I'm tired of how toxic the internet is

[Deleted member 9306]

Seriously. This year has made me really burn out of most of the internet and social media. It's just too hostile for me and honestly it doesn't need to be this way.

First earlier this year I ended up leaving a forum for black women because of how transphobic it was. Then, I end up disbanding a discord server that had people from that site because the transphobia had spread there too and they attacked me when I suggested that we shouldnt be that way. Both destroying my "Black woman safe spaces" online, which really sucked as someone in a white majority country.

Then, I ended up putting my tumblr on basically "read only" mode in order to prevent myself from getting mixed up in some unpleasantness, and mass unfollowed alot of people.

Then, just yesterday (after like, years of undergoing random assholes and etc) I ended up deleting my 4 year old reddit account because I got into a dumbass argument with someone over racism in a sub that I thought was better than most of reddit.

At this point, I only have resetera (which seems to be more moderated and therefore better l), a Facebook account that I only keep up for work, and read only tumblr and Twitter accounts. I don't even reblog anything from them. I just follow cool people, and on twitter I follow my favourite authors.

And I guess this thread was made just so I could lament how badly we treat each other online and how bad the internet has become. I should've gotten the hint after that... Event... That happened in 2014 among "gamers" but it's like, exhausting. Nobody wants to have fun anymore, everyone's obsessed with dragging people or making fun of people. Everyone loves talking tough and being an ass when in real life they'd be like church mice. And I'm so tired of there being basically nowhere online for marginalized people without SOME idiot turning marginalized people against others. Why can't I find a black positive space online without someone making it anti LGBT? Note that I'm not even LGBT or etc (I'm just cis black and a woman) but I'm tired of the toxicity everywhere and anywhere.

Like for real I just want to talk about how awesome N. K Jemisin's books are and geek out over Crusader Kings 3 and Mount and Blade Bannerlord. Is that too much to ask nowadays?

 

[Aleh]

I absolutely agree. It's almost like being negative is a competition for some people, and racist/homophobic/transphobic/sexist assholes are everywhere if that wasn't enough.

 

[Baccus]

The internet is just an extension of the human race. Humans are toxic. We might as well get tired of the world. In the end we gotta learn to trade the rough waters, adapt and survive. That's how it's always been. It shouldn't be that way, but alas.

Value your friends and allies, for they are rare, temporal treasures.

 

[It’s Time To Go]

 

[Messofanego]

Sorry to hear about that. There should be a space for black women that's also LGBT inclusive. That's the problem I've found in my own South Asian community where intersectional avoidance happens. Marginalised communities not looking out for each other and knocking down people lower on the ladder. Those same power dynamics minorities lament against get replayed when we see someone lower than us. Thankfully I do find for myself, LGBT-friendly Muslims or south Asians, and I seek them out on Twitter, here, and on Discord, so I haven't had as bad a experience as long as I'm willing to block haters out. I hope you do keep finding those spaces!

 

[DiipuSurotu]

There's still ResetERA

 

[ZeroMaverick]

I'll be your friend if you want 😃

 

[Temascos]

Sorry that you're going through that crap, it's shitty how the internet has turned out in a lot of places. It should be an amazing experience and a way to connect with others to share knowledge and passions, and maybe discover some new things.

It's sad when you find a place and you think "Hey, this is going great" only to find out that the people that were nice to you have some horrific views that you can't square with them, I remember going onto a Doom board and finding out that people hated Wolfenstein, not because of the gameplay but because you were fighting nazis. I noped out of there but man, I had so many nice conversations with them.

I'm not part of a marginalised group as a cis white male, but even I have been frustrated when people on the internet rail against minorities, and it's even more shocking when its one group that has been discriminated against themselves.

I think communities are at their best when they are moderated well and people at least make an effort to understand the different experiences that we have. It is sometimes hard to do when we've just got text on a screen but as you said, a lot of these chucklefucks would buckle at the slightest pushback in real life. We have to remember that there is someone on the other end we are talking to, and while there's a SHITTON of bad people out there there are also a ton of good people too.

