Tell her how you feel but be willing to accept the fact that she may not reciprocate those feelings.
Without risk nothing is gained. Get some confidence and go for it!
Without risk nothing is gained. Get some confidence and go for it!
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I love this girl but I don’t know how to tell her
- Thread starter KenobiLTS
- Start date
This is one of the worst, most self-destructive takes I have ever read. Geez.
When I told my closest friend in the world I'd caught feelings for her, she made it clear she didn't reciprocate. We kept talking about that every now and then and it's been the same sort of deal. I still have feelings for her and she still doesn't. We settled it like grown-ass adults by just admitting that'd probably be the case until my feelings for her fizzled out-- and the reason I accomplished that was by acknowledging from the start that I might be projecting signals I thought I'd received and by making it clear that I valued the reality of our present friendship and all the wonderful things it added to my life over the possibility of something romantic.
Sssssoooo... um... do that? Make it clear that you value the reality of your friendship as the bedrock of your relationship and tell her that it's possible it's all in your head so you want to check. Our relationship is maybe different in that it's super lovey-dovey and sappy by default, since we kind of have a platonic thing going on, but it seems like the obvious solution.
I feel like a lot of the people who are like "the friendship will be ruined" got there because the other party felt used after, since they came away feeling like the friendship was only in service to the true goal of romance. And a lot of times, they're right to feel used-- people put this tremendous over-emphasis on the romance and overlook that the thing that's presently happening is, on its own, beautiful and worthwhile. By coming in from this perspective they are actively devaluing what they DO have because they can't pull their focus away from what they DON'T.
Sssssoooo... um... do that? Make it clear that you value the reality of your friendship as the bedrock of your relationship and tell her that it's possible it's all in your head so you want to check. Our relationship is maybe different in that it's super lovey-dovey and sappy by default, since we kind of have a platonic thing going on, but it seems like the obvious solution.
I feel like a lot of the people who are like "the friendship will be ruined" got there because the other party felt used after, since they came away feeling like the friendship was only in service to the true goal of romance. And a lot of times, they're right to feel used-- people put this tremendous over-emphasis on the romance and overlook that the thing that's presently happening is, on its own, beautiful and worthwhile. By coming in from this perspective they are actively devaluing what they DO have because they can't pull their focus away from what they DON'T.
"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, 'It might have been.' "
Just tell her. It will work out for the best (the best might not be what you want).
Just tell her. It will work out for the best (the best might not be what you want).
This is really good advice. I went through kind of the same thing (except that two years after I told her I was in love with her and she rejected me and I kinda-sorta got over it, she ended up telling me the same thing and now we're happily married). You can still be friends after the rejection if you're both mature and honest about it.
They're 21 and he has never had a serious relationship. It's just lining up to end really badly for him. Like someone else suggested if he absolutely feels like he has to say something, I'd just go with the date idea. If she turns it down he can avoid pouring his heart out.
Ah, then I retract my earlier statement. My wife and I didn't work through this shit until I was 30.