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I finally got my ex out of my life

Deleted member 179

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Oct 25, 2017
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I did it. After repairing something that shouldn't have been a year ago and uselessly trying again, after spending a few months as 'friends' while I watch her find a new relationship within a month and a half, I finally told her damn near everything she does makes me mad, and I can't have her in my life anymore. After blocking her on social media I guess she didn't take it well because she treats facebook like it's the gospel, tweeted about me despite how she should worry about her new relationship. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't have to talk to that liar anymore, and for the first time in my life in nearly 5 years I feel like I don't need her in it, and I can finally do what I want instead of constantly pouring all my efforts into us. Now I just have to start going to the gym regularly and get in shape so I can go on my dream vacation to Japan she never let me do.

I guess I'm just posting this to tell it to more people. I'm exhilarated and just want to scream it to anyone who will listen. And to make the point that if you feel trapped, you CAN get out.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 179

user requested account closure
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Oct 25, 2017
3,548
Ichimoto said:
Happy for you that you managed to get out, it's hard as nails to do it.
I'm still trying to accomplish that myself.
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It's so, stupid difficult. Idk why I was ok sitting here watching her find a new guy to turn into her yes man. By the time I called it quits for good we were glorified snapchat friends at best anyway. I just feel bad for the new guy because she hasn't learned a god damn thing.
 
Mizeris Lutz Ether Lanai

Mizeris Lutz Ether Lanai

Member
Dec 2, 2017
3,425
McBryBry said:
Now I just have to start going to the gym regularly and get in shape so I can go on my dream vacation to Japan she never let me do.
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It's awesome that you're planning to swim, but I'm telling you, a plane can get you there without the gym.

Non-joke answer - congrats, getting out of a toxic relationship is often way harder than people who haven't been through it can understand. Part of that is because that person was doing stuff for you that was amazing in between the bad, and toxic people can wear down your self esteem in such subtle ways that you end up accepting the unacceptable from them after a while.

So what you need to do right now is write down for yourself every single last bad thing she did, and every awful feeling it put in you, and everything you missed out on because of that. Keep the file saved in a desktop folder or somewhere accessible & memorable, not stuffed away.

Because there WILL be a time when time has passed and some of the bad memories have faded and you're feeling lonely or down and start selectively remembering that good stuff and feel tempted to involve that person in your life again. In those moments, you need to go back to that file & re-read what all of your feelings were when that person was in your life. That's a pretty sure-fire way to keep from falling back into their orbit.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 179

user requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,548
Mizeris Lutz Ether Lanai said:
It's awesome that you're planning to swim, but I'm telling you, a plane can get you there without the gym.

Non-joke answer - congrats, getting out of a toxic relationship is often way harder than people who haven't been through it can understand. Part of that is because that person was doing stuff for you that was amazing in between the bad, and toxic people can wear down your self esteem in such subtle ways that you end up accepting the unacceptable from them after a while.

So what you need to do right now is write down for yourself every single last bad thing she did, and every awful feeling it put in you, and everything you missed out on because of that. Keep the file saved in a desktop folder or somewhere accessible & memorable, not stuffed away.

Because there WILL be a time when time has passed and some of the bad memories have faded and you're feeling lonely or down and start selectively remembering that good stuff and feel tempted to involve that person in your life again. In those moments, you need to go back to that file & re-read what all of your feelings were when that person was in your life. That's a pretty sure-fire way to keep from falling back into their orbit.
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LOL you know, swimming there does sound like it could be fun. Forreal I'm 250lbs and severely out of shape, if I want to backpack around that country I need to fix it. I was pretty standard when we got together and turns out relationship weight is a thing.

Thank you for that solid advice. You're 100% correct, there were great times, the first 3 years of my relationship with her were the happiest times of my life so far. But somewhere in the last 1 1/2 the person I fell for died. I just finished typing up a super long note on my phone, which is Google so it'll transfer to every single phone from here on out. She won't emotionally cheat on me again, lie to me again or backstab me again.
 
Spinluck

Spinluck

Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
15,294
Good for you OP. Sounds like you really loved this person but are making steps to move on.

You'll never be enough for the wrong person. Keep loving yourself. And keep doing you. It gets better and easier.
 
OP
OP

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Mizeris Lutz Ether Lanai

Mizeris Lutz Ether Lanai

Member
Dec 2, 2017
3,425
McBryBry said:
LOL you know, swimming there does sound like it could be fun. Forreal I'm 250lbs and severely out of shape, if I want to backpack around that country I need to fix it. I was pretty standard when we got together and turns out relationship weight is a thing.

