How do you stay positive?

Russell

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,897
When someone tells you you're doing something wrong or when you get upset, what do you do to bring yourself back and become happy again?
 

Fat4all

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,557
bork land
the same things i use against stress i use to bring myself away from getting too angry

i try to clear my thoughts and breath evenly and slowly, when im calm i try to think about the situation rationally and weigh it against other issues in my life that im already focused on

if im face to face with someone i try to see the situation from their point of view as much as possible and work through any impulses to lash out verbally if they exist

if im at home or alone i play some sudoku or picross, give myself a moment of distraction before focusing back on the source of my aggression

i also like to read poetry, i have some bookmarked on my browser, good for stress
 
Dec 2, 2017
5,687
the same things i use against stress i use to bring myself away from getting too angry

i try to clear my thoughts and breath evenly and slowly, when im calm i try to think about the situation rationally and weigh it against other issues in my life that im already focused on

if im face to face with someone i try to see the situation from their point of view as much as possible and work through any impulses to lash out verbally if they exist

if im at home or alone i play some sudoku or picross, give myself a moment of distraction before focusing back on the source of my aggression

i also like to read poetry, i have some bookmarked on my browser, good for stress
Dogs can read poetry?
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,074
It's not easy being critiqued, but you have to hold your initial spike of defensive resentment and properly listen to/consider what is being said. Then you have to have the maturity to be able to admit if something has merit and make changes accordingly. Basically don't be too precious about the way you do things.

As a general rule though, I stay relatively positive by the hoary old cliche of counting my blessings, which luckily are many and varied from big stuff like my kids down to small stuff like at least I can afford to have the McDonald's breakfast I'm planning to half in about half an hour.
 

Biske

Member
Nov 11, 2017
2,523
Honestly, without being flippant, I just remember that in the end nothing matters, we and everything on this planet will die and be wiped away and eventually the planet, the solar system, the galaxy, etc on and on.

Instead of finding the nihilist and depressing it gives me great comfort and freedom. All our concerns in life are fleeting and given what we know its needless to get bogged down by the small petty things, so fuck it.

Also Donald Trump is president of the USA so we have proof merit doesnt matter and it's all bullshit, so fuck it if I fuck something up fuck it, who cares.
 

Spenny

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,568
Los Angeles
People telling me I’m doing something wrong doesn’t phase me because it’s either me or them being a dumbass. If it’s them I say fuck em and move on. If it’s me I accept I fucked up and move on. I don’t really get upset too often. I know other people fuck up and I accept that I fuck things up. Unless you’re being malicious or a bigot. Then fuck you and I’ll let you fucking know. I’m not really a person who stays down in the dumps though. It’s just not who I am.
 

Laser Man

Member
Oct 26, 2017
2,180
I don't, it's a constant up and down. People claiming to be always positive are liars or desperate!

You should however ask yourself now and then if your current state of mind is helping you or is an hindrance and how long you are in said state. Sometimes you have to force a change on yourself in order to not get trapped in your ways.

If you are pissed off at someone (even yourself), good... don't get used to it tho because it might not be helping.
 

Roygbiv95

Member
Jan 24, 2019
986
Questioning authority effectively is usually the antidote to it. If someone is trying to get a rise out of you and generally behaving like a dick, you might want to get mad in return, and sometimes you need to, but for long term happiness imo it's better to distance yourself from the moment and question them about their behavior the way you would a child throwing a tantrum.

Because if you get mad, it can be interpreted as a tantrum by the aggressor and anyone on their side, resulting in more regression. Basically when someone is unjustly trying to get a rise out of you, you want to aim for consistently reacting with faux curiosity and sarcasm in a way that is interpreted by them as subtle provocative condescension. Say whatever it takes to get that emotional reaction from them. Practice with friends in real life until you master it. When you do it becomes kryptonite to uberidiots (watch streamers like Kaceytron, Denims and Destiny to see how effective it can be and practice handling situations like they do).
 
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Roygbiv95

Member
Jan 24, 2019
986
Honestly, without being flippant, I just remember that in the end nothing matters, we and everything on this planet will die and be wiped away and eventually the planet, the solar system, the galaxy, etc on and on.

Instead of finding the nihilist and depressing it gives me great comfort and freedom. All our concerns in life are fleeting and given what we know its needless to get bogged down by the small petty things, so fuck it.

