LGBTQera |ERA1| (We're Queer)

Oct 27, 2017
1,629
Rubber City
Soooo....

Haven’t posted here in a while but, I met this dude a couple months ago via Twitter. Physically he’s just...ah, gorgeous. But, once we started talking I found myself even more attracted to him. We just clicked! Great sense of humor, humble, kind.

Anyway, we finally had a date last weekend! He came over and we went out for dinner and coffee. It was just great. Like so much fun, and definite chemistry. The next day he invited me to a St. Patrick’s Day party and we had a blast again! I stayed in his room and we cuddled (nothing more, ya pervs 🤣😜).

And now, third date this weekend!! I’m gonna make dinner and we are gonna watch a movie. I’m so damn excited!! I’ve never felt like this about someone before. He sent me a selfie the other day and it was just this whole body “holy shit” reaction lmao. I dunno how else to explain it. I’m just really crushing on this dude, hard. He has said the same to me, and is always texting me little things about hoping I have a good day, and making sure I got home from work alright, etc. We both agreed to focus on getting to know each other and such, and the physical things will come naturally later. It just feels so nice after being in the “hookup” scene for so long, and a couple failed relationships.

Anyway, just wanted to share a (currently) very happy story. Can’t wait for Sunday!!!
Congrats man!
 

Kismet

Banned
Nov 9, 2017
1,432
Soooo....

Haven’t posted here in a while but, I met this dude a couple months ago via Twitter. Physically he’s just...ah, gorgeous. But, once we started talking I found myself even more attracted to him. We just clicked! Great sense of humor, humble, kind.

Anyway, we finally had a date last weekend! He came over and we went out for dinner and coffee. It was just great. Like so much fun, and definite chemistry. The next day he invited me to a St. Patrick’s Day party and we had a blast again! I stayed in his room and we cuddled (nothing more, ya pervs 🤣😜).

And now, third date this weekend!! I’m gonna make dinner and we are gonna watch a movie. I’m so damn excited!! I’ve never felt like this about someone before. He sent me a selfie the other day and it was just this whole body “holy shit” reaction lmao. I dunno how else to explain it. I’m just really crushing on this dude, hard. He has said the same to me, and is always texting me little things about hoping I have a good day, and making sure I got home from work alright, etc. We both agreed to focus on getting to know each other and such, and the physical things will come naturally later. It just feels so nice after being in the “hookup” scene for so long, and a couple failed relationships.

Anyway, just wanted to share a (currently) very happy story. Can’t wait for Sunday!!!
Sounds very exciting :D
 

Zyrokai

Member
Nov 1, 2017
1,249
In 2019 so far, I've slept with 4 people. Two people were first date flings and two weere met-at-the-bar-and-went-home things.

I feel like crap because of it. This isn't me. I don't know what I'm doing and now I'm worried about an STD. I'm so stupid.

Is this normal? I mean...... I don't feel good about any of this. Makes me never want to sleep with anyone again until I find my significant other. So....never. I'm almost 32.....when will I find love? I haven't dated anyone in 8 years now. :(
 
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Bucket

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,126
In 2019 so far, I've slept with 4 people. Two people were first date flings and two weere met-at-the-bar-and-went-home things.

I feel like crap because of it. This isn't me. I don't know what I'm doing and now I'm worried about an STD. I'm so stupid.

Is this normal? I mean...... I don't feel good about any of this. Makes me never want to sleep with anyone again until I find my significant other. So....never. I'm almost 32.....when will I find love? I haven't dated anyone in 8 years now. :(
Nothing wrong with sleeping around. Just use protection and get tested every few months to make sure everything is fine.
 
OP
OP
Sai

Sai

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,751
Chicago
In 2019 so far, I've slept with 4 people. Two people were first date flings and two weere met-at-the-bar-and-went-home things.

I feel like crap because of it. This isn't me. I don't know what I'm doing and now I'm worried about an STD. I'm so stupid.

Is this normal? I mean...... I don't feel good about any of this. Makes me never want to sleep with anyone again until I find my significant other. So....never. I'm almost 32.....when will I find love? I haven't dated anyone in 8 years now. :(
If you're not comfortable sleeping with someone until you've gotten further in your relationship, don't force yourself out of that zone. It comes easier for some, and is more difficult for others.
 

umop 3pisdn

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,232
In 2019 so far, I've slept with 4 people. Two people were first date flings and two weere met-at-the-bar-and-went-home things.

I feel like crap because of it. This isn't me. I don't know what I'm doing and now I'm worried about an STD. I'm so stupid.

Is this normal? I mean...... I don't feel good about any of this. Makes me never want to sleep with anyone again until I find my significant other. So....never. I'm almost 32.....when will I find love? I haven't dated anyone in 8 years now. :(
What Sai said.