It's about getting coordinated and knowing that you are not alone. Easier said than done obviously, but I've learned a lot over the years, thanks in part to users on ResetEra who have been able to pass on their experiences that I will never likely have myself, and I hope I can better communicate that to others in real life.

 

[Baccus]

Click to shrink...

... Deep cut here haha

 

[Deleted member 11796]

The internet makes me want to build clocks on Mars

 

[Hecht]

Deleted both my Facebook and Twitter this year. Definitely has helped with not seeing the endless stream of bullshit, if only a little bit.

 

[Possum Armada]

Outside of this forum I barely use the internet anymore. I will look things up, find things to do in the real world, and do a little shopping. Outside of that I have weaned myself off of most sites.

I feel alot healthier.

 

[Teh_Lurv]

I've felt the same way for years. I was a teenager in the early 90s when the World Wide Web was becoming available to the masses. I remember all the prognostications about how it would someday usher in a Star Trek like utopia. People communicating with each other through email/chat without the prejudgments of race, religion, sex, nationality, etc. Unfortunately it turned out the Internet does the opposite; divorced from direct interaction, people tend be more shitty and prejudiced than they'd be in real life.

As a naïve nerdy youth, I honestly believed those predictions and it still pains me a bit to see all the bullshit and pain happen because of the Internet.

 

[Annubis]

I'm just happy I'm old enough to have known the beginning of the internet where only the most willing could get there and people were overjoyed with each other knowing the effort everyone had put to be together.
The very early online multiplayer is also something that is unrecognizable today when you look at cesspools like LoL.

 

[Deleted member 4874]

Have you tried goodreads.com? They have a lot of community discussion groups that may be what you're looking for. If not, I'm sure you could start your own thread there with like-minded individuals.

 

[nny]

I don't use a lot of social media, but even here I'm surprised how rude or aggressive some people can be, even over the most unimportant things.

 

[squall23]

This is pretty much the reason I give my friends regarding why I don't and never had a major social media account to begin with.

The internet is BS and I've known that since I was 10 which was long before even myspace was a thing.

 

[Tyrant Rave]

Yeah it's really awful over the past several years especially, so I hear you on that OP. Even here I don't really care to engage with a lot of discussion most of the time since I'm tired of things like bad faith arguments or people going off on a dime. I mostly just stick to using things like Twitter or Discord where I just talk to friends primarily and at least I can self-moderate the problems.

Finding new places for discussion that don't have general toxicity or various forms of cism/phobia now is just too hard though, so I'm sorry you had to go through that yourself. Especially depending on certain interests/hobbies. As a more positive sidenote, you should check Far Sector (if you haven't already) since I see you mentioned Jemisin. It is seriously amazing and reminds me I should check more of her works.

 

[subpar spatula]

I am the funnest person I know. You may join me on my journey to wherever it leads. We will gather folks, denounce the atrocities, and fully enjoy what we enjoy without opposition.

 

[TeenageFBI]

The very early online multiplayer is also something that is unrecognizable today when you look at cesspools like LoL.

Click to shrink...

Man, I loved early online games. I met so many nice people just in random matches. It was a completely different vibe than today's games.

 

[Deleted member 9306]

I absolutely agree. It's almost like being negative is a competition for some people, and racist/homophobic/transphobic/sexist assholes are everywhere if that wasn't enough.

Click to shrink...

It really is! And it's annoying because it ruins the vibe of some places. Can't we all just chill?

It's also sociopathic or something because you could be discussing something wholesome and someone will run in with some next racist speech and it's like... what? What just happened?

Click to shrink...

Eternal mood.

Marginalised communities not looking out for each other and knocking down people lower on the ladder. Those same power dynamics minorities lament against get replayed when we see someone lower than us.

Click to shrink...

and it's even more shocking when its one group that has been discriminated against themselves.

Click to shrink...

I mean, I know why it happens. It's like everyone's obsessed with being the "best" under this racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic etc. system we're under. Instead of dismantling the system everyone just wants to be 2nd best.

