I'm not 30 so take this with a grain of salt, but apparently dating tends to become much easier for men in their 30s.
I gave up on finding a partner
- Thread starter AM_LIGHT
- Start date
m unsure (because this place is full of bonkers people) but is this a joke post?
Kill this shit.
He isn't aware of any negative thought you have about him.
Every time you get angry or envious of him, you're wasting energy. He doesn't know and it doesn't impact him.
Focus on yourself.
MOVE COUNTRY if it's that much of a barrier for you, if you feel like it's going to fuck you for the rest of your life, GET OUT. I know that's a ridiculous piece of advice and it'll probably be impossible, but you have to identify the things in life that are blocking you and remove them.
Are you going bald or are you fully bald?
Shave it all off. Embrace it. Take care of your scalp. Bald is attractive.
There's really no such thing as "ugly" or "attractive", it's all relative. There are probably millions of people on the planet who would rank you a 9/10. Go to reddit r/sex and read about some of the fetishes people have. Overweight guys, old guys, bald guys, guys with huge beards, virgins, short guys, tall guys, guys who are skeletal, etc, etc.
NEVER rate your attractiveness level /10.
Going to the gym and getting fit will make all your best features stand out, however.
This too. Problem is hetero-normative cultures drenched in toxic masculinity don't lead to that kind of healthy attitude.
I don't know what it is....but reading grown men referring to women as girls in all these posts seems weird. Maybe I'm wrong.
I'm sorry for derailing the thread, but I would appreciate some elaboration on this. When I'm alone by myself, I get depressed, and when I'm with someone, I'm far happier. Seeing as I've been single with no real romantic luck for over a year now, how is it actually untrue? I feel as though I could accomplish so much more by not being alone.
I mean I live in a pretty small rural town and I’ve gotten like 4 matches in 3 years lol. They mostly fizzled out before organising a meetup. POF and OKC are better for where I live. Went on one or two dates but again lead nowhere. I’ll most likely move to Melbourne in a year or two though so lots more opportunity to meet new people.
Like many have said already in this thread: clubs don't seem like the right place for you to meet girls. Especially if your wingman is as bad as your brother sounds.
Find an environment you feel more comfortable in, and things usually happen more naturally in that arena.
I'm not the best at clubs only because i'm terrible at opening, but my ability to close is astonishing. That's why i bring a friend to open for me and then I come in when the ice is broken and stir up the margarita.
Don't worry, OP. Just work on areas you would like to improve upon and then things can get better. Once you learn to love yourself more, people will notice your confidence level increase and women will be more responsive to that aura. No joke, this is a thing
Find an environment you feel more comfortable in, and things usually happen more naturally in that arena.
I'm not the best at clubs only because i'm terrible at opening, but my ability to close is astonishing. That's why i bring a friend to open for me and then I come in when the ice is broken and stir up the margarita.
Don't worry, OP. Just work on areas you would like to improve upon and then things can get better. Once you learn to love yourself more, people will notice your confidence level increase and women will be more responsive to that aura. No joke, this is a thing
If it hasnt happened by middle school, it is pretty much hopeless.
No. The OP is young and should be fine after he pick himself up from the ground. Hes a Doctor, has a future and has all the right to feel the way he described. This shit is fucking frustrating.
I, too, was frustrated with finding love around my college graduate years. It felt like I kept not being taken seriously enough to the point of ever getting into a relationship with anyone regardless of how little or well I knew them.
I started using dating apps, like Match.com and True.com (this is around 2005 or so). That was when I realized I was being discriminated against, but time. See, in my case, I’m 6’8” and black, living in the Austin area. Guess what many of the profiles were saying who they wanted to date? Someone not black and someone that’s shorter than 6’4”. I thought well maybe they don’t mean that, so I still tried to talk to some of them. None responded, just like the interest level I experienced in person with the people I was interested in. There were a couple that didn’t place this limitation on me and guess what? Both responded, One is still my friend to this day.
So a few years later after realizing this discrimination I said screw it, let me just use a free app like MySpace (again, remember this is mid-2000s) and just look for tall people that were my same race, that way, they can’t use height or race as an excuse not to date me. I come across this beautiful woman, like model-type, reaches out to her, and as of a week from now it would would have been 12 years since we’ve known each other. We’ve been married for nearly 10 years now.
I would tell you not to give up, sometimes you just got to take drastic measures when dealt a bad hand like that.
