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How to handle employee's inappropriate father (weird situation)

Luchashaq

Luchashaq

Banned
Nov 4, 2017
4,329
Update/Edit

Told her about 15 minutes ago after she sent me a question about a new client.

She is pissed at him but glad we told her. Apparently her family is sabotaging her year abroad next year in Germany, and if she lost her job with us she'd have to probably stay in the states due to finances.

Current plan is that I'm just going to let google voice save any messages/voicemails he sends just in case I need evidence if he really goes off the deep end.



So in February we hired a young woman as an intern (we pay interns fairly, not free work crap) who I was friendly with from the gym (she's the sister in law of my trainer so I ran into them talking a bunch pre or post workout) who I happened to find out was going to school for work that would be relevant to our business.

It was a little weird hiring someone who is actually local (all of our team is remote) but she has been fantastic, and we gave her a big hourly raise at the start of the summer (she earned it), and everything is peachy.

Problem starts here:

About a week ago I started getting very short/angry voice mails on my business google voice number only saying "you better fucking call me". I had assumed it was a wrong number, however yesterday I picked up a call because I was expecting another one.

Her father accused me of:
A. Turning her into a cam girl (apparently all online work to him is a scam?)
B. Convincing her to quit her usual summer job at his business (I had no idea she did work for him).
C. Having sex with her because I helped her move out of her dorm to her summer apartment. "Noone helps a woman move who isn't sleeping with them". Not to mention I'm married.

99% of the time I would actively antagonize/fuck with someone being a jerk like this, but I was calm/professional about everything. He didn't seem to buy a word I said and I just hung up on him when my expected call came in because it was important.

Now here's the question. Do I tell her about her dad having a shit fit? I would want to know, but it would also be embarrassing as hell to know my parent acted a fool that badly.


TLDR:
Employee's weird dad called me with accusations. Not sure if I should tell employee about the nonsense. I'm leaning no.
 
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Tapeworm

Tapeworm

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
898
I would let her go. That shit is not good for a work place. Are you sure you aren’t sleeping with her?
 
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Luchashaq

Luchashaq

Banned
Nov 4, 2017
4,329
Tapeworm said:
I would let her go. That shit is not good for a work place. Are you sure you aren’t sleeping with her?
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Like I said our team works remote so she works from her apartment or wherever she has WiFi. So there's no office for him to go throw a hissy fit at.

100% sure lmao, not my type or my wife's type.
 
Awesome Kev

Awesome Kev

Banned
Jan 10, 2018
1,670
You helped her move? Seems kind of odd for someone you only know from the gym?

If she's as good of an intern as you're saying you should probably sit down and have a talk with her. Maybe her Dad is going through something and she can explain. I wouldn't just outright let someone go, especially if she just quit her other job for this internship.
 
Boiled Goose

Boiled Goose

Banned
Nov 2, 2017
10,003
Do you have an HR department? Start there.

If you don't, talk to your supervisor.

If you don't, talk to her.
 
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Luchashaq

Luchashaq

Banned
Nov 4, 2017
4,329
Awesome Kev said:
You helped her move? Seems kind of odd for someone you only know from the gym?
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I know her better than that from all the time we've had to talk via slack about projects.

It wasn't a big deal, her dorm/apartment were like fifteen min apart, and I was already overdue to go see my sister and return her some tools I borrowed (sister lives five min from the campus).

Barely took any time, she just needed a hand with the biggest heaviest crap and someone with a vehicle that could not it. Took like 30 minutes.

It's not like I spent hours helping her pack etc.

Firing her hasn't really been a consideration. I've tried to outaource her work twice before her and not been happy with the results until now.
 
John Kowalski

John Kowalski

Member
Oct 27, 2017
18,595
I wouldn't tell her, only in the context of an opportunity to ensure her that it doesn't impact her job. If she's enjoying the job and doing it well i'd make it even more obvious that it's a place she can leave all that bs behind.
 
Lady Murasaki

Lady Murasaki

Scary Shiny Glasses
Member
Oct 25, 2017
678
I think you should tell her, so she is at least informed about this stuff her father is doing. Even if you eventually let her go, imagine he keeps doing this every job she gets. Her reputation could be permanently damaged in the industry, because of him.

I wouldn't tell her to do something but only to make sure she will be aware of it, so she can be prepared. Poor girl.
 
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Luchashaq

Luchashaq

Banned
Nov 4, 2017
4,329
A Fish Aficionado said:
Is that even her father?
Sounds like a blackmail scheme.

