How racist is it to mention somebody's ethnicity?

[ArtVandelay]

Today is the first day I was ever called a "racist troll" on Twitter (or anywhere, for that matter). This woman (Chinese-German, apparently) was recounting a date with a guy who greeted her with "Nihao", tried to impress her with his Mandarin skills, and talked about what he liked about China.
I subsequently asked her whether she thought mentioning somebody's ethnicity or home country was generally objectionable in a conversation, clarifying that I was legitimately interested.
She called me an "idiotic racist troll" and that was that.

Now, I realize my comment might have been stupid, but this is something I do wonder about.

Is mentioning a person's ethnicity always a way to exoticize a person and reduce them to being a minority? Is it ever ok?

 

[nsilvias]

what does my ethnicity matter? i didn't choose to be born into it so why make it such a big part of how you interact with me.

 

[Lunar15]

We're missing context here for your conversation, but it's definitely pretty ignorant to do what that guy did.

 

[Dongs Macabre]

Of course not, but in this case dude reduced her to nothing but her ethnicity, which is pretty clearly not okay.

 

[Viewt]

It can be annoying when people try to distill your whole persona into your heritage, and Asian women, specifically, deal with a lot of gross fetishization.

In general, when you're getting to know someone, it's preferable to connect with who they are, not where they're from. That doesn't mean you can't EVER talk about it, but maybe don't lead with it.

 

[Deleted member 30544]

Why would you ask for "Ethnicity" when you just can ask for the country they are from for lenguage/customs porpuses?

Why you should ask about Ethnicity at all?

 

[Truly Gargantuan]

1) This is a perfect example of why Twitter is terrible for basic conversation.

2) Bringing up someone's ethnicity or home country isn't necessarily racist, but it can be, and there is a thin line.

3) the guy in the example story sounds diet-racist. In that he was well meaning but still ignorant to an inexcusable degree.

 

[NameUser]

Don't approach Asian women like that. What he did was racist.

 

[Huey]

a date with a guy who greeted her with "Nihao", tried to impress her with his Mandarin skills, and talked about what he liked about China.

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This sounds super awkward though. Giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, he sounds enthusiastic about China and using the Mandarin language but I feel like that's something you warm up to in an interaction and see what the other person's reception to it is like, rather than leading with it and immediately drawing attention to someone's race whom you just met.

In Canada, doing this with a person of Chinese heritage who is my age and born in Canada would overtly make you seem if not racist then a tremendously culturally insensitive idiot.

 

[Deleted member 44129]

In the OP example, I would say it's probably friendly if you know for a fact that the person speaks that language as a first language. Otherwise, it's a no-no.

 

[ArtVandelay]

It can be annoying when people try to distill your whole persona into your heritage, and Asian women, specifically, deal with a lot of gross fetishization.

In general, when you're getting to know someone, it's preferable to connect with who they are, not where they're from. That doesn't mean you can't EVER talk about it, but maybe don't lead with it.

Click to shrink...

Absolutely. I mean that guy was being a douche. Don't throw around "Nihaos".
But I have definitely talked to Japanese or Chinese acquaintances and asked them what city they're from, mentioning the places I've been to. And I kinda felt bad about it afterwards. It's a thin line between small-talk and being an idiot.

 

[jaekeem]

Absolutely. I mean that guy was being a douche. Don't throw around "Nihaos".
But I have definitely talked to Japanese or Chinese acquaintances and asked them what city they're from, mentioning the places I've been to. And I kinda felt bad about it afterwards. It's a thin line between small-talk and being an idiot.

Click to shrink...

the problem is ppl tend to do only this to minorities

like "oh, where are you from" as if most of us aren't also born and raised in america lol

just reducing someone to their ethnicity, and that's ignoring if someone is fetishizing it on top of that

 

[Radeo]

It's kinda rude if you don't know they already speak that language fluently, idk if I'd say it's racist but I'd definitely think someone was rude if they just started speaking Korean to me when they first met me.

