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It's Trans Awareness Week! (Nov 13th -19th)
- Thread starter Kyuuji
- Start date
So are there transmen who browse this forum? I've learned somethings about the challenges transwomen face but I feel discussion about on transmen is relatively underdeveloped even in this pocket of the internet and I think that's happening because there aren't any transmen creating discussion threads in EtcEtc.
Just fyi it's trans men and trans women. Seperate words :)
It's true, there doesn't seem to be a lot of trans men here, unless they're lurking. I hope they come talk some day :)
As NB, there's definitely days where I notice differences in how I'm treated when I'm leaning more masculine. All I can imagine is it's probably a hundred times worse for someone who's a transgender man. Sucks to think on :/
Trans men usually have thier own spaces and most of the news stories are far more often focused on trans women. For conservatives trans men basically don't exist if they are even aware of them.
I know a few things about them, like far fewer of them seek buttom surgery, although that I don't know many of them don't want it because it's a hell of a lot more complicated than for women.
Luckily testosterone usually takes care of a lot of their problems (voice, facial hair etc), but really it's best to talk with a trans men directly.
It's easy for me to fall in the grass is green on the other side trap.
I started to kind of passing and people are already nicer to me, but apparently also think I'm dumber. It's weird.
I'm a trans man, but the one time I tried to talk about it in Et Cetera in a relevant context was in the Freddy McConnell thread, which had a lot of cis people not understanding why it was wrong to call trans dads "mothers," so I ended up bailing for my mental health. Reading that kind of thing destroys me inside, to be honest.
If you happen to be interested in my thoughts on that subject, it's in the spoiler tag, but I don't want to cause a derail.
To restate what I said there, as an epidemiologist, the 'you call them mothers for research purposes' reason doesn't stand up to scrutiny because classifying trans men in the same group as women has caused a complete lack of data available on paternal care for trans fathers, which has had serious, and fatal in at least one case, consequences. The 'it's a biological term' reason does not make sense either, because 'gestational parent' is an easy to understand substitute, and you don't call moms who adopt children "parent" and not "mother" because they didn't give birth to them. Mother/father is a gendered term. If Freddy McConnell comes up again here - which he might, considering his legal relevance to trans people in the UK - I really hope people consider this before posting.
Maybe I'll post about my experiences more in the future but, eh, I'm feeling a little burned. Though the trans community seems great here, so I'll consider being in those spaces more often.
Hi all!
Just popping in here to say that you are all loved and valid and I definitely try to do my best to help out the trans community wherever I can, in my admittedly limited capacity to do so. Much <3
Trans rights are human rights!
Also, can I get an avatar upgrade please? Would like to show my support.
Just popping in here to say that you are all loved and valid and I definitely try to do my best to help out the trans community wherever I can, in my admittedly limited capacity to do so. Much <3
Trans rights are human rights!
Also, can I get an avatar upgrade please? Would like to show my support.
Ayyyyy, rocket raccoon looking good.
thanks friend, I'll apply it soon as I'm back at my desktop. :)
The community itself is top notch. Non-community focused threads and general discussions on trans issues on the main board not so much.
But it's still one of the best places to post about games and entertainment without a trans focus as a trans person, and for every asshole or "cisplainer" there are always one or two that actually do give a shit and want to learn.
In other words while it can still be a shitty place with shitty people it's better than most other places, biggest thing for me is not getting to comfy with it especially with recent events, better than most doesn't mean good and must stay vigilant to make it better. I like this site, and both the larger community and my community to want to leave, but I am nowhere near satisfied that things are as good as they can get, so uphill battle it is.
And thanks for your input, I only know one trans man in real life and I haven't interacted with him in ages.
As far as Trans Men voices go, I'll share this article I read a year ago because I found it quite interesting, getting some insight into their lives and experiences, especially regarding sexism.
For people who can understand French, I can also totally share this webseries about Océan, a French comedian/entertainer/singer who built and developed his comedian career by creating one-man shows centering a lot on his feminism as well as lesbian identity & life experiences. He decided to start his transition in 2018, and in 2019 this webseries centering on his transition has been released with a total of 10 episodes. He has been very vocal and open about it, as he has been with everything his whole life.
