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LGBTQera |ERA1| (We're Queer)

Oct 27, 2017
1,379
The In-Between
Gibbs, I’m back with an update to my situation.

My crush had a back injury last week during a soccer match for one of mates birthday and I volunteered to take him to emergency to get checked out, 5 hours later... I suggested they stayed over the night as they wouldn’t be able to drive under the influence of the medication he was taking.

The following day I decided to call in sick to look after him and catch up from some much needed sleep from previous night, anyways the poor guy could barely move a meter without being in agony, so I was basically his nurse ( felt like I was their partner if anything ) for the day which strangely made me feel good being someone that he could rely on... anyways later that night he couldn’t stop thanking me saying without me he doesn’t know how he would cope in the world and asked if I could take the next day off even though he was at this point 80%~ recovered, however it was my last day of work before I had to travel interstate for a wedding and had urgent meetings to attend too. I had told him this, but he was adamant that he needed me and he had then suggest that he would even call up for me saying that I was needed at home, but as much as I wanted too I had a responsibility to show up.

I ended up leaving work early and spending the rest of the night watching movies with him before my flight and just as I bordered it I sent him a message saying I was going to missing him and he replied with same here. I built up the confidence to say that as for the last few days we had been with each other pretty much 24/7 and could really start to feel something more and just a few hours ago got another snap with him in my room(his house sitting while I’m away) saying that he misses me.

I know I said I should let it happen nartually but at this point I’m just ready to confess my feeling as I pretty now confident that there something definitely there, what do you recommend?
Me in this situation:

 
Oct 27, 2017
154
Costa Rica
Gibbs, I’m back with an update to my situation.

My crush had a back injury last week during a soccer match for one of mates birthday and I volunteered to take him to emergency to get checked out, 5 hours later... I suggested they stayed over the night as they wouldn’t be able to drive under the influence of the medication he was taking.

The following day I decided to call in sick to look after him and catch up from some much needed sleep from previous night, anyways the poor guy could barely move a meter without being in agony, so I was basically his nurse ( felt like I was their partner if anything ) for the day which strangely made me feel good being someone that he could rely on... anyways later that night he couldn’t stop thanking me saying without me he doesn’t know how he would cope in the world and asked if I could take the next day off even though he was at this point 80%~ recovered, however it was my last day of work before I had to travel interstate for a wedding and had urgent meetings to attend too. I had told him this, but he was adamant that he needed me and he had then suggest that he would even call up for me saying that I was needed at home, but as much as I wanted too I had a responsibility to show up.

I ended up leaving work early and spending the rest of the night watching movies with him before my flight and just as I bordered it I sent him a message saying I was going to missing him and he replied with same here. I built up the confidence to say that as for the last few days we had been with each other pretty much 24/7 and could really start to feel something more and just a few hours ago got another snap with him in my room(his house sitting while I’m away) saying that he misses me.

I know I said I should let it happen nartually but at this point I’m just ready to confess my feeling as I pretty now confident that there something definitely there, what do you recommend?
That's so sweet,

I think you should tell him how you feel
 
Oct 25, 2017
68
West Virginia
Thanks everyone, I’m going back home early next week. I will definitely come clean with him as soon as I’m back, this will feel like the longest weekend ever!



LMFAO! the feels are too real at the moment.

Not fast enough. We need to know the outcome right now. The suspense is killing me!

*Begins the process of opening a GoFundMe page to fly you back immediately.*
 
Oct 25, 2017
135
Not fast enough. We need to know the outcome right now. The suspense is killing me!

*Begins the process of opening a GoFundMe page to fly you back immediately.*
Hahaha it’s also killing me! I’d do it over text, but I feel this is something I need to do in person.

Also I’m so emotional at the moment, I feel like screaming how I feel to the world, it’s a funny coincidence where I am at the moment (Sydney) it will be Pride weekend!
 
