I miss my ex

DarkMagician

Member
Oct 25, 2017
943
Well I think I only miss my own mind’s perception of the good points in the relationship. He was abusive (emotionally and mentally), very closed off, blaming me for everything, and at the end started to get physically abusive, so it’s definitely not a good idea to get back together, but it just sucks.

Anyone else have any conflicting feelings like this?
 
Oct 28, 2017
833
Not for an ex, but my parents. Sometimes you have to let people go because having them in your life will hurt you too much.
 

Ryoku

Member
Oct 28, 2017
257
Everyone longs for the good parts of their past, even if they were overall bad for you. It's ok to miss someone or something--don't feel guilty about it, and don't fight it, either. It's natrual. Just realize where you are now, and especially, why you are where you are now.
 

Zerokoolpsx

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
2,997
There comes a point when you have to let them go. Hoping for things to get better is a fool's errand.
 

Alice

Member
Nov 2, 2017
5,460
You don't miss him, you miss the good times you remember. It happens, especially when one finally manages to get themselves out of an abusive relationship. Sometimes I still remember my ex and the "fun times", but I also know that those weren't the rule, and they only happened when I "performed" exactly the way she wanted me to.
 
Oct 30, 2017
401
My ex got married while we were dating and covered it up, even continuing to deny it after the fact. I still miss her despite being a sidepiece that was given no respect. So, I hope it's normal to miss even terrible people. Just have to keep going anyway.
 

Grassy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
383
I did after I broke up with my ex last year, even though she was a compulsive liar and treated me like shit and "borrowed" a lot of money off me.

It took a while for my brain to get over her and process and comprehend what happened. Looking back now I have no idea why I even dated her, it honestly mystifies me. I don't know what I was thinking, it was the worst mistake of my life. I guess it's that thing where you know something is bad for you but you want to go back, almost like an addiction.

Luckily I'm now in a very loving relationship with an amazing woman and I forgot that my piece of shit ex even exists. Move forward, never look back.
 
Oct 25, 2017
9,525
All the time, OP.

I don't know if this would make me luckier or unluckier than you, but our old relationship was quite unconventional, but otherwise felt pretty respectful and healthy to me. She ended it because of a litany of conflicting life events/past trauma, and that her feelings for me had apparently changed. Which still baffles and hurts.

Unfortunately, with a long string of bad relationsgip luck to date, I have no other partner in my life to compare my ex to. Without a framework it's hard to identify any possible emotional distortions I have towards my memories of her, so my brain just clings onto the good memories whenever I feel lonely... which is frequently.
 

Spence

Member
Oct 27, 2017
670
Sweden
I think it can easily happen that your mind rationalises things but you have to remember and focus on the reasons for the breakup, remember the abusive moments and try to think instead upon that sooner or later you will find someone else that is better to you.
 

TaySan

Member
Dec 10, 2018
7,911
I sometimes miss the good times when I had friends, but I had to cut them all out of my life for various reasons and I feel better overall about it mentality.
 

murgo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
980
Germany
Well I think I only miss my own mind’s perception of the good points in the relationship. He was abusive (emotionally and mentally), very closed off, blaming me for everything, and at the end started to get physically abusive, so it’s definitely not a good idea to get back together, but it just sucks.

Anyone else have any conflicting feelings like this?
I got married last August. At the beginning of the year my wife cheated on me and left me for the other guy. I'm still furious and hate what she's done to me, yet I still kinda miss her. Or maybe I just miss being with someone, like Senator Rains said.
 

Tokyo_Funk

Banned
Dec 10, 2018
2,865
I envy you, I wish I could give a single shit about any of my exes.

Only one I cared about is my deceased fiance, the rest burned bridges.
 

Braag

Member
Nov 7, 2017
1,395
I know how you feel. The brain has a habit of playing tricks and glorifying even awful periods of your past. Just remember why he is an ex, don't forget why he is no longer in your life.
 
Feb 1, 2018
2,960
Your mind likes to romanticize certain elements of your past and kinda hide the rest to give you a warped idea of who somebody was

They’re an ex for a reason
 

overcast

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,421
Be honest with your emotions and let them out. Continue to keep it in your mind that you are now working on yourself and you should keep busy.

I occasionally miss my ex, but I’m either at work or school 7 days a week. If not I’m hanging with friends or spending time alone. When did you two break up?
 

limerobot

Member
Apr 26, 2019
735
Well I think I only miss my own mind’s perception of the good points in the relationship. He was abusive (emotionally and mentally), very closed off, blaming me for everything, and at the end started to get physically abusive, so it’s definitely not a good idea to get back together, but it just sucks.

