Lack of space for socialising is a real problem these days

Oct 26, 2017
9,478
Eh, I really do think it's a side effect of the overcrowding of cities. What the OP is talking about, and the urban factors resulting in $1200 bunk beds kind of comes from the same place.

you're not answering or addressing his point. him and his friends all live separately with stranger roommates. they can move intogether and make that the hangout place.
 
OP
OP
Sheentak

Sheentak

Member
Oct 25, 2017
463
you're not answering or addressing his point. him and his friends all live separately with stranger roommates. they can move intogether and make that the hangout place.
us moving in together just isn't viable we live in London all in different areas close to our jobs or university and commutes in London can take ages, plus we have discussed moving into a place but with different income brackets, people preferring other areas it just didn't work out. plus even if we did we couldn't afford much, we are all mainly low income or students with one or two exceptions.

ignoring my situation though, its just more of an observation that lowcost places to hang out when you cant spend money does not really exist due to high rents.
 

Coyote Zamora

Member
Jul 19, 2019
282
When has here ever been somewhere adults could go hangout indoors that didn't require spending some money? Who would maintain this place? It was always somebody's house or a bar or bowling or something. What parrk or agri-space was ever ok with groups of 20 somethings hanging out in it after dark?
 

samoyed

Member
Oct 26, 2017
9,851
you're not answering or addressing his point. him and his friends all live separately with stranger roommates. they can move intogether and make that the hangout place.
Well OP answered already but I figured it was something like that. Friends don't always have the same needs/capabilities to just "move in together", though that does work out for some other groups of friends, especially people in the same industry. Their desire to hang out is probably not more important than their financial security.
 

Fulminator

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,332
Our group doesn't have too hard of a time. We're all Mid-twenties and we'll mix it up between Escape Rooms, Mini Golf, Glow Golf, Board Game Nights, DnD and just going out for Dinner (Korean BBQ, Sushi, Wings/Burgers/Fries after work Friday Nights). We also take advantage of when special events or festivals are in town (Tip: If you search "What to do in CITY this weekend" you'll get results). We've almost done movies a couple times, and i'm still pushing for Laser Tag.

Point being, there is a bunch of stuff to be had for cheap if you look around. Your group just has to act on them and not fall into the trap of not being able to do something because "its for kids".
That’s not necessarily the point though. Sure there are plenty of activities to do, but there’s nowhere to go to just ‘hang out’, as in public space to just chill and shoot the shit without having to buy a drink or a coffee or whatever

Our society is set up so that socialization in public as post education adults occurs around these sorts of consumer activities rather than socializing just for the sake of it (although this does happen as well, of course)

Open (indoor) public spaces that encourage socializing, with friends or with strangers, would be a benefit for everyone and would probably help in curbing some of the loneliness epidemic that’s been happening
 

ZeroX

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,072
Speed Force
we are all in our mid to late twenty somethings living in a major city but we have no where to really socialise.
We all live in bedrooms with roommates we barely know where we can't really brinf a group over.
Living with stranger roommates in your late 20s? Is that normal? I only know one guy who did that past like 22, and he was really struggling and it only lasted a few months. That's wild.
 

Fulminator

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,332
you're not answering or addressing his point. him and his friends all live separately with stranger roommates. they can move intogether and make that the hangout place.
Not everyone wants to hang out at home all the time
When has here ever been somewhere adults could go hangout indoors that didn't require spending some money? Who would maintain this place? It was always somebody's house or a bar or bowling or something. What parrk or agri-space was ever ok with groups of 20 somethings hanging out in it after dark?
There are plenty of outdoor public spaces that are maintained just fine, as well as things like libraries and what not. That’s what tax dollars are for.
Living with stranger roommates in your late 20s? Is that normal? I only know one guy who did that past like 22, and he was really struggling and it only lasted a few months. That's wild.
Roommates is basically synonymous with housemates

I live with roommates but I do t literally share a room with my of them
 
Oct 26, 2017
9,478
That’s not necessarily the point though. Sure there are plenty of activities to do, but there’s nowhere to go to just ‘hang out’, as in public space to just chill and shoot the shit without having to buy a drink or a coffee or whatever

Our society is set up so that socialization in public as post education adults occurs around these sorts of consumer activities rather than socializing just for the sake of it (although this does happen as well, of course)

Open (indoor) public spaces that encourage socializing, with friends or with strangers, would be a benefit for everyone and would probably help in curbing some of the loneliness epidemic that’s been happening
well, you would still want to pay because unless you solve the homeless crisis then they would be new shelters for them periodically.
 

Coyote Zamora

Member
Jul 19, 2019
282
Not everyone wants to hang out at home all the time

There are plenty of outdoor public spaces that are maintained just fine, as well as things like libraries and what not. That’s what tax dollars are for.

Roommates is basically synonymous with housemates

I live with roommates but I do t literally share a room with my of them
Again, I could be wrong but what parks allow social gatherings after dark? And I hink libraries are Ok but the OP seems to not think those are good optiions for their friend group.
 

