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I love this girl but I don’t know how to tell her
- Thread starter KenobiLTS
- Start date
Wasn't about to say anything while she was happy with her boyfriend.
My dude; this is not the secret confession thread...
OP'; you either confess your love and whatever happens afterwards or live in pain until she finds someone else, pick your poison.
You lack relationship experience AND she's trying to match you up with her friends. She's not interested in any way and you need to get out of your comfort zone and talk to other women romantically instead of pursuing the sunk cost fallacy that you are in love with your friend becuse you've known each other for so long.
If you tell her you'll hear something like this "You're a nice guy but you're like a brother to her and anyway there's someone else she's sort of interested in, you'll make a wonderful boyfriend for some girl."
And so I reiterate, stop hanging out with her. You aren't doing her or yourself any favors.
That's incredibly naive. If one of my friends told me they loved me out of nowhere it would fuck me up pretty good.
Uhhh, I know it didn't work out (yet?). But your consistent effort even in the face of constant rejection is oddly motivating and I think I'm rooting for you?
This is more than likely a troll, but that girl needs a restraining order.
If you're prepared to lose a long friendship, you can tell her,l. If it's really killing you, you're probabaly better off telling her, then you can starting getting over it and move on.
Edit: Are you sure you like her, or do you think this because she's a friend you're spending time with? Maybe ask someone else out and it would help you get over your feelings for her?
Edit: Are you sure you like her, or do you think this because she's a friend you're spending time with? Maybe ask someone else out and it would help you get over your feelings for her?
Doooo it OP right now or never. I'm rooting for you woot. The same thing happened to one of my friends and now they have a baby. It was one of those things people on the outside could tell but it took them forever.
The relationship would definitely change, yeah. I'd always be thinking about it whenever we were together.
OP, all I can say is you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Don't bottle this inside and think back 20 years later about what could have been, or should have happened.
What do you mean you "feel bad for holding all these feelings for her?" There's nothing to feel bad about - you are a human being - and it's not a reason to tell her anything.
Not sure what you mean by "possibly being one-sided" either. You have known her since birth and she has apparently not provided any clues she's in love with you. And has a boyfriend.
We all know how these end - let's be serious. It sucks ass but the best thing one can do, as a person who has any sense for reading the feelings of another human being, is not to resent the friendship because you want it to be romantic and they don't. Easy to say, hard to do - I know. Unfortunately there is no other option unless you'd like to convince yourself she actually is in love with you despite never showing it or one day she'll realize it after dating all those assholes and you'll get married and have a family together. That too is an option.
ahh yes, so inspiring to see a man harass a woman relentlessly after they keep saying no
If you really need her to know because signals are mixed, tell her, but in soft terms (don't use "I love you", more like "I'm feeling a connection with you") but if you're both in the flirtation game then have some restraint and don't tell her anything. Actions speak louder than words.
You also waste bullets taking shots you have no business taking.
Are we reading the same OP?
I agree that things are being over-complicated. The girl described by the OP has no interest in him romantically. So even more reason not to continue to over-complicate things - i.e., the entire relationship - by asking her out on a date.
You people are killing me. This is not addressing it. Telling some girl you've known 13 years who hasn't reciprocated isn't addressing it. If anything it's selfish and reckless and the notion that he needs to spill it to get over her is crazy.
You know how he needs to get over her? By understanding his place in the relationship they have, as a friend. And also appreciate that friendship and not turn into an awkward mess because he refuses to accept the fact she's not interested in the same way he is.
At that point you're literally saying, "While she has not shown me anything in well over a decade to make me think she feels the same way, I'm going to tell her how I feel just in case she says, 'Oh my god I've felt the same way and I just didn't know if you did so I hid it this whole time!'" which is a dumb, childish fantasy.
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haha thnx man but this is like 9-10 yrs old when i was in the final year of highschool. i just wanted him to not be like me lol.
The "possibly being one-sided" thing is mainly because there have been some comments and a few text messages that would lead me to believe she has maybe a few more feelings than just being friends but like I said it's not a certainty and I was in all likelihood reading too much into it.
I'm not super hung up about the entire thing, I was maybe being a little hyperbolic about it feeling like hell when we're hanging out thing. I really don't think me asking her if she possibly feels the same way would end our friendship, I just don't have an interest in bringing it up while she has a boyfriend. It's mostly the possibility of there being something there, if she doesn't feel the same way I don't think I'll take it too hard it's more about the not knowing for me.
Problem is, I've seen a lot of guys like OP who've had crushes on a girl for 10+ years. Most of those who actually confessed and were turned down seem pretty okay years later or at least content, and those who never did are always in this 'What If' scenario where she was the one. But she wasn't the one -she was just one person in your life and it's hard to realize that without closure.
Full disclosure, maybe he has no business taking the shot seeing as she hasn't indicated interest. Maybe, only OP could say if confessing is worth damaging their relationship, and if he would have no regrets after.
Damn, 200 times? That's a lot of rings. I was only able to propose 40 times, because I only had 40 rings.
Repeat this, it always works:
From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again...I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you—I can't breathe. You are in my very soul, tormenting me...what can I do? I will do anything you ask. If you are suffering as much as I am, please, tell me.