Tell HR or a supervisor.
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We have like fifteen people so me and my wife are CEO/HR/supervisor/etc haha. She's torn but slightly in the don't say shit camp.

It sounded like a guy in his fifty's, idk I googled her last name and found his business yesterday. I don't get who else it could be.
 
Tapeworm

Tapeworm

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
898
Lady Murasaki said:
I think you should tell her, so she is at least informed about this stuff her father is doing. Even if you eventually let her go, imagine he keeps doing this every job she gets. Her reputation could be permanently damaged in the industry, because of him.

I wouldn't tell her to do something but only to make sure she will be aware of it, so she can be prepared. Poor girl.
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This is good advice.
 
StopMakingSense

StopMakingSense

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,842
As someone who was always afraid of his asshole bipolar father doing weird shit like calling up my work (he'd done similarish shit over the years), if it happens again call the cops. Don't take it out in any way on her though, he's more harassing her than you in this situation. I would make her aware of it.
 
Drek

Drek

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,716
It’s your company and you have no HR staff directly, confirming that you need to:
1. Document the incident with any other people who manage the employee, and any other “executive” level people. If you can save a copy of the call do so.
2. Notify the employee, it is her right to be aware of actions and accusations related to her employment.
3. Save future conversations with her to the best of your ability as documentation that no inappropriate activity is occurring.

It might be a small business but that only makes you more vulnerable to false accusations. It also sounds like your workforce is rather disconnected so if something like this got out without you being in front of it from a managerial standpoint it could be perceived incorrectly by others and negatively impact the work environment.

Best of luck. Don’t fire the woman, it isn’t her fault, but address the issue directly and openly.
 
Subpar Scrub

Subpar Scrub

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,580
How did he even get your contact info? In any case, I’d make her aware of it but mention to her that it’s obviously out of her control and won’t jeopardise her employment.
 
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Luchashaq

Luchashaq

Banned
Nov 4, 2017
4,329
Lady Murasaki said:
I think you should tell her, so she is at least informed about this stuff her father is doing. Even if you eventually let her go, imagine he keeps doing this every job she gets. Her reputation could be permanently damaged in the industry, because of him.

I wouldn't tell her to do something but only to make sure she will be aware of it, so she can be prepared. Poor girl.
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Siggy-P said:
It might be embarrassing but if he was trying to sabotage her job she needs to know.
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I hadn't even considered him calling her future jobs or stuff like that. I don't scare easy and feel bad for her more than upset about him bugging me but I'm sure not everyone would feel the same way. Especially if it's a corporate gig, thanks for making me consider that.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone, I'll let her know about this and let her know this doesn't affect how we think of her as an awesome part of the team.

Thanks everyone.


GAMEPROFF said:
How could he get your phone number? Thats the part I find weird, how should he get your data?
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Subpar Scrub said:
How did he even get your contact info? In any case, I’d make her aware of it but mention to her that it’s obviously out of her control and won’t jeopardise her employment.
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It's listed in our site's contact information
 
shaneo632

shaneo632

Member
Oct 29, 2017
19,842
Essex, UK
I would ghost the shit out of her dad if he tries calling again, and telling her will probably just make her feel awkward.
 

Snack12367

Member
Oct 28, 2017
3,191
I would tell her, reassure her that you value her continued employment more than these phone calls and that you will be blocking the number. If he's her guardian, ask he if she can list someone else.
 
Sexy Fish

Sexy Fish

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
4,333
I'd say make her aware, because if it escalates further to where police need to be involved you don't want to drop the whole weight of it on her at once.

Edit: Also, if you don't tell her and she later moves on to another job, it could happen again. She should be aware of how her dad is talking to her employer.
 
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CharlesAznable

CharlesAznable

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,915
Luchashaq said:
Now here's the question. Do I tell her about her dad having a shit fit? I would want to know, but it would also be embarrassing as hell to know my parent acted a fool that badly.


TLDR:
Employee's weird dad called me with accusations. Not sure if I should tell employee about the nonsense. I'm leaning no.
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Wth kind of question is this? Tell her! Her father not only is fucking with your business but her life as well. She needs to know so that she can handle it.
 
Gakidou

Gakidou

Member
Oct 30, 2017
1,612
pip pip cheerio fish & chips
Cant believe some people would consider firing HER over this wtf.

