-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
Laverne Cox: Straight Men Who Sleep With Trans Women But Not Date Them Are Insecure AF
- Thread starter Chamomile
- Start date
- Status
I was focusing on how he lost the INVISIBLE FACTOR of the message he was quoting... So someone who WAS date was the only way I imagine to make fat an invisible factor =P
1- just greatgranddad. Person look 200% white
2- sexual preference is not rooted that much on biology as it is on society, just look how far some of past's muses looked in older paintings. Being fat was a sign of richness and that was attractive.
So society being transphobic does play a role in people's attraction. And knowing is half the battle
How did this thread devolve into this?
No, that is definitely a phobia, fat or otherwise.
That absolutely makes you transphobic. The knowledge that the person is trans is literally what makes you not attracted to them anymore. And you think we should be banned and warned for telling you the truth? Bannable or not, I'm going to call you and everyone else out on this every single thread. Just because you don't want it to be transphobic doesn't mean its not.
I'm guessing it's based on attraction not meaning just "wow they're hot". When some people attracted to someone they want to date they might look at things like "are they a good worker" "can they provide for me" "do we have anything in common" "would that person be a good parent" "can I see myself raising kids with them"
I don't see how not wanting to date a fat person can be considered a phobia.
Last edited:
It's got nothing to do with this thread and no one cares if you want to sleep with a trans woman or not. Why do people keep trying to drag this thread off topic?
Why? If you thought she was a woman you were attracted to, why would that change your attraction?
Which is why saying you would never date a trans woman because of biological children a shitty argument.
Specially because it implies that all trans women are non passing
The biological component of sexuality and sexual attraction.
Sexuality is made up of myriad factors from sex to gender to the hip/waist ratio or skull circumference.
Trans men are men. Trans women are women, period. However the assigned genetic sex of a potential mate can be one of those factors, even if subconsciously. It is simply false to deny that and to claim that anyone who acknowledges such is transphobic.
It's a good point and there is definitely some truth there, but just think about how many taboo attractions there are in today's societies(for good reason) like children and animals. Just because society is vehemently against pedophilia does not mean pedophiles can just turn off what they are naturally attracted to. You can only control your actions, you cannot control what your body chemistry is lighting up for.
Obviously I'm not conflating being attracted to trans people with being attracted to children, I'm just saying that in many cases your attractions have very little to do with what society deems appropriate or not appropriate.
theres a trans person out there that checks all those boxes for you, except maybe the last one? you tell me
New title still doesn't really represent the article accurately, in my opinion.
The title implies that not wanting to date a trans woman while sleeping with one makes you insecure, which is seemingly a sex-negative attitude.
You should be able to have consensual sex with anyone you want without feeling obligated to commit. Sex isn't a pair of handcuffs.
The actual article is more about straight men who are ashamed of being interested in trans women. Which, while I agree is insecure, I also think in some cases is probably not 100% that person's fault. Society's enforcement of toxic masculinity is certainly a factor in some cases, and can be difficult to break out of for some.
The title implies that not wanting to date a trans woman while sleeping with one makes you insecure, which is seemingly a sex-negative attitude.
You should be able to have consensual sex with anyone you want without feeling obligated to commit. Sex isn't a pair of handcuffs.
The actual article is more about straight men who are ashamed of being interested in trans women. Which, while I agree is insecure, I also think in some cases is probably not 100% that person's fault. Society's enforcement of toxic masculinity is certainly a factor in some cases, and can be difficult to break out of for some.
Right, but you're referring to things that are already known based on your initial attraction. The original sex of the person isn't visible; I just don't see how it suddenly changes the equation.
I don't think it implies that at all. I'm rather confused how you jumped to that conclusion?
Isn't it human nature to find a mate that will be able to provide for you, had good genes, and continue your blood line?
Surely you acknowledge that there is more to attraction and sexuality than physical appearance?
Hi, don't want to get too deep into this topic as i'm not knowledgeable enough on the matter and perhaps don't have the deft touch to discus without hurting peoples feelings (unintended), so perhaps best staying away.
I did just want to ask as you specifically state gender.
By gender do you mean, the social construct rather than biological sex?