Fulminator

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,332
well, you would still want to pay because unless you solve the homeless crisis then they would be new shelters for them periodically.
I guess that’s a fair point. I’m not saying I have all the answers, but socialization is essential for humans and has real effects on people’s health, and I don’t think money should be a barrier for socializing outside the home

Again, I could be wrong but what parks allow social gatherings after dark? And I hink libraries are Ok but the OP seems to not think those are good optiions for their friend group.
I’m sure OP isn’t talking about throwing a party or anything. You’re allowed to have a group of friends in some parks after dark. I live in Boston and there are multiple green areas you can visit at night with friends , such as the Charles River Esplanade
 

samoyed

Member
Oct 26, 2017
9,851
I mean the OP is not describing anything new.


It's just one case of a broader problem where young adults are having a harder time making (or maintaining) friendships as they move into adulthood because our cities aren't designed to create or foster friendships. I think it's a real social problem that demands answers.
 

Akinsa

Member
Oct 28, 2017
775
Been trying to think of somewhere in my city where you can socialise without having to spend money first, and yeah - other then libraries, the museum and outdoor park areas there really isn't anywhere I can think of. Never really thought about that.

well, you would still want to pay because unless you solve the homeless crisis then they would be new shelters for them periodically.
I mean obviously if people are just dozing off or making a scene then the owners can kick them out, you don't need to attach an entrance fee to do that. It's not like libraries or museums have that problem really. And if homeless people are just making use of the space as it's intended just like everyone else, then I don't see the problem with that?
 
Oct 26, 2017
9,478
I guess that’s a fair point. I’m not saying I have all the answers, but socialization is essential for humans and has real effects on people’s health, and I don’t think money should be a barrier for socializing.
everything costs money in some way. you can still socialize for free in public: beaches, lakes, street events, parks, walking routes with benches and tables, etc. the barrier to socializing has always been with the individual and how willing they are to engage with strangers face to face. the internet helps and imo is way more beneficial as you remove a lot of the awkwardness and potential dangers of face to face. then you can transition to a meetup. even then that means you still need a willingness to engage.
 

Brinbe

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
15,560
Terana
where do you live?

anyway, in the summer around here parks are a big draw as a prime social gathering space for millenials and younger. in the winter, it's a little tougher, yeah.
 

killerrin

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,788
Toronto
I guess that’s a fair point. I’m not saying I have all the answers, but socialization is essential for humans and has real effects on people’s health, and I don’t think money should be a barrier for socializing outside the home
But it really isn't though. A lot of the things I mentioned are free or cheap. Mini-golfing, Glow Golf or Laser Tag runs for $10/pop at most places. Go on off peak hours and they'll toss in a discount for walking in the door. Alternatively, throw a board game night. If you don't have a large collection, ask around and get everyone to bring one of their own. Worst case scenario, you go to your local friendly gaming shop and pick up a couple for $50 and it becomes an endless source of entertainment for months to go. Want something completely free? Just head to the park, want food? Picknic, either you pool $5 each and get something, or you bring something from home. Is there a river that runs by/through your town? Landmark? Public Park? Go for a walk with your budies. Lake/Beach? Go for a swim or enjoy the water.

Local Festivals are always free to attend. I can google and find a dozen happening in and around my city this weekend and have something to do with friends if we wanted to.
 
Oct 26, 2017
9,478
I mean obviously if people are just dozing off or making a scene then the owners can kick them out, you don't need to attach an entrance fee to do that. It's not like libraries or museums have that problem really. And if homeless people are just making use of the space as it's intended just like everyone else, then I don't see the problem with that?
homeless people tend to ward off people the establishment want. you see this cause libraries and museums will escort them away a lot of the time just because. a public indoor place is going to be rife with bias.
 
Oct 27, 2017
902
I don't know if I agree. At least where I live, there are tons of free art galleries and pop up events that are free. There are also a lot of public movie showings that are free. I've also been to a few bars that are free to get in and you don't have to spend any money. Back when i was 21 ish, there really was nowhere to go unless it was an overpriced club or a house party. Me and my friends always had to invent something to do.
 

Clay

Member
Oct 29, 2017
1,423
you're not answering or addressing his point. him and his friends all live separately with stranger roommates. they can move intogether and make that the hangout place.
Living together seems like a really extreme solution if they just want to occasionally hang out.

I had a funny conversation with my grandma about this recently. My wife and I moved SoCal about a month ago and we stayed a night with my grandparents when we drove down to look at places. My grandma asked what kind of houses we were going to look at and I explained we were mostly looking at one-bedroom apartments and studios. She was completely incredulous. "You have to have at least two bedrooms! Where are guests going to stay? How big is the kitchen? How are you going to cook when you entertain?" It's a really weird generational thing, I explained even a studio was likely going to run $2k a month and that was approaching the high end of our budget, but I guess back in the 60s and 70s housing was so much cheaper that it was unthinkable to live in a small apartment after you started a career and/ or got married.

