The policy changed to custom tags being less mean in a sense cause NeoGAF would give them to you for embarassing things as well which IMHO ruins the purpose of tags.
I'm needlessly antagonistic on Era, and I don't know why.
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In a best case scenario, tags are a cute little in-joke a few people can enjoy. In a worst case scenario, tags contribute to dogpiling and people getting marginalized.
Probably not hard to see why the staff here made the decisions they made.
I was pretty combative in my teenage years, but an anxiety disorder made me avoid stress... and internet arguments can truly be stressful. The anxiety disorder is long gone, thankfully, but I kept the distaste for arguments. Whenever someone tries to argue with me I usually bail right away. In most threads I don't even care to give my opinion. I do read a lot of heated or controversial threads and I obviously have my own thoughts on matters. But I don't want to get into arguments and honestly, what does me venting my often ignorant opinion even add to any given thread?
I mostly stick to gaming OTs and random, inoffensive threads in both gaming side and Etcetera. It's where I actually have fun posting.
I mostly stick to gaming OTs and random, inoffensive threads in both gaming side and Etcetera. It's where I actually have fun posting.
I don't remember how it was done on GAF, but I think here the staff also contacts the user in advance to ask if they're ok with the tag.
I didn't have a tag on GAF, but I'm like 99% sure the mods didn't ask there, you got it whether you liked it or not.
They always ask here, you have to consent to being tagged.
Something I find useful is if you are dragged into an argument with someone who's being a dick, or one of the few unbearable posters that just want to argue and/or to read the least charitable interpretation of all your posts, just end the argument by saying you should agree to disagree and then stop replying to them
On GAF some people would get cool tags, and others would get mocking tags, so it was at times mean spirited
Fun fact, if you think a user deserves a cool tag you can PM a mod to suggest they have one. I did that once and they give the poster I suggested a tag. I'm assuming dishing out tags isn't the mods top priority, so if you notice someone who's a great part of the community you should def consider PMing a mod
Yeah on Era you get contacted, and you can ask for the tag to be removed at any time. You also have some flexibility on the wording
On GAF some people would get cool tags, and others would get mocking tags, so it was at times mean spirited
Fun fact, if you think a user deserves a cool tag you can PM a mod to suggest they have one. I did that once and they give the poster I suggested a tag. I'm assuming dishing out tags isn't the mods top priority, so if you notice someone who's a great part of the community you should def consider PMing a mod
I devil advocate sometimes but generally try not to be mean though Iāll rib someone a bit once in awhile
I close the browser tab on a topic often and decide not to reply because there's been times where I've said something in a thread and its kicked off a chain of replies I hadn't anticipated, and afterwards I wondered why I even posted in that thread in the first place because it's either something I'm not really interested in or isn't particularly important to me, or I only have a surface understanding of the topic.
Analysing afterwards I think sometimes playing devil's advocate on a topic that way, I subconsciously wanted that antagonism because it's a quick way to be interacted with - and what's good about a negative interaction? Absolutely nothing. So that comes down to being bored/lonely, having that interaction with people and then their reaction reinforcing why you're feeling isolated. That's all armchair psychoanalysis. I've been on other forums where being cutting, bitchy or diving in with driveby hot takes was all part of the play and what kept the forum going, but that was also a long time ago and the current climate of discourse doesn't really need people diving in like that - we don't need to play devil's advocate, when there's already so many ACTUAL advocates for evil in the world and playing balanced argument or 'exploring the topic' just makes you look as bad as them. I am trying to learn to just shut my mouth and move along when I have nothing worthwhile to say.
Analysing afterwards I think sometimes playing devil's advocate on a topic that way, I subconsciously wanted that antagonism because it's a quick way to be interacted with - and what's good about a negative interaction? Absolutely nothing. So that comes down to being bored/lonely, having that interaction with people and then their reaction reinforcing why you're feeling isolated. That's all armchair psychoanalysis. I've been on other forums where being cutting, bitchy or diving in with driveby hot takes was all part of the play and what kept the forum going, but that was also a long time ago and the current climate of discourse doesn't really need people diving in like that - we don't need to play devil's advocate, when there's already so many ACTUAL advocates for evil in the world and playing balanced argument or 'exploring the topic' just makes you look as bad as them. I am trying to learn to just shut my mouth and move along when I have nothing worthwhile to say.
A few basic rules I try to always follow when I am posting:
1. Focus on debating the topic or argument and don't attack the person behind it.
2. If you feel that someone is breaking the rules then report and move on, don't quote and engage them in conversation.
3. Try to understand other people's point of view.
4. Be polite even if the other person isn't.
I feel that I've had very good results so far. I have found that my non-confrontational attitude helps others follow in the same vein even if they disagree with me and I have successfully de-escalated situations where another poster responded to one of my comments in an aggressive manner.
