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I'm a complete failure and i'll never be anything more. Best way to end it all?
- Thread starter GARlock Spiral
- Start date
OP
OP
No. I don't care for music these days.
No. Anything i've ever wanted has been rendered impossible.
In this case, they do. I'm in my current position because it's a piece of paper that implies to someone like you that i'm worth something. That paper only gets me help desk jobs, which is not helping out your argument at all. I thought i could be better than that, but it turns out i'm not and I never will be, no matter how hard I apply myself.
You sound like me during one of my depressive states. You bipolar too op? Your mind is lying to you.
"Only jobs"?
Some people don't even get that.
You seem to have high expectations for yourself, failing those isn't failure, it is being hard on yourself.
Successful people don't just succeed, they fail and fail and fail and fail and fail until they do succeed.
Have you heard of "Fail, Fail often, Fail forwards"? it's not just some preachy bullshit, it's a common route to success and navigating life.
Human's fail, it is what we do, we succeed by not giving up.
Have you tried looking for work in other areas? There is no shame in moving away from your original chosen area if things aren't working out for you. Just making small steps to change things up could help immensely and give you time to start working on other areas.
You aren't weak.
You aren't a failure.
When you aren't in a good place it's hard, if not impossible to remember when things were better. And it's hard to imagine that things will get better. It's hard to even think that they could get better.
But they can.
You already know your life matters.
You aren't a failure.
When you aren't in a good place it's hard, if not impossible to remember when things were better. And it's hard to imagine that things will get better. It's hard to even think that they could get better.
But they can.
You already know your life matters.
Yea, I think this is important. GARlock Spiral it's up to you, you're not a loser, even when you feel like you've failed at things. You don't need to operate according to someone else's standards...shit, even just laying around playing video games and chilling can be rewarding and a win if it makes you happy. You're a worthwhile person whether you you have a million dollars or 1 dollar...or no dollars. You don't have to justify being alive to anybody else or by anybody's metric.
Grow old and do things you enjoy. That's my exit strategy.
The probability of you being born are at about one in 400 trillion, you hit the luckiest jackpot!
We all reach the point of just wanting to give up but it's just that, a point that you will move on from.
You are wanted in this earth, people have, are, and will need you.
You are not a failure, we all make mistakes and we all learn from them.
Never ever give up on this amazing thing that is life.
We all reach the point of just wanting to give up but it's just that, a point that you will move on from.
You are wanted in this earth, people have, are, and will need you.
You are not a failure, we all make mistakes and we all learn from them.
Never ever give up on this amazing thing that is life.
Nope, this isn't right. You have a degree, which gets you jobs. So you're educated and employable - doesn't sound like a loser to me? Whether you're at the level that you would like to be at is a different matter, but lambasting yourself as a loser when it's obvious to me (from the handful of posts you've addressed to me) that you have something to offer just isn't accurate.
Please, call the number and get some professional help, because I can see from your posts that you are deep in the hole right now and need a hand getting back out. Please call.
OP
OP
In what way? My lack of success speaks for itself. That's not anything lying to me. The only lies i've been told are things like "It'll get better!"
I don't really have any other avenues to look for. I'm at a crossroads where death looks immediately appealing, and I have yet to see a compelling argument for existing in general.
Things that involve other people? Self reflection and realizing you'll never be good enough? There's more.
I'd consider winning Russian Roulette luckier
Other way around. I am a loser. There's no ignoring that. I am not worthwhile by any metric. I can't justify being alive to myself, and that's one of MANY reasons.
I've spent the last six months passing out resumes. It doesn't get jobs without certifications i'm too stupid to get. That's loser territory. Deal with it.
why it needs to go.
You don't need to justify anything or have any metric, man. Just being alive is okay and enough.
I work a desk job. Do you think you're worth more than me?
OP
OP
I did. It's my fault for trying to have standards and it's my failure to meet my own standards.
That's...not a good thing. I'd rather be dead than alive in any scenario.
When did I say that? I'm just sick of only being good enough for people who don't know what the hell a computer is. Because that's as good as I can get.
So why not look at changing career? I and lots of other people have done it - and in my case I did it because I felt like a rat in a dead-end maze. I won't pretend that's comparable to what you're feeling, but I will say I understand what it's like not to be getting anywhere, and I know from experience that turning around and trying a different avenue can work out. And that's not something you can do if you quit the race entirely.
EDIT: You can even work in a bar or a coffee shop, or an admin role, while you retrain. Again, I did that. Reorienting doesn't make you a loser.
Please get help OP. Real professional help.
Don't worry about anything else right now besides seeing a professional.
Don't worry about anything else right now besides seeing a professional.
I'm thousands of dollars in debt. My school degree ain't shit. My job pays 13.50 an hour and I'm lazy as fuck outside of it. There's been plenty of times where I've said I just keep digging my hole deeper and there's no way out.
But fuck that.
I'm taking a loan to pay off my credit cards and throw them away. I'm going back to school to make 30 an hour instead of 13. Just because things fucking suck doesn't mean you just stop. Stand up. Go.
But fuck that.
