Cum one, cum all! You begged, you pleaded. Well, here it is. The Sex-General/Fetish/BDSM Community thread, dedicated to all pleasures carnal. This is the hangout for pretty much all of your sexual needs. Originally, I thought about resurrecting the BDSM thread, but I realized that, we need to go BIGGER and BOLDER, and that sex is too big of a topic to confine to any one specific niche or sub-community. I wanted to create a community for absolutely anyone's sexual needs and curiosities. So ANYTHING sex, this is the thread for it! And it's gonna be a BIG one.
A little bit about me, as a preface. I'm Cream, and I've had a diagnosed sex addiction since I was 14 years old. I've done more reading and learning and talking to professionals about sex than most people, and there literally isn't a moment in any day of my life when sex is not at the very least background noise running through my mind. So the thread is in good hands. I'll take a little time to answer some questions, with the help of the BDSM thread regular Pet.
There's actually a variety of views on what constitutes sex. Some people think sex is only penetrative (i.e. a penis going into a vagina or a butt). Some people think sex includes oral. In common progressive vernacular, "Sex" refers to physical intimacy involving the genitals, including non-penetrative sex acts such as cunnilingus (eating out). For the human race, and other mammals, one important purpose of sex is of course, reproduction. But the other, and the main topic of this thread is sex for the purpose of pleasure (very dedicated impregnation fetishes notwithstanding!) Ultimately, what is considered "sex" differs from person to person. What may be considered "Home Base" by one couple, may be "Third Base" to another. You get what I mean.
Now, this may be my own biases talking, but sex is kind of a big deal. Like, it's literally my favorite thing ever. Most of the human race are sexual beings. Sex can be very fun. It can be transformative. It can be spiritual. It can be exercise. It can be entertainment. It can be power. It can be pain. It can be trauma. It can be a lesson. It can be a party.
That said, respect and consideration for our asexual friends is absolutely important, and having sex, or having had sex in the past is not at all a measure of worth, and it's not at all a necessity to have sexuality in your life. Never let anyone tell you that sex will solve your problems or add worth to your life. You aren't a "stud", a "loser", or a "slut" based on how much sex you've had. Trust me, it's high school shit. Virginity, as a concept, is frankly, outdated and needs to be put away. It's been a societal tool to pit men against men, and women against women, and people against people. It's fueled toxic masculinity, and oppressive misogyny. There are many awful cliches that have been used to propagate these ideas (hotdog in a hallway is a myth. Having more sex does not make a vagina looser). Just because you've never had sex, or you've had a lot of sex, doesn't make you any more or less of a person. Above all, your sexuality, or lack thereof, is your own, and no one else can take it away from you, or has a right to judge you for it.
The important thing to remember is that if you do plan on having sex, it should be Safe, Sane, and Consensual.
The commonly known definition is safe sex is any sex engaged in by people who have taken proper precautions against sexually transmitted infections and diseases (STIs/STDs). A lot of people also use it to mean sex mindful of preventing unwanted pregnancy. This includes the use of birth control and contraceptives such as condoms, UTIs, and the pill. This can also be called "protected sex", with the opposite, where these measures are not taken being called "unprotected sex". But, in the world of kink, it's widened to include sex that takes into consideration the mental and emotional stresses that can often arise when having sex. Many people are at their most vulnerable, open and unguarded when naked and allowing someone else to touch the most intimate parts of their body. It's ripe for abuse, intentionally and unintentionally.
There are around 20 million new case of STDs annually in the US every year with Chlamydia, Syphilis and Gonorrhea being the most common. Make no mistake, STDs are everywhere. And the simple fact of the matter is, if you choose to have sex, with anyone, anywhere on Earth, you are taking a risk. A risk that you may get infected. A risk that someone will get pregnant. A risk that someone will get hurt. And it's VERY important to note that it's literally impossible to completely prevent these things from ever happening. But with proper education, care, precaution, communication, common sense and respect for one's sexual partner, these risks can be mitigated heavily, turning sex into a fun activity that one need not fear.