Nov 14, 2017
1,193
Pardon me if this comes off wrong, but a straight dude who occasionally spends a night with a trans woman, yet is not at all attracted to cis dudes, would he be considered LGBTQ? Specific term for that?
 
Oct 28, 2017
69
I disagree. It would make him pansexual.
If the trans person in question were to fall out of the gender binary, I would agree. But to call him anything other that straight is to "other" gender the trans woman, which is not cool.

Edit: Of course if he is into trans people outside the gender binary then pansexual is a perfectly fine label. But in the scenario where he's only into cis and trans women he would be straight.
 
Jan 11, 2018
4,466
If the trans person in question were to fall out of the gender binary, I would agree. But to call him anything other that straight is to "other" gender the trans woman, which is not cool.
I still disagree.

As much as we would like for society to recognise trans people the same as cis people, we're nowhere near being there yet. So whereas our current view of heterosexuality does in many cases not ignore cis/trans status (especially if it involves pre-op trans people), pansexuality does and that's why it's such a good term.

Pansexuality is all about being attracted to features, ignoring everything else. Two people can be pansexual and not have anything in common in regards to what they are attracted to.

I consider myself pansexual, and I'm attracted to masculine features. I usually find myself attracted to cis men, but also trans men as well as very butch women. I've never been attracted to someone who considered themselves non-binary (although I'm not ruling out the possibility - I'm just saying it's not a category of people I actively think about... and I'm still panseuxal). But you could very well be pansexual and be attracted to people with predominantly feminine features. And probably also exclusively to non-binary people. I feel like there is this misconception that if you're pansexual you are attracted to "everyone", sort of like being bi and then adding attraction to non-binary people on top of that. It's a broad term.
 
Oct 28, 2017
69
I still disagree.

As much as we would like for society to recognise trans people the same as cis people, we're nowhere near being there yet. So whereas our current view of heterosexuality does in many cases not ignore cis/trans status (especially if it involves pre-op trans people), pansexuality does and that's why it's such a good term.

Pansexuality is all about being attracted to features, ignoring everything else. Two people can be pansexual and not have anything in common in regards to what they are attracted to.

I consider myself pansexual, and I'm attracted to masculine features. I usually find myself attracted to cis men, but also trans men as well as very butch women. I've never been attracted to someone who considered themselves non-binary (although I'm not ruling out the possibility - I'm just saying it's not a category of people I actively think about... and I'm still panseuxal). But you could very well be pansexual and be attracted to people with predominantly feminine features. And probably also exclusively to non-binary people. I feel like there is this misconception that if you're pansexual you are attracted to "everyone", sort of like being bi and then adding attraction to non-binary people on top of that. It's a broad term.
I dunno, maybe I'm a bit too attached to the subject here but if I were to date a guy who had a history of only dating women and considering himself straight. And then purely because he dates me (a trans woman btw) he were to turn around and start considering himself pansexual; just because he's dated a trans woman. I would feel that he didn't see me as a woman, and I would be incredibly hurt, upset and offended by the situation.
 
Jan 11, 2018
4,466
User Banned (1 Week): Transphobic Rhetoric
I dunno, maybe I'm a bit too attached to the subject here but if I were to date a guy who had a history of only dating women and considering himself straight. And then purely because he dates me (a trans woman btw) he were to turn around and start considering himself pansexual; just because he's dated a trans woman. I would feel that he didn't see me as a woman, and I would be incredibly hurt, upset and offended by the situation.
I get where you're coming from. But it's not so much about you as it is about him. It's his sexual identity that's in question, not your gender identity. I think there are lots of people out there who are pansexual without even knowing, because it's kind of ignored. Most people have no clue what it means and just think it's "just like being bi" a lot of the time.

We are still not at a point where being cis or trans truly doesn't matter to most people, so while you are still a woman the subcategories of cis and trans still matter to many people even in cases where people consider them equal. People love their boxes. And language evolves as society does, so in the future maybe this will change.

