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I'm a complete failure and i'll never be anything more. Best way to end it all?
- Thread starter GARlock Spiral
- Start date
This entire world is in flux OP and that makes me have to ask you, why do you think change is not possible when it applies to you? I would really like to talk to you about it.
Like I'm going back in your posts and you're really into talking movies and games and stuff, you're watching things and thinking about stories and whatnot.... I mean these are small things to enjoy and look forward to, maybe, but they're there when you need something to think about.
If you have to distract yourself through this, do it. Watch, play, do whatever. Talk here. Talk on a discord server. Learn to juggle or something.
There's nothing proving death will be better than how you feel right now. People here can attest that things can change, and do.
If you have to distract yourself through this, do it. Watch, play, do whatever. Talk here. Talk on a discord server. Learn to juggle or something.
There's nothing proving death will be better than how you feel right now. People here can attest that things can change, and do.
Here's how you end it all. First call 1-800-273-8255 or text 741741. Get help there immediately. Then, you start putting one foot in front of the other. It's not going to be easy, but you can do it. Then, decades from now, you die of old age.
You are worth living.
You are worth living.
A LOT of people are jobless, stupid, ugly and lonely.
You're not even necessarily those things (other than jobless and only), it isn't really for you in your state of mind to decide that.
Not being able to afford therapy is rough, but there are alternatives online and just talking to people in similar positions that can help.
I know how you feel about talk does nothing, I've been there too, but it does after a while and it'll help build yourself up so you succeed more.
It's painful but opening up and talking lays the ground work to understand and grow, as well as not feel as alone.
Making a decision like this in your current state, isn't fair on you.
Your brain right now is telling you falsehoods and lies, it is actively working against you to keep you feeling down. Don't give up, fight it.
Every human, you included has the power deep down to fight it.
Is there anything wrong with being a loser? I don't necessarily think so. You can still find pleasure in being seen as a "traditional failure" What some might see as failure, you can view as being satisfied living life differently to the "traditional successes" of life.
That's all just "traditional success" stuff. Why does that any of that matter?
No one on this forum is going to give you advice on how to commit suicide. On some level, you have to know this.
Get off the computer. Call a suicide hot line. There's nothing else to be said here.
OP
OP
"Both". But you're wrong, it has been like this forever. It's just gotten worse and worse and worse and worse and worse over the last decade.
Life. There isn't a single reason I should continue dealing with this BS. I am not worth it. It took me way too long to realize it, but my existence needs to be put down for my own good.
You're partially right. I know i'm depressed, throw that in with some unemployment and realizing you're just not good enough and you never will be. That was on me for thinking otherwise.
You'll have to buy me dinner first
Results. If i stand in front of a speeding train, and hope that it doesn't hit me, odds aren't good for my survival.
It's in a shitty place and the constant reminder that it will never get better. I'm realizing the latter the hard way.
OP
OP
Any solution that tries to ensure i'm alive in 2020 is the polar opposite of a solution.
You're a funny guy. That's not a loser quality and I can honestly say that is something good about you that would be missed
There is help out there, and people willing to listen, you need only seek it.
Give some thought to seeking help, OP. Please. And if you're considering suicide, call a hotline.
Give some thought to seeking help, OP. Please. And if you're considering suicide, call a hotline.
Then why did you ask this on a public forum where anyone who would be answering you the way you want to be would be banned and your thread taken down?
you know exactly what you're doing here.
OP you're considering a permanent choice for a temporary problem. Please utilize any of the resources already linked/posted.
How are you a loser OP? I see such a sentiment crop up during suicidal ideation all the time but the reasons given are never things that actually make someone you could conceivably call a "loser" (an unapologetic, unwilling to change bigot, unapologetic con artist, or unapologetic, unwilling to change sex pest). Just a lot of personal failures, but not the person themselves being a lowlife. Everyone fails, some more than others. Suicide isn't the answer, and in fact, will just make the people who do care about you suffer emotionally. At best it will end your suffering- but it will also end ANY feeling whatsoever. Any sensation. You won't be able to enjoy your end of suffering because your brain will just not function any longer. Even if you believe in an afterlife, you're still dead, there's nothing you can do to comfort those you've left behind or change the world in even the smallest of ways.
Anyway, if you want to stop being a loser in your mind, like, just, even, I don't know, getting a low paying shitty job or volunteering will improve someone else's day, whether it be a supervisor, manager, or random customer. Or seeking out a group to play tabletop/video games or watch anime with. Just making funny posts on Twitter. or playing an online game to give someone else someone to play with. But I don't think you're a loser even if you don't do those sorts of things. You are just so valuable just as yourself.
