I'm getting really fucking tired of straight guys that make gay jokes
- Thread starter Spinluck
- Start date
Psst... that shit is still homophobic. If you're straight and being gay is the butt of the joke you're telling, it's still offensive even if you don't think it is.
I mean, of course, I was taking ignorance for granted, that's why it's at the very least annoying. The most daring thing I said was that it was theoretically possible that a straight guy might tell a good gay joke (but I've never borne witness to it).
I was actually kind of trying to articulate why it's shitty and annoying btw.
Eh I think I can decide what feels homophobic or not. A lot of the time you're right, but sometimes the joke is more how awful they'd be together or that it's somehow a weird or interesting pairing, despite the whole gay thing.
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I had a friend who used to do that and then I told him "hey that's not cool" and explained why. He got it and then stopped doing it. Then he became more socially aware and then we could talk more politics than just games. This was around the time when gamergate started and we couldn't ignore the influence of politics and how gamers were being radicalised.
It's a critique of homophobia in the sense that these jokes either acknowledge and satirically revel in the homoerotic nature of many aspects of culture (look at literally any bodybuilder/bodybuilder adjacent message board for examples), or they reject the notion that intimacy is something men should shy away from due to fears of being labeled as gay
That doesn't make them pro-homosexuality - particularly the latter kind - but I would certainly say that those jokes are in some sense a reaction against a certain kind of intense homophobia
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Most people regardless of gender, race, religion, or sexual preference are stupid assholes. Don’t expect stupid assholes to be anything other then stupid assholes unless you like to be disappointed.
You just have to avoid the assholes and try to hang around the good people. They are out there but unfortunately they don’t advertise so it takes some doing to find them.
It’s the only solution I have been able to come up.
I agree. The problem common to all morons is how they too readily broadcast their shit opinions, which are most mercifully none of my business.
OP
OP
My bad.
I didn't clarify, just got home. These aren't well crafted or framed jokes. So not the appropriate kind that gay men would find funny. It's just them attacking each others sexuality because being gay would be weak. At least that's how I perceive it.
My straight male friends* are forever a work in progress. I don't like being the one to police shit but when I hear something shitty usually speak up. I mean, they for the most part stand for progressive things but that doesn't shield them from dropping the occasional "faggot" in a joke or just throwing out gay out of fear or discomfort from any sort of leveled male to male intimacy. When it comes to being vulnerable in any meaningful sense gay men are way ahead of the curve.
I'm tired of dudes having to "compete" in social circles when it comes to who is the "least gay." It's tiring. I also get made fun of for hanging out with gay men, they simply call me gay, and I'm pretty much like "what if I was?" How is that something you even make fun of? I mean, from my understanding, to them, I guess the only way you can befriend a gay person is if you're gay yourself right?
So this is pretty much the last time I can even invite a gay dude around these guys. What an embarrassment. When I tried to private message one of the guys to confront him on it, I got a, "what the fuck are you taking about?" and a "fuck you." They don't even want to talk about it lol.
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Wow, I have never heard of "pause" or play flirting before this thread. I wouldn't even understand "pause" if it weren't explained. And in general, I don't hear gay jokes from my friends, but that's just because I have cut out all my friends who aren't socially liberal. I can deal with disagree about tax rates or something, but I can deal with bigots. (Or my friends listened to my arguments and actually changed or they avoid making those jokes around me because they know I'll jump down their throats.)
That sucks that you have these people in your life OP. To answer your question, I definitely think it is toxic masculinity. They still see being gay as being weak or womanly or something, and so they are scared of it. (Literally homophobic.) I hope you can eventually cut these people out and/or get better friends.
That sucks that you have these people in your life OP. To answer your question, I definitely think it is toxic masculinity. They still see being gay as being weak or womanly or something, and so they are scared of it. (Literally homophobic.) I hope you can eventually cut these people out and/or get better friends.
