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LGBTQera |ERA1| (We're Queer)

Cruxist

Cruxist

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
3,820
CountCorvinus said:
People of all genders can use they/them pronouns too, so it's hard to say without knowing the person. And we all have preferences for what we'd like to be called.

Speaking only for myself, I wouldn't want to be referred to as a "son". I like to use "spawn" when talking about myself, and I'm sure most people would be uncomfortable with that.
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I like spawn! Much better than something formal like "offspring."

Gay Bowser said:
Welcome!

I definitely understand why the seeming contradiction in "I have a daughter who uses they/them pronouns" might cause you
to raise an eyebrow. But without knowing more context and the specifics of how that individual expresses their gender and prefers to be addressed, it's impossible to know if the parent actually misgendered them or not. As CountCorvinus notes, people of all genders can prefer they/them pronouns. Not everybody who uses they/them pronouns is necessarily rejecting the gender binary — some people understand that they are both male and female, and would be equally okay being called a daughter or a son, and some other people are genderfluid and their gender expression changes over time, and they might accept they/them pronouns even though at various times they might also be a he/him or a she/her. Or they might not! Turns out™ gender is actually really complicated and it all depends on the person. :)
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Hey, thanks for the replies! I had a feeling this would end up as a personal preference more than anything, but I didn't want to assume.

I got a kind of… well, let's just say a "Trumpy" vibe from the speaker, so that was informing my reaction as well. But I also didn't want to immediately think the worst.

I really appreciate both you taking the time to reply. I didn't want to just barge in here, but I really was at a loss googling around. Thank you both!
 
Disclaimer

Disclaimer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,531
Anyone have experience with negative side effects on PrEP? Started Descovy recently, and it's come with killer insomnia. Went 72hrs without more than a couple hours of sleep before throwing in the towel and not taking it one morning, lo and behold I could sleep that night. Then started it back, now I can't. Even tried melatonin and still couldn't sleep.

Difficult to find any info online about how long this might last before my body acclimates, if at all. Tried messaging my doctor about it, and the response was basically "Insomnia isn't one of the common side effects. I recommend you keep taking it." Real helpful. (And insomnia absolutely is a listed side effect.)
 
Dany

Dany

Member
Oct 29, 2017
4,065
seattle
I find it a low and unlikely side effect related to the medication. I have not seen that reported commonly for either Truvada or Descovy. As an antiviral, eliciting that as the main or one side effect you are having immediately seems fairly unlikely. They're both usually well tolerated, with minor side effects decreasing in a couple of weeks.

Maybe try taking it for a few more days and if you continue, switch to truvada if you can?
 
Marmoka

Marmoka

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,028
So sorry for you. I have not experienced any sideeffect at all and my friends have not ever mentioned anything related.

I agree you could try again in the next days and check your sleep. Try taking it during lunchtime or earlier, let's see if this way your sleep is back to normal. Otherwise no idea how to help.
 
Arcus Felis

Arcus Felis

Unshakable Resolve
Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,123
No such issues with Truvada... though now I wonder if a few cases of insomnia were related to it. Overall I tolerated the medecine rather well.
 
Canucked

Canucked

Comics Council 2020 & Chicken Chaser
Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,416
Canada
Just wanted to say hi to my fellow LGBT gamers. I know this thread isn't active much but I know you're out there!
 
The Bear

The Bear

Forest Animal
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
4,196
Canucked said:
Just wanted to say hi to my fellow LGBT gamers. I know this thread isn't active much but I know you're out there!
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hello-bear.gif
 
hateradio

hateradio

Member
Oct 28, 2017
8,750
welcome, nowhere
TheEchosOfTheCyborg said:
[Hidden content]
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I think it depends on what you are actually sexually attracted to or romantically attracted to.

lgbtqia.fandom.com

Sexual orientation

lgbtqia.fandom.com lgbtqia.fandom.com

lgbtqia.fandom.com

Sapphic

Sapphic, sometimes known as women loving women (WLW), or sapphist, refers to a woman or woman-aligned person of any sexual orientation who is attracted to other women and/or women-aligned individuals. Another definition is specifically inclusive of non-binary people. It is an umbrella term for...
lgbtqia.fandom.com lgbtqia.fandom.com
 