Anyway, if you want to stop being a loser in your mind, like, just, even, I don't know, getting a low paying shitty job or volunteering will improve someone else's day, whether it be a supervisor, manager, or random customer. Or seeking out a group to play tabletop/video games or watch anime with. Just making funny posts on Twitter. or playing an online game to give someone else someone to play with. But I don't think you're a loser even if you don't do those sorts of things. You are just so valuable just as yourself.
Be compassionate. Sometimes people just want their pain to be recognized. Sometimes people just want to be heard. There are many possible reasons.
You don't think your worth it. That doesn't make it true. There are no easy answers and I don't meant to be patronizing so sorry if it comes across that way.
We all think you are worth it. Hit me up with a PM if you ever want to talk.
You wouldn't be here if you weren't trying for help. Your arguments aren't making complete logical sense, but I have been close to where you are, so I think I am following.
Does the darkness ever lift? Does the emotional swell ever quiet? Do you ever get those moments where you look back on the thoughts that seemed so clear when you were depressed that just don't make sense when you're in a different state?
I believe you are worth your life, because you haven't put anything in this thread that tells me otherwise.
I am sorry I don't have an answer to help you. I truly hope you will call a suicide prevention hotline. I truly believe your life has worth.
Does the darkness ever lift? Does the emotional swell ever quiet? Do you ever get those moments where you look back on the thoughts that seemed so clear when you were depressed that just don't make sense when you're in a different state?
I believe you are worth your life, because you haven't put anything in this thread that tells me otherwise.
I am sorry I don't have an answer to help you. I truly hope you will call a suicide prevention hotline. I truly believe your life has worth.
How so? What are you in school for or working? Doing something like a trade versus traditional University is one way to get a great job and career many people don't think about it.
Why are you having such an issue?
Thanks for responding btw!
this entire thread should have a huge content warning and its insane that it hasn't been closed yet
Closing would be a bad idea, cuts off a channel for help for the OP.
OP
OP
I'll admit to being unapologetic in a sense. The last ten years are nothing but failures for me. Personal, professional, etc. There's no success in that entry. The more i live, the more i realize that there will absolutely NEVER be. I've done those "stop being a loser" things, tried to move past that only to realize that i will never be good enough for anything more than that no matter how hard I try. I don't have a twitter so I can't do that, but no, I'm not valuable. Worthless is the proper word you're looking for.
On the contrary, Suicide IS the answer. Living only means that there's more and more that will go wrong. You're wrong that it will make the people I care for suffer. There's nobody I care for and nobody who cares about me. As you've said, it will end my suffering, and that's all that matters. I don't have any feeling left in me to care one way or another.
I've graduated. I have a bachelor's in IT. I'm just too stupid to pass any certification no matter how hard I try.
To the questions, no, no, and hell no. My life is not worth it and the more i live, it never will be.
I'm just pointing out that a part of them knows that this thread isn't going to give them the results they want.
And I'm pointing out that sometimes people just want to be heard.
OP
OP
OP I've been in a very similar position to you. I was unemployed for the majority of my 20s, friends dropped away one by one, I didn't date, was lonely, overweight, not able to move out from parents home due to the lack of money. It took time but I am finally working my way past all of this. You don't see that things can get better when you are in the thick of it but please trust me, it is possible.
If you are struggling to use your IT skills for now workwise then maybe put that to the side for now. Look for something simple that will just get you out and working, interacting with people and get yourself a bit of money so you can get help or just start feeling a bit better.
If you are struggling to use your IT skills for now workwise then maybe put that to the side for now. Look for something simple that will just get you out and working, interacting with people and get yourself a bit of money so you can get help or just start feeling a bit better.
I am sorry to hear that. You're certainly in deep. I can certainly sympathize with wanting the pain to stop. I definitely wish that more than I probably should. Like how great it would be if there was a tank you could crawl in to turn the emotional swell off for a bit.
But, Gar, I have to say, I haven't dealt with half of what you seem to have. You're a strong person to have withstood it.
And I will never stop believing that you have some worth.
You don't need money to get help. Others have already posted avenues you can use to start the process of getting help and assistance. There are people out there who care about you, even if you can't see it right now. I know sometimes it's hard to see that, and I've been through periods like that, myself; not to the degree you seem to be experiencing it, but it's a natural and understandable response to treatable conditions.
Please call the number linked earlier in this thread, or send a text to that number that was also linked. Share what you're going through with trained professionals who are better equipped than anyone here to help you. That's literally what they're there for.
Only quitters are true losers. Keep going and you're no loser.
All the people here caring for you GARlock Spiral , and they're not faking it. Use that to get up again. Ending it IS the loser move. I sincerely believe you can turn things up, people around me did it and they were in a dire state too. Being alive is already a victory in this world.
I don't agree that you aren't worth caring about. Keep rejecting the good advice if you must, but we obviously care. You should care too. Hell, yell at me too if that helps, just call the number.
