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Is it selfish to get married between Xmas and New Year?

shaneo632

shaneo632

Weekend Planner
Member
Oct 29, 2017
28,971
Wrexham, Wales
Two of my Facebook friends got married today and yesterday respectively, and I couldn't help but think it seemed like the worst possible time to have a wedding, as people are often flying out to see their parents etc, or otherwise want to enjoy a week of chilling out rather than having to dress up smart and mobilise (at cost during the most expensive time of the year, no less).

Bear in mind I'm not really criticising these people, just kinda amazed that anyone could have the mental wherewithal to be arsed with a wedding on Christmas week (unless you don't celebrate, of course).
 
Vareon

Vareon

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,806
I mean if you don't want to come to a wedding you don't have to? Those who do came were probably very close friends or relatives anyway. Also it's very possible that they don't pick this date out of convenience.
 
Rory

Rory

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,159
Why make your relatives book an additional travel with all expenses when they can simply extend their christmas stay?

They are saving money by not traveling to your location twice (once xmas and once wedding) so that should make up for the extra cost of staying 2 days longer.
 
Finale Fireworker

Finale Fireworker

Love each other or die trying.
Member
Oct 25, 2017
14,710
United States
It depends on how important it is to them that people come. If the couple don't care if you come or not, they should get married wherever and whenever they want. But if there if there is an expectation that people will go, and it will be a dramatic familial or social failing for you to not attend, then that's pretty lousy.

I personally find destination weddings way worse. As if I have $1,000 to go to Hawaii to watch you dance to John Legend.
 

ThLunarian

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,547
Venues usually offer much lower prices during winter months. I bet that week is even less expensive. It's probably a budget thing. Also keeps away people who you feel obligated to invite but who you don't really want to come. The people who truly care about you will be there.

I approve, personally
 
Pankratous

Pankratous

Member
Oct 26, 2017
9,238
No it's great, it means I can use the "I've got plans" excuse and don't need to attend a boring wedding.
 
IDreamOfHime

IDreamOfHime

Member
Oct 27, 2017
14,413
I'll take a holidays wedding invitation over a working weekday wedding which I've had a few times in the past few years.
I get it, Saturday and Sundays are probably booked up everywhere....but im supposed to lose a couple days pay or waste holidays for you? Hmm.....
 
Pimienta

Pimienta

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,836
Probably the most expensive week of the year, so it is kinda shitty. Unless you live in the same area, but don't be surprised at the rising of cost of EVERYTHING.
 
Z-Beat

Z-Beat

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
31,831
Not selfish, just extremely inconvenient and poorly thought out for everyone involved.
 

ThLunarian

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,547
HotHamBoy said:
There is nothing more narcissistic than a wedding
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Narcissism is a personality disorder that means, broadly, that you abuse and gaslight people who love you because you don't have empathy. I get why you used the word but it's probably more accurate to use "vain" or "selfish" here
 
Shadybiz

Shadybiz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
10,105
Kinda depends. If the majority of the people who will be invited live in the general area anyway, and don't have to travel long distances, it might not be so bad.

...If you book a "destination wedding" during that week, you're an awful person.
 
Camwi

Camwi

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
6,375
I think a couple should get married whenever the hell they want to. It's their day. May be inconvenient to some guests but whatever. Those guests are most likely not going to be celebrating the anniversary every year.
 
Dreams-Visions

Dreams-Visions

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
41,368
Miami, FL
As long as it's just your immediate family expected to attend, that's fine.

If you're expecting friends and extended friends to come and bring gifts, it's not cool.
 
Finale Fireworker

Finale Fireworker

Love each other or die trying.
Member
Oct 25, 2017
14,710
United States
HotHamBoy said:
There is nothing more narcissistic than a wedding
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

I think it usually goes one of two ways:
1) The bride and groom want it to be the most lavish and hedonistic day of their lives where they spare no expense.
2) The bride and groom just want to be married but feel obligated to make it lavish and hedonistic and spare no expense because that's what their friends and families expect from them.