And it's like really embarrassing for me to see other Black people act like that because we should *know better* by now. Everyone shits on us but instead of having some empathy for some other people I keep running across these "They're cutting in line, we should have rights first!" idiots and it's like, it's not a competition. It's really not. Sigh.

I'll be your friend if you want

Click to shrink...

Thanks! I'll PM you soon :D!

Have you tried goodreads.com? They have a lot of community discussion groups that may be what you're looking for. If not, I'm sure you could start your own thread there with like-minded individuals.

Click to shrink...

I used to use goodreads for tallying the books I read but I didn't know they had discussion groups and/or forums. I'll check that out, thank you!

 

[gully state]

I long for the days when the internet was a way for people around the world with esoteric hobbies like 15th century coin collecting could connect and talk about their passions. Somehow that's all mutated into echo chambers of hate.

 

[jetpacks was yes]

You're absolutely right, OP. People would never act like this in person, but without that face-to-face then all shame goes away, and it's like everyone tries to one-up each other's negativity.

 

[teruterubozu]

I do think the proliferation of bots and troll farms have indeed created a more toxic environment. The bots even influence people to act/think certain ways. The internet is not just "people" anymore, it's also filled with nefarious algorithms.

 

[Walter White Walker]

I nuked my Facebook account this summer. That was a huge amount of the toxic bullshit I saw online and I'm happy it's gone. The rest is easily ignored and I've never had any other social media accounts like Twitter and whatever.

 

[Chopchop]

It really sucks. A lot of people on the internet seem to just turn on hostilities on a dime. They seem to talk to people not to have conversation, but to pick a fight. They want to dunk on people, not discuss ideas or perspectives.

 

[FaceHugger]

It's really ugly out there, yea. It seems like no social media platform is willing to admit that conservative thought is essentially ugliness these days (why are they all so damned angry all of the time?), and quickly spirals into outright hate, conspiracy theories, and the rejection of basic truths and science. Just get rid of it already Jack/Zuckerberg/etc - it's literally bad for society.

Look at any conservative subreddit, any forum (ahem *looks back to 2017*), any Facebook group, or any Twitter account that is conservative. They're all the same. And after Trump lost they're even abandoning Fox News of all places because they dared to tell them the truth.

So, OP, what I did was drop Facebook completely, filter twitter and reddit heavily (mute accounts, mute subreddits), and stop going to almost every other discussion forum. It made things a lot better.

 

[Idde]

I completely feel you OP. A lot of people apparently just want to be assholes to each other. Why? I don't know. One small tip, since you still have facebook. I found the comments under BoredPanda and GoodNewsNetwork posts to be pretty good natured, generally. There's not much of a discussion/conversation going on there, but still. Somewhat a bit of fresh air.

 

[Merv]

I posted a message on my Facebook to that simply said.

"Can we please stop talking about killing each other over politics"?

First response.

"Some people are too stupid to live"

I deleted the comment and blocked that user(rando highschool associate).My Facebook gets purged pretty much every election cycle.

 

[bawjaws]

Deleted both my Facebook and Twitter this year. Definitely has helped with not seeing the endless stream of bullshit, if only a little bit.

Click to shrink...

I am extremely glad that I have never had a Facebook or Twitter account. Both are absolute cesspits.

 

[sven]

I find liberal use of mute/unfollow helps quite a bit.

 

[Wackamole]

It has become painfully clear how unhappy and frustrated many people are. At that point they're easy targets for misinformation and populism. It's not much different here. People trip over each other to point a finger to the other. Best is to take a walk in nature with your loved ones and make the best of it. It's beautiful outside. The internet and negativity are going nowhere the coming year(s).

 

[Joni]

For positivity, I just have Instagram and Facebook, and that is basically my look at friends pictures to make me happy sites.

There's still ResetERA

Click to shrink...

This site is very negative unfortunately.

 

[Dralos]

Im looking for a new book to read. can you recommend me one from N. K Jemisin (dont know her yet).

 

[CloseTalker]

I feel you op, social media is a cancer in people's mental health. At least twice a week I consider a self ban here because it feels like, especially on the gaming side regarding new consoles, grown humans are just incapable of a rational mature conversation. Alas, the addiction has always proven stronger.