 

[sphagnum]

Why would you ask for "Ethnicity" when you just can ask for the country they are from for lenguage/customs porpuses?

We you should ask about Ethnicity at all?

Click to shrink...

If you're in a multiethnic country, asking "Where are you from?" is a terrible question because it implies the other person is The Other.

 

[Glasfrut]

I subsequently asked her whether she thought mentioning somebody's ethnicity or home country was generally objectionable in a conversation, clarifying that I was legitimately interested.
She called me an "idiotic racist troll" and that was that

Click to shrink...

She (probably) wasn't looking for a discussion/debate at this point. Poor timing on your part.

As to your actual question, there is a thin line. Err on the side of caution - the individual being asked about ethnicity has probably had to sit through hundreds of encounters like that and they're fed up.

 

[BobLoblaw]

I've gone on dates with plenty of women from all over the place and never once did their country of origin come up. I didn't just assume they spoke the native language either. Wtf?

 

[AnansiThePersona]

See what dude in thar story did sounds like fetishization in a way. Like he was so excited to meet a Chinese person he boiled her down to her race because that's all he sees. At least at face value, anyway.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

We you should ask about Ethnicity at all?

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Fucking what?

 

[ArtVandelay]

the problem is ppl only tend to do this to minorities

like "oh, where are you from" as if most of us aren't also born and raised in america lol

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Of course. I would only ask that question if I definitely knew that person was indeed not born here (Germany in my case).

 

[Deleted member 8468]

1) This is a perfect example of why Twitter is terrible for basic conversation.

2) Bringing up someone's ethnicity or home country isn't necessarily racist, but it can be, and there is a thin line.

3) the guy in the example story sounds diet-racist. In that he was well meaning but still ignorant to an inexcusable degree.

Click to shrink...

Basically this.

The original dude was definitely way in the wrong. Also a great example of why Twitter is awful, but it isn't really that woman's fault at all. I'm sure she got some legit racist troll responses too.

 

[Westbahnhof]

Man, from the thread title, I thought OP was constantly referring to a coworker as "Peruvian Steve" or something, while the guy is the only Steve anyone there knows. In my head, he got called out but didn't see why, do I expected a massive backfire.
Bit disappointed.

I think it all comes down to how/why you mention it. It's super racist to assume someone with (possibly) Chinese heritage in any way feels connected to China, which is probably why she was on edge. Your question wasn't really related to her tweet, OP.

 

[ArtVandelay]

See what dude in thar story did sounds like fetishization in a way. Like he was so excited to meet a Chinese person he boiled her down to her race because that's all he sees. At least at face value, anyway.

Click to shrink...

Yes, so I try to be very conscious about that kind of stuff.
My barber, for instance, is from Japan (born and raised). And I guess I got carried away and we talked a lot about Japan one time.

I try to imagine somebody only talking to me about Germany, so I see how this can be considered unacceptable.

 

[Deleted member 30544]

If you're in a multiethnic country, asking "Where are you from?" is a terrible question because it implies the other person is The Other.

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Personally i believe that asking for ethnicity is a more aggresive and incorrect question.

Fucking what?

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LOL just edited

 

[ArtVandelay]

Your question wasn't really related to her tweet, OP.

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Yeah, I don't really do Twitter. I guess I tried to get a broader conversation going, but I realized that wasn't the place.

 

[Roygbiv95]

That was the first thing he said to her? lol, That was his icebreaker? How is it possible to know what languages someone you don't know yet speaks just by looking at them?

 

[jaekeem]

Yes, so I try to be very conscious about that kind of stuff.
My barber, for instance, is from Japan (born and raised). And I guess I got carried away and we talked a lot about Japan one time.

I try to imagine somebody only talking to me about Germany, so I see how this can be considered unacceptable.

Click to shrink...