Thank you for that solid advice. You're 100% correct, there were great times, the first 3 years of my relationship with her were the happiest times of my life so far. But somewhere in the last 1 1/2 the person I fell for died. I just finished typing up a super long note on my phone, which is Google so it'll transfer to every single phone from here on out. She won't emotionally cheat on me again, lie to me again or backstab me again.
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Good stuff.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 179

user requested account closure
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Oct 25, 2017
3,548
Spinluck said:
Good for you OP. Sounds like you really loved this person but are making steps to move on.

You'll never be enough for the wrong person. Keep loving yourself. And keep doing you. It gets better and easier.
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I did. And maybe when I say this it's an excuse but people change, and the person I fell for died off a few years ago. She's entirely different now and not anyone I wanna be around. Maybe the right one will come around eventually but rn I'm just worried about this Japan trip and moving in with my best friend lol
 

The Waistcoat

Member
Nov 8, 2017
338
Congratulations! Athlean-x on YouTube is a great place for all around information on what you can do for fitness, I believe there is also a Fitness-era thread which I'm sure will be more than happy to help.

The gym was a life saver for me and really gave me something to focus on as I built my life around it step by step. The holiday is a great idea and will really help in moving forward and in shaping a new set of memories without that period of your life weighing them down.

Enjoy your new life, mate.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 179

user requested account closure
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Oct 25, 2017
3,548
The Waistcoat said:
Congratulations! Athlean-x on YouTube is a great place for all around information on what you can do for fitness, I believe there is also a Fitness-era thread which I'm sure will be more than happy to help.

The gym was a life saver for me and really gave me something to focus on as I built my life around it step by step. The holiday is a great idea and will really help in moving forward and in shaping a new set of memories without that period of your life weighing them down.

Enjoy your new life, mate.
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I've followed Athlean amongst other channels for a while now, he does very very good content. My issue is just keeping going, I have a membership and was going a few weeks then just fell out of it to help a friend with his new house, hang out with buddies etc. I just gotta get at it again and finally stay committed for once. The trip has been my dream since before I even met the ex, and she shut it down the whole relationship so I'm pumped to finally do it!
Travo said:
I hate that so many people find themselves in a situation like yours, OP, but fail to change it. Good on you, man.
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I was that guy for a long time. There's shit I put up with that I smack myself for putting up with it. I feel for the others because I've been stuck for a while.
 
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Everybody Lies

Everybody Lies

Member
Oct 28, 2017
4,064
Remember how you feel in this moment and make sure that it sticks. Congrats on the beginning of the rest of your life.
 
ty_hot

ty_hot

Member
Dec 14, 2017
6,207
There is a Japan travel OT and a Japan Olympics travel thread as well! Have fun! Japan is much better than your ex!
 
msdstc

msdstc

Member
Nov 6, 2017
5,084
Good for you! This is incredibly difficult to do and it feels so wrong prior to doing it, but once everything clicks you can feel good again. You'll have ups and downs but the worst is over congrats :).
 

Deleted member 4452

User requested account closure
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Oct 25, 2017
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All I can say is that the good never nullifies the bad. If the bad is too much for you, it's definitely something that needs to be addressed.
 
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Sean

Sean

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,591
Longview
McBryBry said:
LOL you know, swimming there does sound like it could be fun. Forreal I'm 250lbs and severely out of shape, if I want to backpack around that country I need to fix it. I was pretty standard when we got together and turns out relationship weight is a thing.

Thank you for that solid advice. You're 100% correct, there were great times, the first 3 years of my relationship with her were the happiest times of my life so far. But somewhere in the last 1 1/2 the person I fell for died. I just finished typing up a super long note on my phone, which is Google so it'll transfer to every single phone from here on out. She won't emotionally cheat on me again, lie to me again or backstab me again.
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Click to shrink...
Good for you on getting out of it. I was in a very similar boat. I was in a relationship for 5 years and it ended up just being toxic and painful for me. I finally For Reals left this year on January 2nd and completely cut contact. I was also 252 lbs at that point. In the past 6 months though I've lost 48lbs and still going strong. Just spend time working on yourself and you'll do great and feel better than ever.
 
