Kansas Man requests 'trial by combat'(with 12 weeks for a training arc) with Japanese swords to settle dispute with Iowa ex-wife

Slayven

1000% Demon King
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
42,995

A Kansas man has asked an Iowa court to grant his motion for trial by combat so he can meet his ex-wife and her attorney "on the field of battle where (he) will rend their souls from their corporal bodies."

David Ostrom, 40, of Paola, Kansas, claims in court documents that his ex-wife, Bridgette Ostrom, 38, of Harlan, has "destroyed (him) legally."

He asked the Iowa District Court in Shelby County to give him 12 weeks "lead time" in order to source or forge katana and wakizashi swords, as first reported by the Carroll Times Herald.
Kansas Man coming strong in 2020
 

Weiss

Member
Oct 25, 2017
24,616
Kansas Man will think he's winning before his ex-wife reveals she's only using 10% of her power.
 

ElectricBlanketFire

What year is this?
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
18,166
12 weeks JUST to get the sword or to acquire said sword and learn how to use it?

Article mentions he has no training.
 

adj_noun

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
10,035
Hudson filed a resistance to the trial by combat motion by first correcting Ostrom's spelling.

"Surely (Ostrom) meant 'corporeal' bodies which Merriam Webster defines as having, consisting of, or relating to, a physical material body," the attorney wrote. "Although (Ostrom) and potential combatant do have souls to be rended, they respectfully request that the court not order this done."

Hudson argued that because a duel could end in death, such ramifications likely outweigh those of property tax and custody issues.

"It should be noted that just because the U.S. and Iowa constitutions do not specifically prohibit battling another person with a deadly katana sword, it does prohibit a court sitting in equity from ordering same," Hudson wrote.
 

androvsky

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,079
He's from Paola. I used to live near there, none of this is surprising...
...
...
oh good gravy my avatar
 

Morrigan

Arrogant Smirk
Moderator
Oct 24, 2017
14,117
Can confirm that after 12 weeks of training you'd still suck, ya noob

...But what's with the Geralt pics in the article 😂
 

FeD

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,823
The man when his ex-wife actually trained and accepts the challenge:

 

Pilgrimzero

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,663
He acknowledges it’s absurd and is requesting it because he feels the wife’s lawyer is just as absurd.
 

Jbourne

Member
Oct 31, 2017
4,597
Let this be a warning: never marry an anime fan. They are all like this. Even the casual fans.
 

Stop It

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,731
I'm guessing the judge is going to get him committed? Because yikes.

"To this day, trial by combat has never been explicitly banned or restricted as a right in these United States," Ostrom argues in court records, adding that it was used "as recently as 1818 in British Court."
Um.

That's 200 years ago, not 20 past 6, you dummy.
 

SinkFla

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,845
Pensacola, Fl
(Iowaman has entered discord chat)

"Can someone help me lvl up and git gud? I have a raid boss, my ex wife. She does 1k proc on my finances and 2k DOT fire dmg on my sanity and I can't get a single consumable to help the pain."