From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again...I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you—I can't breathe. You are in my very soul, tormenting me...what can I do? I will do anything you ask. If you are suffering as much as I am, please, tell me.
Yeah but you do know, don't you? That was my point. You have been interacting with this person since birth and you're telling yourself you're at the "not knowing" stage when it's almost certain you're simply at the not accepting stage. Not trying to be harsh at all but again unless this is your first time dealing with this, you know how it goes.
See my post above. Those guys in the "what if" scenario are just continuing what is, by every measure of their ability to have empathy, a fantasy. It's like, "Yeah maybe if I had told the girl she would have suddenly announced she was secretly obsessed with me all this time, despite somehow never showing it."
I'm fully willing to die on the hill that says this approach is a selfish act. If the argument is, "Well part of being a friend is dealing with your friend's emotions", I agree but I think there's a case for undue burden here. A girl has known you 13 years, never seems to have acted like she wants you as a bf and your response is to tell her you're in love with her in case she happens to say the same but had been hiding it. That's not reality.
Getting out of the friend zone is easy, OP. Simply stop talking to her, and disappear for 2 or 3 years. Once she's somewhat forgot about you, try to rekindle with each other, but this time tell her you want to date. Report back to us in 2 or 3 years with the results.
fucking howling that the third result I get is 3 Doors Down "Loser".
Honestly, I had a crush on my best friend as well, and eventually, I just told her, but I had no expectation either way. I just wanted her to know how she makes me feel, and hey, we are still very close today. I don't think you will lose the friendship. And who knows, she might feel the same way about you. Tell her how you feel, in an honest and heartfelt manner and whatever the outcome, accept it. It might make your relationship even stronger as now the possibility of you two ending up together won't be in your head any longer.
Lol
Forget about being friend zoned since 8, this post takes the cake
(Sorry OP)
Well shit that turned dark
Anakin's game is so powerful that he got a pacifist senator to fall in love with him despite being a self-confessed murderer.
So I think the evidence speaks for itself.
Tell her how you feel, and see how it goes. Be prepared to lose the friendship though; that might sound scary but it's absolutely necessary.
I was crazy about a friend I'd known since I was 16. We actually went out for two years and split up, but then ended up being friends again after a couple of years because there wasn't any animosity between us and we both had the same friends. I eventually realised that I couldn't help but be crazy about her though, so told her how I felt. She didn't feel the same, which I expected, so I decided to distance myself. It's no good being crazy about someone who doesn't feel the same as you!
I mean, it's kind of sad, but sometimes you can't help how you feel about someone. If you feel that strongly and they don't, you really can't be friends.
No one should ever actually say that hideous line of exposition to anyone in real life.
And yet, OP's backstory already makes him more qualified to deliver it than Anakin ever was.
Since you're so young, I would highly recommend getting some experience dating other women first and figure out what your feelings for your friend actually are before making her feel very awkward and more eager to not be friends with you anymore by clumsily fumbling through what you think you're feeling for her. If she's offering to hook you up with one of her friends, take that deal and actually pursue that for a bit and see what feelings spring forth from being romantically involved with another woman.
But if you're dead set on letting you know how you feel, my suggestion is next time you're with each other and you can control the background music playing, very non nonchalantly start playing Careless Whisper, and rest your chin on your hand until she notices. You need an icebreaker for a conversation like that, and some humor never hurts to set the mood.
But if you're dead set on letting you know how you feel, my suggestion is next time you're with each other and you can control the background music playing, very non nonchalantly start playing Careless Whisper, and rest your chin on your hand until she notices. You need an icebreaker for a conversation like that, and some humor never hurts to set the mood.
No it isn't. Lmao. We are talking about a crush, for fuck's sake. A crush. That's it. The OP has never been romantically involved with this person and is merely fantasizing. The relationship could be horrible. He may find her unpleasant in many ways. It's 21-year-old emo crush bullshit. Losing a friendship over that? For what? So you can feel great about both being rejected AND losing a supposed best friend?
Congrats on mangling the metaphor into total nonsense.
The concept of a friendzone is idiotic.
OP, you aren't in love with her. You have no idea what it would be like to be in an intimate relationship with her.
Tell her you think you've developed a crush on her in the last few weeks. Crushes can be childish. Crushes can be laughed off. Expressing your undying love when you haven't even been on a date, even if you have been friends for a long time, is a completely different beast. Letting her know your feelings have changed and you have a bit of a crush is the easiest way to bring this up with someone you've known for a very long time without it ruining a friendship. If she has feelings for you beyond friendship, it will be clear.
If she doesn't respond the way you hope, you at least have a chance of getting back to being friends with her in the future. Right now, you are obsessed with her and you are not thinking clearly.
It's a garbage metaphor to begin with. In basketball you will lose 99 times out of 100 if you just chuck up bullshit shots.
I mean ... how mangled can an already problematic metaphor possibly get?
Maybe. How about this: you find a gun with a note taped to it that says, "Broken gun. Don't shoot. Serious threat of backfire" and you have it around for 13 years and then one day you look at it again, with the same note, and you're like, "Well, I won't know if I don't try"?