Also Donald Trump is president of the USA so we have proof merit doesnt matter and it's all bullshit, so fuck it if I fuck something up fuck it, who cares.
Pretty much. When you think about it if everyone had cosmic perspective it could probably end most human suffering. Alas...
 
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Mendrox

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,073
the same things i use against stress i use to bring myself away from getting too angry

i try to clear my thoughts and breath evenly and slowly, when im calm i try to think about the situation rationally and weigh it against other issues in my life that im already focused on

if im face to face with someone i try to see the situation from their point of view as much as possible and work through any impulses to lash out verbally if they exist

if im at home or alone i play some sudoku or picross, give myself a moment of distraction before focusing back on the source of my aggression

i also like to read poetry, i have some bookmarked on my browser, good for stress
Can you share them please?
 

JDSN

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
2,076
I make plans, I also have the confort that this person's life is usually permanently stuck in that place they are right now, while I thrive.

But mostly make plans.
 

Fat4all

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,557
bork land
Can you share them please?
my general go to is hellopoetry.com classics, and i pick my poet and poem usually based on my mood, but one i have specifically bookmarked is Remember, like it a lot, don’t read it to often but I like having it always a click away, along with some zen parables

hellopoetry has gotten a bit ad heavy over the years, but I’ve gotten used to browsing it
 

Fat4all

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,557
bork land
im also always listening to music, i like jazz, blues, video game music, rock

some music is joyful, some is outright bleak, but i feel like the balance of the two can be a good thing

sometimes you need a moment to feel sad or angry or upset, that gives you a chance to confront things you might not want to normally
 

Rhaknar

Member
Oct 26, 2017
13,980
I'm incredibly materialistic so when I feel like shit or my life is shit, I have "things" to distract me and to look forward to.

/shrug
 

Skade

Member
Oct 28, 2017
3,026
I simply don't give a fuck about most things. Plain and simple.

If you don't care about something, nothing done about or to said thing can impact your mood.

And then, for the things i actually care about, i simply always try to see a good side in what happened. Say your girlfriend dumped you ? Then that means she wasn't right for you. So no need to fret about it : move on and be happy.

And finally, pro tip : the less you interact with other human beings, the less you are likely to get upset about anything. Be happy, be an hermit !
 

damnbandit

Member
May 31, 2019
1
Generally speaking I'm just not positive. I just don't externally display my negativity. For as long as I can remember I've carried the weight of my negativity, and for a few years of my life it had even crippled me in alcoholism and depression.

Cognitive behavioral therapy changed my outlook on this. I've found that the constant negative thoughts echoing in my head are the only fuel I have.

Negative thoughts are what motivate me to exercise, generate income, and otherwise accomplish things that people are supposed to do. I can't possibly imagine what it would feel like to wake up one morning with a positive outlook for the day. I probably wouldn't get anything done.

I must put on a good facade though, since everyone seemingly likes to be around me.

So I guess the short answer is that I genuinely don't understand why it's matters to be positive.
 

Tan

Member
Oct 27, 2017
74
I tell myself it's okay to feel upset. Instead of trying to work my way out of it, I ask myself why it affected me in such a way, and what other times in my life I've felt that way. Having a better grasp on myself, and looking for more objective reasons as to why someone would be upset with me or whatever is more effective than trying to get away from the feeling. For me, anyway.
 

Forerunner

The Fallen
Oct 30, 2017
5,025
San Diego
Focus on things in your control. For instance, if you’re upset, you still control the outcome. Yes, you have that initial spike of emotions. However, you determine what happens next. Think for a second. Why does this upset me? Is it worth getting upset over? Can I do anything to about it? If you do this, a lot of times you’ll see what you’re getting upset over is trivial or outside of your control. So you just let it go.

Also for your other example; when someone tells you you’re doing something wrong. Ignore your ego and feelings. Someone correcting you isn’t a bad thing. I’d rather be corrected than continuously making the same mistake. If you see it from a rational standpoint, you’ll realize that you are becoming more knowledgeable because of the correction.

Controlling your emotions and not letting your ego get the best of you helps immensely with positivity.
 

Fulminator

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,921
think about it as an opportunity to improve instead of as a failure

of course, it's ok to be upset for a bit. that's perfectly normal and it would be weird to never be upset about these things.

also as others have said, focus on the things you can control instead of what you can't. easier said than done, but it gets easier over time.