KettuNet

KettuNet

Member
Jan 21, 2018
17
I don't know where to post this, and as i see there are some good vibes in here, i hope i don't drag it down too much, but here goes:

I'm transgender and fully out at my workplace and everyone has been really nice and welcoming, except for this one person, who is the fiance of one of my coworkers and does some short stints here mostly during summers when her studies permit her. Some years ago, when i wasn't out yet (doesn't matter really), she said some really transphobic shit, but she was about to leave again and i didn't want to cause trouble with this aforementioned coworker, so i kept my mouth shut, but now she is working with us again for a long time and i've noticed that i haven't gotten over what she said and it's eating my insides, it is really causing me anxiety - i often fantasize about giving her her dues. It's one thing to have some asshole on the internet saying dumb stuff, i let it go, it doesn't stick with me, but it's another thing when it's someone at my workplace, afterall, i spend here 8 hours a day 5 days a week, so i find it really hard to let it slide. There's a silver lining; she's at our other warehouse, so i don't really have to see her, but there are other reminders.

I like her fiance, this coworker of mine, who seems to have his heart in the right place, but he does take a lot of shit from her fiance, like it is bizarre, so i'm afraid of how he could react if i brought it up, how it could ruin my time here even further.

I guess what i'm really asking is: how to change my attitude and just let it slide? Bosses really shouldn't hire coworkers close ones' as they become quite untouchable to criticism, especially as my coworker is in a manager position...
 
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Arcus Felis

Arcus Felis

Unshakable Resolve
Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,123
KettuNet said:
I don't know where to post this, and as i see there are some good vibes in here, i hope i don't drag it down too much, but here goes:

I'm transgender and fully out at my workplace and everyone has been really nice and welcoming, except for this one person, who is the fiance of one of my coworkers and does some short stints here mostly during summers when her studies permit her. Some years ago, when i wasn't out yet (doesn't matter really), she said some really transphobic shit, but she was about to leave again and i didn't want to cause trouble with this aforementioned coworker, so i kept my mouth shut, but now she is working with us again for a long time and i've noticed that i haven't gotten over what she said and it's eating my insides, it is really causing me anxiety - i often fantasize about giving her her dues. It's one thing to have some asshole on the internet saying dumb stuff, i let it go, it doesn't stick with me, but it's another thing when it's someone at my workplace, afterall, i spend here 8 hours a day 5 days a week, so i find it really hard to let it slide. There's a silver lining; she's at our other warehouse, so i don't really have to see her, but there are other reminders.

I like her fiance, this coworker of mine, who seems to have his heart in the right place, but he does take a lot of shit from her fiance, like it is bizarre, so i'm afraid of how he could react if i brought it up, how it could ruin my time here even further.

I guess what i'm really asking is: how to change my attitude and just let it slide? Bosses really shouldn't hire coworkers close ones' as they become quite untouchable to criticism, especially as my coworker is in a manager position...
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Sadly, as you mention it yourself, bringing it up might do you more harm than good. I understand your plight and frustration, I really do, but I think it should be better to ignore this person as much as possible (while staying cordial, despite your true feelings on the matter). There is also the possibility that, after all these years, this person might actually have a change of mind (unlikely, yes, but not impossible).

Now, if she happens to say horrible things about you or people at work now, I would definitely confront her (politely) and possibly report it. But if she hasn't done anything negative or nefarious recently, I would advise you to not kick the hornet nest. Better to keep peace in the work place rather than engage in a conflict. You can't really retreat from a place you need to go nearly every day, so I would advise caution.

Don't get me wrong: I really get what you're going through (not the same circumstances, but wanting to give someone their dues? Oh boy do I understand that...). However, it's not worth the risk. Focus on the people near you that are supportive and that bring you joy. The other ones? Don't bother.
It also could be a good idea to talk about this with a therapist.
 