I'm taking a loan to pay off my credit cards and throw them away. I'm going back to school to make 30 an hour instead of 13. Just because things fucking suck doesn't mean you just stop. Stand up. Go.
It's only as good as you can get if you end it.
Otherwise there's still opportunity to surpass that, regardless of what your brain says.
OP
OP
Changing into what?
There's a difference between going from A to B because you want to and because you're on your last rope and you'll never be good enough for anything else. One thing is all i've known, one thing i'm interested in, one thing I should go into, and the reality that i'm just not good enough and never will be.
no one is worthless or a monolith. Humans are plastic and curses don't exist. You are worth something to us, that's non-zero. Now stop repeating defeatist mantras and convincing yourself of your lack of worth. You're "good enough" no matter what you've accomplished.
Hey, throwing out these pithy one-liners isn't going to stop me from wanting to help, you know :)
Society does a great job of tricking people into aspiring to more than they reasonably should, and then making us feel like failures for not meeting unrealistic standards. That doesn't mean you're actually a failure, it means you're a normal person.
Re-examine and re-evaluate your expectations. Start off with something more realistic. It can take years or even decades to achieve some goals and you're not being fair to yourself if you expect to hit every, or any, goal right out of the gate.
I'm 40 and it's just in the past year or two that I've finally gotten onto a good career and life path that I'm legitimately proud of. There was a lot of suffering, mistakes, misfires and setbacks along the way. Some were my own fault, some weren't, and for a long time I felt like a failure, but I wasn't. I was just a normal dude.
You might have a long way to go, but you can get there. You just need to get some help, and despite societal bullshit about self-made people there is no such thing. We ALL need help along the way. Every single fucking one of us, in some form or another.
I disagree with you that withstanding isn't admirable. It may not be progress, but the weight pressing down on you is not something light and easily ignored.
Permanent solution to a temporary problem. You should really see a therapist and work out some issues. You posting this is already a sign that you don't want out, you want help, you want to be heard. We hear you. Stay with us.
You implied it. You talk about how worthless you think you are and how bad desk jobs. So obviously you think you're worth something, if a desk job isn't good enough for you.
A Bachlor's degree is not nothing. MOST people don't get a Bachlor's degree. Only 37% of the US population has a Bachlor's or higher. A Bachlor's degree is not "just a sheet a paper". It's the culmination of the years of work you did to get it. I went through a period where I had suicidal thoughts just TRYING to get mine.
So you're not worthless. Most people can't do what you did.
The only thing I ever wanted to be, from age 10 to age 30, was a novelist. Nothing else. I can't draw, I can't dance, I can't do mental arithmetic... but I can write. Or so I thought. Turns out I can't write fiction well enough to get published, no matter how long I spent banging my head against it.
As it happens, I found something else I was reasonably ok at, so now I do that. There isn't a day goes by where I don't feel bothered that I couldn't make my one goal work, but time and a different perspective are valuable things - and you shouldn't deprive yourself of the chance to see what a difference they could make to you. Nobody has one fixed destiny.
Also, not being good enough for I.T. has zero bearing on whether you're good enough for something else.
Suicide regret is real friendo. Nobody can change your perspective on surviving except for you. You don't have to like your life, stop feeling suicidal, or pop into some random happy mood because of some motivational posts. Your feelings are your own, and feeling them gets them out of your system.
We make living so difficult, and stigmatize feeling suicidal. I don't suggest acting on your feelings. But find a hotline, a friend, or a blank notepaper and just write out as much as you can about how you're feeling right now. That pain is your truth, your reality. Not anyone else's. I've always felt like writing it all down helps me distance my feeling from acting on the feeling. Maybe it will for you too.
We make living so difficult, and stigmatize feeling suicidal. I don't suggest acting on your feelings. But find a hotline, a friend, or a blank notepaper and just write out as much as you can about how you're feeling right now. That pain is your truth, your reality. Not anyone else's. I've always felt like writing it all down helps me distance my feeling from acting on the feeling. Maybe it will for you too.
This entire year has been a massive sack of shit for me. I lost a job I'd worked for 12 years to get in the blink of an eye after a reorganization. I got picked up by my previous company in May. They cut my pay nearly 30% on August 1st, and then let me go on September 30th, my second layoff in a year. I had to accept a temporary role with them, making under 45% of what I was making, and that's what I am doing now as of the first of November. I can't pay all my bills, I have had to sell some of my most prized belongings to make ends meet, and I've had a couple of physical issues which have been chronic and causing me to have much less opportunity for enjoyment of life. This whole fucking year has been a nightmare, and I have spent almost every night in my bed thinking about how I wish I was dead. Every day I get out of my bed and try to move forward, I know it's a miracle.
I am not going to be able to give you a reason to live. I'm not going to tell you you're better off dead. I've just had to find something to fixate on every day. I spent a bunch of mornings trying to make perfect boiled eggs. That simple bit of ritual helped me. It may sound dumb, but I'm still alive.
I am not going to be able to give you a reason to live. I'm not going to tell you you're better off dead. I've just had to find something to fixate on every day. I spent a bunch of mornings trying to make perfect boiled eggs. That simple bit of ritual helped me. It may sound dumb, but I'm still alive.