Anyone else have any conflicting feelings like this?
abusive and you miss that?

mourn for the time you lost with that person, instead of spending it meeting someone who will treat you right.

do not mourn THEM
 

JohnPaulv2.0

Member
Dec 3, 2017
138
Yeah, I know this feeling. I fought hard for my ex when she broke up with me to no avail. Now when I look back I'm like goddamn, I should have been grateful for that out. It's weird, I guess it's just hard going cold turkey on a person. Hopefully you'll find someone who makes you wonder what you ever saw in your ex in the first place.
 

Thequietone

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,538
I thankfully don't miss my ex. She wasn't abusive physically but very emotionally abusive. When she broke up with me I attempted suicide. She just sat there and watched me die. Thankfully I sent a text to a friend saying good bye who called 911 or I probably wouldn't be here. I had some therapy and I'm on medication so I am in a better state of mind now. I think that moment was when I realized the woman I loved didn't love me and she wasn't worth it.

Anyways, I hope you can overcome those feelings and realize you are worth more than what they treated you like.
 

hateradio

Member
Oct 28, 2017
4,213
welcome, nowhere
Well I think I only miss my own mind’s perception of the good points in the relationship. He was abusive (emotionally and mentally), very closed off, blaming me for everything, and at the end started to get physically abusive, so it’s definitely not a good idea to get back together, but it just sucks.

Anyone else have any conflicting feelings like this?
Yeah, no.

2020 for me is about moving forward.

Move on from the EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE MALE TRAUMA.


If ever you feel like a man is being manipulative just to get an emotional response from you, say: Boy, bye!


Eg: I'm going to be an asshole if you don't get me a pack of cigarettes.

SAY: FUCK YOU, YOU DON"T GET TO BE EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE. IF YOU"RE GOING TO BE AN ASSHOLE OWN UP TO IT. BUT DON"T USE ME NOT GETTING SOMETHING FOR YOU AS AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR BULLSHIT.
 
Last edited:

Sean

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,503
Longview
A year and a month ago I left a toxic 5 year relationship that left me pretty messed up. I'm still working on how I communicate with others after the way she got me twisted up. I still catch myself missing her sometimes, but it happens less often as time goes on I guess.
 

Leo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,205
Not for an ex, but my parents. Sometimes you have to let people go because having them in your life will hurt you too much.
This.

I feel bad for not spending more time with my parents (mostly my dad, since my mother is toxic 100% of the time), but I've been hurt by them my whole life, and now I'm finally independent and have everything on tracks, I just can't sacrifice my well being anymore.

It doesn't help that they are getting old pretty fast and ruining each other's lives too by still living together. But it's their choice, when I was there I didn't have a choice, now I do.
 

Namea

Member
Dec 2, 2017
98
It's normal to reminisce about the good moments, but you deserve better than what this person had to offer you. In addition, you might wanna look into how you got into this relationship in the first place. There may be some old wounds that you're still carrying around which make you subconsciously seek out certain types of people and/or behaviors. Just pointing this out because I've been a victim of this myself.

I guess my best piece of advice would be: Let the emotions pass by and don't forget why your relationship ended.
 

Reizzz

Member
Jun 19, 2019
361
Well I think I only miss my own mind’s perception of the good points in the relationship. He was abusive (emotionally and mentally), very closed off, blaming me for everything, and at the end started to get physically abusive, so it’s definitely not a good idea to get back together, but it just sucks.

Anyone else have any conflicting feelings like this?
It's totally understandable that you might. Especially when their is some distance between the emotional trauma that had occurred. Just remember how much better things have gotten and how many new things in life you can experience. Keep focusing on the things that make YOU happy and you alone. Take thay night course, spend some time in the gym, read that book you've been putting off etc..


I picked up my old guitar that I hadn't used in years and learned to play a bunch of songs I liked. Be selfish!
 

phonicjoy

Member
Jun 19, 2018
2,407
I thankfully don't miss my ex. She wasn't abusive physically but very emotionally abusive. When she broke up with me I attempted suicide. She just sat there and watched me die. Thankfully I sent a text to a friend saying good bye who called 911 or I probably wouldn't be here. I had some therapy and I'm on medication so I am in a better state of mind now. I think that moment was when I realized the woman I loved didn't love me and she wasn't worth it.

Anyways, I hope you can overcome those feelings and realize you are worth more than what they treated you like.
Wow. That sounds like an incredibly traumatizing experience. I hope you're doing ok now <3
 

Aprikurt

Member
Oct 29, 2017
5,836
You miss the good stuff. You miss the perception of that person you had back then. You miss an image.

It will fade eventually, but in my experience time is the biggest factor here.
 

Metal Slugger

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,052
St. Cloud, MN
I separated from my wife of 11 years (dated since 16yo) last summer. I feel ya OP, there are some nights where I wonder if I fucked up and if I should just come crawling back for the sake of our two daughters. Then I remember how she manipulated me for over a decade and then finally got physical and then I just get mad. She fucked it up, not me.

