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I met this amazing woman, kind, caring and gentle....but I think she gave me herpes.

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TheGhost

TheGhost

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
28,137
Long Island
First off, whatever....I'm never going to meet any of you so nothing to be embarrassed about.

So I met this amazing woman, we have been having a great time. But I won't bore you with those details. We had sex twice before I went in for surgery and then didn't see her for a week.

As I was getting undressed for surgery I noticed a tiny clump of blisters near my groin area. I shrugged it off, must be an ingrown hair it has happened before.

Anyway I get out of surgery, go through recovery and the blister is almost gone. I have sex with her again last night and I woke up this morning with even more clumps of blisters down there.

Now....I haven't been in a relationship for two years. I'm good friends with my ex still and we are pretty open about things. We talked and she doesn't have herpes. She had checked after sleeping with her new boyfriend. So not her, the girl before that is dead so I can't ask her. But that was like 4 years ago. Unless I got it from some girl like 8 years ago and it's only showing up now?

Anyway I got a couple questions

I plan on going to the doctor tomorrow during lunch to get a test done (my last test a year ago was good). If it indeed does come back saying I have herpes, what is the best way to approach the current girlfriend?

Is it possible for her to give it me with out her-herself knowing she has herpes?

I'm going to say something silly, I hope she is the one that did give me herpes (if that is indeed what it is) , what's done is done but I wouldn't have to worry about giving this new found problem to her.

Then again she may not have it and me telling her will cause her to leave me. Which will suck but not having the conversation is not an option.

So once I do get confirmation, what do I say?

"Listen we need to talk....I noticed shortly after having sex....I broke out in blisters"

Do I say "oh hey when was the last time you been tested?"

Do I raid her medicine cabinet and start googling prescriptions and see if anything is for herpes.

Or perhaps maybe play this Dave Chappelle skit and see if she comes clean?



And yes I used condoms
Will update story after I go to doctor (hopefully tomorrow if not Tuesday)

TheGhost said:
UPDATE:

I do not have genital herpes!!!!

But....I do have...Epstein Barr, which the doctor says "everyone has". Something to do with Mono? I haven't felt lethargic since my teens.

So...it appears it was just a rash from rough sex with my librarian on a freshly shaven area ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

One thing I would like to address, I learned a lot from this thread and the people who commented on it. I will look at herpes differently from now on and will not longer view people with herpes in the same stigmatized way.
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Umbrella Carp

Umbrella Carp

Banned
Jan 16, 2019
3,265
This is one situation that requires both a frank and honest discussion and a hell of a lot of care with words
 
Terminus

Terminus

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
1,874
She clearly gave you herpes, man. She definitely needs to be the first one you talk to, and frankly, once you get that positive result in hand.
 
neon_dream

neon_dream

Member
Dec 18, 2017
3,644
"Hey, do you have genital herpes?"
"Yup."
"Oh."

Go get some valacyclovir. Carry on with the relationship if you can handle that she didn't tell you she had fricking genital herpes.
 
Huncho_Houdini

Huncho_Houdini

Member
Dec 31, 2017
7,085
Be honest and mature. She's not going to leave you for bringing this up. For the record, some people do shed the virus without having outbreaks, so it's possible she's unaware. Regardless a talk is needed once you get your results.
 
louisacommie

louisacommie

Member
Oct 25, 2017
17,566
New Jersey
Hey i got mouth herpes from I dont even know how some relative when I was a toddler probably. That's how most people get mouth herpes though
 
hey it's that dog

hey it's that dog

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,089
How long after first sexual contact did the blisters appear? Suddenly having more the morning after sex doesn't sound like how herpes works but maybe they were already brewing.
 
OP
OP
TheGhost

TheGhost

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
28,137
Long Island
I mean part of me is kind of pissed, but the other part of me feels like this is just karma for every girl I ever turned down because they had herpes.

I know like millions and millions have it. If you ever had a cold sore in life you have herpes. But to see that little cluster (thankfully not directly on my dick) is....annoying.
 
Video Games Are Dumb

Video Games Are Dumb

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,033
Milwaukee, WI
If she didn't know, that's unfortunate.
If she did know, get away from her. That would be sociopathic behavior.

But it's worth pointing out there are lot of really amazing people out there with STIs. So you've entered a whole new dating pool!
Stay positive!
 
The Kidd

The Kidd

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,034
Talk to her about it, she won't leave you for it unless you go about it in an irrationally angry way. Heroes is very, VERY, common, and she may not not she has it herself.

If you really do like her, this is something you both should be able to work through.
 
subpar spatula

subpar spatula

Refuses to Wash his Ass
Member
Oct 26, 2017
22,084
I'd bail, but since you may have herpes your dating pool has declined drastically, so if you're still cool with her then stay together?
 
Alec

Alec

Hero of Bowerstone
Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,717
Louisville, KY
Do you wash your junk after every time you have sex? Soap and all?

If not, you should. Every time.

1 in 6 people have herpes. It is incredibly common. Even if unprotected, being diligent about washing will do wonders for preventing an outbreak.
 
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Scottt

Scottt

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,208
She probably didn't know, so keep making sure to avoid any feelings of resentment--sometimes symptoms don't even appear for women. But you should wait until your sores are gone before you have sex again, and once yours heal you probably will never see them again. Just keep the conversation in the zone of telling her about it but assuring her that you don't fault her and still feel the same about the relationship.
 
OP
OP
TheGhost

TheGhost

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
28,137
Long Island
subpar spatula said:
I'd bail, but since you may have herpes your dating pool has declined drastically, so if you're still cool with her then stay together?
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That's what I'm saying, it's hard enough to be dating with out herpes, I can't imagine doing so with it. But I do really like her and I'm already 40 so it's not like....you know....not like I'm 21 and in my prime dating years. It is what it is. I'm just hoping it isn't.
 