Luckily it's just the two of us and our living room is pretty large for a studio, but I can definitely relate to having issues having friends over if you have roommates.

I don't know if I agree. At least where I live, there are tons of free art galleries and pop up events that are free. There are also a lot of public movie showings that are free. I've also been to a few bars that are free to get in and you don't have to spend any money. Back when i was 21 ish, there really was nowhere to go unless it was an overpriced club or a house party. Me and my friends always had to invent something to do.
It just depends what you want to do. If you want to experience something together like an art gallery or whatever that's great, but events like that aren't the best if you just want to hang out and catch up. Bars usually suck for having a conversation.
 

ZackieChan

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,872
I’m gonna guess that there’s actually more stuff to do now to hang out with your friends than ever before in human history. What we have here is a failure of imagination.
You literally just want a place to replicate sitting around at your parents house? Think deeper.
 

Wishbone Ash

The Fallen
Oct 29, 2017
831
Michigan
I can't even begin to understand how you came to this conclusion. I live in a small town in Michigan and the endless amounts of "places to socialize" make the very act of choosing somewhere to go a hassle.

Most of my friends have started a family and when my fiance and I bought our house it definitely slowed down our time spent hanging out with others, but that's pretty normal for people in their mid-late 20s (I'm not speaking for everyone, obviously, just those who start to make a family/home life).
 

Drain You

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,396
Connecticut
I feel like I agree with what you like to do socially. I go to bars very little.

Everyone around where I am rents or owns a place where we can always hang at. So we just do that.
 

Dreams-Visions

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
15,263
Miami, FL
I don't find there to be a lack of space. I find there to be a lack of time.

People are managing careers, families, and self time. Unlike say...high school or college where there's a ton of downtime to sit around and pontificate about the fate of the universe and go bowling without any cares. Once people get their spouse/job, the frequency in which people get together shrinks dramatically.

Go to the mall. Post up in the food court.
If he's not a Jr. High School-aged student, don't do this.
 

Coyote Zamora

Member
Jul 19, 2019
282
I don't find there to be a lack of space. I find there to be a lack of time.

People are managing careers, families, and self time. Unlike say...high school or college where there's a ton of downtime to sit around and pontificate about the fate of the universe and go bowling without any cares. Once people get their spouse/job, the frequency in which people get together shrinks dramatically.


If he's not a Jr. High School-aged student, don't do this.
I mean it sounds they might be in high school but if they are then hey could just hang out at home. i don't understand what they are not able to do, sit around and play video games every day? What do they think happens in your 20's. And if they can't afford an apartment maybe they need to quit buying every game that comes out or all 3 consoles or endless funkos and "figure models" and bullshit and save for a place.
 
Oct 26, 2017
9,478
I mean it sounds they might be in high school but if they are then hey could just hang out at home. i don't understand what they are not able to do, sit around and play video games every day? What do they think happens in your 20's. And if they can't afford an apartment maybe they need to quit buying every game that comes out or all 3 consoles or endless funkos and "figure models" and bullshit and save for a place.
you are going to be torn to shreds.
 

quickly

Member
Mar 8, 2018
936
The more general problem is that social spaces have been diminished and destroyed under late capitalism. There are few public spaces where people can congregate that don't expect either payment or pointless engagement in some other activity. The problem you're noticing is endemic to societies where public spaces have become privatized and commodified. If I want to hang out with my friends, what choice do I have? To buy drinks from the local coffee shop, or be pushed off the park benches because our being there is detrimental to the public good? I suggest cracking open some Marx or Lefebvre next time you come upon this thought.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,959
I have noticed this too, which is why all my friends are so hype one of us bought a house. We went from basically having no real hang out to a place we can chill at.
 

DavidDesu

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,678
Glasgow, Scotland
I know Japan has places where you can rent out rooms. They've got TVs and you can get food and drink sent to the rooms. It seems like a great idea and I don't know why it's not replicated elsewhere.
 

quickly

Member
Mar 8, 2018
936
I'm in the U.S. and atleast in my area people say roomate when they share a room and housemate when they share an apartment or whatever fwiw.
Not where I'm from. In the US, "roommate" means anyone who lives in the same house or apartment as the speaker. For example, I had two roommates who lived across the hall from me in a rented house, and eventually got married. I had another roommate who lived in the basement of that house.
 

Qikz

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,166
I hope that the Brits waking up soon come in here like “u wot m8?” to the “no bars” part.
Pubs are not really the nicest place to hang out, especially in London. They're super expensive and most of the time super loud and filled with exceptionally god awful people.

I understand entirely what OP is saying - there's no real places to just "hang out" without spending an obscene amount of money - the closest things we have to that now are just coffee shops. Everything else is so expensive that it makes it difficult.

@OP I'd try a place called Draughts in Haggerston, I don't think you have to pay to play the boardgames there.