Is it OK to accept someone by their chosen gender, but with their biological sex remaining as it was?
Why is one mod in here helping continue a derail that another mod specifically told us not to do? The topic isn't about whether it's okay for guys not to date trans women or not. SweetNicole made that really clear, and then Steven Universe brought it up again. So why is the derail being furthered?
Ok, let me rephrase. Apart from the last one (of which there are other options like surrogacy), what changes the equation there if a transwoman/man is the other party?
Absolutely. But other than the specific factor of a different original sex, those factors are present in everyone. "Oh they lack empathy," or "oh they don't stimulate me intellectually," etc., - those are things that can be applied to anyone, trans or no.
Literally no one has made that argument, except you by creating the strawman.
Putting aside all these various diversions, I just want to remind people again that this thread is about straight men who really actively, seriously want to fuck at least one trans woman each so the reasons some other straight guy doesn't are pretty off the path. And that's one of the really silly things about these conversations in general -- like it kind of doesn't matter how much any given straight guy thinks it's important to note that he doesn't want to sleep with trans women, because there's a ton of others who do. The whole nature of the problem is guys who want to do it but regret it when other people know they want to.
It would probably be better to use her phrasing of "keep a secret" to make it clear exactly what behavior she's criticizing, yeah.
If you'd never date a trans person period... but you'd fuck them that's a problem and that's the topic
I came in late to the party, so my apologies. It's a fair point, and I just got caught up in the discussion. I considered it related, but looking back at SweetNicole's post, you're right.
So to repeat what SweetNicole said:
Please keep the discussion as to what the thread OP pertains: "men who seek out and have sex with trans women but choose to keep us [transgender women] a secret"
I'll talk to the other mods to not take into account derails from other users due to my action. (i.e., from when I started posting to now)
Last edited:
Pretty sure you can have sex with someone and not want to date them. That doesn't make you insecure, you just have your boundries set.
That said, I'm pretty sure many men nowadays would not date trans women because of what others would say. That's insecurity talking.
That said, I'm pretty sure many men nowadays would not date trans women because of what others would say. That's insecurity talking.
Would you openly admit to friends and family? Would you try to hide them away?
Would you wine/dine them?
Would you take them out in public anywhere?
Would you be afraid to be seen with them?
Speaking as a straight guy this thread has been very enlightening. I've considered myself an ally, but this discussion definitely has me thinking about some illogical bias I may have had. Many thanks to the trans advocates posting in this thread.
If I'm understanding your question correctly, yes I mean the social construct (Man/Woman/Enby/etc.) not the biological (Male/Female/Intersex).
Yes, in fact you should. Biological sex and gender are two different things. I, a trans, Non-Binary woman, don't plan on ever getting Sex Reassignment Surgery, I'm perfectly comfortable with my genitalia, I am still a non-binary woman regardless.
Every day I find new ways to find having children even more disturbing
Again, you're still a straight guy if you're with a trans woman. Why? Because they're a woman.
Nope. Yep.
Depends.
Again depends.
If someone knew I was sleeping with them yes.
But my point is that's not something specific to trans people. Plenty of people have someone they'd be dtf and would never date.
Edit: That said I wouldn't try to string someone along in this scenario. They'd know exactly what they were in for because tiptoeing around that tends to backfire.
There's no such thing as "assigned genetic sex". Assigning refers to the process of attaching labels and categories to things. People have a chromosomal configuration but it isn't assigned to them.
And a subconscious bias that changes your opinion of the person based on a factor that you need a blood sample and a microscope to discern is very clearly prejudicial. If you don't agree that this is transphobic then you have a non functional definition of transphobia. What you've described is precisely what we mean when we use the word transphobic.
It's not about men not dating an individual woman who is trans despite fucking her.
It's about men not dating not dating any trans women despite fucking them.
Honestly, posts like this makes sticking in here worth it. I've been pretty damn frustrated for the past few pages, but if someone is learning, then I'm cool with it, makes the effort that much more meaningful. Thank you for taking the time to look into your biases.
Are trans women always in that category for you because their trans? If not then you're situation is different than what the thread is talking about
It'd have to be trans men for me in that scenario and they would be.
- Status