You'd be hard pressed to find even the most liberal cis men agreeing with the idea that being attracted to a pre-op trans woman falls under heterosexuality though. Because it's still physically different from a cis woman's body.

Semantics aside, don't let anyone make you feel like you're not a real woman! <3
 
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Oct 28, 2017
69
I get where you're coming from. But it's not so much about you as it is about him. It's his sexual identity that's in question, not your gender identity. I think there are lots of people out there who are pansexual without even knowing, because it's kind of ignored. Most people have no clue what it means and just think it's "just like being bi" a lot of the time.

We are still not at a point where being cis or trans truly doesn't matter to most people, so while you are still a woman the subcategories of cis and trans still matter to many people even in cases where people consider them equal. People love their boxes. And language evolves as society does, so in the future maybe this will change.

You'd be hard pressed to find even the most liberal cis men agreeing with the idea that being attracted to a pre-op trans woman falls under heterosexuality though. Because it's still physically different from a cis woman's body.
I don't understand how his sexuality is being questioned here when the question is phrased as "He's only slept with women", sure there may be more under the surface here but that's not framed in the question. I will forever stand by that in this exact situation, for the guy to suddenly start calling himself pan for the sole reason that he's slept with a trans woman, is to view her not as a woman.

But at this point I feel we would forever be going around in circles and won't agree. I'd suggest to the person asking the question to take everything here into consideration. And to tell their freind to be very careful if they bring this subject up with the trans woman in question, because it's a very very touchy and offensive subject to a lot of trans women.
 
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Nov 14, 2017
1,193
Thanks for the opinons. As I suspected, it’s a complex issue that doesn’t seem to have a consensus among LGBTQ people

Learned a lot from reading everyone’s responses, appreciate it
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,234
I don't think having sex with a trans man makes me pansexual tbh.

Ah okay, seems like you've thought this through!

Shower: If you're tall, you might have to kneel in the basin. :P

Toilet: As long as you use toilet paper and not a reusable rag you'll be ok

Heater: That sounds like a lot of equipment. Are you sure it will all fit in the van? 🤔 Will you get a storage container that attaches to the roof? The kind that looks like a dorsal fin for vans?

Or you could just upload your brain to the cloud and have an endless zen adventure with the Singularity!
Lol yeah, I'm sort of reconsidering the shower thing tbh, even just showering uses tons of water, so maybe I'll just sink wash, idk.

I don't think I'd get any extra external storage, I'm pretty tall so I was already looking at high tops, I think I'd start worrying about height clearance under overpasses and stuff.

And living in virtual hyperspace is the dream, but that's probably a few years off, so this is an interim plan lol.
 
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Oct 25, 2017
68
West Virginia
Hahaha it’s also killing me! I’d do it over text, but I feel this is something I need to do in person.

Also I’m so emotional at the moment, I feel like screaming how I feel to the world, it’s a funny coincidence where I am at the moment (Sydney) it will be Pride weekend!
Definitely got to do it in person. I mean texting is kids play, seeing the facial reaction is what just makes it more special. Though to be serious its something that is important and means something to you so definitely in person is more meaningful, add in that you two will probably discuss feelings regardless the outcome.

Have a great time at Pride this weekend if you go! Completely understandable that you are feeling the way you are =)
 
Oh I don't think i actually introduced myself?

  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? AMAB Questioning/NB (he/they)
  • Your sexual orientation? Straight/Gynephillic (attracted to women and femme-leaning NBs and men)
  • Where Are You From? Wisconsin, near the Twin Cities
  • Where Do You Live? Same
  • How Old Are you? 29
  • Favorite Type of Music? Video game OSTs
  • Profession or Career interest? Interest in 3d modelling/game art
  • Favorite video game(s)? big Resident Evil fanboi
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Bike riding, fashion
I've only recently in my life pondered how far I deviate from being cishet. I don't have dysphoria and am pretty ok being known as a guy, but I prefer to present in a more feminine/androgynous manner and makes me happier. Not so much in a "fun" or "fetishy" way, but more life-affirming that that which makes me think there's something more there. Wearing makeup and girly hairstyles and clothing fits closer to my "ideal self", I guess.

