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How would you respond to public apologies that admit to being racist?

NineConsonants

NineConsonants

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
5,210
We see a lot of people getting caught being racist in social media. They often make a public apology that tries to explain how their actions don't really represent the real them. Most people here dismiss those apologies, and I agree. How would you feel if somebody in this situation said something like:

"This incident has opened my eyes to how I have racial biases. I needed the magnitude of this backlash to show me what my actions really are. I will learn from this to be more intraspective about my thoughts and actions."

Do you think you would be open to accepting an apology like that after one of the heinous racist acts we've seen caught on video?
 
Richter1887

Richter1887

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
39,143
The way I see it, words don't mean shit.


Behaviour is the best apology. Show us you changed.
 
Goldenroad

Goldenroad

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Nov 2, 2017
9,475
It's better than not apologizing. I don't think anyone should be expected to accept anyone's apology though. Apologies are generally only to make the person who said or did the thing feel better about themselves.
 
shnurgleton

shnurgleton

Member
Oct 27, 2017
15,864
Boston
The first step in the road to recovery is acknowledging you have a problem

Granted you should not assume to be immediately given the benefit of the doubt afterward
 
Dan

Dan

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,948
"I'm sorry I got caught" is usually the vibe I get from most apologies.
 
Platy

Platy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
27,607
Brazil
NineConsonants said:
"This incident has opened my eyes to how I have racial biases. I needed the magnitude of this backlash to show me what my actions really are. I will learn from this to be more intraspective about my thoughts and actions."

Do you think you would be open to accepting an apology like that after one of the heinous racist acts we've seen caught on video?
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Click to shrink...

While this is better than 90% of the "apologies", it still need "I fucked up, I am sorry"
There is also the problem of needing a backlash this huge to learn ...

But yeah, changing how you do stuff is better.
Like start making a donation to an ONG or something
 
Kirblar

Kirblar

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
30,744
Strongly depends on the content of the apology and circumstance of the initial issue. Cannot have a blanket rule.
 
The Albatross

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
38,932
If someone said what's in the OP, and it seemed genuine (e.g., didn't seem like a publicist wrote it, didn't come out immediately once they got caught, etc), I'd give them a second chance. But getting a second chance from me doesn't mean that I'll "forget" what you did, if you're saying you're sorry, and it's legit, it's not so that people "Forget" about why you're sorry... Because then you're not actually sorry.

But the overwhelming number of "apologies" aren't apologies. They're not sorry for believing what they believe or saying what they believe, but rather "they're sorry" for the result of their beliefs: That their careers are damaged.

Roseanne is the best example of this, but she's not the first or the last. She's the quintessential example of someone who doesn't understand what an apology means. Saying "I'm sorry," isn't an excuse to do more harm or an "I'm sorry for how you did something." That's not an apology. Saying, "I apologize," is not an apology, it's avoiding apologizing but saying you've apologized (this is really popular with athletes who beat up their wives/girlfriends too... 'I apologize,' no, say you're sorry, don't state that you've apologized without saying sorry). Saying sorry expresses sympathy for why you've hurt someone or done something wrong. Saying "I apologize" Expressed regret for having done something wrong, but they're two different things. One is regretting what your life has become, the other is recognizing how you hurt someone.

But if someone is sincere with their apology and sorrow? I'll forgive them. Forgiving doesn't mean "moving on" or "forgetting" for me. Forgiveness can be a recurring action for me. It doesn't mean "pretending it never happened," it means recognizing that what they did or what they believe is real but they've grown from that, they sympathize with the people they've hurt, and I can sympathize with someone whose done that too.

Roseanne's apology though ... isn't an apology, it never was an apology. She's sorry she got fired. But she's not sorry for her beliefs, she rationalizes them, blames other people, and uses her "apology" as an excuse to do more harm.
 
Trigonometrize

Trigonometrize

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
5,143
This would be preferable, as it (alleges) they've internalized things and aren't pointing fingers at outside reactions and perceptions.

People are so fucking bad at apologies though holy shit it's not that hard to 1. Admit you and only you fucked up without justifying it and 2. Give plan to do better
 
PSqueak

PSqueak

Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,464
The thing these people need to understand is that apologies won't be fully accepted even if done right, they need to understand that after something like that they will have to continiously work to regain trust.

After that, they need to understand that these issues are ingrained in their environment and upbringing, "this is not who i am" is not a defense, it's bullshit, they need to understand that they have to face the fact that this is who they are and they need to work into stop being that.

The problem is, no one wants to admit they're worng and they think a few magic words can do away the damage.
 

Deleted member 14002

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
5,121
NineConsonants said:
Do you think you would be open to accepting an apology like that after one of the heinous racist acts we've seen caught on video?
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Usually no, because the responses are prefab bullshit.

If they write something genuine and well thought out, commit to helping the effected marginalized community, and have a clean track record going forward without fuckups then yeah.

Kirblar said:
Strongly depends on the content of the apology and circumstance of the initial issue. Cannot have a blanket rule.
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This too.

Eg. Dan Harmon's apology vs standard bullshit one.
 
samoyed

samoyed

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
15,191
I would accept a good faith apology.

The vast majority of public apologies are not good faith apologies.
 
Baji Boxer

Baji Boxer

Chicken Chaser
Member
Oct 27, 2017
11,374
NineConsonants said:
We see a lot of people getting caught being racist in social media. They often make a public apology that tries to explain how their actions don't really represent the real them. Most people here dismiss those apologies, and I agree. How would you feel if somebody in this situation said something like:

"This incident has opened my eyes to how I have racial biases. I needed the magnitude of this backlash to show me what my actions really are. I will learn from this to be more intraspective about my thoughts and actions."

Do you think you would be open to accepting an apology like that after one of the heinous racist acts we've seen caught on video?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
As a white dude, it's not my place to forgive or not, not to mention I don't know these people personally. Whether they stay racist or not is a personal matter as I'm not psychic. Best way to proove it is to accept and state that that is who you are, change yourself, and put in real work/money towards reversing the damage you and your fellow racists have caused.
 
Van Bur3n

Van Bur3n

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
26,089
It would require more than words, but actual dedication to wanting to become a better individual.
 
Coyote Starrk

Coyote Starrk

The Fallen
Oct 30, 2017
52,774
If they genuinely mean it and then proceed to work in public or private with various causes then I'd be willing to give them a chance. But it would take a long ass time of them proving themselves before I actually believed any of it. Once you let that kind of shit slip out there is no taking it back. And if you did it in public then what you say in private I probably far worse.
 
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