This could just as easily go in the next section, but I want to mention it here. The reason we say that minors do not have the ability to consent is because they do not have 1) the proper mental facilities and development and 2) the proper education and more importantly, experience to make informed decisions about sexual intercourse. Sex has to be sane. You have to be in the right frame of mind. You have to know what you're doing, or at least be very sure about what you want to do and the potential consequences of that if you've never done it before and don't have a lot of experience. No matter how small or how big, any sex act can have consequences, and a very important part of sexuality is knowing yourself well enough to stop and think, "Is this the right move for me?", "Is this what I really want to do?", "What may happen if I do this?", "What could happen if I don't do this?". Impulses can be a difficult thing to control. Trust me, I know. I've spent a very long time trying to get a hold on my impulses and learning the importance of treating each potential sexuality encounter as important as the last. As with all things in life, think before you act.
You aren't going to know everything about your own sexual being right away. I'm only 23 years old, and I know there's so much more I have to learn about myself and my sexuality. There have been many people who didn't even realize they were gay until well into their 30s, 40s and 50s, just as an example. You have your entire life to discover what kind of sexual being you are, and every facet of how your sexuality manifests itself. And this sexual being can change and evolve. Don't feel obligated to the same behaviors and patterns just because that's what you've always done, or it's what society has taught you is the right way to do something.
Communication is key. Just as you need to be confident in how your own sexuality manifests yourself, you need to be sure of your sexual partners as well. Mystery and secrecy can be very sexy yes, but there needs to be healthy dose of trust in every relationship, even just a fling that ends up in a fun one night stand. And this transitions very well into the next question.
It's literally the most important aspect of sex. You must ALWAYS have consent before proceeding with any sexual acting of any kind. If they don't want you to do what you're doing, that's sexual abuse, sexual assault, and/or rape, depending on the act. All parties involved must consent. No matter what anyone tells you, every person has the right to say no. And it's very important to remember that consent can be revoked at any time. If the person you're having sex with is enjoying it at first, but tells you that they want you to stop at any point, their initial consent is no longer valid and you must stop. Also important to remember is that consent involves those around you that aren't engaging in the actual sex. Having sex in public is considered to be public indecency and illegal in many places for a reason. You must have the consent of all parties around you. Flashing people in public, even spanking your partner can be considered an overstepping of public bounds, with those around you did not consent to seeing these things. If you take pictures of other people without their explicit permission, you are violated their consent.
A common question and topic of debate is that "Consent is not sexy". Many people will say that very explicitly asking someone "Can I have sex with you?" stifles romance, ruins spontaneity. They say it "spoils the moment". I say that it doesn't have to. I think a lot of people greatly overestimate the "unsexiness" of explicit consent. Firstly, in my opinion, the risk of overstepping your sexual bounds and the consent of another is much more important than the potential risk of a "ruined moment" or a "lost opportunity for sex". But at the same time, yes, there are plenty of people that don't need a specific and verbal "yes". As I'll say in a later part, many sexual encounters have been started without words. But the important part to note and remember is that consent is still ALWAYS given, in some form. The complex nature of language is that humans can learn many different ways to communicate. It goes back to the elements of trust that I was talking about earlier. A big part of this comes from experience, common sense, introspection and respect. Take each situation as they come. There is a small aspect of "pushing", for lack of a better term, that needs to be considered with these things. There's big pushes and small pushes. Generally, I think small pushes are far more appropriate most of the time. This can be something as simple as someone asking if they could "get more comfortable" and take off some clothing, increasing the level of physical intimacy and contact, or changing the topic of conversation to a sexual tone or subject matter. But remember that NONE of these things are guarantees to sex, and that if you try any of these things and the other person is not receptive, to immediately disengage, and if necessary, apologize. Signals do exist, but they are not set in stone, there are no rules to them, and they are not obligations. Also, and this goes back to the sane part, remember that what you think may be a signal might very well not be a signal at all. Always second guess yourself, and don't allow yourself to become hostile and angry when what you believe to be a signal you discover is not.