1. Focus on debating the topic or argument and don't attack the person behind it.
2. If you feel that someone is breaking the rules then report and move on, don't quote and engage them in conversation.
3. Try to understand other people's point of view.
4. Be polite even if the other person isn't.
I feel that I've had very good results so far. I have found that my non-confrontational attitude helps others follow in the same vein even if they disagree with me and I have successfully de-escalated situations where another poster responded to one of my comments in an aggressive manner.
I rarely get annoyed with downright aggressive posters here. They are usually banned quite quickly anyway.
I do have a problem with the condescending and passive-aggressive tone of some users here. The kind of users who read some weird shit into your post and then proudly declare that they are totally "side-eyeing" you for this opinion. Referring to your post count or going through your post history are also incredibly obnoxious behavior.
I do have a problem with the condescending and passive-aggressive tone of some users here. The kind of users who read some weird shit into your post and then proudly declare that they are totally "side-eyeing" you for this opinion. Referring to your post count or going through your post history are also incredibly obnoxious behavior.
it's too easy to be an asshole online, i know i've been doing it on and off for 25 years. nowadays a bit less, but that might just be because im old and lack the energy.
i remember having constant arguments about the stupidest shit with real-friends on IRC, about veganism and music and shit, and things would often escalate way too much, when in real life we all got along just fine. i loved to chill with them, and would always try to be nice company, and they were cool to me too. but online.. totally different. i thought about it a lot and i think ultimately for me it comes down to online being too detached, you dont see other people's smiles or frowns, hear their intonation, read their body language.. it just lacks 90% of whats important to me in person-to-person interaction, and i just could never take online seriously as a result, i just said whatever came to mind and i guess assumed no one would take me that seriously because i didnt take them seriously either, i mean i couldnt even see or hear them!
this might just be me though. i simply find it rather impossible to think of online chatter as also part of reality, and that it can have consequences. i never even cared about some threats of violence i got from neonazis lol (many many years ago), it was just online comments so who cares right?
i dunno, i wish the internet got destroyed and we all just lived face to face again. this shit's depressing.
i remember having constant arguments about the stupidest shit with real-friends on IRC, about veganism and music and shit, and things would often escalate way too much, when in real life we all got along just fine. i loved to chill with them, and would always try to be nice company, and they were cool to me too. but online.. totally different. i thought about it a lot and i think ultimately for me it comes down to online being too detached, you dont see other people's smiles or frowns, hear their intonation, read their body language.. it just lacks 90% of whats important to me in person-to-person interaction, and i just could never take online seriously as a result, i just said whatever came to mind and i guess assumed no one would take me that seriously because i didnt take them seriously either, i mean i couldnt even see or hear them!
this might just be me though. i simply find it rather impossible to think of online chatter as also part of reality, and that it can have consequences. i never even cared about some threats of violence i got from neonazis lol (many many years ago), it was just online comments so who cares right?
i dunno, i wish the internet got destroyed and we all just lived face to face again. this shit's depressing.
it also helps to just not phrase all your opinions like they're all basically facts. that really feels like the Era standard way of talking, but it's not very helpful if you're trying to have a normal, productive conversation.
i use stuff like 'i feel', 'the way i understand it' 'my thoughts on it' and other variations thereof which end up majorly softening the blow of opinions that might even be pretty controversial. cause people dont usually mind your actual opinions as much as they do the way you say them.
words on a message board rarely come with the intended tone or intent of your thoughts. if you're phrasing an opinion the exact same way you would a fact, then that's how it'll be read.
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Often I only decide to post here and on other forums when I think that someones wrong or overdoing it, I see no reason to post in a topic to basically say "Hello, I agree" which really a lot of posts boil down to here. But this means on Era people might think I'm a conservative, concern troll or whatever, when on other platforms I get called a SJW. I don't try to be antagonistic, I just think providing a differing opinion is more wothwhile than just nodding in agreement. I usually don't post to agree. Sometimes maybe.
But yeah, not being an ass about having a different view can sometimes be hard.
But yeah, not being an ass about having a different view can sometimes be hard.
This is my big issue here. It is wild to me that people go to a place filled with strangers to shit post and "blow off steam", because that inherently makes this place hostile or exclusionary to others. I don't mind people disliking things I like or vice versa, but people always seem to behave as though disliking something or criticizing it requires being negative or hyperbolic. I've read that the catharsis you feel by doing that isn't any more helpful for you than processing it quietly to yourself. In fact it could be damaging because now you're conditioning yourself to respond like that every time you meet something dissatisfactory. You can just say "I don't like it" or some variation. Folks don't realize how many people they're dissuading from contributing to actual discussion because they wanna feel themselves on a message board.
