How did you decide to have (or not have) kids?

[halcali]

I just don't think it's right to force a child to grow up in this world.
Life can be very hard and painful, while happiness is fleeting.

(I'm fine, but worry about the future for our children)

 

[Forerunner]

I'm 30 and as of right now, no. Maybe I'll change my mind in a few years. However, I'm enjoying life just focusing on me atm.

 

[BringBackSonics]

I'm almost 27, and in my first serious relationship since college. My girlfriend has said she's pretty certain she wants kids in the future, so I'm starting to consider it seriously for the first time in my life. Honestly, my first reaction is kinda negative because of how much they would eat into my free time, but there are some parts of it that sound nice. Mostly though it just seems like an overwhelming thing to consider, not sure how to decide about something that's so monumental and life-altering (especially since the decision will also affect the future of my relationship).

Click to shrink...

I think you need to be honest with yourself and your SO, understand how big of a deal children is for and if it's a non-starter for you, you need to be open with the SO. If you are still a little undecided, then take some time to figure it out. How old is the SO? If you are dead set against it, then I think you would need to let her go.

 

[Hollywood Duo]

At some point all the materialism and endless consumption of media stopped being fun and just felt hollow. Once you've gone through 15 E3s and 5 console generations it loses its appeal. I started looking for more fulfilling(for me) things. I started doing charity work and eventually we landed on having a kid.

I've always known I'm not mother material so my desire to have kids has always been nonexistent.

Click to shrink...

I think you'd be surprised. The fact that you even consider things like that means you probably would be if you ever decided you wanted kids. Not trying to convince you just an observation.

 

[BringBackSonics]

And OP, yes it does cut into your free time, but as they get older, it does get rewarding (I just had a awesome 2 hour co-op diablo session with my 8 year old son, as well a ton of sporting events with him!). You lose free time, but you get it back as a father-son/daughter events.

 

[entremet]

I definitely wants kids. I've always loved family. Had great parents growing up and great memories. Natural, adopting, I don't mind. Hopefully, a mix of the two. I do want to adopt as well since there are many kids in need of a home.

Both my parents had rather active lives with hobbies. Having kids didn't hinder them much there. I think a lot of the concern comes from modern parenting, which is ultra involved in kids lives 24/7. That's not sustainable or healthy. No wonder many don't want kids if they operate out of that paradigm. It sounds exhausting.

 

[PrimeBeef]

We decided not not, but unbeknownst to me me my ex stopped taking her birth control and popped holes in our condoms. So now I have a 15 yo daughter while the decided to be a prescription drug abuser who decided to off herself the other month.

 

[staedtler]

We wanted kids but weren't super trying. 12 months later I have a 2 month old next to me. Absolutely love the little guy. Not sure if we'll spawn again just yet but I'm part of older ERA so I'd like to do it soonish if we decide on child #2.

 

[Hollywood Duo]

I definitely wants kids. I've always loved family. Had great parents growing up and great memories. Natural, adopting, I don't mind. Hopefully, a mix of the two. I do want to adopt as well since there are many kids in need of a home.

Both my parents had rather active lives with hobbies. Having kids didn't hinder them much there. I think a lot of the concern comes from modern parenting, which is ultra involved in kids lives 24/7. That's not sustainable or healthy. No wonder many don't want kids if they operate out of that paradigm. It sounds exhausting.

Click to shrink...

As a parent myself it's a common pitfall. Parents want their kids lives to be perfect but they forget that you are the shining example of what a healthy functioning adult is supposed to be. You need to show them you are your own person with interests and feelings.

 

[CreepingFear]

I decided not to have kids. I even had a vasectomy this summer. It's not something that happened just one day. It was years of thinking about it. I have many reasons. I enjoy my free time and don't feel like I have enough of it. I go through very dark bouts of depression. No child should have to deal with that. Financially, it's going to be a struggle. I will be lucky if I can afford to buy a modest house and save for retirement. I enjoy the freedom that not having children provides. I could go to Vegas this weekend if I wanted to. I wouldn't have to find a sitter or anything. It's also why I don't have any pets.

 

[BringBackSonics]

My wife is 17 weeks pregnant and due with our first in May. I guess I'll find out if I'm ready...haha. Seriously, we're pretty excited and as "ready" as we'll ever be I guess.

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Welcome to ParentERA!

 

[BringBackSonics]

We wanted kids but weren't super trying. 12 months later I have a 2 month old next to me. Absolutely love the little guy. Not sure if we'll spawn again just yet but I'm part of older ERA so I'd like to do it soonish if we decide on child #2.

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It's not so bad. Had my daughter at 41 and my son at 36

 

[ascii42]

I believe I would want to have kids if I'm ever married. But, I'm already 32 and haven't even dated anyone, so I don't know.

 

[staedtler]

It's not so bad. Had my daughter at 41 and my son at 36

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How old are you now? I just worry about gassing out chasing the kids around. I'm 37 now and still in great shape but I'll be in my 40s once my son is really moving around.

