I don't know what i'm doing anymore

[Deleted member 17990]

Yes I know people here will see this as an attention seeking thread but I need help

- I'm barely self independant, I'm unable to cook for myself, I can pay bills and petrol etc but thags about it

- I'm doing a shit job (Kitchen hand) because I have to and its the only thing I'm capable of doing

- I feel like my relationship with my gf (nearly 2 years) is hanging by a few strings. I somehow manage to be the only one that fucks everything up. I already know she has a lot more fun with her male best friend (no sexual history) than me. Every argument we've had has always been my fault.

- I have a career choice (IT) but have no idea where to start.

- I'm 25 years old and am still living with my parents, thought about renting with a roommate later this year but dunno how any of that stuff works

I know there are a lot of people who are worse off than me, but I feel like I'm completely useless in life and always need someone to help me. I have thought about suicide multiple times (crashing my car into a tree, not into anyone) but the only thing thats keeping me going is my gf and I'm just so frustrated with myself.

 

[Seesaw15]

You sound pretty lucky OP. Go seek some professional help. Gf+family care about you.

Plus don't damage an innocent tree in your suicide attempt. It's just trying to live its life like everyone else.

 

[Stinkles]

You have a better starting point than most of America. Recognize that and make a plan.
Now.

 

[blame space]

when has a plan ever worked

 

[cheese toast]

Explore cooking! There's fun and satisfaction in creating a dish with your own hands, and a lot of room for discovery and adapting your own taste and techniques. Try baking, too. Some people prefer one over the other and you might find you enjoy the almost science-like process of preparing and measuring and monitoring, say, a chocolate cake, compared to stovetop cooking that allows on-the-fly improvisation as you taste as you go, adding seasoning, adding this and that. Pick a dish you'd like to try and give it a go.

Once you've got a few attempts under your belt, cook (or bake) for your girlfriend. Whether it's a meal for two or a cake for her and her family, I'm sure she'll love the gesture and appreciate the effort.

 

[Deleted member 22630]

I've been in a similar place and it does get better. Just seek help if you're already expressing suicidal ideation. It's not you and you're not worthless, and you do have more in life than you realize.

 

[Stinkles]

when has a plan ever worked

Click to shrink...

Ask Hannibal Smith.

 

[joecanada]

I think step one is to build on what you've got it takes real effort to get better but trying is the first step.

You're a kitchen hand but you can barely cook ? Ask the chefs to learn a few new things, apply yourself , keep those contacts.

Appreciate your gf even if you have to start at square one.

Start applying yourself to that it thing

 

[Deleted member 11173]

OP, your local community college probably has some type of Networking Certification coursework - that is a start.
Nothing wrong with living with your parents - take this opportunity to work toward something while rent is minimal.
Learn to love yourself and your relationship will be better. Focus on you bro, make some small achievable goals in the short term and work toward them,
Then do it again, and again, until you reach the next level.

 

[Dad_and_Videogames]

Hey there. I've worked in a kitchen since I was 21 and I'm 38 now and I don't know the first damn thing about cooking. If you get some food safety and management certifications and education you can actually make a respectable living if you move up. Don't sell yourself short. There's a ton of people your age (and every age) that somed know what they're doing. I don't know that anyone truly does.

The important thing is to not give up on yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself and you'll work through this.

 

[Shoes]

Edit: removed my post as it sounded like I was giving medical advice and I couldn't get the wording right.

Please, OP, I do urge you to see a doctor or counselor if you are able.

 

[Turtleboats]

The hardest thing about anything you want to achieve is just trying.

Try your IT stuff, try some simple recipes (cooking really aint no thang,) get serious with your relationship or go home, and ask around for housing if you really want to live away from home.

All of your concerns are achievable. 100% full stop. The only thing stopping you, is you.

Stop worrying, start living. Good luck friend.

 

[m43lstr0m]

Do NOT make the g/f the only thing you are living for. Trust me on this.

 

[Lysistrata]

You simply don't have many life experiences to fall back on, OP. If you want to do better and feel better you should knock off the self loathing aspect. There are enough people out there to knock you down, don't help them by dissing your self worth.
The Girlfriend aspect sounds a bit needy and maybe you need to look at what you get out if the relationship and make sure it's not one way. As for new skills I'd seize any opportunities that come your way as they pass you by if you sit and wait too long. Get on the ladder in one part of your life and other parts of it will eventually slide into place.
But most of all stop telling yourself that you're a failure.

 

[The_hypocrite]

Cooking can be learned. Try it. Start small and simple and go from there.

 

[SugarNoodles]

I've been in a similar place and it does get better. Just seek help if you're already expressing suicidal ideation. It's not you and you're not worthless, and you do have more in life than you realize.

Click to shrink...

This. Dont fool yourself into thinking it's just about bootstraps and effort. Admit you need help and seek it out.

 

[Reeks]

People are saying, "you don't have it that bad." That's not helpful because it sounds like depression. Find a good therapist.

 

[plngsplsh]

Since you mentioned suicidal thoughts, I want to preface this by saying that you should not hesitate to seek out professional help. There is no shame to it.

Do NOT make the g/f the only thing you are living for. Trust me on this.

Click to shrink...

THIS. Also, dependence is not a good basis for a relationship.

Learn to accept yourself. There is this classic self-help book called "I'm O. K. - You're O. K." Yes, the title is corny and yes, it simplifies things, but I found it rather insightful when I was in my early 20s. Maybe give it a read and reflect on it.

