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I'm afraid of spiders but my gf isn't

Deleted member 9207

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
1,841
I moved in with my gf a couple of months ago and there are spiders in her house. There's a few in the bathroom downstairs (which I use constantly) and I just found one crawling in her pillow which she decided to just put on the floor and keep on sleeping.

Ive tried my best to get rid of my phobia since I've read spiders are actually good at keeping other insects at bay and there's really not many spiders here nor are they that big but that spider in the pillow really made an impression on me.

Help me cope guys.
 
MASTER MENACE

MASTER MENACE

Member
Oct 25, 2017
110
In A State Of Trance
Maybe talk to your GF about your feelings?

...Like tell her putting the spider on the floor isn't helping your phobia? If she doesn't care, then you have bigger issues than spider problems bro.
 

SecondNature

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,158
Face your fear
giphy.gif

If you cant do that, then it's cool. You dont need to get over it, and you have a gf that can kill the spiders for you. Hopefully you can at least still open pickle jars
 
Oliver James

Oliver James

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
7,772
Face your fear. But there's no shame in admitting you have it. Tell your girlfriend to come to your aid whenever you scream.

It ain't a sticky situation. ;)
 
Green Mario

Green Mario

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,319
I've kind of gotten over my fear of spiders because I realized house centipedes are far more fucking terrifying.
I usually let spiders chill because I feel like they help keep other asshole bugs away.
 
Gifted

Gifted

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
1,359
MASTER MENACE said:
Maybe talk to your GF about your feelings?

...Like tell her putting the spider on the floor isn't helping your phobia? If she doesn't care, then you have bigger issues than spider problems bro.
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Having a GF that's not scared of spiders is great since she can kill them, if she's not gonna kill them then it's time to talk. Phobias are no joke, I have the same phone.
TearablePuns said:
try and find a way to break through this web of fear
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Username checks out.
 

Deleted member 14377

User requested account closure
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Oct 27, 2017
13,520
lmao. I let my wife kill spiders. I HATE bugs! I moved to Texas to be with her from Toronto, and we live on farm land so it's fucking hell. Don't be afraid OP. I'm the Prince in Distress and she's my Knight in Shining armor.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 9207

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Oct 26, 2017
1,841
The goddamn spider is shadowing me. I went to take a picture and it ran under the bed. It's over for me.
 
Fauxpaw

Fauxpaw

Member
Oct 25, 2017
330
SecondNature said:
If you cant do that, then it's cool. You dont need to get over it, and you have a gf that can kill the spiders for you. Hopefully you can at least still open pickle jars
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There's a chance she may not kill spiders if she puts them on the floor. Personally, I never kill spiders. I do often take them outside for my boyfriend though, haha
 
Messofanego

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
26,177
UK
You should also know it's very rare that a spider is dangerous or would want ever want to bite you, even if it was a black widow spider unless if you were properly provoking it. They're more scared of you than you are of them. If that doesn't help, then just let your gf deal with them while you run away screaming :P
 
Leo

Leo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,556
Uhnnn hope that what's bothering you isn't the fact that she is a woman and is not afraid of something that you are, cause this would be totally irrational.

If that's not the case, just talk to her about it. Say you need to stay away from spiders and want her help in that regard. I'm sure she will understand and be willing to support you.
 
TheMan

TheMan

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,264
i've got a terrible phobia of spiders (couldn't even play farpoint), but my wife doesn't really. So, she's the designated spider killer. Just tell your GF how you feel about them.

And if you are really interested in getting over your fear, see a therapist. There are effective therapies designed to deal with phobias, basically a graded exposure. Look into it, if you dare.
 
Fauxpaw

Fauxpaw

Member
Oct 25, 2017
330
Basically if she doesn't want to kill them, ask her to take them outside cuz you have a legit phobia.
 
Subpar Scrub

Subpar Scrub

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,576
I despise spiders, but most of the ones around my house growing up were pretty dangerous, so I don't feel bad about being scared lol. I don't think I have a phobia because a phobia is an irrational fear, and my fears are definitely logical. I'd rather deal with a snake than a spider in most cases, though they were also dangerous 50% of the time.
 
AnansiThePersona

AnansiThePersona

Started a revolution but the mic was unplugged
Member
Oct 27, 2017
15,682
You gotta face your fear head on. Ask her to dump a bunch of spiders around the house so you can get used to living with them. Then you won't have a choice!
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 9207

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Im really trying to get over my phobia because damn, I used to handle snakes, why am I scared of a small spider?
 
Pendas

Pendas

Member
Oct 28, 2017
4,650
You should probably talk to her about keeping the house clean in general. I'm not afraid of spiders, but that doesn't mean I don't mind them being in my house all the time. Tidy that shit up.
 
jjreamPop

jjreamPop

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,134
Not killing non-dangerous spiders is a good thing, good on your GF. However you should talk to her about how she deals with them. Ask her to put them outside and also focus on cleaning the house- Spiders show up when there are bugs. Get rid of bugs and you get rid of spiders.