I started using dating apps, like Match.com and True.com (this is around 2005 or so). That was when I realized I was being discriminated against, but time. See, in my case, I’m 6’8” and black, living in the Austin area. Guess what many of the profiles were saying who they wanted to date? Someone not black and someone that’s shorter than 6’4”. I thought well maybe they don’t mean that, so I still tried to talk to some of them. None responded, just like the interest level I experienced in person with the people I was interested in. There were a couple that didn’t place this limitation on me and guess what? Both responded, One is still my friend to this day.
So a few years later after realizing this discrimination I said screw it, let me just use a free app like MySpace (again, remember this is mid-2000s) and just look for tall people that were my same race, that way, they can’t use height or race as an excuse not to date me. I come across this beautiful woman, like model-type, reaches out to her, and as of a week from now it would would have been 12 years since we’ve known each other. We’ve been married for nearly 10 years now.
I would tell you not to give up, sometimes you just got to take drastic measures when dealt a bad hand like that.
I’ve given up too. I’m nearly 36 and I am flat broke, have depression/anxiety, and sleep on my mum’s living room floor... dating really isn’t an option for me.
Nothing wrong with being single unless you really want to find someone and make sure your generation keeps going.
I have pretty much also given up finding a SO, haven't had a serious relationship for over 10 years now and am 33. No dating apps does not work at all. I never get matches on any single on of them. On dating sites i get ignored by like 99% of the women i contact and the ones that reply just replies that they arent interested and whishes good luck, lol. The only social women i chat with are already tied up, it is always like that, single women ignore me and the ones that have a bf are very social...
"love life" is dead in the water for me too.
Haven't had a complete total dry spell for 10 years though, of course not. Have had shorter periods of dates and such. But no serious lasting relationships. But even that "dating life" has been dead for a long while now. That happened little more in my 20's.
"love life" is dead in the water for me too.
Haven't had a complete total dry spell for 10 years though, of course not. Have had shorter periods of dates and such. But no serious lasting relationships. But even that "dating life" has been dead for a long while now. That happened little more in my 20's.
I've been reading these type of threads for a long time and the common thread seems to be unrealistic perfectionism. You're gonna make cringe mistakes. That's part of the learning experience. Tons of regular to unattractive people find love. Yes, work on improving yourself, even when you are in an relationship.
But finding a relationship is not hard mode thing. Millions do it every year. Millions of regular ass people. You're going to get rejected. That's the game. Moreover, you want to be with someone who also wants to be you. Why fret about those not interested?Just move along.
In the same time, build a support system for yourself. Join groups, get help on any mental health issues you've been neglecting, take care of your body, improve your social skills with everyone, not just romantic targets.
For men, I really love Mark Manson's Models. Read it and apply it.
But finding a relationship is not hard mode thing. Millions do it every year. Millions of regular ass people. You're going to get rejected. That's the game. Moreover, you want to be with someone who also wants to be you. Why fret about those not interested?Just move along.
In the same time, build a support system for yourself. Join groups, get help on any mental health issues you've been neglecting, take care of your body, improve your social skills with everyone, not just romantic targets.
For men, I really love Mark Manson's Models. Read it and apply it.
......Why would you still want to pursue someone who explicitly shows interest in someone else?
Like, is the perception of your worth that low you don't think you can find someone else that's ONLY interested in you?
Edit: litebrite I mistakenly quoted the wrong person - this post is directed at the user you quoted
Can confirm was true, but with a cravat that you've got to have you're shit together by then. You can date older or younger, it's the sweet spot.
You can't blame other people for you not finding the right person. Someone is out there that will totally be into you, unfortunately it might take time to find them. But you definitely need to work on how you feel about yourself, you don't seem to be entirely down on yourself but you definitely convinced yourself you aren't going to get a partner, and that isn't a good outlook when trying to find someone.
I was in a similar situation, I am extremely awkward, not bad looking, have massive anxiety and didn't have much going for me until I just stopped caring and acted like myself. I've noticed any time I stop trying to find someone and just feel comfortable with myself, is when I end up finding them.
I was in a similar situation, I am extremely awkward, not bad looking, have massive anxiety and didn't have much going for me until I just stopped caring and acted like myself. I've noticed any time I stop trying to find someone and just feel comfortable with myself, is when I end up finding them.
Dating after 30 for dudes is easy mode as long as you take care of yourself and are a responsible adult.
hello, I am almost 30 and I haven't been in anything like a relationship since college. My 20s have sucked a lot but I've made some personal progress, hopefullly yall talkin big about 30s being better aren't huge asshole liars
yeah if you're gonna wear a cravat on dates you definitely need to have your shit together
Don't look and act a mess and have a steady job, those are the only requirements.