Cooking can be learned. Start with something simple, like scrambled eggs or pasta or a gratin. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't work out the first time. Learn from your mistakes. Look up recipes online.

Maybe you should also go and do something that you usually don't do. That sometimes helps me, when I feel like I'm stuck in life. Go swimming, go for a hike, read great literature, meditate, explore your environment, climb a tree, etc.

 

[Deleted member 20284]

Start with a today plan, not tomorrow, today. Be specific for each of day of the next week ahead of you, one major goal a day or 3 minor goals. That's it. Pencil in some dot points for a month. Ask your girlfriend to sit down and rough out some dot points for 12 months together. Do it all but don't go overboard with goals, keep it simple and to the point, as well as achievable, and a couple of points just beyond your comfort zone to get things moving. Bang you've got a one year plan, your girl will relish the next year. Finish that off, reflect annually and then start a 3 year plan next.

Surprise yourself and your girl.

 

[Bold One]

Set realistic achievable targets towards your career goals. Knock them out one by one. Start setting up interviews.

Dont sweat the living at home thing, most people your age are, use it to your advantage to save in the mean time.

Finally, be patient, these things take time.

 

[Ap3x]

Dude, I will tell you a little secret, we all have been most likely at the some point somewhere in our lives.
(Well maybe except the suicide part)

We all fuck shit up from time to time, nobody is perfect.

Let me tell you something about myself:

I'm 26, living on my own (with gf) since around one year - you are not the only one who's living at his parents with 25. :)

I am working in a more or less deadend jop, it' not a bad job per se, but has only very few career opportunitys.
And that's where my point starts, this fucked me up too, I often feel like I contribute nothing to anything.

Then I changed my mind - I always thought I had to climb up the carreer ladder and was not able to, despite being quit good at what I'm doing.
Videogames and the whole culture around are my biggest hobby since I was a kid, so I thought, why am I not doing something around that in my sparetime.
So I thought about things to do, that might give me a sense of fullfilment. I now write about games and I try to teach people why videogames are awesome and how to play them.
I want to travel to Japan next year, so I started to learn Hiragana and Katakana (the lower forms of the Japanese Kanji-language). Making progress is a nice feeling.

What I want to say is, I stopped thinking that making a lot of money is what determines my success in life. I am pretty good a fucking up shit with my gf too, so I
tried to stay calm, whenever something annoys me, I usually wait now a couple of hours or even days, if something is pissing me off, to think about them with a calm mind, that's working wonders.

I hope you get it with my limited English :D

tldr; live fucks us all, look out for something you can put your energy in to avoid being pissed all the time and shit

 

[How About No]

Cooking can be learned. Try it. Start small and simple and go from there.

Click to shrink...

Yup yup, all it really is is following instructions

Make sum num nums

 

[Deffers]

Hey, I've been suicidal and I'm 25 and my life's going nowhere fast. The trick is just to take tiny steps and hold on to those fiercely. Nothing wrong with having someone like a girlfriend for emotional support, but like... you need to start just doing the most basic stuff possible towards your dream. Concrete steps every day. You can do it! I'm certainly not about to give up.

 

[ethranes]

I think the best thing to do to help with becoming an adult is to move out of your parents, regardless of how difficult it may be. But when all of a sudden you're completely your own responsibility, I think you'll figure things out pretty fast (including learning by fucking things up sometimes)

 

[Stop It]

There's nothing other than yourself stopping you OP.

I don't mean that in a flippant way. We can be our own worst enemies.

Learn to cook. Get some YouTube tutorials on the go and get cooking. It's not a dark art and you'll surprise yourself.

Secondly stop blaming yourself for everything. Because that actually causes more arguments. Pick your battles and have faith in your own position. You'll get more respect from your partner for that than continually arguing and self loathing because she may well think she can't get through to you.

Start finding ways to save money and plan for life independently. Living with your parents is a double edged sword and does slow emotional development.

Obviously not gospel but listen to the class of 99. The part that says the most interesting people are ones who haven't decided what to do in life is true. Pick a path for now but always keep your horizons broad. Do not worry if you don't know where to take your life, just go and make your own way.

 

[Ambition]

That girlfriend situation doesn't very good tbh lol
If I were in your shoes, I'd drop everything - specially if I was being supported by my parents - and focus on school. Doesn't sounds like there are many important things that will last or are worth any effort in your life at the moment OP so tunnel vision hard of an education.

 

[SnakeyHips]

Get out there and do something before it's too late. Ask around or Google how to get into IT because that's a very stable career. Start to look up easy recipes online so you start to enjoy food rather than just eating to survive. With that, you'll start to enjoy life more and you'll notice it'll impact your relationships too. Only you can do this OP so use your love for your gf and family as motivation to do it.

Also, hit the gym too. Lifting weights can make you feel like a boss and help with the self-esteem.

 

[Cokie Bear]

Without trying to sound harsh, what have you tried to do to improve your situation? There's nothing mentioned in your post about what you've tried to do.

You mention a career in IT but don't know where to start. Google? There are endless online courses you can take to get qualifications and experience at your own pace.

Have you done anything in your current job to get experience? Have you worked hard and shown an interest in learning new skills? Have you even attempted to learn how to cook for yourself?

I get that you're feeling down and I've been through depression so I know what it's like but you need to make an effort to change things yourself before anyone else can help you. You just sound like you're drowning in self pity at the moment instead of actually trying to make a change.

 

[Fairy Godmother]

Closed by request of OP.