Like regardless of how I personally feel about it, I'm wired way more for emotional intimacy. The part of that which is problematic, in my experience, is that there's a readiness to associate that quality with clinginess or emotional dependency, which isn't really me at all, and I think why I had been confused about it for a while. Like some people, when they date someone, seem to become a completely different person, because they just adopt traits of the person they're seeing, but I'm more the type looking for someone that I feel I can drop my guard with so that I can actually be myself. So yeah I'm more driven by an emotional high of basically wanting to 'mind meld' with someone that I think is 'worthy', and that makes casual stuff really difficult, but it's actually because I have a pretty strong sense of self that that degree of intimacy really has any significance for me at all. But ymmv, people are all made a little differently and you might have to change your perspective on it a bit to be able to own it.
 

metalslimer

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
4,922
Hey do yall happen to know of any good LGBTQ youtube content to follow? I realize I have a strong desire sometimes to watch some LGBTQ related content and their aren't a lot of tv/movies out there to satisfy that.
 

Ambient80

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
1,840
In 2019 so far, I've slept with 4 people. Two people were first date flings and two weere met-at-the-bar-and-went-home things.

I feel like crap because of it. This isn't me. I don't know what I'm doing and now I'm worried about an STD. I'm so stupid.

Is this normal? I mean...... I don't feel good about any of this. Makes me never want to sleep with anyone again until I find my significant other. So....never. I'm almost 32.....when will I find love? I haven't dated anyone in 8 years now. :(
“Is this normal?” I mean, I’m not sure any of us could answer that, as it’s a personal thing. I’ve been there, tho. Get yourself tested if you’re worried!

Also, I made a couple posts right above yours about finding someone on Twitter. It’s the first actual relationship I’ll have been in since...2012? No, even further back 2009! And my first true relationship with a guy. And I’m 32! Basically what I’m saying is, don’t feel too bad or be too hard on yourself. You’ll find someone soon enough 😊👍🏻
 

molnizzle

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
9,606
Hey everyone. Straight guy here, sorry to be a bother. My wife just asked me a question that I didn't know the answer to, so I thought maybe I could ask the experts here on Era.

We have our first baby due in June. My wife is having her baby shower be just other women, and is currently in the process of sending out invitations. Her question was in regards to her lesbian cousin who is married. She wasn't sure how to handle to invitation. Obviously it is appropriate to invite both of them, but the question is should each of them be sent an individual invitation? The rest of the women are all getting their own, after all. I wasn't sure if it could be perceived as a slight if both women were included on the same invitation. The cousin is a bit older than my wife and lives out of state, so they don't have a super close relationship.

Thanks in advance. =)
 

RatskyWatsky

Pesky Therizinosaurus
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
8,219
Hey everyone. Straight guy here, sorry to be a bother. My wife just asked me a question that I didn't know the answer to, so I thought maybe I could ask the experts here on Era.

We have our first baby due in June. My wife is having her baby shower be just other women, and is currently in the process of sending out invitations. Her question was in regards to her lesbian cousin who is married. She wasn't sure how to handle to invitation. Obviously it is appropriate to invite both of them, but the question is should each of them be sent an individual invitation? The rest of the women are all getting their own, after all. I wasn't sure if it could be perceived as a slight if both women were included on the same invitation. The cousin is a bit older than my wife and lives out of state, so they don't have a super close relationship.

Thanks in advance. =)
I feel like you're overthinking it a bit. They're married, so they're already used to getting dual/co invitations to parties and whatnot. It'll be fine.
 

Plainswalker

Member
Apr 14, 2018
846
Canada
Hey everyone. Straight guy here, sorry to be a bother. My wife just asked me a question that I didn't know the answer to, so I thought maybe I could ask the experts here on Era.

We have our first baby due in June. My wife is having her baby shower be just other women, and is currently in the process of sending out invitations. Her question was in regards to her lesbian cousin who is married. She wasn't sure how to handle to invitation. Obviously it is appropriate to invite both of them, but the question is should each of them be sent an individual invitation? The rest of the women are all getting their own, after all. I wasn't sure if it could be perceived as a slight if both women were included on the same invitation. The cousin is a bit older than my wife and lives out of state, so they don't have a super close relationship.

Thanks in advance. =)
I guess I would look at it this way: if it was a heterosexual couple, would you send one invitation or two? That would give you your basic answer. Extrapolating a bit, though, I think it would be best to send an invitation for each of them. Even though they are a couple, they're still two separate people, and you wouldn't want to diminish either person if she wants them both there.
 

molnizzle

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
9,606
I guess I would look at it this way: if it was a heterosexual couple, would you send one invitation or two? That would give you your basic answer. Extrapolating a bit, though, I think it would be best to send an invitation for each of them. Even though they are a couple, they're still two separate people, and you wouldn't want to diminish either person if she wants them both there.
For heterosexual couples we’re just sending one, since only women are getting invitations. I was also leaning toward sending one to each of them because of that, but then I thought maybe that would be offensive, like we weren’t recognizing their relationship. I dunno.
 