Hell the steady job ain't even true really, that's more like a cheat-code.
The problem comes when you rely on a relationship to maintain your own happiness and sense of self worth. That puts a ton of pressure on the relationship and the other person to keep you happy and it definitely influences how you approach and handle romance which tends to lead to a lot of bad decisions. The extreme end of this is someone whose life revolves around their romantic partner when in a relationship and who puts their life on hold in the pursuit of a relationship when they're single. It's not a healthy way to be. You should be happy with yourself and your life even as a single person. Doesn't mean you can't want a relationship but you shouldn't need it so bad that you don't strive towards anything else in life.
Having romantic desire is common. Most people want romantic partners. Nothing wrong with this.
However, we're a tribal species. One person can't bear the brunt of all our needs. It would overwhelm them and it will also set you up for failure since no one person can truly fulfill those needs. You will crush them under unrealistic expectations.
So pursue finding a partner, but along the way, build your own tribe as it were. Moreover, not every relationship lasts. If one dissolves and you put all your chips in that relationship, you will find yourself all alone again.
Op your moping way too hard, and it's dragging you down. Stop. Moping. It's a Drag and will turn women off you in a snap.
Stop.
Moping.
This should be your major definite purpose for the foreseeable future. The sole preoccupation. The major goal. No more moping.
None. Not even a little.
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I've already given up and funny as it sounds, I've never even tried and i'm 22 atm. Virgin too.
I'm too comfortable being single, and really don't see the point of getting a relationship anymore when i've been hearing too many shitty breakup stories from my friends, coworkers, family, etc. Many includes cheating too which I always asked myself "so... why should I even date at this point?".
I'm "short" 5'8", yet i've been told i'm handsome. I have good talent in video games and very athletic in football (soccer) too. I just don't have time to find a gf either.
"try dating apps!".. yea... after my friend got stabbed by ex who he met on tinder, no thanks... hahaha.
I'm too comfortable being single, and really don't see the point of getting a relationship anymore when i've been hearing too many shitty breakup stories from my friends, coworkers, family, etc. Many includes cheating too which I always asked myself "so... why should I even date at this point?".
I'm "short" 5'8", yet i've been told i'm handsome. I have good talent in video games and very athletic in football (soccer) too. I just don't have time to find a gf either.
"try dating apps!".. yea... after my friend got stabbed by ex who he met on tinder, no thanks... hahaha.
man this is a sorry excuse lol
I met my current so through Tinder and haven't been stabbed yet so now you can use Tinder again
I had very little luck dating for many years especially through out my twenties and early thirties. I started dating my girlfriend last year and I didn't even know she had liked me during that time until she basically came out and told me. So my advice is have patience and just keep your head up. it will work out.
You sure it’s not about OP’s feelings? I think it’s about his feelings.
It went from him talking about his single status to being super jealpus of his older brother who gets laid.
If you genuinely want companionship you should try to date. Don't look at others' experiences because you are you and not them. You won't be dating their former partners either, so it's not like who you date has any correlation whatsoever to your friends' experiences.
If you have no genuine interest in companionship there's nothing wrong with being single, but if you do want it don't make up excuses to not look and be open to one.
Watch your back, my friend. If you met her on Tinder, it's bound to happen cause it happened to that one guy that one time.
People who say "my friend had a bad breakup so I don't want a gf" remind me of people who try nothing because they're afraid of failing. Having a relationship that ends or doesn't last forever is a common part of life, and it can even be a great learning experience about yourself and the kind of person you are compatible with. Most people get over their breakups and go back to regular life, so it's not like you'll be traumatized for years. Also, just because other people had bad breakups doesn't mean you will.
If you are young, it seems risky to delay even trying to date until you're older and eventually change your mind. If you're 35 and never dated because you spent your 20s afraid of it, you will be dating people who probably have been dating for more than a decade and a half. They may be less tolerant of you having no experience. This may not be true or an issue, but I think it's one reason people truly give up by a certain point.
If you are young, it seems risky to delay even trying to date until you're older and eventually change your mind. If you're 35 and never dated because you spent your 20s afraid of it, you will be dating people who probably have been dating for more than a decade and a half. They may be less tolerant of you having no experience. This may not be true or an issue, but I think it's one reason people truly give up by a certain point.