This is all just deep insecurity and toxic masculinity. I think that men that take in a lot of gender conformity have a hard time with anything that threatens their carefully crafted masculinity. They become extremely fragile because they fear that the consequences for that masculinity being threatened are going to be life-changing and dangerous.
Tell them how you feel and if they don’t listen drop them. I have zero straight people in my life that make gay jokes.
Yeesh. That sucks. So definitely more the blatant variety homophobia. I’m fortunate enough not to have any friends who would talk or (as far as I’m aware) think that way. But having recently realized how uh...racist an old friend of mine is, I know it’s tough to just cut them off before at least trying to get through to them. Godspeed.
My friends from Miami use the term “no homo” and “pause” all the time and it got annoying to the point where I can’t even compliment a man without hearing that shit
For obvious reasons I don’t here that shit in SF
For obvious reasons I don’t here that shit in SF
There's a guy at my work, we always give each other shit making fun of each other, but he always goes to the "i heard you're gay" or something insinuating that I'm gay, though I'm not. I always have to tell him, "why is it a put down to say that I am gay? " Like he's saying that being gay is something to be ashamed of or embarrassing. Other than those jokes he tends to be accepting of LGBTQ people but it really annoys me that he still does this so I call him out on it all the time. He usually shuts up afterwards.
I've been guilty of this myself and feel like shit for doing it, looking back. The guys didn't seem too pissed off with me but in hindsight it must be so annoying and cliche.
Ngl a huge amount of my gay friends also make gay jokes when the group is mixed up. Like they’re doing it to fit in maybe? If they’re doing this on their own and my small sample size is indicative of a more cultural wide problem, gay people might need to stop making these jokes too so blatantly.
I’m always called the killjoy though idk
I’m always called the killjoy though idk
I goddamn wish there were react videos of woolly-headed normies listening to the most problematic bits.
Yeah insecuriy and toxic dumb shit.
I'd focus more on how they treat you. Do you feel like an equal? besides dumb jokes, are they supportive and true friends?
Maybe they just think they can get away with it because they consider you such a great friend. I don't know of course and i don't want to approve of stupid gay jokes but just trying to understand the dynamics there.
I'd focus more on how they treat you. Do you feel like an equal? besides dumb jokes, are they supportive and true friends?
Maybe they just think they can get away with it because they consider you such a great friend. I don't know of course and i don't want to approve of stupid gay jokes but just trying to understand the dynamics there.
When I dealt with sexist jokes, I just stop talking to them and give them a deliberate cold shoulder until it drives them crazy and THEN I talk about it.
I'm in construction and I keep hearing people making jokes where the punchline is calling someone a "faggot". It's really irksome, but I'm new to the industry and a woman so my place here is already tenuous with some of my male coworkers so I don't really know what I can do about it.
It's just mind boggling to me that they'd tell those jokes and be so proud of them like they're the pinnacle of comedy.
It's just mind boggling to me that they'd tell those jokes and be so proud of them like they're the pinnacle of comedy.
As someone who has worked in construction management for over 4 years now, construction humor is just as bad as the stereotypical catcalling shit that movies and shows always play on, except that it is mostly told in a gossipy way about others on site. That shit annoys me. Like the OP says, there is so much stupid "oh he does that like a girl" and random literal declarations that they "aren't gay" or "I'm not gay, but..." that it makes it hard for me to make any friends or have any respect for people in the industry.
Thankfully the office I am in current is over 50% female and they kind of help keep that down to a minimum because most guys are too afraid to do that shit in front of females.
I am 41 now. Our youth with filled with gay jokes and mom jokes. We literally thought nothing of it. In our small undeveloped minds it was funny.
But we didn't know a single person who was openly gay. I wonder how we would of acted if we did. I would like to say we would have been kind but I don't know.
But we didn't know a single person who was openly gay. I wonder how we would of acted if we did. I would like to say we would have been kind but I don't know.