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I've Just Witnessed the most Insane Christmas Movie Ever

Oct 25, 2017
3,341
Saskatchewan, Canada
#1
So....I've just had an experience I won't forget for a while. I think I just saw the weirdest Christmas movie of the year. It's called Christmas Chronicles starring Kurt Russell as Santa. And oh boy is it a ride.

Half the movie is your typical kids Christmas movie about believing in the season, and the other half is just batshit insanity.

Some things I've seen:

- Santa inferring that both world wars started because he didn't deliver the presents on time that year.

- Santa stealing a car with the help of a teen and young child and leading the cops on a chase through Chicago

- Santa being thrown in prison

- Santa partying with prostitutes

- A weird musical number in the style of jailhouse rock that comes out of nowhere and is never mentioned again.

- A little girl being thrown into a fire in Santa's gift sac by an organized crime group.

- Creepy as fuck elves almost cutting the teen's nuts off with a chainsaw

- Santa sending the kids on a chase after his reindeer and gifts only to reveal at the end of the movie he could've done everything himself and he just put them through hell for no reason.

- Giving the teen an ornament that's apparently a portal into the afterlife so he can see the face of his dead father in it's reflection.

- A strange 4th wall break right at the end where he suggests that the whole movie was real and he released it to the world at large himself.


What a ride. I haven't experienced such huge tonal shifts between scenes in a movie in a while. The whole film doesn't know what it wants to be. One moment the little girl is exploring the north pole and hanging with elves, the next the teen is about to get his ass kicked by several thugs who kidnapped him in a park. One minute the kids are having a heart to heart talk about their dead dad and the next Santa is rocking it in jail with some prostitutes that got picked up the night before.

If you get the chance give it a watch. It's on Netflix. As ridiculous as it is, you'll be very entertained.
 
Nov 8, 2017
2,932
Ohio
#2
I started watching it the other night but fell asleep fairly early on. I've been meaning to give it another go. Maybe tonight. Kurt Russell is the best.
 
Oct 26, 2017
2,252
#6
I didn’t enjoy it much sadly. Kurt Russel was definitely the best part of the movie, but the kids are just awful in it. The brother is such a horrible actor, and the sister is only slightly better but basically ends up sounding like every little girl in a Christmas movie ever.
 
May 27, 2018
625
#10
Turned it off when Kurt Russell used the words "fake news". I was like...nah man, this ain't it.
Kurt Russell identifies as a libertarian.

I don’t know his feelings on Trump, but is it not accurate to say that libertarians tend to vote for Republican political candidates?
 

Kitsunelaine

My favorite cake is pie
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,004
#11
I mean, there's nothing that will be worse/more insane than Last Ounce of Courage, which ends with an audotorium watching a snuff film
 
Aug 27, 2018
346
#14
Kurt Russell identifies as a libertarian.

I don’t know his feelings on Trump, but is it not accurate to say that libertarians tend to vote for Republican political candidates?
American Libertarians are almost entirely conservative voters, yes.

But I'm not sure why it matters, he didn't write the script, unless he improv'd that line, in which case...yeesh.
 
Nov 27, 2018
243
#16
I watched Deck the Halls on mute before and for some reason Cameron Diaz was kissing Danny DeVito. WTF.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,562
#22
I was afraid it was going to be along the lines of a Lifetime Christmas movie but it was actually pretty good.
 
OP
OP
Dead Guy
Oct 25, 2017
3,341
Saskatchewan, Canada
#23
I enjoyed it.

I don’t remember the part about the ornament that allows the boy to see his dead father in the afterlife.
The boy gets it at the end of the film. He hangs it up on the tree and then when he looks at it he sees his dad who then tells him he's proud of him. It's never explained how it works, whether it's just a video message or if he's actually contacting the dead but I'm gonna assume the latter cause this movie is insane enough for it to make sense.