I really love him, he's always been very political, inclusive and he probably has helped a lot in making French people more knowledgeable about LGBT and Feminist issues as a whole. Also he made a cute lesbian romantic movie in 2017 that I quite enjoyed but that's besides the point.
For people who can understand French, I can also totally share this webseries about Océan, a French comedian/entertainer/singer who built and developed his comedian career by creating one-man shows centering a lot on his feminism as well as lesbian identity & life experiences. He decided to start his transition in 2018, and in 2019 this webseries centering on his transition has been released with a total of 10 episodes. He has been very vocal and open about it, as he has been with everything his whole life.
I really love him, he's always been very political, inclusive and he probably has helped a lot in making French people more knowledgeable about LGBT and Feminist issues as a whole. Also he made a cute lesbian romantic movie in 2017 that I quite enjoyed but that's besides the point.
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User Banned (Permanent): Transphobia over a series of posts; numerous prior bans for inflammatory behavior including a severe ban for sexism
Here's a little story and i'm not trying to ruffle any feathers but my mom is a boomer and i would say she's a hard R kind of gal. One day shes in an - out and about bathroom - in middle america, and in walks to the female bathroom, a person who is a man, but is dressed as a girl, and this lady is going through the whole rigamarole, and the event literally threw my mother for a loop, she's clutching her chains and going into overdrive, and just had a real heatfelt moment about the whole buisness.
Me, being me would have enjoyed the rarity of the event, but her, my mom, she got into a tizzy and had to tell me all about it. She was going on an on about it . . .
I'm at a loss as to what to say...What am i to say to this? Any ideas?
And pardon me if this isn't the right avenue to ask this question.
Me, being me would have enjoyed the rarity of the event, but her, my mom, she got into a tizzy and had to tell me all about it. She was going on an on about it . . .
I'm at a loss as to what to say...What am i to say to this? Any ideas?
And pardon me if this isn't the right avenue to ask this question.
The person in the bathroom probably wouldn't appreciate being called a man. I don't know what advice to give other than tell your mom to politely mind her own business.
Unless I'm reading your post wrong it seems like the event in question was just your mom seeing a person she assumed was trans using the bathroom like everyone else does.
Please excuse any inapropriety on my part, this topic is not my wheelhouse but i'm trying to understand, and where i can improve unity. A person who was born a dude walks into a female bathroom that is occupied by my stoic, boomer, hard r, mother and the event throws her into a tizzy. What do i say?
But she was thrown into a tizzy by the event, straight up heartfelt shook. Didn't know what to do. Floored. And she's telling me all about it, and like, i've seen this person, i'm sorry this is just confusing to me. Really. Help me share the weight.
I'm not of a mind to handwave boomers, or my mother for that matter, they are an enormous voter block, i want to win them, my mother included, help if i can, to see the light. Get over it? That ain't gonna win hearts and minds.
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I don't want to speak for others here, but I do not think this thread is really a place meant for you to suddenly drop in and ask for this kind of advice. Especially seemingly without doing some research yourself first on how to present the question respectfully. I understand you may be at a loss and want to encourage your mother to be less of a bigot, but there are definitely other resources you can turn to first. People are already dealing with enough in here, it's not really fair to ask anyone to "share the weight".
More importantly, this feels like turning this thread into the exact kind of thread that people are talking about now avoiding within this one, which is not very considerate of you even if you genuinely just wanted advice.
I don't know what to tell you other than she should probably get used to it. Women use the women's restroom, and that obviously includes trans women.
My apologies for any affronts. It's genuine.
This place i consider a wealth of research with expert, at times, perspectives. I want to help turn the tide with my mother. What can i do, what can i say in this instance?
Edit:
An afterthought.... as now i've sat and thought about it, i've come up with what i think is a good and proper answer, correct me if i'm wrong, here is the synopsis.
"Mother, there are people irregardless of the gender they were born as, who identify in their hearts as another, and we should respect them irregardless because they are a fellow human being."
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Trans people are not "born as [one gender]" only to later "identify in their hearts as another"...
Trans women are women. Trans women have always been women.
Trans men are men. Trans men have always been men.
We just have endocrine challenges that (most) cis people don't.