I think once you know someone there's nothing even remotely wrong about that kinda discussion

imo it's only offensive when someone does it when meeting someone. indicates a suspect view on minorities in general

 

[Crossing Eden]

Doing what that dude did is the equivalent of asking a black person if you can touch their hair. It's gross race fetishism.

 

[Royalan]

Being genuinely curious about someone's heritage is one thing. In most cases, there's nothing wrong with this.

Objectifying/Fetishizing someone's heritage, or acting in a way that suggests someone's race or heritage is the most interesting thing about them (which the guy in that twitter story was clearly doing) is another.

 

[sphagnum]

Personally i believe that asking for ethnicity is a more aggresive and incorrect question.

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I think they're both bad ways to get to know a person, butil if I had to pick I'd rather ask their ethnicity unless I know they're an immigrant.

Either way, it's best to avoid it until it naturally comes about later down the line.

 

[House_Of_Lightning]

A> Nothing good ever comes out of these conversations on Twitter. From anyone. Fakers "just asking questions" drown out anyone with a legitimate and sincere question, people who would like the world to be a more considerate place are drowned out by people who say they want the world to be a more considerate place but are just pompous grandstanding toxic assholes.

B> Just because someone is Asian, or even Chinese, doesn't mean they speak Chinese or give a shit about China and if you're trying to date someone then coming out the gate with some weeb shit isn't a good idea.

 

[Tbm24]

It's fucking annoying is why. I meet someone, one of the first questions is Oh where are you from? I say New York because I know what's coming. They then re-iterate and ask where am I really from. Then I just lose all interest in this person and don't answer the question generally.

I had this happen to me at a team lunch first week on a new job years ago and it was the most awkward I've ever felt at a job and sad.

This wouldn't be a big deal if white people did this to each other as well, but in my experience they don't(speaking of US, I guess I can see that being more of a thing in Europe). So nah.

 

[Tarot Deck]

It can be racist or not at all. It depends on how you approach the other person.

Sometimes I wonder how some of you socialize.

 

[Westbahnhof]

Yeah, I don't really do Twitter. I guess I tried to get a broader conversation going, but I realized that wasn't the place.

Click to shrink...

Happened to me before too, but yeah..
I think people who look what is perceived as "foreign" get this all the time, has to be super exhausting.

I once caught myself being the racist in a situation like that once(and I think I have improved by now).
Black woman in one lecture stood up, and started speaking with what can only be described as a true Upper Austrian accent. The kind you get by clearly growing up in the Upper Austrian countryside. I was surprised, and kinda shocked at the realization that I had expected something else. A Viennese accent or maybe hochdeutsch.
What's that saying? If you make assumptions, fuck you. I screwed up.

Long story short, I don't think it's necessarily racist to bring up ethnicity, but if you make assumptions based on how someone looks... Well, I said it above.

 

[ArtVandelay]

Being genuinely curious about someone's heritage is one thing. In most cases, there's nothing wrong with this.

Objectifying/Fetishizing someone's heritage, or acting in a way that suggests someone's race or heritage is the most interesting thing about them (which the guy in that twitter story was clearly doing) is another.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, the guy was clearly more interested in her heritage than in the actual woman he was talking to.

Though reading stories like this I always wonder if I've ever been this tone-deaf without realizing it.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

LOL just edited

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Lmap all g I got what you meant, just been out all night 😂

 

[Deleted member 2761]

If you don't know the person, it shouldn't be the conversation-starter.

 

[Violence Jack]

I've had people ask me if it was ok to ask me about my ethnicity, or my son's since he got my wife's skin color, and I don't think it is in that instance. But those who've just assumed something about my ethnicity with a comment trying to disguise it as a joke or something, that's when they get called out.