FWIW, the relatively low amount of people I follow on Instagram has lead to that platform generally still being easy and fun to use. If nothing else, it doesn't actively exhaust me the way other social platforms or Era do

 

[Gwenpoolshark]

It's dangerous.

I'm loving it.

 

[bawjaws]

This site is very negative unfortunately.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, it certainly can be, but I find liberal use of the ignore feature (both threads and users) is a boon in terms of limiting your exposure to negativity. There are so many threads that are guaranteed to be pits of negativity and the best thing to do is ignore them (either using the ignore function or just resisting looking at them in the first place).

 

[bionic77]

A lot if not most people on the internet are stupid assholes.

Just don't interact with those people.

Thats a good rule for life and not just the internet. Try to surround yourself with good people.

It can take some time to learn that lesson but you just have to know when to walk away. Even on this board someone might really be trying to argue with bullshit intentions. Its not worth it. Just go to where you are going to enjoy yourself or be with some cool ass people.

 

[Typhoon20]

I always knew the internet was a toxic place. But it never really affected us much.
Until the last few years with the rise of the right and especially this year with COVID.

At first I read a few COVID related comments on news articles. A lot of ''It's just a flu, why are we shutting down the economy'' type of nonsense.
I thought hey it's just a few morons. They're the loudest etc. But I kept seeing the same replies on every comment section not just Youtube, Twitter, Facebook etc.
And these are respectable news sites. Not just a place filled with the right. Comments such as ''let nature sort itself out, if the weak get elininated so be it'' type of nonsense.
And these comments had the most likes. Not that I care about likes but it shows how many people agree. It started to bum me out. Because in the end, it was never just a ''few'' morons. The internet is an extension of the truth. Where people get to take their masks off. When you meet people in real life, you don't really know them. You think you do, but you don't. This has really affected me, at least from my own POV, mentally more than anything. When you walk around and see so many people, you wonder if they're just as toxic.You wonder if they're racist. Because you'll never really know. I know it's not healthy to care about what other people think, but it's human nature. Some can ignore it, some can't. If you're not a minority, it's easier to ignore. But if you're a minority, you're already carrying a massive burden throughout your entire life. And especially with half the population voting for the right and this is a trend rising worldwide. Even in europe. So it's not just ''a small part of the internet'' anymore.

You know what's really bumming me out even more ? Influencers, famous social media personalities, certain celebrities etc. 100s of millions of kids are watching these people who have massive followings. That toxic nature is instilled in these kids. Governments are doing such a poor job too governing platforms such as youtube, twitter, facebook etc. etc.These kids are being brainwashed.

The amount of people who are anti-vaxxers is astonishing. Wether I'm watching a Bill Gates video, a news article on the seriousness of COVID or Dave Chappelle's dumb take on this pandemic...the comments are all the same. Out of those 3, Dave Chappelle gets the most positive reactions by far. Because of his shitty take. Make an anti-vaxx video and you'll get all the praise. Do the opposite (you know...the sensible and logical thing) and you'll get blasted.
I'm actively avoiding comments on almost everything now.

ERA is better yes. But let's not kid yourself that it's that much better. I'll just leave it at that.

 

[pants]

Close the computer, put away the phone, and go outside. Breath some fresh air. Appreciate some stillness and the warmth of the sun.

I'm just a guilty of getting wrapped up in this hot mess, but the cure is to spend time being physically present in your own body.

 

[bawjaws]

Close the computer, put away the phone, and go outside. Breath some fresh air. Appreciate some stillness and the warmth of the sun.

I'm just a guilty of getting wrapped up in this hot mess, but the cure is to spend time being physically present in your own body.

Click to shrink...

I think that we do all need, at a societal level, to realise that the internet is not good for you, and then the next step is to limit your exposure to it to levels that minimise the unhealthy effects.

 

[Kuribo’s Shoe]

Safe Space Alliance might be a good place to find a non toxic community.

 

[kVH2LpZd]

Deleted my Twitter this year for similar reasons.