KettuNet

KettuNet

Member
Jan 21, 2018
17
Arcus Felis said:
Focus on the people near you that are supportive and that bring you joy. The other ones? Don't bother.
It also could be a good idea to talk about this with a therapist.
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You are right, i keep repeating that to myself, but i have a hard time getting it through, so i'll definitely look into therapy. Starting it could be otherwise quite tricky and time consuming here, but luckily my workplace provides a short-therapy possibility for employees, which might be just what i need to get me into the right mindset or just let off some steam if nothing else. I've already started looking into it. Just having this little back and forth here perked me up some, it's good to hear these things from someone else sometimes.

And hi everyone! These were my first posts here, but i'll definitely have to get back and fill the questionnaire later ->
 
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hateradio

hateradio

Member
Oct 28, 2017
8,750
welcome, nowhere
KettuNet said:
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Sounds like a lot of pent up frustration at a particular person who has in a way become the face of inequality.

Chaotic Good, still processing: You have to understand that the feelings that you are feeling are valid, because that what happened in the past hurt you. And while you may want to rage out and spike a ball at a transphobe . . . You have to work on yourself some more, so that things from the past don't bother you as much. It's building up that emotional strength.

Chaotic Good, on a rampage: Call her out. Ask her what she thinks of what's going on in the political landscape. Then be like, hey, do you remember this one time when you said XYZ about trans people? You know, that really affected me. I wish you a bless-ed day.
 
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GiftBot

Official Giveaway Bot
Verified
Mar 7, 2018
11,890

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beau_beaumont

beau_beaumont

Member
Nov 12, 2017
1,346
Well I've decided I'm going to come out to my family in a couple weeks. I'm bisexual but my wife left me. If I get a boyfriend, I don't want to hide it. My family are all devout Mormons, and my dad is horrifically homophonic. I need to rip the bandaid off after being in the closet all these years. Any advice, Qera?
 
Gibbs

Gibbs

Member
Oct 25, 2017
347
West Virginia
Stronginthearm said:
Public area, maybe? Could keep them from exploding.
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Probably the best thing to do. Public setting in a way would potentially keep your father in check. However, you know him better than us so you may need to ask yourself "How would my dad react in public?" and go from there as what if he would make a scene? Just make sure you do it in a way where you are safe and that you are in a good place mentally incase it goes south as theres always uncertainty.

Maybe write your parents a letter and go from there? I think it comes down to how you want to live and tell your truth honestly. Regardless I wish you the best!
 
hateradio

hateradio

Member
Oct 28, 2017
8,750
welcome, nowhere
i would do it by person or group of people

for example, if you trust your mom more, tell her first. If you trust a sibling, cousin, etc, tell them first

it would be good to have someone or a few people on your side when you tell people who are not supportive
 
plagiarize

plagiarize

It's not a loop. It's a spiral.
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
27,555
Cape Cod, MA
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I'm socially and medically transitioning towards my non-binary androgynous goal. I'm on full feminizing HRT which I am hoping to work as 'subtracting by addition' to get me somewhere where I look very androgynous. I think HRT can do that for me, and hopefully I experience the mental and emotional benefits that most people experience from it too.

beau_beaumont said:
Well I've decided I'm going to come out to my family in a couple weeks. I'm bisexual but my wife left me. If I get a boyfriend, I don't want to hide it. My family are all devout Mormons, and my dad is horrifically homophonic. I need to rip the bandaid off after being in the closet all these years. Any advice, Qera?
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As far as coming out goes, having just done it for the second time (once for sexuality and now for gender identity), I can also recommend not trying to do everyone at once. I get wanting to just rip the band aid off and do it all at once, because you're only psyching yourself up once, and pushing the words out once, but you're suddenly going to feel very alone and vulnerable if more than one person reacts badly.

Make sure you do it in a place *you* feel comfortable but also in a manner you feel comfortable (in person/video chat/email/text/whatever). Some of the family might not like *how* you do it, but you're the one making yourself vulnerable here, so whatever makes you feel safer you should definitely do that. Also try to prepare yourself for every possible emotional reaction. I didn't prepare myself for anger the first time and it made knowing what do about it *very* difficult.

If you don't have a therapist to strategize and fall back on if things go badly, I'd recommend trying to find one. It was a lot easier doing it with that kind of support this time compared to the first time where I didn't have that.
 
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