 

[healbite-maritima]

Y'know, my husband and I are 26, and it's a daily consideration. On one hand, if you're concerned about your capabilities of raising a kid, I think that makes you more prepared than these early 20-somethings with kids. On the other hand, kids are absolutely out of the question for you, you might want to consider couples counseling or splitting up. Don't have kids to stay with someone, ya know?

 

[KomandaHeck]

Usher someone into this shitshow? I'm good, lad.

 

[BringBackSonics]

How old are you now? I just worry about gassing out chasing the kids around. I'm 37 now and still in great shape but I'll be in my 40s once my son is really moving around.

Click to shrink...

44. I can still chase after the kids! Lol

 

[CoyoteSpitfire]

• The world is getting shittier by the day
• I would be a terrible father
• Every time a parent describes their life they seem to be in denial of how terrible it is
• I highly doubt I'll ever be in a relationship. Let alone one stable enough to consider starting a family

So I'm just gonna get a dog or something. Seems like the vastly better option.

 

[shaneo632]

I value my free time and wouldn't get enough out of parenting for it to be worthwhile. I like having 3-6 hours free time per night to watch movies/play video games/get high/get drunk/workout and a kid would severely disrupt most of that.

 

[BringBackSonics]

Y'know, my husband and I are 26, and it's a daily consideration. On one hand, if you're concerned about your capabilities of raising a kid, I think that makes you more prepared than these early 20-somethings with kids. On the other hand, kids are absolutely out of the question for you, you might want to consider couples counseling or splitting up. Don't have kids to stay with someone, ya know?

Click to shrink...

Yeah, you are never fully ready for kids, it's normal to have some fears wondering if you will be a good parent.

 

[Anno]

We found a house that we really liked and was priced right, but with its size and the taxes here it doesn't make sense to not have children. We were kinda wishy washy before that so just used the house as an excuse to commit to a kid too.

 

[Lifendz]

Decided to not have kids until I met "the one" when I was sixteen and my stepfather showed me how much of his check was going to child support. Now, late thirties, I'm not so sure it'll happen and I'm at peace with it. I'd rather not have kids than have one with someone I wasn't in love with and/or didn't trust to be a good mother.

 

[neon/drifter]

I grew up thinking I wanted to be a family man. Then I became an adult and noticed I'm not good with kids, at all. I have no patience for kids. Plus, I didn't have a good father as a good example and I've got mental issues that I'd never want to expose my child to so... Yeah, no kids for me. Do not want.

Although, I must say I'm kinda feeling guilty and bad after reading how many folks in here are saying "I LOVE KIDS! I WANT KIDS!" and I'm just like... is something fucking wrong with me? There's a dude at my job, he's same age as me (30's) and he volunteers to teach sunday school 2nd graders. That sounds like a NIGHTMARE to me. Sigh, I just feel like im in the wrong.

 

[Vincent Grayson]

I was 21, freshly married, and fucking my wife like the world might end tomorrow. It all just seemed like a good idea at the time, and we knew we wanted kids in the long run.

Sure, it happened way before we were financially ready, but at 36 with a 12 and 14 year old, I wouldn't change it. Having kids is, at a basic level, what it's "all about" in my mind. I have no issues with anyone who chooses not to for whatever reason, but it always made perfect sense to me.

My 14 year old is an avid artist. She's making new things, bringing new art and expression into the world, and that just gets me all misty-eyed about life and the vanishingly small effect any of us get to have in the big picture. I'm a sentimental motherfucker though.

 

[Tohsaka]

Never wanted them. I don't want to be responsible for another person, I wouldn't be a good parent and I don't really like being around little kids anyway, so it was an easy choice.

 

[Septimus Prime]

I've always wanted kids, and so has my wife, so it was really easy to decide, though I do agree with others that you won't ever feel "ready."

And, OP, yes, you will lose almost all your free time and money, but it's okay.

 

[Spinluck]

I dance around with the idea. I am content with whatever happens though. Right now, I can't see myself having kids for quite a while. I am just now in the process of rediscovering myself, and a lot people end up having kids without knowing who they are and often pass down their issues and insecurities to their children. Until I can manage myself a bit better I won't be considering it.

However, if I do want one, and end up not finding a partner in life, I will just adopt.

 

[elektrixx]

I'd really love to have children, but it would be reckless and greedy of me to have a child that may inherit my cluster headaches, among other things.

 

[Pau]

Ultimately my idea of parenthood is putting your kids above all else, and I don't want to do that. I'd rather devote my time and energy to something else. I know a lot of my creative female heroes had kids and appeared to have been great mothers and writers/artists/scientists/etc., but it's hard to imagine myself having the physical, mental, and emotional energy to do what they did.

 

[Kayotix]

We had our son when we were both 33. Your never really ready... I was pretty scared and still am even though my son is 5. My wife wanted kids from day 1 and I was never really sure but.....

I don't regret one day and being a dad is amazing. It helped we were financially ready also

 

[Jombie]

Inadvertently. She stopped birth control and I refused to wear condoms and we had homunculus in 9 months.