For the longest time I thought the Internet was the best and most important invention of Humankind and would lead to incredible Progress.

Nowadays I sometimes think about whether we would be better off without it.

 

[Deleted member 83122]

Im sorry for your experiences, friend. I hope you can find a good spot to talk about games and life in general without a-holes beating their chest and acting like selfish children. Crusader Kings 3 looks great btw, I saw a bit of the game of thrones mod and I want to play it so bad but my pizza-box laptop can barely run ck2 haha! Peace be with you.

 

[Preatorian60]

I get you, to me the internet is like an assault on the senses, I'm at home sitting in my room but with everyone screaming at eachother constantly I don't feel like i'm at home; I feel like i'm walking through a bustling city street with everyone yelling and screaming and I wonder "why can't we all just get along"

I'm really glad I found this forum to be honest, it's such a nice breath of fresh air compared to places like Twitter or Reddit, everyone seems to be nice here so far and there isn't any trolls. This feels like the one place where I can read peoples opinions and read the comments while completely at ease.

 

[sapien85]

I reached that point 8 years ago I think. Yet I still use certain social media and sites.

 

[Deleted member 9306]

You guys are all saying good stuff in this thread. So glad I'm not alone on this.

Im looking for a new book to read. can you recommend me one from N. K Jemisin (dont know her yet).

Click to shrink...

Honestly imo all of her books are fire. I think that if you want to get into her writing style and some of her common themes really quickly, I recommend getting How Long 'till Black History Month (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40855636-how-long-til-black-future-month) because it's a collection of short stories. Some of her short stories she's developed into full novels (The City We Became and the Narcomancer specifically).

Her BEST work is considered to be the Broken Earth trilogy, which starts with The Fifth Season(https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/19161852-the-fifth-season). It's an amazing sci-fi/fantasy mix (personally I think it's post-apocolyptic fantasy) and the first book has like,oadoasoda, it's just amazing. But it's hella depressing.

Then there's the Inheritance Trilogy, which starts with The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6437061-the-hundred-thousand-kingdoms). I mean, I like it alot but it's not her best reviewed stuff. The second book in that trilogy is my 2nd favorite book by her though, and features a blind protagonist which is always sweet.

Then, there's the Dreamblood Duology (expanded from the Narcomancer short story) and her newest trilogy, The City We Became (she took her short story and expanded it into a book and soon a trilogy). I LOVE the Dreamblood Duology, but it's sort of typical fantasy with Black people instead of white people lol. And while I think The City We Became is a good book, it wasn't a page turner for me like her other books, but then again I'm more into classical fantasy than urban fantasy.

I hope this helps!

 

[Deleted member 24079]

I really only read resetera and my local community Reddit pages. This last year has really made me withdraw from a lot of the Internet. I think website viewership has consolidated into giant sites where everyone goes and now we see everyone trying to one up the other. We don't have small blog sites being popular and mentioned. It's all Twitter. It's all the bad

 

[Deleted member 5127]

I mean, I know why it happens. It's like everyone's obsessed with being the "best" under this racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic etc. system we're under. Instead of dismantling the system everyone just wants to be 2nd best.

And it's like really embarrassing for me to see other Black people act like that because we should *know better* by now. Everyone shits on us but instead of having some empathy for some other people I keep running across these "They're cutting in line, we should have rights first!" idiots and it's like, it's not a competition. It's really not. Sigh.

Click to shrink...

I don't think it's necessarily wanting to be second best, but there's usually no focus(or too little) on racism or homophobia and transphobia within minority communities, it is rampant.

 

[Cipherr]

There's still ResetERA

Click to shrink...

Even ResetERA should consider splintering off a Politics forum. Its an important enough topic to have its on section wholesale. And we all probably need some form of detox after the last 4 years of fuckery have weighed so heavily on our psyche. Trying to browse the ETC forum to "get away" for a bit often has you having to try to mentally block 40% of the threads about Politics that you don't necessarily want to ignore; but just would like to talk to someone about a Movie suggestion or a Fantasy Football league instead of being instantly reminded of the planets slow slide into lunacy.