I recommend definitely taking it to an HR rep or a trusted higher up. Maybe consult with some sorta appropriate police/social services person if they wanna escalate it. Don't wanna jump the gun but to me it looks like a *possible* red flag for an abusive parent. Like he could just be a typical protective technophobe misogynist (fun!) but her looking to quit working for a parent with allegedly minimal communication, and having her boss as the best person to help her move house kinda seems like pieces that potentially fit a puzzle, from my very limited knowledge of the situation.

All you really should be expected to do is say your piece, deny any false accusations and if they aren't willing to listen then at that point any further contact is harassment. You should not have to defend yourself further than a "no that is not true".

edit: oh yeah and also, I think it sounds like a good idea to bring it up with her, maybe dont go into detail or make it seem like a big deal, and make sure she knows that you have her back and are willing to listen to whatever action she would recommend to be taken (eg: she might say 'oh hes just really protective means well, how embarrassing' or she might say 'oh no i was afraid this would happen, please dont give him any information about me') be prepared for either scenario i guess?
 
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MilkBeard

MilkBeard

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,888
I am in the "let her know" camp. But of course how you go about it is important. But then again, it depends on if you think he will continue the behavior. It's a tough decision.
 
honest_ry

honest_ry

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
4,288
fucking hell...

Have a conversation with the man. Speak to the daughter. This isnt a tricky situation.
 

Deleted member 11517

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
4,260
Even if you think it's better not to - you HAVE to tell her and talk about this.

You don't even know if it's really her dad, do you?

And even if it is I think in the long run its better to not have any secrets like this...
 

saci

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,465
It's like I'm living in an alternate universe thing.
How is the first thing you've done is not talking to her?
As soon as that call ended, and you were free enough, you should've talked to her. Not accusing her of anything, but just to let her know that her father is doing stuff like this and that she should resolve it. Like seriously, this seems such a obvious thing to do it's making me feel all weird that you even have to ask.
 
ShyMel

ShyMel

Moderator
Oct 31, 2017
3,469
You need to let the intern know. She needs to be told now so she can tell her father this is unacceptable before it gets worse. A good portion of employers would not tolerate an employee's family member contacting them to scream at them, so it is better if she knows now rather than further down the road in her professional life.
 
alzabo

alzabo

Member
Dec 31, 2017
180
This is basically domestic abuse. There are some countries where you are required by law to file a report when the abuser stalks things into the victims workplace. If you can, record a call, write down the days the calls happen and the jist of what was said. It can help with filing a police report.

If this sort of abuse and sabotage has happened every time she has tried to get out from under her abusive father's thumb, a collection of police reports and evidence will help immensely when she finally decides to protect herself from him legally.
 
Shrikey

Shrikey

Member
Oct 27, 2017
271
She needs to know. And potentially, this might not come as a shock to her. I run into similar things in school. Parents tend to go over the heads of students all the time, and can throw all manner of accusations towards us just to either get tighter control of theirs kids’ curricular choices or increase results. Many of them think their parents are being embarassing as hell and are often quite apologetic.
 
adrem007

adrem007

Banned
Nov 26, 2017
2,679
saci said:
It's like I'm living in an alternate universe thing.
How is the first thing you've done is not talking to her?
As soon as that call ended, and you were free enough, you should've talked to her. Not accusing her of anything, but just to let her know that her father is doing stuff like this and that she should resolve it. Like seriously, this seems such a obvious thing to do it's making me feel all weird that you even have to ask.
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Yup
 
Westbahnhof

Westbahnhof

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
9,450
Austria
I keep imagining myself in her shoes, and I gotta say, I'd absolutely want to know. No way around it.
Not knowing is a missed opportunity to stop stuff like this from happening again, to stop this behavior permanently.
Not being told would also feel a bit patronizing, I think? If my parent acted like this, I'd appreciate if my boss showed me that they trust me to help resolve the situation, instead of going over my head.
 
ty_hot

ty_hot

Member
Dec 14, 2017
6,200
Just tell her, say that it doesnt change how you feel about her work, that is it. I would want to know if my dad did that. I would also like to know that my boss supports me. Maybe she had this type of problem before or the dad just threatened to do it and she might be afraid of the consequences. (I guess at this point she doesnt know it happeed).
 
Triggerhappytel

Triggerhappytel

Member
Oct 27, 2017
10,024
You should tell her. At least give her the chance to sort it out personally with her father, as she may not be aware of what he's doing. CC HR into any correspondence or at least inform them of what happened in case this shitbag tries anything underhand.
 
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