Stephen Home

Stephen Home

Alt account
Banned
Dec 17, 2018
709
OP, I would nominate your thread for best thread title of the month if they keep tap of such things.
 
Video Games Are Dumb

Video Games Are Dumb

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,033
Milwaukee, WI
TheGhost said:
That's what I'm saying, it's hard enough to be dating with out herpes, I can't imagine doing so with it. But I do really like her and I'm already 40 so it's not like....you know....not like I'm 21 and in my prime dating years. It is what it is. I'm just hoping it isn't.
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Listen, there are so many people out there with herpes that are in the same boat as you. So chill out!
You're going to have a whole new bunch of people you would have otherwise not dated.
 
affeinvasion

affeinvasion

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,949
Herpes isn't that big of a deal. A huge number of people have it and it isn't life threatening. School sex ed stigmatized genital herpes alongside things like syphilis and gonorrhea and it just isn't on the same level as those issues. She may have had it and never even known, too.
 
Pixel Grotto

Pixel Grotto

Member
Oct 27, 2017
894
I would recommend you just have a frank and honest discussion. Do not blame her. Then go get tested together.

These things happen and frankly a large majority of people who have sex will probably contract herpes without knowing it. Herpes can incubate and not show symptoms in some people, and a lot of people do lazy as heck STI checks so honestly it's possible your ex or someone else gave it to you. Anyway, you can't control the fact that you got it. But you can control how you discuss this with her.

If she's as great as you think she is, it'll be okay.
 
OP
OP
TheGhost

TheGhost

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
28,137
Long Island
captive said:
yea, not really. everyone has some version of herpes.
genital herpes is not a big deal.
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I mean if she freaks out and leaves because who ever wants to be told someone got blisters after having sex with them.....it's forever going to change my dating life. That's a pretty big deal. The only happy ending here is if I stay with her. Which is her choice not mine.
 
Tetrinski

Tetrinski

Banned
May 17, 2018
2,915
She's not necessarily the one that gave you herpes and, even if she did, she might not know about it.

Herpes can remain dormant in the body for years. The warts and symptoms seem to appear at random, but they actually do it more often if your defenses have been weakened (such as after the surgery you mention). Chances are that you had them for years, developed symptoms now and, in the meantime, gave them to her.

Don't ruin a good relationship over some stupid warts, look it up and realize how many of the people you have had sex with or will ever have sex with, have fucking herpes as well.

Also, some of the comments in this thread are disgusting and lack basic information. I want to think they come from Americans who haven't had decent sex education, so it's not their fault, but don't listen to them. A few of the people who will recommend you to run away have herpes, statistically speaking, and a few of those have something even worse like chlamydia, and have no clue about it because it often doesn't have visible or noticeable symptoms while it fucks you up inside.

As for you, DO NOT touch anything, including other parts of your body, without washing your hands after touching your stuff. Keep in mind that the removal of the warts won't remove the virus and that you'll remain highly contagious. To get rid of the virus, have the strongest immune system you can, so eat healthy, work out, sleep well and don't smoke. You'll be fine.

Edit: typo
 
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slabrock

slabrock

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,762
Tetrinski said:
Herpes doesn't care about condoms unless they can cover 100% of your body.
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w4f0SHg.gif
 
Volimar

Volimar

volunteer forum janitor
Member
Oct 25, 2017
38,325
While you should absolutely get tested and yeah it's probably the herp, showing symptoms so quickly both times makes me wonder if maybe you have an allergy to the condom (latex) or some other allergy.
 
OP
OP
TheGhost

TheGhost

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
28,137
Long Island
Volimar said:
While you should absolutely get tested and yeah it's probably the herp, showing symptoms so quickly both times makes me wonder if maybe you have an allergy to the condom (latex) or some other allergy.
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Unless my body completely changed after surgery idk, I mean I've been using the same Trojan brand for years with out a problem most of my life. I just don't want to have the talk with her until I know for sure.

What is the possibility of me getting this from a past partner years and years and years ago and it didn't decide to show up until after having sex with her? Which would be fucking weird as hell because like I said. No sex for 2- 2 1/2 years before this.
 
subpar spatula

subpar spatula

Refuses to Wash his Ass
Member
Oct 26, 2017
22,084
captive said:
oh good a herpes thread, where people freak out like you have AIDS.


yea, not really. everyone has some version of herpes.
genital herpes is not a big deal.
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I don't have herpes and neither does my fiance, so you're wrong on that everyone angle.

Some folks just don't want herpes. That isn't anything you should criticize folks for.
 
kickz

kickz

Member
Nov 3, 2017
11,395
If she knew and didn't tell you, then dump her ass.

Only a psycho goes around not telling people of their ailments.
 
OP
OP
TheGhost

TheGhost

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
28,137
Long Island
I can live with this, I'll deal with it, but if somehow it some dormant thing I had for a decade that triggeres after sex with her and she gets it from me? I'll never be able to forgive myself. It will eat away at me everyday.
 
Tetrinski

Tetrinski

Banned
May 17, 2018
2,915
TheGhost said:
I can live with this, I'll deal with it, but if somehow it some dormant thing I had for a decade that triggeres after sex with her and she gets it from me? I'll never be able to forgive myself. It will eat away at me everyday.
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You seem like your sex ed was terrible, that´s the worst news here. Everything else, herpes, its symptoms, who got them from whom, none of it is a big deal. Look at any little wart you´ve ever had: that´s herpes. Now it´s in your dick, it might be itchy from time to time, and a doctor can remove it in 2 minutes. That´s literally it.
 
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