Over the last bunch of years, both of them have described themselves as instigators of toxic and abusive behaviour. That's the issue here. The big difference between the two of them as far as I'm concerned is you have a recording of her at her worst, and no recording of him drunk and on cocaine destroying stuff in anger at her and saying awful things (which we know happened, we just don't have the recording). Therefore, I understand why one might feel more upset at her, but to me, it just feels like for her we have a more visceral representation of how bad she could be, whereas we don't have that for him.
It's abusive behaviour to get drunk and high and say and do really awful things and then promise change and not change at all, it's abusive behaviour to be so jealous that you constantly try and isolate a person by trying to get them to drop out of movies with men you're jealous of, or by burning and defacing paintings that were given to them by people they once dated, it's abusive to give your partner black eyes or rip out their hair. Like we can line up the things each of them have done, I just don't really see the point because it's just clarification that they were both abusers here.
I agree the public view of this is pretty stupid and harmful, it's very clear to me that she was also abusive to him. It would be better in society if we didn't just see this in a black and white, "it's a man so he's at fault" way. I agree.