doubt she can bear children and it's not worth the risk or losing her, so we can come to the reality that we will not have children.

 

[Skel1ingt0n]

Always knew I wanted to have kids. Wanted to be closer to them than I was with my dad, and wanted to be more financially secure than my mother was. It was always just a matter of "when," especially since my wife is a few years older and has always wanted to be a mother.

Unfortunately, there was some heartbreak along the rollercoaster of trying to conceive; but it only solidified our wants/desire even more. My wife gave birth to our little girl at the end of August this year, and she's absolutely - without question - the best thing I have ever done, and is makes me more proud and more happy than anything else in my life ever has. I would trade in every video game I own and every moment to take photos and every second in my car to see her smile just one more time. She lights up my world.

Yes, it's a financial burden - and yeah, it's eaten and will continue to eat into my sleep and personal hobbies. But I have zero regrets.

It's funny - it may be the only thing in my entire life where I look back with hindsight and don't wonder "but what if I had..." I've never been so sure I did the right thing. And at just shy of 30 years old, that makes me feel so good.

 

[Yourfawthaaa]

Income. If I can't financially provide the best for my child (which I can't atm), then I'm not having kids. Other things emotionally play into not having children but as mentioned already, me and my partner would have that discussion ASAP if we got serious.

 

[Manmademan]

Tequila

 

[Zojirushi]

My ugliness made that decision for me and I had no say in it lol

 

[Ciao]

33, I have no serious relationship right now but I know I don't want children. I see all the sacrifices my parents did for me and my sister, and basically all my friends who shifted all their focus and energy into their kids, and I know I don't want my life to be like that for the next 20 years. I have projects I want to get done, my art I want to perfect, travel more... so many things to do and not enough time already. Having kids now, if I had the opportunity, would feel like a way to give up on everything.

 

[Deleted member 41178]

We both wanted kids and it felt like the natural next step after we got married.

I think it helped that we both had great families growing up and still do to this day. Every event be it a celebration or otherwise we both have members of our family around to support us and that's the sort of environment we want to bring our kids up with.

 

[GMAK2442]

It's started for National duty. Today, for God, just for fun and honor.

 

[Herne]

I decided never to have a relationship, that's a bigger stumbling block.

 

[Pet]

I desperately want kids. Well, one for sure. Am still toying with the idea of whether or not I want twins.

My husband was always on the fence, but after I met him I realized I really wanted his child. So, we're trying now with a reproductive endocrinologist.

It's very expensive, time-consuming, and terrifying. A part of me wishes I had started earlier, but my husband wasn't ready and I didn't know I should have, anyway. Now we're just hoping we don't need IVF (very expensive, not covered by insurance, and will destroy my down payment savings.) On the bright side, my husband and I have both accepted that we would like one, and we talk about parenthood now.


Many women have no problems having children, even in their late 30s, but many women will have trouble beginning around 35 (or earlier, if you're unlucky like me.) I always knew that medical technology was better and better and women could delay having children, but somehow I never quite thought about the financial implications, and holy shit it is a lot, especially since we're a one income household in a very high COL area.

 

[Doomsayer]

I had always wanted kids while I was growing up. As I've aged (I'm 30 now) I've realized I actually don't want children.

My fiancee and I got into a spirited talk about it, maybe 3 years ago, that almost ended our relationship. It was because at the time I still thought I wanted them (was like a 65-35 yes-no split) and she did not. We sat down over the course of a week and talked about it. We both came to the conclusion together that it isn't going to be in the cards for us. She said if I really wanted to have one, she would do it because she loves me.

I feel this is the best way to go about it. We really sat down and evaluated it. Plus seeing some of our friends with children and getting their perspective helped a lot. Including her best friend who all her life wanted kids has a 3 year old now and is like absolutely do not do it.

 

[Deleted member 6949]

The Republicans made the decision for me by ruining the economy.

 

[Baked Pigeon]

My fiance pretty much raised her niece since she lived in her sister's house for the child birth. So she is good with not experiencing the whole mom thing. As for me, I'm barely learning how to take care of myself after years of drug abuse, the last thing I want is to be responsible for a child's life right now..... although I could do it.

We mutually just don't want kids.

 

[Jogi]

Wife and I have never wanted kids. Easy decision overall, but definitely something to discuss before things go too far.

 

[CrazyAndy]

Easy. I don't like kids so I don't want one.

 

[wallmeat]

I will never be afforded the time or financial means to give a child the life they deserve.

Also the world is kind of fucked and I don't want to force that on anyone.

That seals the deal pretty soundly. No kids for me.

 

[wesker83]

I would like kids someday, but finding a partner that actually gives me the time of day is the hangup, so I guess mainly my descion was made for me.