OP
OP
The reality is i'm weak. Withstanding it isn't anything admirable if it just keeps coming with absolutely no reason to keep on and every reason to quit. And you'd be wrong on your beliefs. I've exhausted every bit of worth I've ever had.
I have some bad news for you.
Unless the number dials somebody like Samara from The Ring/Ringu, there's jack shit they can do.
I was 38 when I found my way out of this kind of thinking. The things I was trying weren't working, so I tried different things. The trying is what is important.
Here's proof, in your very own words, that you are NOT stupid.
I'll echo what others have said: you're in a bad way right now and one of the consequences is that your perception of reality, and especially your own reality, has become distorted and catastrophised. You're not seeing things properly, even though it sure as hell feels like you are.
Please, please call the number (or text if you'd rather not speak to someone directly).
100% know how you feel. Every day I regret not going that little extra step back in 2018 and dying but unfortunately I'm still here trying to make the best of life. Idk how old you are OP but maybe you just haven't found that purpose in life to keep you going. If you need a better support system, find it and drop all the toxic people around you who hasn't been helping you through this time of need of yours. Otherwise try to find someone in your life to talk to. I know, I know, you might feel like you're annoying, you're a burden. I'm the same way. I always worry disappointing those around me and feeling like suicide is just an easier, selfish way to end my pain and end the pain that I cause to people around me because of my "burden." But if you have a good support system, they'll hear you out. They'll guide you through this hump of yours and help you out. They'll make time for you and make sure to help you find the purpose you have in life. It's not easy, TRUST ME. But it's worth trying
i have had people tell me I'm full of shit while I was cutting myself, straight to my face. If that's not the ultimate, "I don't give a fuck about you", idk what is. At the end of the day, me bleeding out of my wrists didn't matter. But those are the kind of people you don't need and pretend to care about you. Drop those people and find a better support system who doesn't think you're doing this for attention & genuinely wants to help you
Yes this is the only way to be a loser, take your ball and go home, refuse to play, quit.
Getting up and taking one step towards the person you want to be every day is winning, no accomplishment. You can do it and it will feel good.
Also please stop judging yourself so harshly. Everyone here cares and wants you to try and love yourself. Youre worth it.
You have a bachelor's in IT, that is actually more than a lot of people on this earth.
You've already succeeded more than some. I know it doesn't feel that way, but that is the reality, the facts.
Nothing you have said has shown that you aren't worth life, if anything it's that you deserve better and ending things would mean it'd never get better. You deserve to have a good life and fuck your brain for telling and convincing you otherwise.
I've done jack shit with my life, didn't even finish school, never been employed, never done most things people have, my health is getting worse each day and it is a struggle to turn things around.
I been where you are now, still am physically, but mentally I'm moving on and looking forward to doing something with my life.
If i went through with it I wouldn't even be talking to you now and I damn sure wouldn't have a chance at a better life.
You've already succeeded more than some. I know it doesn't feel that way, but that is the reality, the facts.
Nothing you have said has shown that you aren't worth life, if anything it's that you deserve better and ending things would mean it'd never get better. You deserve to have a good life and fuck your brain for telling and convincing you otherwise.
I've done jack shit with my life, didn't even finish school, never been employed, never done most things people have, my health is getting worse each day and it is a struggle to turn things around.
I been where you are now, still am physically, but mentally I'm moving on and looking forward to doing something with my life.
If i went through with it I wouldn't even be talking to you now and I damn sure wouldn't have a chance at a better life.
You don't know what they can or can't do until you call that number.
a state of mind is not permanent. i know exactly what you're feeling because i felt the same thing. now i do not. it requires effort from you but it's not too difficult and i'm living proof it works.
OP
OP
Results speak otherwise. The degree is nothing more than a piece of paper. I've failed to move past that, and the only jobs I can get with it involve dealing with retards who don't know what a start button on a computer is. I've dealt with that long enough to never do that again. I will sooner jam a fork in an electrical socket than have to deal with that shit ever, EVER again. That's as good as it gets for me.
Tried taking that one step. I failed. I'll never move past that. I'm realizing and accepting that.
I don't care for music any more.
OP. You might want to try a new field of work before pulling the trigger. There are lots of fields that make money like IT that isn't too demanding. You feel worthless because you judge yourself by the people around you. You gotta let that part go and try something else before suicide.
Get help. Talk to someone about making a change.
Get help. Talk to someone about making a change.
Have you ever joined a band? Being in one helped me a lot in order to be able to vent and release all my shit, it can be a very cathartic experience.
Nope, results do not speak otherwise. A degree is more than a piece of paper, it's evidence that you have a level of intelligence, plus the ability to work hard and apply yourself, and importantly, the ability to see something through and complete an achievement that many people never manage. It's easy to dismiss it as nothing when your self-esteem is at rock-bottom, but this is an example of what I said earlier - you aren't perceiving reality accurately at the moment.