Were you around for the whole "the 'imo' is implied!" phase people were in? Folks were spamming a video of a guy making that argument any time people had an issue with the declarative statements. I looked up any kind of supporting research for the video and literally nobody on a professional or academic level has made that argument except that one game reviewer (whose own viewers tore into him on it) and all the people posting it to back up why they should be applauded for refusing to read the room. Thank God that came and went.
It reminds me of when there was a discussion on trans issues and a cis poster was confused about how another person was identifying. Instead of saying "Oh hey, I don't understand this, could you explain?" they were like "Surely you mean to identify as x and not y? You got this all wrong" and of course homie got a ban real fast because you just don't do that.
Declarative statements are one of the biggest reasons things often escalate, in my experience.
Quality of discussion starts low when you lead with them.
Not voice chatting with and outright muting randoms does wonders for a positive multiplayer experience.
I must be lucky, maybe itās because I donāt post as often as I used to years ago, but I donāt get a lot of people being antagonistic to me. And when they are antagonistic I usually ignore them. I mean, I literally put them on ignore. Iāve had people snap at me over how they think my parenting skills are or my eating habits are, the types of things I probably could have reported to the mods because they were obviously children. But I just put them on ignore. Most of them of been banned but every once in a while there is one person thatāll pop up.
Weirdly enough, on the old site I remember someone coming back from a ban and wrote a long apology. And I wasnāt familiar with the username, but they called me out in their apology post. Like specifically me, and I canāt remember them being horrible to me. So I actually felt bad, because this person was dwelling on how he treated me but he obviously didnāt leave as negative impression as he thought. I thought it was really classy of him but I felt almost bad that I hadnāt noticed that he was a shit head. LOL
Weirdly enough, on the old site I remember someone coming back from a ban and wrote a long apology. And I wasnāt familiar with the username, but they called me out in their apology post. Like specifically me, and I canāt remember them being horrible to me. So I actually felt bad, because this person was dwelling on how he treated me but he obviously didnāt leave as negative impression as he thought. I thought it was really classy of him but I felt almost bad that I hadnāt noticed that he was a shit head. LOL
There are lots of topics I know little about. An uninformed opinion is a useless opinion, so I just keep my mouth shut, just read and hopefully learn something. If there is nothing productive that I can add to the discussion, I don't.
Some people feel the need to have an opinion about everything, even when it's blatantly obvious they have no idea what they are talking about. Often it's snarky and dismissive as they try to sound cool or funny, and this can be quite annoying to others in the thread. People just don't know when to STFU or they're intentionally trying to be disruptive and trolly.
The other bad posts are people who speak for others, especially involving social issues. You get people who say what is or isn't racist, what is or isn't ageist, or what is or isn't sexist, etc, when they are clearly unqualified to be making those statements and speaking for others. They REALLY need to learn how to STFU.
Lurking is fine. You don't need to comment about everything, and there are plenty of times when you shouldn't.
Some people feel the need to have an opinion about everything, even when it's blatantly obvious they have no idea what they are talking about. Often it's snarky and dismissive as they try to sound cool or funny, and this can be quite annoying to others in the thread. People just don't know when to STFU or they're intentionally trying to be disruptive and trolly.
The other bad posts are people who speak for others, especially involving social issues. You get people who say what is or isn't racist, what is or isn't ageist, or what is or isn't sexist, etc, when they are clearly unqualified to be making those statements and speaking for others. They REALLY need to learn how to STFU.
Lurking is fine. You don't need to comment about everything, and there are plenty of times when you shouldn't.
I had a tag on GAF, and no one informed me of it. I just saw it one day and was like "what? why?"
I'm glad people get asked before being tagged here. As mentioned, some of the tags on GAF seemed mean-spirited, as if some staff member just decided to put a dunce cap on a user.
Oh, I remember the Resettler thing. But I don't think other custom tags appeared until the site was maybe a year old or so.
Maybe I misunderstood or misremembered the whole sentiment about tags.
Absolutely. I have a feeling a bulk of the people on here who are stressed about dogpiles or bans would see their experience vastly improve if they put in the effort to shift the way the present their opinions. People are often gonna match your energy.
EDIT: except that doesn't generate discussion or w/e
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OR to be noticed/acknowledged at all. People want to feel like they are being heard, and unless you are an asshole or phrase your statement in such a way so that it reads as irrefutable fact, replies in threads largely go without any acknowledgement or feedback at all. Thus many come to the conclusion that they either need to engage in these practices or don't even bother replying.