My SO and I planned an entire wedding and then canceled it just before sending the save the dates because it was awful. So much shit we didn't want and so much money down the drain. It didn't even feel like our wedding. It felt like we were going to somebody else's wedding except we were paying for it all. We decided to pull the plug rather abruptly. We lost some deposits but it was nothing compared to what we would have wasted going through with that charade.

We're getting eloped this September and having a small reception the next day instead. That's the wedding we really want and I hate my family anyway.


Wedding culture (and wedding economy) is really bizarre. There's a lot of cognitive dissonance and internalized obligation for both the married couple and their attendees. Maybe the OP's people really do expect everybody to drop everything and attend their wedding on Christmas week, which would be wild to me, but that's the wedding industry. I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt though and hope they just don't care if anyone comes or not.
 
Kreed

Kreed

The Negro Historian
Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,101
Usually people do this out of convenience since everyone they want to attend are usually off of work/in the same area for the holidays. The downside is no one but you and your SO is remembering your wedding anniversary.
 
CarpeDeezNutz

CarpeDeezNutz

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
2,732
I got married at a court house with just my parents and my wife's mom in attendance. Let people get married the way they want to.
 
mhayes86

mhayes86

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,244
Maryland
Honestly, it may have been smart. The inconvenience is having many people having to choose to be with their families, be lazy at home, or go to a wedding. However, this is a slow workweek with many people already planning to take off, and wedding venues can be cheaper when done on a weekday. That is unless venues are usually more expensive at this time of year.
 
Westbahnhof

Westbahnhof

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
10,104
Austria
It's selfish to expect people to come even it inconveniences them.
If someone is fine with many people not coming, there's no problem, imo.
 
WillRobBanks

WillRobBanks

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
418
My view is that any day is ok as long as the couple accepts that people may just not come.

I have been invited to so many "destination" weddings in the past few years that are such lame destinations (I.e. whatever state the couple currently lives). None of these are convenient for family or friends, just for the couples. And I've gone to most of them, but I have another in March that we may not go to because of cost, distance, and having a newborn. Hopefully they understand, but come on people. These weddings are SO EXPENSIVE for your guests. Travel costs, hotel costs, shower gift, bachelor/ette party, wedding gift.... with multiple a year, it just becomes absurd.
 
Wackamole

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,931
Halo 2 said:
Is there any way to get the tax benefits without the marriage?
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Registered partnership. Maybe not in every country though. Probably not in a lot of countries.

Anyway, i'm never going to get married. People short-circuit when they hear that in most parts of the world. I even had a guy tell me: "well good look with ever finding true love then". BHahahaha..... It's amazing how clueless people are. Happily together for over 23 years now. We just don't want to participate in those archaic hypocrite ceremonials.

Anyway, people should do what they like. As long as they don't expect everyone to do the same or agree.
 
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bluehat9

bluehat9

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,381
If they only invited people they were going to be seeing at Christmas anyway, then its a good idea actually. I could probably do this because most of my family is close by and those that aren't probably wouldn't travel whenever a wedding was.
 
Smylie

Smylie

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
1,888
Oregon
Selfish? No. They should be able to get married whenever they want to.

But they shouldn't be surprised/salty when folks don't show up for the ceremony/reception because they're off spending the holidays with friends/family.
 
TheGhost

TheGhost

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
28,137
Long Island
ThLunarian said:
Venues usually offer much lower prices during winter months. I bet that week is even less expensive. It's probably a budget thing. Also keeps away people who you feel obligated to invite but who you don't really want to come. The people who truly care about you will be there.

I approve, personally
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This, my brother is getting married around a winter month holiday because the rates are dirt cheap and her parents and my parents can't afford to help pay for it.
 
VonGreckler

VonGreckler

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,284
I know that my wife and I did it around that time because both of our younger siblings would already be home from college and wouldn't have to travel again.
We understood that some people wouldn't be able to make it so it wasn't a big deal
 
Casualcore

Casualcore

Member
Jul 25, 2018
1,299
It's okay so long as they understand not everyone will make it and aren't jerks about people not coming.
 
Sephzilla

Sephzilla

Herald of Stoptimus Crime
Member
Oct 25, 2017
17,493
Your number of attendees will probably be low simply because people will be prioritizing other things
 
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