 

[obin_gam]

My fiance have two teenagers, which are a handfull. She said when we met she didn't want to have anymore and focus the rest of her life on herself instead of the kids.
I concured with that statement.

 

[Jon Carter]

Every time a parent describes their life they seem to be in denial of how terrible it is

Click to shrink...

I used to think the same way, but turns out they're not in denial. I'm a father now and raising another you is pretty cool and just rewarding. On paper, life gets harder because you have more responsibilities and less free time, but all of that time and energy you used to spend for other things now goes into your kid being happy, and generally, seeing your kid happy makes you happy as well, so the challenging parts often pay off right away.

 

[sabrina]

I'm barren, and my wife doesn't want to go through pregnancy. We might adopt eventually, but right now we'll just be the fun aunts.

 

[honest_ry]

I decided after losing 3 that I couldn't take the pain of losing a 4th.

 

[Quantum Leap]

I can't even afford my own apartment. Having kids would ruin my life.

 

[Glasgow Mega-Snake]

I used to think I'd want children at some point. I have a huge extended family and spending every summer with my cousins was the best. I like kids, and I think I can be pretty good with them.

But I'm not so sure anymore. I really value my alone time and while my friends and family are important for me, being around people all the time tends to stress me the fuck out. I really can't imagine having to care for a person 24/7. Just managing studies/work, a relationship and my own interests is exhausting.

Also I'm a creative person and I've realized that I'm not happy if I'm not making music or writing. Which means I want to focus more on that and less on my career. That wouldn't be possible with kids from a financial standpoint.

And I'm still kind of a mess, I tend to have low self-confidence. Kids aren't cute all the time, and I'm afraid I'd be terrible at dealing with the mood swings of 3-year-olds or rebellious teenagers.

My attempts at relationships have been pretty short, so it hasn't been a question, anyway. Well, still time at 26.

 

[Menx64]

I dont want kids, If I ever was 100% of something was that. I have a 3 year old nephew and I love him, but that is not for me. Maybe, if I ever feel like it, I will adopt a child.

 

[Mister X]

Probably, but only after I'm 35+ years old.

 

[EarlGreyHot]

My wife and I decided not to have them because we simply don't want them.

 

[Dice]

I'd like being a parent, but I don't think I'd be a good parent for the first 5 years... I'm terrible and can't stand infants.

I've considered adopting.

...but yeah, I'm a poor millennial that's kinda priced out of it right now.

 

[Roven]

The world is going to shit. I'm fine playing video games til the end of days

 

[Rahvar]

I could make a list of why me and my wife do not want children and why our minds havn't changed for the last 11 years. But in the end it's quite simple, we don't want any. I have 11 nephews and nieces, I like them well enough in small doses. I just don't want any of my own.

At our age, 33 and 36 most of our friends have, or are planning to have, children. We play with their children happily and spoil them with gifts. But at the end of the day we completely happy to go home and not have a child to consider.

Maybe it sounds heartless? Not trying to come across like it. It's just that I have spent the last 10+ years being judged, ueually by strangers or co-workers - not friends or family, for not having children.

 

[Tremorah]

Ive briefly thought about getting children for about as long as i have with getting a drivers licence when i was younger, so not that much

Dunno i have problems with the idea about having someone to live with so maybe if at one point im fine with someone maybe well get a car then?

 

[Jakten]

I've experienced enough pain and suffering in my life it would be extremely irresponsible to bring a child into such a hellish world if they even experience a modicum of what I have.

 

[Thornton Reed]

I'm almost 27, and in my first serious relationship since college. My girlfriend has said she's pretty certain she wants kids in the future, so I'm starting to consider it seriously for the first time in my life. Honestly, my first reaction is kinda negative because of how much they would eat into my free time, but there are some parts of it that sound nice. Mostly though it just seems like an overwhelming thing to consider, not sure how to decide about something that's so monumental and life-altering (especially since the decision will also affect the future of my relationship).

Click to shrink...

You'll never be ready. You can't prepare yourself for Parenthood.

 

[Fritz]

I come from a very family oriented home so it kinda never occurred to me to not have kids although I didn't give it too much thought. In my thirties when friends and family started having kids the whole thing really grew on me. I don't think there is an equally deep emotional state than the one you will have with your kids. I also believe it is the only way to experience real selflessness as a human (you could argue caring for your child is still selfish as in securing your legacy).

Well here I am becoming a father next spring and I am so incredibly happy and excited.

 

[Knight in Shining Armani]

I don't see the point. Same as marriage. We have pensions now, don't need to rely on the next generation, besides emotional support I guess.

Not that I'm in any position romantically to even think about it.

 

[Tedmilk]

Not only are my partner and I selfish as fuck with our time, we're not exactly top earners and I've got chronic depression and anxiety which runs in my family. We decided it would be stupid for us to have kids, and we don't want them anyway.

 

[RedSonja]

I admire people that want children despite the way the world is going. I just think about the fact that any child born today faces far great challenges than the ones my generation were born into. Just me and the way I think though!