JustinBailey

JustinBailey

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,420
McBryBry said:
I did it. After repairing something that shouldn't have been a year ago and uselessly trying again, after spending a few months as 'friends' while I watch her find a new relationship within a month and a half, I finally told her damn near everything she does makes me mad, and I can't have her in my life anymore. After blocking her on social media I guess she didn't take it well because she treats facebook like it's the gospel, tweeted about me despite how she should worry about her new relationship. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't have to talk to that liar anymore, and for the first time in my life in nearly 5 years I feel like I don't need her in it, and I can finally do what I want instead of constantly pouring all my efforts into us. Now I just have to start going to the gym regularly and get in shape so I can go on my dream vacation to Japan she never let me do.

I guess I'm just posting this to tell it to more people. I'm exhilarated and just want to scream it to anyone who will listen. And to make the point that if you feel trapped, you CAN get out.
Click to expand...
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I can echo this sentiment. I was in an on and off thing for like 10 years, even worked for my ex as he started up his own business successfully. He was a sociopath however, and when I called him on it he made my life a living hell inside the business and out, trying to mess with my love life (which was separate from his). I have since stopped all communication, which is a thing I've had to do like maybe 3x in my life with anyone. It is great though.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 179

user requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,548
Alvaro said:
Congrats, ill have to deal with mine forever since we have two boys.
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I'm sorry :/ my friend is in the same situation with his 3 year old, and he can't stand his ex. The most sentiment I can say there is one day they should become just a minor inconvenience since you really just dont care anymore.
msdstc said:
Good for you! This is incredibly difficult to do and it feels so wrong prior to doing it, but once everything clicks you can feel good again. You'll have ups and downs but the worst is over congrats :).
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Yeah I'm still waiting on the click, doing things for myself is incredibly weird and i don't really know what to do lol. On the bright side, she's really eliminating any downs I have. I blocked her on FB to keep from seeing her and her new bf's posts. She went full crazy again, started tweeting about me then blocked me on everything lol. So I won't have to see anything ever again!
Sean said:
Good for you on getting out of it. I was in a very similar boat. I was in a relationship for 5 years and it ended up just being toxic and painful for me. I finally For Reals left this year on January 2nd and completely cut contact. I was also 252 lbs at that point. In the past 6 months though I've lost 48lbs and still going strong. Just spend time working on yourself and you'll do great and feel better than ever.
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That's stupidly similar to me lol, gives me some confidence! We were 4 1/2 years, and her changing into this angry bitter person just finally wore down enough, then broke me when it became trying to take a stab at my heart. I'm gonna get back into the gym tomorrow and get to taking lunch to work so I stop eating out. I'm hoping to drop from 248 to 235 over the next month. Past that, I'd say the goal is 200 by 2020. I just have a lot of trouble keeping at it but I've got a lot of people supporting me.
JustinBailey said:
I can echo this sentiment. I was in an on and off thing for like 10 years, even worked for my ex as he started up his own business successfully. He was a sociopath however, and when I called him on it he made my life a living hell inside the business and out, trying to mess with my love life (which was separate from his). I have since stopped all communication, which is a thing I've had to do like maybe 3x in my life with anyone. It is great though.
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Damn I get it. Reading that a first thought would be "wow how could they not just leave?" But I've just gone through it myself. You should be proud of finally cutting him out, nobody needs a person like that in their life.
 
Mendrox

Mendrox

Member
Oct 26, 2017
8,564
McBryBry said:
I did it. After repairing something that shouldn't have been a year ago and uselessly trying again, after spending a few months as 'friends' while I watch her find a new relationship within a month and a half, I finally told her damn near everything she does makes me mad, and I can't have her in my life anymore. After blocking her on social media I guess she didn't take it well because she treats facebook like it's the gospel, tweeted about me despite how she should worry about her new relationship. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't have to talk to that liar anymore, and for the first time in my life in nearly 5 years I feel like I don't need her in it, and I can finally do what I want instead of constantly pouring all my efforts into us. Now I just have to start going to the gym regularly and get in shape so I can go on my dream vacation to Japan she never let me do.

I guess I'm just posting this to tell it to more people. I'm exhilarated and just want to scream it to anyone who will listen. And to make the point that if you feel trapped, you CAN get out.
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Man and what a dream vacation that will gonna be :) Nice goal.
 
Sunster

Sunster

The Fallen
Oct 5, 2018
6,781
blocking my ex on fb was one of the best decisions i ever made. she wasn't a "friend" at all. a complete drain of my happiness post breakup. why have someone like that in your life?
 
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