 

[konka]

Today is the first day I was ever called a "racist troll" on Twitter (or anywhere, for that matter). This woman (Chinese-German, apparently) was recounting a date with a guy who greeted her with "Nihao", tried to impress her with his Mandarin skills, and talked about what he liked about China.
I subsequently asked her whether she thought mentioning somebody's ethnicity or home country was generally objectionable in a conversation, clarifying that I was legitimately interested.
She called me an "idiotic racist troll" and that was that.

Now, I realize my comment might have been stupid, but this is something I do wonder about.

Is mentioning a person's ethnicity always a way to exoticize a person and reduce them to being a minority? Is it ever ok?

Click to shrink...

Make an effort to refer to all the white people you see by their various ethnicities, Irish, Polish, German, Belgian, French...

 

[Deleted member 30544]

It can be racist or not at all. It depends on how you approach the other person.

Sometimes I wonder how some of you socialize.

Click to shrink...

LOL....

You can do a lot of "socializing" without you bringing up the Ethnicity of the person, or even where they are from.

This is very easy specially at work. When i personally stick talking about work and some other things, no need for me to ask those questions.

 

[julia crawford]

One of my best friends is Kazakh and it sometime factors into conversation, but mostly because she hasn't spent a lot of time here and it's easy to forget that she isn't aware of older cultural icons. She has a lot of friends from eastern europe (and until recently a fiancée too 😅) but other than asking to have a sense of what language to use, i usually avoid talking about ethnicity or nationality. It's just not that important to be honest, maybe if it's someone i'm very close with but otherwise it's not that relevant.

The worst thing though is people constantly thinking she's Chinese.

 

[Sowrong]

Maybe it's just a Latino thing. But I get asked ask where I'm from, parents are from all the time. Especially if I'm dating another Latino. Seems weird to me be offended by it, maybe it's a shame thing, especially if you don't speak the native tongue.

 

[FeistyBoots]

I was just thinking about a thread on this board about a poster being addicted to a YT channel that features a person who knows dozens of languages.

The title of the thread included the phrase "black guy".

And I'm thinking, is it a relevant fact to mention that the person is both a guy and black?

Would the poster have used the phrase "white guy"? We'll never know, but calling out the blackness of someone being mentioned happens *a lot* in the United States. It's a symptom of systemic white supremacy and bigotry.

 

[Papa Satanás]

Generally I just talk to people about regular crap. If they bring up where they're from or background etc, cool.

I love learning about different cultures, but talking at a person like they're an ambassador of X country isn't ok.

I was just thinking about a thread on this board about a poster being addicted to a YT channel that features a person who knows dozens of languages.

The title of the thread included the phrase "black guy".

And I'm thinking, is it a relevant fact to mention that the person is both a guy and black?

Would the poster have used the phrase "white guy"? We'll never know, but calling out the blackness of someone being mentioned happens *a lot* in the United States. It's a symptom of systemic white supremacy and bigotry.

Click to shrink...

Ha! I had the same thought when I saw that.

 

[Dictator]

I see almost no reason to reference it unless the person in question brings it up themselves.

 

[TaySan]

Just because someone is of that ethnicity it doesn't mean they speak the language. Never assume something like that

 

[Westbahnhof]

And I'm thinking, is it a relevant fact to mention that the person is both a guy and black?

Click to shrink...

It's in the guys video titles, so I think it males sense to use it in the thread title.
But while the example doesn't quite work this time, you're correct that this unnecessary pointing out of race happens a lot.

 

[Doggg]

In my experience, it's often an oblivious, unconscious sort of racism.

 

[DigitalOp]

It's not the stuff you lead with at all.

I love learning about people's backgrounds and family history but I wait till I get to know the person better

 

[Gundam]

Very cool when white people ask

"Where are you from?"

Because you hey can't figure out what brown I am and it kills them inside. The answer is always

"Here."

"Oh."

 

[Ploid 6.0]

This is how you do it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUd4sdZ5Po4

This guy does it a lot but in a easing in kind of way. "Hmm your accent, sounds familiar where are you from. Ah (starts speaking their home language and surprises them).