Use your brain, guys. Men, read what women have to say on this subject, please. The nature of our society is that the deck is heavily stacked in men's favor here, and from my observations, guys are far more often to be worried about this idea of explicit consent "ruining the moment." I'm just saying, seriously, use your brain. I've had a lot of sex. Like, a lot of it, with guys and girls. And it's really not hard to take everything by a case-by-case basis and be smart, tactful and respectful. Treat others the way you want to be treated, and please put yourself in the other person's shoes. It's really, REALLY, not difficult at all.
Right. Fetishes and Kinks. My favorite part. There's a lot of different kinds of sex, guys. Like, a lot. But first, it's important to note the difference between a kink and a fetish, because a lot of people don't actually know. Typically, a kink usually involves sexual practice with another person or people, such as BDSM or Group Sex. While a fetish is usually related to a more specific object, concept or activity, which can often by non-sexual in most contexts, but as a fetish is made sexual, such as feet worship. Fetishes also tend to start developing early. The walls of your teenage bedroom may have screamed boy-band obsession, but it's the more subtle sightings that can subconsciously trigger a fetish. "During the flood of hormones in puberty, momentary exposure to any number of visual or sensory stimuli – the flash of lace under a woman's blouse, the sharp clack of a heel on the concrete – can get stuck in a person's sexual turn-on ritual for the rest of their lives," reveals Dr Tiger Devore, who specializes in sex education and fetish lifestyles. One study, which focused on unraveling a 30-year-old man's sexual fetish, traced its origins back to when he was just five or six. It's thought that some fetishes develop in response to childhood trauma, when we start associating a specific object (a teddy, say) with comfort. Dan Harmon, the creator of Rick and Morty and Community has reminisced about moments in his childhood where he would play under the dinner table while his parents and their friends mingled. He would see the fashionable and sharply dressed legs of women under the table many many times, and he believes this led to his affinity for panty-hose and stocking covered legs.
But fetishes don't always come from earlier experiences or from trauma, this is also very important to remember. Sometimes, it's totally random why we like the things that we like. It can be fun and maybe even informative and healthy to consider the possible origins of your own sexual interests. But remember that it's just speculation. Don't assume that just because someone has a spanking fetish, they were spanked as a child, even if there are a lot of people with spanking fetishes that were spanked as children. One interesting thing I want to note is the increasing amount of "e-fetishes", that is fetishes specifically born out of, and cultivated on the internet. A lot of people like cybering (roleplaying sex in internet conversations and messages), sexting, webcam sharing and the like.
Here, I'll list a bunch of kinks and fetishes, literally off the top of my head. I'll limit myself to things that are legal for the sake of conversation. The list will surely get weirder as I go along:
Domination, Submission, Bondage, Spanking, Humiliation, Watersports (Urine Play), Scat Play (That's Poop), Master/Slave, Swinging and Group Sex, Cross Dressing, Feet, Voyeurism and Exhibitionism, Rubber/Latex/Leather, Roleplaying, Raceplay, Ageplay, Incest, Animal Play which is similar but not to be confused with Furry and is usually referred to as Zoophilia a popular form being pony play, tickling, orgasm denial, Rape (as a fantasy or roleplay), Necrophilia as a fantasy or roleplay, Cuckolding (male SO getting pleasure from female SO having sex with someone else, while watching or otherwise), Cuckqueaning (female SO getting pleasure from male SO having sex with someone else, while watching or otherwise), CBT (cock and ball torture, like ball-kicking and stuff), Balloons and Balloon Popping, Clowns, Cake-Sitting (exactly as it sounds), Chastity (usually involving some kind of cage), Shibari (specific kind of japanese rope bondage), as well as a very wide variety of sexual "situations" and "scenarios" including but not limited to doctor/patient, teacher/student, prisoner/warden, etc.