Speaking of, I haven't put on makeup in quite a while, too damn cold and runny nose from being outside would wreck my foundation anyway
 

RatskyWatsky

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,716
Lol yeah, I'm sort of reconsidering the shower thing tbh, even just showering uses tons of water, so maybe I'll just sink wash, idk.
You could also just get a gym membership and shower there!

And living in virtual hyperspace is the dream, but that's probably a few years off, so this is an interim plan lol.
Have you seen Serial Experiments Lain?
 
Oct 27, 2017
433
Detroit, MI
Had an interesting discussion with an elderly woman wanting to learn more about gay culture and such. We got to the topic of dating etiquette and she asked who paid on dates/dinner/etc since, back before she got married, it was commonly held that the man always paid on dates and she wondered how that would be decided with two men.

I told her, for me personally, when I'm asking a guy out, I offer to pay. When a guy asks me out, but doesn't explicitly state that he's paying, I offer to split the bill before the date to avoid any awkwardness. This has worked great for me over the years, but I was wondering if you guys had different ways of handling situations like these?
 

daripad

The Fallen
Oct 29, 2017
167
I almost always split the bills with my boyfriend, unless one of US is short on money, then one of us pays and then the next date the other one pays.
 
Oct 25, 2017
68
West Virginia
Oh I don't think i actually introduced myself?

  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? AMAB Questioning/NB (he/they)
  • Your sexual orientation? Straight/Gynephillic (attracted to women and femme-leaning NBs and men)
  • Where Are You From? Wisconsin, near the Twin Cities
  • Where Do You Live? Same
  • How Old Are you? 29
  • Favorite Type of Music? Video game OSTs
  • Profession or Career interest? Interest in 3d modelling/game art
  • Favorite video game(s)? big Resident Evil fanboi
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Bike riding, fashion
I've only recently in my life pondered how far I deviate from being cishet. I don't have dysphoria and am pretty ok being known as a guy, but I prefer to present in a more feminine/androgynous manner and makes me happier. Not so much in a "fun" or "fetishy" way, but more life-affirming that that which makes me think there's something more there. Wearing makeup and girly hairstyles and clothing fits closer to my "ideal self", I guess.

Speaking of, I haven't put on makeup in quite a while, too damn cold and runny nose from being outside would wreck my foundation anyway
Welcome aboard and enjoy your stay! <3
 

Plum

Coward
May 31, 2018
4,747
So... I think I'm realising some things about myself. I've spoilered it because, right now, I just want to get the words out there and don't really want/expect a reply. Sorry if it sounds weird but if you want to reply could you please do so in PM?

I've begun to realise that, at least on some level, I have never been as 'male' as I thought I was. Funnily enough the 'revelation' came when I started (willingly, and not because I was simply curious) a transgender meme subreddit (the r/trans but with lots of As). When I saw just how many scenarios I related to there were on that subreddit I kept looking back to my own past and seeing all the signs and all the feelings that showed that, for the longest time, something hadn't been quite 'right'.

I don't know, I think I need to do some serious thinking over the next few days. These thoughts have hit me like a lorry and I'm really not sure how to handle them. As I said above, I just felt that I should write them down somewhere even if it were through the relative anonymity of Era.
 

CurryPanda

Banned
Member
Mar 4, 2019
178
Hey everyone I’m new here. I’m glad I found this thread! Anyway:
  • Your gender? Male
  • Your sexual orientation? Gay.
  • Where Are You From? India
  • Where Do You Live? Canada
  • How Old Are you? 32
  • Favorite Type of Music? All kinds, especially K-pop.
  • Profession or Career interest? Family Business( food related)
  • Favorite video game(s)? Halo, Zelda, Dead or Alive, Mario etc.
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? - Food/Cooking
    - Baking
    - Technology
    - Anime
    - Movies
    - Reading
    - Working Out
    - History
    and so on.
 