OP
OP
No, my goals are fairly realistic. I should have done them years ago, but I didn't, here I am facing the consequences for it. I'm not good enough to pass the most basic of tests. That was on me for thinking I was smart enough to do something.
I don't have a long way to go. I have a long walk off a short pier. There's no help for me in that. There's only one way things go for a piece of shit like me, and none of them are good. NONE.
My job was sitting at a desk fixing stupid people's issues. There's too many PEBKAC/Id10t "errors" one deals with before suicide starts looking appropriate. Desk jobs may or may not be bad, but when your job goes from desk to call center? Fuck that.
I don't really want anything else. The only other thing I want out of life is for it to end ASAP. Choosing another career option seems significantly below both of them.
When you say IT, what exactly are you experienced with? Programming?
Also, I will say it again, I will pay for your therapy.
OP
OP
Yes. At minimum, I have eyes and I can safely say i'm better with a computer than the incarnation of boomerism. You're posting here and you're already more competent than most.
That's computer science. As far as IT is concerned, Just basic stuff. I'd like to progress more, but i'm fucking retarded on it it seems and can't get past that, so here I am.
Trust me, save your money on something worth it.
My bar is high for myself. Most people live better lives with a lower bar. I don't have that. Other people usually have people who would miss them or some reason they keep going. I haven't had either of those in a decade. If you want to off yourself, I'd say no but I don't know your story and I know damn well anything i'd say probably wouldn't stop you, so i'd say it's up to you.
OP
OP
Not by my standards. A life subservient to idiots is not a life at all.
You serve you. That's your purpose, everything is engine to that.
Why not?
Also you'd be surprised, a lot of people out there have nobody as well.
Your goals are the problem. It's fine to have goals. What's not fine is to determine your self worth on the basis of whether you pass a goal or not.
Everyone fails. Everyone. I've failed a ton. It honestly does not matter in the long run.
The universe does not give a fuck if you get a certification. Your certification is not that important in the grand scheme of things. Getting a certification will not change how you view life or how you view yourself. Just like your bachelor's degree, you know it's true.
Life is about so much more and you owe it to yourself to experience it. It's about enjoying a cup of coffee or just going for a nice walk. It's about learning a new fact, or laughing at a joke.
It's about enjoying simple things because they are the things that truly truly matter. I assure you. Nothing else matters besides taking part in the mundane and enjoying your ability to exist.
Don't give up on that. You may not be able to see that right now, but there are many people here, myself included, who want to help you see the truth. You have a life to live.
The best way to end it all is to die of old age.
Bro, The thing that happen with your former roommate/friend, did you talk to someone about that?
Bro, The thing that happen with your former roommate/friend, did you talk to someone about that?
Making this thread proves you're not bout that life, OP. You're looking for the tastiest way to cook shit.
If you were going to do it you would have done it already, and you havent.
Miss me with the "what's the best way" bullshit. There's no good/smart way to do something as bad and stupid as this.
Nobody cares about you? There's literally hundreds of strangers in this fucking thread alone who care. Strangers who are pleading you to fight the good fight. There are Millions, billions more even, out there in the real world who care. You just have to share your story. Because no one knows.
share your story with more people. Go to a bar, find a random stranger and just spark up a conversation. You have no fucking idea what that could lead to. Honestly.
There's a guy in here willing to pay for your fucking therapy. People care.
Find people to speak to homie. Coming here was a great first step. I know the world seems like a shitty place, but it's really not. Much more good things happen on a daily basis than bad, they're just not reported or talked about. There are actually so many people who will listen to your story. and I fucking guarantee you it will change your whole thought process.
you say you care for no one but when last have you gone out and met someone new? When last have you told someone how you really feel?
Suicide is definitely not the answer because you won't be able to finally rejoice in your lack of suffering. You'll just be dead. And that is trash.
fight through it, with help. You're stronger than your demons. You just have to believe it. Don't give in. Fight. Keep fighting. And fight some more.
If you were going to do it you would have done it already, and you havent.
Miss me with the "what's the best way" bullshit. There's no good/smart way to do something as bad and stupid as this.
Nobody cares about you? There's literally hundreds of strangers in this fucking thread alone who care. Strangers who are pleading you to fight the good fight. There are Millions, billions more even, out there in the real world who care. You just have to share your story. Because no one knows.
share your story with more people. Go to a bar, find a random stranger and just spark up a conversation. You have no fucking idea what that could lead to. Honestly.
There's a guy in here willing to pay for your fucking therapy. People care.
Find people to speak to homie. Coming here was a great first step. I know the world seems like a shitty place, but it's really not. Much more good things happen on a daily basis than bad, they're just not reported or talked about. There are actually so many people who will listen to your story. and I fucking guarantee you it will change your whole thought process.
you say you care for no one but when last have you gone out and met someone new? When last have you told someone how you really feel?
Suicide is definitely not the answer because you won't be able to finally rejoice in your lack of suffering. You'll just be dead. And that is trash.
fight through it, with help. You're stronger than your demons. You just have to believe it. Don't give in. Fight. Keep fighting. And fight some more.