I don't know how to be happy being single

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Russell

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,796
Its been nearly 1 year since my breakup and I'm still upset about it. The girl I fell in love with slowly changed into someone who didn't want a future with me and I just feel like none of it was real.

I know people have had worse breakups than me, but I'm not a very social person and to have had someone who understood me so well just go away fucking hurts.

I have constantly been telling myself in my head, I'm the reason she left (which it wasn't but I always feel like it was) she's better without me, there is no other girl out there for me, nobody will like me for who I am because I'm weird as fuck, I'm going to be single for the rest of my life.

I honestly don't know where to go from here, I don't see myself in another relationship for a very long time or forever and whenever I see a couple or family with kids I always go "I'm never going to experience that ever again"

I've tried to move on but so far I'm only pretending to be happy because I have things that remind me daily of my ex and what we enjoyed doing together.

I don't go to the gym because I can't afford it.
 

jaekeem

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,043
it takes time to get over it and gain an objective perspective on past significant others

just take it one day at a time. find things to distract you until your heartbreak is gone
 

TheIlliterati

Member
Oct 28, 2017
3,140
Learn to love yourself first. How can someone be happy with you if you're not happy with you?

It's OK to take time and focus on you.
Close the thread. It's true! People are going to change and leave you or die or whatever, but you're always going to be with yourself. If you do find somebody, you need to be in a position to love them. All you need is a better attitude. It sucks, but just force yourself.
 

NyMartin90

Member
Oct 31, 2017
393
Dude I know it’s rough. Im in the same boat it’s been a year since my first relationship ended and it’s hard to move on. I constantly feel I’m the reason it ended but she had her own issues. Enjoy life. I like to go travel or even enjoy what I want. You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself. And that was/is an issue for me too.

I would go on every night on a dating app and I would be miserable. Maybe a date or two every few months but i look that atleast Im trying and I’ve seen others. if you enjoy yourself someone will come.
 

ishan

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,177
Its been nearly 1 year since my breakup and I'm still upset about it. The girl I fell in love with slowly changed into someone who didn't want a future with me and I just feel like none of it was real.

I know people have had worse breakups than me, but I'm not a very social person and to have had someone who understood me so well just go away fucking hurts.

I have constantly been telling myself in my head, I'm the reason she left (which it wasn't but I always feel like it was) she's better without me, there is no other girl out there for me, nobody will like me for who I am because I'm weird as fuck, I'm going to be single for the rest of my life.

I honestly don't know where to go from here, I don't see myself in another relationship for a very long time or forever and whenever I see a couple or family with kids I always go "I'm never going to experience that ever again"

I've tried to move on but so far I'm only pretending to be happy because I have things that remind me daily of my ex and what we enjoyed doing together.

I don't go to the gym because I can't afford it.
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That being weird as fuck turns into you’re interesting as fuck when you’re comfy in your skin :). So you have good stuff to work with . No one likes boring ppl . :)
 

Parallelo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,051
My go to for any kind of self-doubt related issues is meditation.

Give yourself 10 minutes a day to just sit down and do nothing. Active nothing. It's harder than you think because your mind is always racing, you'll think it's a waste of time, your brain will crave you to distract it with internet or chores or food or any responsibilty it can but you need to let all that stuff go for 10 minutes. Longer if you can/want to, but 10 minutes minimum.

You won't notice the results right away, it can take weeks but it's really the best advice for getting perspective on issues that live inside your own head.
 

Kitsunebaby

Member
Oct 27, 2017
600
Annapolis, Maryland
Having your happiness be dependent on others seems like a recipe for disaster. I know you might not be able to afford it, but a therapist would probably be helpful. Someone who can help you recognize your own insecurities and the harmful thought processes that are preventing you from being happy.
 

deimosmasque

Member
Apr 22, 2018
1,056
Tampa, Fl
1 year?

Okay need more details. How old are you? How old were you when you had your first REAL girlfriend?

I remember when my first real girlfriend dumped me. I was in a state of undeniable self-loathing. Even my friends at the time were telling me I was taking it too hard.