At the same time, you should continue to work on your phobia. Ask your GF to catch a spider in a glass jar. Keep it near you and handle the jar routinely (or work up to handling the jar routinely) and talk to/interact with it as you would a pet. This will more-quickly improve your tolerance of them. You can replace the spider as it inevitably dies or feed it to keep it alive, but I'm not sure on the best way to feed one, haha.
 
TheCthultist

TheCthultist

Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,450
New York
Corronchilejano said:
The goddamn spider is shadowing me. I went to take a picture and it ran under the bed. It's over for me.
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There's no escape.
I'm easily one of the worst people to ask about this as I absouletly love spiders, but I'd say its probably worth discussing with your GF some time. And I mean a real, serious discussion. Explain to her that you have tried to get over your phobia and simply can't and that you genuinely feel uncomfortable and terrified around all these super helpful little killing machines your sharing your house with.

Corronchilejano said:
Im really trying to get over my phobia because damn, I used to handle snakes, why am I scared of a small spider?
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I made a thread about this exact thing on that previous forum that probably used to exist, specifically because I wanted to know what it was that scared people when it came to the legit harmless types of spiders (jumping spiders, orb weavers, and specifically daddy-long legs/harvestmen). The answer seemed to be, quite simply, that there was no definite answer. Its a genuine phobia; something so deepseated that you can never really fully get over it if you have it. No rationale behind it. So don't go beating yourself up if you can't fully get passed it after putting some real effort in. It's sort of out of your hands.
 
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krioto

Member
Oct 27, 2017
141
I like spiders, so probably not the best to give advice, but seeing how small it is I think you'll be fine. I was expecting a huntsman or a wolf-spider, not a little tiddler
 
HardRojo

HardRojo

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
26,125
Peru
Lol it's the best, you can count on her killing them for you, works out pretty well :D Been there.
 
Toxi

Toxi

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
17,550
Corronchilejano said:
Im really trying to get over my phobia because damn, I used to handle snakes, why am I scared of a small spider?
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It's unclear why arachnophobia exists. There is evidence both for it being instinctive behavior and for it being learned behavior.

But whatever is the case, don't feel like your phobia is your fault, because it's not. Even when you know your fear is irrational, your brain still treats it as real. Serious arachnophobia requires treatment to beat, it's not just something you can power through with sheer force of will.
 

Deleted member 17990

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Oct 27, 2017
7,461
I don't blame you OP, maybe if you see a spider and want to take it out without killing it, do it together with your gf. I eventually was able to take out a huntsman by myself after 24 years lol.
 

Deleted member 11262

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Corronchilejano said:
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Ok, that's a pretty small one...can't you kill it yourself?
If you are too afraid to take it in your hand with a tissue you should try to get it with a vacuum cleaner. You don't even have to be near to them! That's how I handle slightly bigger spiders but I'm aware that it's not really an option in the middle of the night.

So...look for spiders in the evening?
 
PKthndr

PKthndr

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,587
Spiders are gross but remember this op. Spiders want to bite you about as much as you want to bite them.
 
TheCthultist

TheCthultist

Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,450
New York
Corronchilejano said:
Im really trying to get over my phobia because damn, I used to handle snakes, why am I scared of a small spider?
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Again, while I would would advise you not to beat yourself up over it if you can't get passed the fear (out of your control passed a certain point really) there are a few decent channels on youtube dedicated to showing off the more approachable side of spiders. As someone above said, keeping one as a pet can go a long way to getting over your fear.

This dude has some great videos of keeping spiders as pets, particularly ones waaaaaay bigger than the type you'd be dealing with. Obviously don't keep watching if its going to trigger some kind of nervous reaction though.
 
Agent_ShortBus

Agent_ShortBus

Member
Oct 27, 2017
671
I do the same with spiders, if they're daddy long legs or harmless spiders i just move them out of the way. They take care of those pesky mosquitoes so they're ok by me.
 
DrJackson

DrJackson

Member
Oct 29, 2017
167
Hey, learn to live with the spiders and marvel at their beauty.
If anything spiders are a potent defense against pest and bacteria spreading insects. They take care of a lot of the fruit flies that hides in your food.
 
bigbaldwolf86

bigbaldwolf86

attempted ban circumvention by using an alt
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Oct 27, 2017
615
I'm in the same position OP. I'm scared of them but my gf isn't. Luckily we don't get very many but when we do it's her job to get rid of them
 
Powerpuff

Powerpuff

Member
Oct 28, 2017
328
A couple is a team. Don't be afraid to talk with your gf and you might have here the perfect match.
 

Deleted member 28564

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Oct 31, 2017
3,604
I don't trust spider sympathisers myself. If you care a lot about her, and want to build a future with her, I suggest being more open. In my case, I'd tell someone that I can't tolerate spiders within a 50 meter radius of me (provided that I can see them). Set some boundaries, for example no spiders near the bed, or no spiders in the bath or shower, or no spiders on her person. Part of relationships, and later marriage, is giving up part of you (making sacrifices to your life). You accept her spiders, as long as she accepts that sometimes it's really uncomfortable for you in specific situations.
 
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