We are not to be respected "irregardless" of the fact that we are trans, because being trans does not mean that we have done something that needs to be overlooked for us to be treated with dignity.
"we should respect them irregardless because they are a fellow human being" sounds like something that might be said to convicted criminals...
Also, as ever...
#freeketkat
#thankyouketkat
#freeketkat
#thankyouketkat
OP
OP
Help share the weight of your mother being ignorant of trans people? Did you read any of the articles in the OP or do a cursory Google to understand the basics of trans identities?
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I have a friend who does, but he doesn't come here as much any more and also woes the lack of a trans masc community (here and in general) 😔
Not off-topic at all. KetKat got banned for a post a lot of trans posters on era disagree is banworthy, and the reasons given for that ban turned out to be not as accurate as possible. Mods have turned up to describe solidarity and how they want to help, but ultimately they can't unban Ketkat. And the administrators have been silent as the grave on this one since, which is aggravating for obvious reasons. At least one trans member outright requested a ban and several outright stated they don't feel safe discussing trans issues here any more, so it's become something of a rallying point for the trans community here on ERA, especially since Ketkat is a pillar of the community in many respects.
EDIT: Hey, would you look at that, they changed the ban reason. Cute.
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Hello, I'm not new or anything and I've been Jenny for a long while now, but I finally started HRT just 3 months ago and I figured I should probs post in here.
I know there are tensions about moderation right now but I just want to say how thankful of how much better the moderation of trans issues have been here than it was at the old place. I think y'all have been doing a stellar job and I hope you keep at it.
I know there are tensions about moderation right now but I just want to say how thankful of how much better the moderation of trans issues have been here than it was at the old place. I think y'all have been doing a stellar job and I hope you keep at it.
The optics are really bad. Sorry to see the Era trans community treated like this. Trans rights are human rights.
Wow, that sure is a way to double down even when you were wrong. Classic Good-Ass Management: rather be wrong and hated than admit a mistake was made.
Unban Ketkat. She literally did nothing wrong and has done SO MUCH GOOD for this community. The administrators' silence on this is pure cowardice.
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I don't post much about trans issues because I've just accepted that Era isn't a particularly safe space for trans/gnc folk. Which is sad all in of itself.
But the banning of KetKat, who even an aloof soul like myself knows has done so much for trans people and for mental health - two very vulnerable communities, is some bullshit.
Come out and explain yourselves, admins. Something needs to change in how this forum handles trans issues. Tell us what you plan to do to make this situation right.
#FreeKetKat
But the banning of KetKat, who even an aloof soul like myself knows has done so much for trans people and for mental health - two very vulnerable communities, is some bullshit.
Come out and explain yourselves, admins. Something needs to change in how this forum handles trans issues. Tell us what you plan to do to make this situation right.
#FreeKetKat
Staff literally keeps making this worse and worse. I don't know how they expect anyone in the trans community to trust them again after this.
I keep checking back hoping they make things right and... Ugh this place is becoming too frustrating to deal with.
Changing the ban reason seems pretty damning to be honest.
It's almost a confirmation that she had access to that private space, which raises questions about how she got access. I agree she's a valuable member of the community, but it doesn't feel okay to just brush this aside because of how well she's liked. There are serious trust and privacy issues at stake here and they need to be addressed, hopefully with some level of transparency from all involved.
It's almost a confirmation that she had access to that private space, which raises questions about how she got access. I agree she's a valuable member of the community, but it doesn't feel okay to just brush this aside because of how well she's liked. There are serious trust and privacy issues at stake here and they need to be addressed, hopefully with some level of transparency from all involved.
It's already been made clear how she had that access. And it wasn't anything insidious; Unless you think we should start questioning politician's spouses/SO's on how they hear about their spouse/SO's work? Same circumstance, bigger stakes. No one cares there.
OP
OP
Disappointing start to the week to say the least.
You weren't subtle before and you aren't now. Let people show their support for a member of the community. There are no overarching privacy concerns that you seem so intent on focusing in on. At worst the accusation is that it was second hand information or access. Which you can believe if you want, but coming in here to pepper the support with something that can easily be perceived as concern trolling is irritating.