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Plainswalker

Member
Apr 14, 2018
846
Canada
For heterosexual couples we’re just sending one, because only women are getting invitations. I was also leaning toward sending one to each because of that, but the I thought maybe that would be offensive, like we weren’t recognizing their relationship. I dunno.
I meant in a hypothetical situation in which you were inviting couples of all sexualities. But no, I see what you're getting at, so my suggestion is to handle it just the same way as if you were sending out invitations to any other couple regardless of sexuality.

But my personal take is that if I want both people there, I'm going to make sure they both get an invitation.
 

sapien85

Member
Nov 8, 2017
3,246
In 2019 so far, I've slept with 4 people. Two people were first date flings and two weere met-at-the-bar-and-went-home things.

I feel like crap because of it. This isn't me. I don't know what I'm doing and now I'm worried about an STD. I'm so stupid.

Is this normal? I mean...... I don't feel good about any of this. Makes me never want to sleep with anyone again until I find my significant other. So....never. I'm almost 32.....when will I find love? I haven't dated anyone in 8 years now. :(
Get tested and don't set your life up against predetermined expectations of what is appropriate behavior that's my advice. You can be going through a phase and most people crave intimacy on some level. There's nothing wrong about what you're doing as long as you're careful about it. I hooked up with many people in 2017 when beforehand I had rarely ever done so and I turned 32 that year. Also people can change, don't guilt yourself over how you think your real version is versus what you're doing.
 

umop 3pisdn

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,232
I’ll anguish over whether I really like someone or not for an absurdly long time because I hate disappointing people lol.
 

ChrisEnri

Member
Mar 30, 2019
22
Hi, new here, i decided to join after lurking this site for a while now, i was shocked to find there are threads for more than gaming.

• Your gender? Your sexual identity? (Preferred pronouns?)

I’m male and my pronouns are he/him.

• Your sexual orientation?

I’m gay.

• Where Are You From?

I’m from Mexico City.

• Where Do You Live?

I live in Mexico City.

• How Old Are you?

I’m 35yo.

• Favorite Type of Music?

I’m picky when it comes to music but I can say my favorite singer is Suzanne Vega.

• Profession or Career interest?

Marketing/Business.

• Favorite video game(s)?

I love everything Xenoblade, i prefer JRPG games but i like other genres too.

• What are your hobbies (other than gaming)?

Watching TV series, swimming and other stuff.
 

daripad

The Fallen
Oct 29, 2017
412
Welcome ChrisEnri!

I'm mexican too, it's nice to see other people from my country here.

Btw I'm playing Xenoblade 2 right now, I'm loving some partes of it
 

ChrisEnri

Member
Mar 30, 2019
22
Thank you daripad and Nightwizard for the welcome.

It’s so nice to meet fellow Mexicans/Latinxs.

And daripad, I hope you’re liking Xenoblade 2, i loved it, it’s my most played game on Switch.
 

umop 3pisdn

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,232
This might be a mental illness thing but does anyone go from feeling really good and on top of things to racked with doubt and back again at least 4x a week if not a few times in a given day? It's not even that any particular moment is that bad, just the inconsistency or unreliability of it is utterly exhausting. I guess what's relevant to here is I worry it makes me completely ill suited to a relationship. Sometimes I just don't care and will be unreliable and my 'sane' self feels horrified at the thought of putting another person through that, because that would literally devastate me, so it seems like hypocritical or unfair?! Idk.
 

whitehawk

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
1,450
Canada
In 2019 so far, I've slept with 4 people. Two people were first date flings and two weere met-at-the-bar-and-went-home things.

I feel like crap because of it. This isn't me. I don't know what I'm doing and now I'm worried about an STD. I'm so stupid.

Is this normal? I mean...... I don't feel good about any of this. Makes me never want to sleep with anyone again until I find my significant other. So....never. I'm almost 32.....when will I find love? I haven't dated anyone in 8 years now. :(
If it makes you feel better I've slept with 5 people in 2019.

Try not to shame your sexual experiences. I get where it comes from, but try to appreciate them for what they were.
 