I admit that I am sometimes annoyed by threads that phrase their opinions as facts. "X is the shittiest game ever" is a pretty bold statement and when the argument gets heated they always come back with the old "Well that's just my opinion. It's a videogame forum, everything I say is just my opinion of course, I shouldn't need to couch my opinion in terms that signify it as such" but if you wanted Era to be a less antagonistic and combative place then yeah, you kinda do. Then they will reply with "Well that's on them if they don't recognize every thing I state definitively is just my opinion" which is just a way to blame the other guy which feeds into the antagonism and it goes from there. But I suspect a lot of people here love forum drama whether they admit it or not.
"Ignore Thread" is how I deal with a lot of this. I will see a thread going south and just check out at that point. Helps keep the front page nice and tidy. A lot of times I'm just here for news anyway so I'll read the OP, get the news, and then ignore since I don't really need to see everyone's outrage or delight over the topic.
Yep, and itās so off putting. People are always looking for a fight, sometimes over the dumbest shit. Wanna blow off steam? Go workout, take a walk, do something actually productive rather than trying to bring someone else down to your level of misery. Like, damn.
I used to be angrier than I am, it burned out somewhere in my late 20s to early 30s... it's just exhausting to be mean and rude to people (if it can be helped).
You're a human, it's alright to have failings.
But, I think above all, start to build in a mental checklist when approaching content like this -
- Assume that the person has good intent (until proven otherwise), that will lower your overall hostility.
- Stop going into threads where the intent is to be inflammatory or to argue, it's probably not going to improve you life.
- Write down your feelings and get them out, then delete. Don't post your first draft.
- Give two less fucks about everything and a lot of that frustration and anger burns out and you can see more clearly.
You're a human, it's alright to have failings.
But, I think above all, start to build in a mental checklist when approaching content like this -
- Assume that the person has good intent (until proven otherwise), that will lower your overall hostility.
- Stop going into threads where the intent is to be inflammatory or to argue, it's probably not going to improve you life.
- Write down your feelings and get them out, then delete. Don't post your first draft.
- Give two less fucks about everything and a lot of that frustration and anger burns out and you can see more clearly.
Sometimes it just happens. You just get lost and when you realize it, the milk is already spilled across the whole floor.
It musn't even mean to be especially rude to someone. Just unecessary back and forth of whose point of view is the right one.
I've been through a handful of boards up until now, and every time I tell myself: I'm older now / I'm not doing X anymore / This time will be different - etc.
And yet, sooner or later, there comes this one moment where you can't help yourself.
It musn't even mean to be especially rude to someone. Just unecessary back and forth of whose point of view is the right one.
I've been through a handful of boards up until now, and every time I tell myself: I'm older now / I'm not doing X anymore / This time will be different - etc.
And yet, sooner or later, there comes this one moment where you can't help yourself.
It happens. I try to be conscious of it, especially by being SUPER liberal with ignoring threads that I know will foster conversations that I feel won't go anywhere worthwhile. Sometimes I find myself being snippier than needed here. Most of the time I catch it and just delete before I even post. Some of the time I post and wonder why I'm even part of the conversation, it's adding literally nothing of value to my life (and I'm probably adding nothing of value to the conversation).
It's tough, I feel you OP. In general I don't think this site fosters positive and constructive conversation, I think the vast majority of it is cynical at best. I don't know how to solve that though, you can't tone police.
It's tough, I feel you OP. In general I don't think this site fosters positive and constructive conversation, I think the vast majority of it is cynical at best. I don't know how to solve that though, you can't tone police.
My prime frustration when I post in certain threads involve matters of precarity and socioeconomics. This forum largely consists of users that are middle class to upper middle class, and whenever the topic of precarity and the poor come up, there are perspectives from well-off posters that are quite out-of-touch. I think this forum is in desperate need of more people who are lower middle class or less posting on here because you can painfully see the biased perspective of people who have a comfortable living. It's become so apparent to me, that I'm considering not posting in OT anymore.
"Civil discourse" is for other, bad, people. My opinions are both morally and factually correct, so when I go off on someone in a way that would piss me off if they did it, that's fine. Because I'm a good person and they are a bad person. And when I inevitably get permanently banned I'm just go somewhere else and complain about how bad and wrong Era is.
Yeah, there's a very "you're either with us or you're against us" mentality amongst far too many posters on Era. This is true of any issue, no matter how important or meaningless.
People can't seem to differentiate between "I don't like thing" and "thing is bad". It's not possible for someone to like something you don't like, you know it's bad so they must be absolute fucking morons who like bad stuff. Two people might agree on what on what the flaws of a game/movie/whatever are, but if they hate it because of those flaws while you love it despite those same flaws, you'll be dismissed as being a defensive stan.
i just love the Era defaults for game quality.
*finding x game mildly not that good*, "x game was utterly atrocious".
hyperbolic words like that are so common you cant take any of it seriously. even if a game actually was anywhere near that, i wouldnt know because ya'll have everything at the top or rock bottom levels of quality anyway.