I was 22 at the time

I tried to stay friends with her, and interacted with her often. And it took me 2 years before I realized that I was fucking myself over.

I'd like more details about this before I give real advise.
 

data west

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,539
Do body weight training.
Do anything that you can improve yourself on, and the feeling will go away.
 

Ultima_5

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,382
Get a dog. It gives you plenty of love and an ongoing hobby and forces you to be outside. And when you’re ready to date it makes it easier
 

Cpt-GargameL

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,799
#1 seller in codependency


Great book honestly. Give it a try maybe.

I recently went through a break-up. It's hard, you don't want it to be a reality you live, a reality without that person. But just know that happiness comes from within and once you figure that out (I'm still working on that) you'll be better off.
 

Yasuke

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
11,321
Do body weight training
I honestly only came in here to see how long it’d take someone to suggest working out lol

In all seriousness, do whatever you feel is going to make you the best version of you. Maybe that means taking a class, maybe that means hitting the gym, maybe it means something else entirely.

I’ve been trying to deprogram myself from stopping myself from doing things I want to try. I have a habit of just assuming I can’t do a thing, and therefore going years without trying it before I one day realize there’s nothing stopping me from just....doing said thing.

Nothing but me. I’ve been taking an acting class this year, and it’s been a hell of a lot of fun. I’ve met some pretty cool people while trying something I was always curious about.

Try something new that you’ve always wanted to try but never allowed yourself to do for whatever reason.
 

SolVanderlyn

Member
Oct 28, 2017
6,985
I felt the same and that was eight years ago and I never did have another one... and I still feel the same.

Do some self improvement. Go out and meet people. Please don't wallow in misery for too long. It can and will consume you, but you also absolutely can do something about it if you try. Break your comfort zone if you have to.

One year is an understandable amount of time. But you need to move on eventually... even if you just pre-occupy yourself with hobbies. Even hobbies can be a good way to meet people.
 

Eugene's Axe

Member
Jan 17, 2019
349
You convinced yourself that the only way to be happy is being in a relationship with someone and that's the problem.
 

Birdseye

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
10,349
Start dating. Whether you end up in a new relationship or not, meeting multiple other women will make you realize the one you were with isn't that special.

That said, judging from what you've posted, you don't seem ready to be in a relationship yet. You seem needy and that's a turn-off for many women.
 

Hihat

Member
Jul 5, 2019
3
It takes time to get over someone.. But just focus on yourself, take walk, meditate. Do things you love.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,975
Learn to love yourself first. How can someone be happy with you if you're not happy with you?

It's OK to take time and focus on you.
This basically. How can you ever understand who you are and what you want if you can only define who you are by your relationship with someone else?

It takes time after a break up, but at some stage you need to actively stand back up. You need to accept that you've lost a part of your life that meant a lot - it's not coming back, wallowing in self pity about what you don't have anymore isn't going to change things and it will actively stop you from moving on. You can't live in the past, she's not coming back, you're not getting back together, you need to find the things, the thoughts, the activities that define who you are; not people who define who you are. Your life can't be one long exercise in validation by another because if they go? Who are you?

And honestly, it helped me to accept and own the fact that I was obviously part of the reason for my breakup. All this "It's not you, it's me" bull, yes, you've changed, you want different things now, but the fact you're leaving me means I'm obviously part of the problem. Just accept it, you couldn't give her what she wanted. You need to remove the rose tinted specs and see that what you had self evidently wasn't perfect otherwise you wouldn't have split. Maybe it was perfect for you, but obviously not for her, which ultimately means it wouldn't have been perfect for you either much longer if you cared about her happiness. But that doesn't mean she was right in her expectations of you and different people want different things so looking at other relationships and saying "I'll never have that" is defeatist; other people are not your ex and you can't look at future people through the lens of what you had because it's utterly distorted.
 

FaceHugger

Member
Oct 27, 2017
7,053
It's life for many people man, welcome to it. You know that old saying plenty of fish in the sea? Absolutely true. Don't wallow.
 
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