- Most importantly, being somewhat happy with yourself helps, or at least comfortable with yourself
- Even "ugly" people sometimes find partners, so that can't be the only thing that matters
- Meet people through friends and acquaintances but keep expectations in check (every acquaintance is not a potential partner)
- Don't put extra pressure on every interaction with the opposite sex in your search (desperation is not your friend)
- Don't assume that every woman you happen to meet is also looking for a partner or that you would be the perfect partner for her
- Be your own goofy ass self (within reason--anti-social behavior can be a turn off), it will be exhausting trying to keep up a fake persona and your quirks may be somehow be attractive or endearing
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Models is good. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck was pretty good as well, although more general and less focused on dating.
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I just want to say that the "when it happens, it happens" thing some people are recommending comes with a huge caveat: you still have to put in the work. You still need to take care of yourself, still need to get out there, still need to chat with people on the apps, or whatever you are doing. You can't just coast along and expect someone to fall into your lap (I suppose it's possible that this could happen, but it shouldn't be the basis for advice). This idea that it will just "happen" without much thought from you was a bit of a red herring for me in my early twenties.
It makes me sad to read something like this because I remember being hopeless and lonely in my late 20s and feeling very similar. Nothing I did mattered. I got fit, started volunteering, was using every dating app every day, and going to singles events. Nothing worked. No hookups, dates, or responses. It just felt like I was hopelessly incompatible with the rest of society and, honestly, in a way I was. Trying to mold myself to what I thought other people were looking for and hiding my real self from the world just made me into a boring, cowardly, confused, and frustrated little boy. It was clear to everyone who met me that I was trying way too hard and was only further emphasizing my awkwardness.
In hindsight, I just wasn't looking in the right places and was wasting energy on the wrong people. When I met my significant other it was by pure chance through a friend of a friend at a birthday party. She was the first person I'd ever talked to who I immediately clicked with. There was no awkward 'so, tell me about yourself' date-moment, or opportunity for me to blow the whole thing with some inane small talk. Instead, it was just a completely organic riffing. We were actually having fun and I hadn't even asked her name yet. It's funny that by just being myself and completely letting my guard down- specifically because I WASN'T just jumping at the opportunity to talk to a girl, that things actually went so well. She wasn't what I thought I was looking for at the time, but after that first conversation I knew I'd met someone special.
The point is that different strategies work for different people. Maybe your personality isn't what club girls are prowling for. Maybe you're talking to the wrong people or hanging out with the wrong people. Who knows. But the best piece of advice I'd ever been given, and that I've seen said again and again in this thread, is that you should always focus on bettering yourself and becoming someone you'd be interested in talking to. It's hard to date, but it's even harder when you're totally compromised in your own eyes.
In hindsight, I just wasn't looking in the right places and was wasting energy on the wrong people. When I met my significant other it was by pure chance through a friend of a friend at a birthday party. She was the first person I'd ever talked to who I immediately clicked with. There was no awkward 'so, tell me about yourself' date-moment, or opportunity for me to blow the whole thing with some inane small talk. Instead, it was just a completely organic riffing. We were actually having fun and I hadn't even asked her name yet. It's funny that by just being myself and completely letting my guard down- specifically because I WASN'T just jumping at the opportunity to talk to a girl, that things actually went so well. She wasn't what I thought I was looking for at the time, but after that first conversation I knew I'd met someone special.
The point is that different strategies work for different people. Maybe your personality isn't what club girls are prowling for. Maybe you're talking to the wrong people or hanging out with the wrong people. Who knows. But the best piece of advice I'd ever been given, and that I've seen said again and again in this thread, is that you should always focus on bettering yourself and becoming someone you'd be interested in talking to. It's hard to date, but it's even harder when you're totally compromised in your own eyes.
Not going to give you dating advice because not everyone is going to find someone. I hope you have other things in your life that make you happy. Focus on that as much as you can.
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My parents have been happily married for 46 years. My husband and I have happily been together 20, married 12 and I'm only 35. He is the only guy I ever dated and he has one girl he went on a few dates with before he met me. Some people break up and some people stay together.
You date so that even if there is heart break, after that you find someone to spend your life with.
It depends on your dealbreakers and because of this the pool can be smaller compared to your 20’s.
Yeah, I don't buy it, there's always these tales of one person not looking and then finding someone. I'm betting its nothing like that for the majority(90 percent) of people, if you do nothing you don't find anyone. I have no or few opportunities to meet anyone, and barely any replies with online dating its not going to just magically happen if I dont bother with it. It's incredibly difficult to find someone these days it seems.
5'8 isn't short man, comeon. Unless you live in a Nordic country