There's a LOT more obviously. I didn't even scratch the surface of the surface. One last thing I'll say for this section, and I want to be as clear as possible on this. There are many fetishes, that if taken outside the realm of roleplay and fantasy, would be ILLEGAL, and possibly MORALLY REPUGNANT, such as rape, incest, ageplay, zoophilia. Please, I know it will be difficult for many to look past their biases, but I believe that the nature of human sexuality allows a person's sexual interests to not always speak for what kind of person they are in general. That is to say, just because a girl likes Daddy Dom/Little Girl roleplaying doesn't mean she actually wants to fuck her father (or was ever abused or had issues with her father like the very popular but sexist myth of "Daddy Issues"), and just because someone has rape fantasies doesn't mean they actually want to commit rape, want to actually be raped, or care less about actual rape.
I'm glad you asked! This is gonna be the kinkiest, lewdest, sexiest, wettest, hottest thread on GAF. We're gonna be dipping our toes (among other things) into some very saucy territory, and it's very important to remember some guidelines. These rules are all for the purpose of maintaining civility, comfortability and maturity. We want to have fun here. Don't ruin it for everyone else. It would be SO easy for this thread to all go poof with just one dumb post. So please follow these rules.
- NO NSFW PICS OR LINKS. EVER. NO LINKING TO PORN OF ANY KIND. Articles and things containing sexual information and stories are general okay, but be smart.
- ALWAYS RESPECT BOUNDARIES. Do not probe or prod for more information in a disrespectful way. Questions are okay, but they have to be respectful and tactful. If someone doesn't want to share anymore, respect this.
- NO BRAGGING, STEALTH OR OTHERWISE. Seriously, we are gonna be watching like hawks for this. No one cares how much people you've fucked this week. The only reason I even mentioned having a lot of sex in this OP was to give my credentials.
- NO CYBERING IN THE THREAD. As fun as it would definitely be, if you feel the urge to roleplay with another member, take it to PM. Don't even ask someone if they wants to cyber in PM in the thread. Just take it to PM.
- DON'T BE GROSS JUST FOR THE SAKE OF BEING GROSS. This is a complex one, and will have a really fine line, but it requires some common sense, and taking each case as they come. Just bring maturity and intelligence to your posts, please.
- NO SEXISM, RACISM, AGEISM, HOMOPHOBIA, OR TRANSPHOBIA OF ANY KIND. Again, this is a complex one. As noted previously, these things can sometimes be an aspect of fantasy and roleplay, but remember that consent is above all, right? Don't push your fetishes and kinks on other members, especially when you don't know how receptive others will be. You may be a fan of raceplay, and personally, I'd love to debate on that in this thread, but that is absolutely not an invitation to bring your racist fantasies into this thread.
- NO KINKSHAMING. Seriously, I mean it. Just be respectful. Again, use common sense. It's okay to express discomfort with certain fetishes or ideas. But please leave out the aggression and judgements. Try your absolute hardest to not let a person's fetishes and kinks determine how you see them as a person, please. Keep away the insults. No one wants to hear about how much you hate furries.
- DON'T FILL THE COMMUNITY WITH YOUR WOES. There's already a dating thread, people. Seriously, we really don't want to clog up the thread with someone sad about how they can't get laid. This is gonna be a tough one, because on the one hand, I think it should be okay to ask for advice about sexual topics of course, but I will be very watchful for people monopolizing conversations and just asking how they can get laid. As a general rule, bring in your specific questions and concerns regarding sex. Don't ask us to fix your life for you.
Ah yes! Here's a little questionnaire to get the conversation started so we can learn a little more about each other. Feel free to answer as many or little questions as you want.
- Gender?
- Sexual Orientation?
- Age?
- Are you a Top, Bottom, or Switch?
- What are your fetishes and kinks of note?
- Porn or No? If so, what kinds?
- What's the best position?
- Favorite games?
- Favorite music genres?
- Favorite food?
- Would you give up sex for life or food for life?
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