Oct 26, 2017
432
I've seen Serial Experiment Lain like 3-5 times and I still don't know what's going on. Maybe it's some kind of ADHD or something. I always zone out and then I lose the plot.
I haven't seen it as many times, but yeah... I can't remember a single thing about the plot or the characters. The only things I remember are Lain's hair and some electronic pill at a club?
 
Nov 11, 2017
1,861
Florida
About to delete my Grindr.... again. I finally deleted my Tumblr about a week or so ago. I'd been wanting to for a while and just stopped using it for about three weeks and decided it wasn't something I missed.

I want to work on my body more before going back to ignoring and blocking guys on Grindr again. I don't even know why I bother with this shit, lol.
 
Oct 27, 2017
93
  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? Male
  • Your sexual orientation? Gay
  • Where Are You From? Long Island, NY
  • Where Do You Live? Long Island, NY
  • How Old Are you? 32
  • Favorite Type of Music? Pop
  • Profession or Career interest? Magazine editor
  • Favorite video game(s)? Zelda, Zelda, Zelda
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Film, theater (acting and directing), TV
 

CurryPanda

Banned
Member
Mar 4, 2019
178
About to delete my Grindr.... again. I finally deleted my Tumblr about a week or so ago. I'd been wanting to for a while and just stopped using it for about three weeks and decided it wasn't something I missed.

I want to work on my body more before going back to ignoring and blocking guys on Grindr again. I don't even know why I bother with this shit, lol.
Grindr is just a toxic place overall and you are better without it!
 
Nov 11, 2017
1,861
Florida
Grindr is just a toxic place overall and you are better without it!
Thankfully, I'm on there for purely carnal, non-commitment seeking reasons. The husband and I search for potential, well, extras sometimes. I don't take anything they say to heart (and honestly body criticism has been super low, surprisingly). Most guys seem okay with my dadbod, lmao.

Unfortunately, though, a lot of them are flakes and on top of that I can't help but compare their good looks to my own body and it just makes me sad so I need a break from it.
 

CurryPanda

Banned
Member
Mar 4, 2019
178
Thankfully, I'm on there for purely carnal, non-commitment seeking reasons. The husband and I search for potential, well, extras sometimes. I don't take anything they say to heart (and honestly body criticism has been super low, surprisingly). Most guys seem okay with my dadbod, lmao.

Unfortunately, though, a lot of them are flakes and on top of that I can't help but compare their good looks to my own body and it just makes me sad so I need a break from it.
You are beautiful the way you are and don’t let the broccoli/skinless chicken breast eating gay’s get to you!
 

CurryPanda

Banned
Member
Mar 4, 2019
178
Haha, thank you! I'm eating nothing but broccoli and chicken breast these days but I'm gonna read that as to not be my own worst enemy. ;)
Eat whatever you want but just do moderate exercise. But, broccoli and chicken is so boring!😷 And, conventional beauty is overrated, everyone’s looks will fade over time, but our personality is what will keep us more enticing/fresh.
 
Nov 11, 2017
1,861
Florida
Eat whatever you want but just do moderate exercise. But, broccoli and chicken is so boring!😷 And, conventional beauty is overrated, everyone’s looks will fade over time, but our personality is what will keep us more enticing/fresh.
I'm just trying to be good with food. I have zero impulse control when its in the house and moderation is not in my vocabulary, ha. But truth be told I want to look better for me and no one else. Husband loves me for me, thank god, and I'm not nearly as critical of anyone with my body type as I am on my self. Lots of years of self loathing but I'm slowly, slowly, slowly coming out of it. One day at a time!