 

[Mahonay]

I have enough trouble taking care of myself. It would be irresponsible for me to have a child.

I'm 32 now, so plenty of time. I could change my mind in the future, but currently I'm pretty firm on not having children.

I'd also likely adopt instead of having my own.

 

[Vipershark]

I actively do NOT want kids and frankly feel that having a child would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

There are a lot of reasons why and it's hard to sum all of them up, but simple factors such as:
- I don't like kids
- I was awful and wouldn't want to deal with me as a parent
- Kids are a drain on time multiplied by money and sleep
- I don't make enough money to support myself, let alone a kid
- Most parents i see talk up a big game about how their kids are rewarding and whatnot but seem like they're actually miserable
- You basically have to put your entire life on hold for 18+ years because the kid has to become your priority
- I wouldn't want to put a significant other through pregnancy, it seems like an awful process and I wouldn't want to do that to someone I cared about
- My roommate just got a very young puppy which is magnitudes simpler in terms of care, attention, and costs needed than a child and the puppy drives me nuts, so a kid would be infinitely worse
- I recently had a friend in a bad financial situation who after a couple of years of clawing and scraping her way out of an enormous hole managed to fix her credit score, get nearly out of debt, and nearly turn her life around... and then she got pregnant. And is now in crippling debt again.

all turn me off from the prospect as a whole.

In other words, I value my time and money and personal freedom too much to have a kid.
I have zero desire to teach a new generation or pass on a bloodline or whatever the heck justification people come up with for wanting kids.

 

[Mulciber]

1) Fall super in love
2) Prepare to get propose
3) She cheats on me and we break up
4) Fast forward to now

No kids!

 

[Kill3r7]

We talked about it long before we got married. We both wanted kids.

 

[Akalance]

Kids are fucking annoying. It's not worth the hassle.
I'm also too fucked up to have someone else depend on me.

And lastly - there's tons of them out there already. The world doesn't need one more. I wish people were more open to adoption but most seem to be obsessed with their blood instead.

Click to shrink...

I get your sentiment here, but aren't humans hard programmed to want to procreate? You make it sound like its a weakness when it is just our nature.

 

[skeezx]

$$$

 

[Rogue Blue]

I decided quite awhile ago that I didn't want to have kids.

I have enough on my plate already, my older autistic brother needs me, my family needs me, I don't need a kid thrown into the mess.

Plus I want to enjoy ME. I want to enjoy my life. I only get one shot at it and I gotta make it count.

 

[MadScientist]

My wife is 17 weeks pregnant and due with our first in May. I guess I'll find out if I'm ready...haha. Seriously, we're pretty excited and as "ready" as we'll ever be I guess.

 

[iAmPossum]

Consult the magic 8-ball.

 

[RedMercury]

It's just something I always wanted to do for a lot of reasons, I thought I'd be good at it, I wanted to right some wrongs of how I was raised.

Kids are fucking annoying. It's not worth the hassle.
I'm also too fucked up to have someone else depend on me.

And lastly - there's tons of them out there already. The world doesn't need one more. I wish people were more open to adoption but most seem to be obsessed with their blood instead.

Click to shrink...

I appreciate you recognize you're too fucked up to have a kid but this is like peak cynicism. You know to adopt a kid they have to be born from their blood related parents? Like, it sounds like you would just have everyone not have kids and there would be no kids to adopt.

 

[RedMercury]

My wife is 17 weeks pregnant and due with our first in May. I guess I'll find out if I'm ready...haha. Seriously, we're pretty excited and as "ready" as we'll ever be I guess.

Click to shrink...

You're not, but you can't be. It's impossible to be ready for such a huge thing, we're talking an entire lifetime. You won't ever be the same again, you'll never not have kids or be a parent, even when they get older. The dynamics change but that's it. It's hard to even comprehend because it's hard to quantify a change like that until you're in it. I'm sure you'll be amazing!

 

[Deleted member 47843]

I just literally never had even a remote desire to have them. Can barely do pets even. I'm just not a big fan of caring for things that can't care for themselves. I'm just too focused on career and enjoying life doing what I want to do. I also just don't enjoy kids, kid/family activities etc. Just not for me at all.

It made dating tricky at times as so many people want kids, but eventually met my now wife who feels entirely the same (other than liking pets) when I was 33, got a vasectomy a couple years later and have never for a second regretted it (40 now).

 

[BIG BENGHAZI]

Why would you want to have kids when the world is so fucked up? They're gonna get conscripted into the Army (if they're in the US and white) to fight off the hordes of undesirables created by the United States' terrible imperialist foreign policies or get executed by the roving bands of MAGA brownshirts over a case of Nestle water.