Yata

Self-requested ban
Banned
Feb 1, 2019
713
Spain
This might be a mental illness thing but does anyone go from feeling really good and on top of things to racked with doubt and back again at least 4x a week if not a few times in a given day? It's not even that any particular moment is that bad, just the inconsistency or unreliability of it is utterly exhausting. I guess what's relevant to here is I worry it makes me completely ill suited to a relationship. Sometimes I just don't care and will be unreliable and my 'sane' self feels horrified at the thought of putting another person through that, because that would literally devastate me, so it seems like hypocritical or unfair?! Idk.
That happens to me, but it is more regular, I may feel fine for 3 weeks, feel exhausted the other 3. Therapy or talking with someone about that type of stuff always really helps me, thinking about the ¨good days¨ and how I felt and did do in those moments too. I'm not the most appropriate person to talk about this, because I also gave up with relationships because of this and many other reasons, but I think everyone can find someone that understands these mood swings, though it will be hard.

I understand that vicious cycle of worrying about your relationships with people because you think you hurt them, and that hurts you. I don't think that is hypocritical, I think it's very normal, in fact. I think being honest with people about how you feel always helps. Maybe you can't relate, but I need reassurance to properly work.

Your condition seems far worse than mine, I hope you get better.
 

umop 3pisdn

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,232
That happens to me, but it is more regular, I may feel fine for 3 weeks, feel exhausted the other 3. Therapy or talking with someone about that type of stuff always really helps me, thinking about the ¨good days¨ and how I felt and did do in those moments too. I'm not the most appropriate person to talk about this, because I also gave up with relationships because of this and many other reasons, but I think everyone can find someone that understands these mood swings, though it will be hard.

I understand that vicious cycle of worrying about your relationships with people because you think you hurt them, and that hurts you. I don't think that is hypocritical, I think it's very normal, in fact. I think being honest with people about how you feel always helps. Maybe you can't relate, but I need reassurance to properly work.

Your condition seems far worse than mine, I hope you get better.
Thanks, I found your post really relatable. I'm just starting to really get into therapy (the schedule is 1x a week for anywhere from 8-24 months! Sometimes that financial reality makes my hyper-suspicious ass think I'm getting conned into a money-draining cult or something, lol, but I'm actually pretty optimistic about the whole process. And I find going back to happier childhood memories really helpful sometimes, too. But, yeah, I think we have quite a bit in common, and that my worries are pretty normal. Thank you for making me feel understood.
 

astro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,891
I've given up on the idea of correcting people about my gender online, it's too exhausting and it often ends in some kind of dismissive attitude that makes me feel like shit.

Still feel a bit shit when I see male as the default so often, but it's too much. It makes me feel a bit ashamed of myself for not being true to who I am and standing up for the cause in general, but I have too many other issues in my life right now.

Any other non-binary folk come to the same conclusion? Any advice or words of solidarity?

Society feels so fucking backwards right now.
 

umop 3pisdn

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,232
I've given up on the idea of correcting people about my gender online, it's too exhausting and it often ends in some kind of dismissive attitude that makes me feel like shit.

Still feel a bit shit when I see male as the default so often, but it's too much. It makes me feel a bit ashamed of myself for not being true to who I am and standing up for the cause in general, but I have too many other issues in my life right now.

Any other non-binary folk come to the same conclusion? Any advice or words of solidarity?

Society feels so fucking backwards right now.
I’m non-binary, but I also have either AvPD or strong traits of it, which makes me really averse to making waves, so I pretty much don’t bring it up ever, because apparently in this era someone having a more idiosyncratic sense of gender identity is really egregious to some clowns, and I’m already so used to checking myself to fit in even if I am really fucking sick of it, too.
 

astro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,891
I’m non-binary, but I also have either AvPD or strong traits of it, which makes me really averse to making waves, so I pretty much don’t bring it up ever, because apparently in this era someone having a more idiosyncratic sense of gender identity is really egregious to some clowns, and I’m already so used to checking myself to fit in even if I am really fucking sick of it, too.
Ha, I think I might be the opposite to that condition... I almost enjoy making waves, but this is getting too much.

And yeh, it's so strange that people care so much about this to the point they have to be dismissive or hateful.

Almost every person I've spoken with about this has reached the same conclusion as us. It's kind of disheartening, but what can you do... sorry you're going through it too, especially with that condition. I can imagine how frustrating it could be.
 

umop 3pisdn

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,232
Ha, I think I might be the opposite to that condition... I almost enjoy making waves, but this is getting too much.

And yeh, it's so strange that people care so much about this to the point they have to be dismissive or hateful.

Almost every person I've spoken with about this has reached the same conclusion as us. It's kind of disheartening, but what can you do... sorry you're going through it too, especially with that condition. I can imagine how frustrating it could be.
Yeah it’s weird. Lately I’m realizing that my AvPD is likely just from having really high sensory processing sensitivity (‘SPS’) that has blown up and internalized every microagression I’ve ever experienced since about the age of six, and it’s not like the culture of toxic masculinity of the 90s was lacking in that. Being non-binary is just one piece of that puzzle, but definitely a significant one in basically feeling like a space alien my whole life lol.