It sounds kinda weird but whenever I'm feeling lonely I take myself out on "dates". Go to a new restaurant, buy a new book/album/movie, or just order food in and play a game or whatever. Do something for yourself to feel good, realize that you are a human being and that experiencing happiness is normal.
 

CNSBarry

Member
Oct 27, 2017
71
I got married last August. At the beginning of the year my wife cheated on me and left me for the other guy. I'm still furious and hate what she's done to me, yet I still kinda miss her. Or maybe I just miss being with someone, like Senator Rains said.
That is exactly what happened to me 2 years ago (right down to the exact months)! I can tell you it gets better.
 

Alpha Baymax

Member
Dec 3, 2019
1,029
Appreciate the good memories but remind yourself of the bad memories. Putting people on top of a golden staircase is never healthy for your psyche.
 

mhayes86

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,759
Virginia
I've been through it myself, OP. It can take time, but eventually you'll come to accept that as much as you liked the good points of the relationship, the two of you were not compatible, and in your case, be more aware of any manipulation and abuse that may have come from them to remind you that they aren't worth it.

There can also be times of loneliness in which you just miss being with someone, which I think can contribute to missing them. Stay strong and you'll get through it.
 

Horror

Member
Nov 3, 2017
1,891
My ex-wife and I used to play local co-op video games together all the time. There are moments where I'm on the couch, with a controller in hand, when I turn and I see her sitting next to me shaking her XBox One controller and yelling at the screen, but then that apparition fades until I'm alone again in my single-room apartment -- the same home we've shared for almost 10 years.

OP, you'll always miss your ex, especially if you two shared a hobby you still enjoy because all shared activities will trigger memories and manifest ghosts. I don't believe the feeling will ever go away; it's just one of those burdens you'll have to carry the rest of your life.
 

murgo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
980
Germany
Damn, so sorry to hear that. :(
Yeah :(
That is exactly what happened to me 2 years ago (right down to the exact months)! I can tell you it gets better.
Oh man.. I feel you bro. How long did it take you to be "normal" again?
She just threw the relationship away so easily?
Yup. She threw away 8 years just like that. Got together on August 10th 2011, got married exactly that day 8 years later and then, after 4 months she just throws it all away. She already moved in with the new guy (one of her work colleagues, who I even met on my wedding day).
On the one hand, the fact that she doesn't give a damn about me anymore and chose to end the relationship in this incredibly fucked up way makes it easier for me to see this as an opportunity to start anew. On the other hand it hurts like hell. She's "happy" with that spineless bastard while I'm alone and miserable.
 

sgtnosboss

Member
Nov 9, 2017
3,748
IL
I can only relate to this with ex friends, but we tend to think of only the good times when they are gone and not remember all the crap they put you through. You have to try and bring that to the front to remind yourself why you all didn't work is my only suggest OP. I am sorry it hurts!
 

Silav101

Member
Oct 26, 2017
387
It will eventually be less problematic, OP! One day, you'll find that it no longer hurts to think of them, or realize you no longer think of them at all!

Remember, they are your ex for a reason!
 

Soupman Prime

The Fallen
Nov 8, 2017
3,513
Boston, MA
I still miss my ex a little and it’s been about 2 years. I’m getting better at moving on but it’s still hard when a lot of the times it was just so good. Hard to move on from someone you thought was the greatest but I’m one of the people that hasn’t been in a dozen or so relationships.

I saw her in a photo of her friends mom in the people you may know stuff on Facebook last week and I felt something lol. After Kobe died and everyone was saying to talk to someone you had issues with because you can go tomorrow so I almost felt like texting her or something. That would’ve been scary.
 

bevishead

Member
Jan 9, 2018
289
I feel ya OP. If it was an intense loving relationship, your mind gets really used to the high of that feeling. It takes years for that to go away. Its funny how even if a person treated you like crap you still want that feeling of the good times back. Try and reclaim that feeling with a hopefully better partner.
 

Bruticis

Member
Oct 27, 2017
33
I can definitely relate after having a 20+ relationship destroyed with my HS sweetheart (the only real relationship I've ever had). Final year had her get a tummy tuck and breast enhancement (her insistence, I didn't want her to do it) which lead to her cheating and doing some awful shit I'm still haunted with to this day. It's been 2 years and it still hurts all the time. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think of her and wish things were back the way they were even though I know now it was extremely unhealthy. I would highly advise you seek counseling and support if you can. I tried to self medicate and ending up becoming a coke head and alcoholic 40 something re-enacting my early 20s that I thought I missed. It was an unmitigated disaster to say the least.