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LGBTQera |ERA1| (We're Queer)

Oct 26, 2017
1,167
Feeling a little down lately... I'm worried about someone I love dearly who is getting surgery soon-ish, work has some ups and downs, I'm slowly recuperating after months of getting sick, and overall I'm a little anxious about the future. Things will sort themselves out eventually, but right now I'm just exhausted. There are some days you just want to lie down and listen to relaxing/beautiful music (discovered lara6683 and her covers recently... so soothing).
 
Apr 14, 2018
675
Canada
Heh thanks! Fresh haircut + just finished gym is the best I ever look. Find any gems at the garage sale? I used to hear about rare games being found, but I feel like that happens less since people can get more online.
I never ended up going, my husband ended up sick at the last minute so I stayed home. The rest of my family went though, my mom ended up buying a small set of leatherworking tools in good shape for $3 that would have cost her something like $60 brand new. So that ended up alright at least.
Feeling a little down lately... I'm worried about someone I love dearly who is getting surgery soon-ish, work has some ups and downs, I'm slowly recuperating after months of getting sick, and overall I'm a little anxious about the future. Things will sort themselves out eventually, but right now I'm just exhausted. There are some days you just want to lie down and listen to relaxing/beautiful music (discovered lara6683 and her covers recently... so soothing).
I'm sorry to hear that. I've been going through some things lately myself and have been doing a lot of that too. I hope you feel better soon, and I hope their surgery goes well.
Friend gave me another pair of her old shoes that I really liked the look of 👀👢
I love those!
 
Mar 25, 2019
77
Feeling a little down lately... I'm worried about someone I love dearly who is getting surgery soon-ish, work has some ups and downs, I'm slowly recuperating after months of getting sick, and overall I'm a little anxious about the future. Things will sort themselves out eventually, but right now I'm just exhausted. There are some days you just want to lie down and listen to relaxing/beautiful music (discovered lara6683 and her covers recently... so soothing).
That sucks, hope all goes well. If you're looking for other relaxing/beautiful OST's I can recommend the Star Onions' renditions of different FFXI songs. Always have it on whenever I wanna zone out :)

Friend gave me another pair of her old shoes that I really liked the look of 👀👢
Noice! Do you rock that skateboard with them heels too? :P
 
That sucks, hope all goes well. If you're looking for other relaxing/beautiful OST's I can recommend the Star Onions' renditions of different FFXI songs. Always have it on whenever I wanna zone out :)



Noice! Do you rock that skateboard with them heels too? :P
NNo that's roommatees

I can barely ride a skateboard over a crack without landing on my ass, not even as much as heels XD
 
Dec 4, 2018
66
Hey everyone, was wondering if y’all might be able to lend a hand here.

I have a friend who has recently (within the last couple years, but mainly this past year in earnest) come out as genderqueer and more recently trans. We’ve been friends since high school (pushing 10 years now), well before she was comfortable talking about any of this stuff and way before she even hinted at any of it. She’s been super unconfident and self-conscious about the whole thing and is basically afraid to bring it up in person with others, opting instead to do short vlogs about her expereince with the entire process and what she’s gone through essentially keeping it all a secret from the world until now.

To the best of my knowledge, I’m pretty much the only other one in our friend group involved with LGBTQ, and while I’ve tried to be as supportive as possible ever since she came out, I lack any real experience dealing with the stuff she’s going through (I’m bi and have never really faced any adversity for it). So beyond just being a supportive friend, there’s only so much I can really bring to the table in terms of advice. She’s gone through some real rough stuff mentally speaking, being suicidal for a while while kind of confronting her demons and deciding to let others in. She’s doing better now, but still seems to be just kind of hanging on rather than actually being comfortable with the whole situation.

I was hoping some of you who have had some experience confronting difficulties both coming out and just being accepted by others and yourself might be able to help. Like I said, she’s got a YouTube channel where she uploads these vlogs occasionally and I think it’d be really helpful for her to get some feedback there where she’ll be able to see it without feeling confronted or anything like that. I’m definitely still going to keep trying to do everything I can in person to help become more comfortable and confident, but if anyone can spare a few minutes to just go through a few of her videos or offer some advice in the comments there, I’d appreciate it.

This was her latest vlog and one where she kind of touches on a little bit of what she’s been running into, though still not nearly as in-depth as what we’ve discussed in person; however briefly.

Sorry if this derailed anything. Normally wouldn’t make a request of anyone in this way, but I’m just really worried she might start slipping back into depression if things don’t keep improving...
I suggest seeking out your local LGBTQA+ community center. The center I go to has a few trans support groups that meet weekly. I hope your friend's situation improves.
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,548
This Grindr/Scruff app dating stuff is rough. I hate being ghosted on after a morning of intimacy weeks ago. That and all the non-responses. It just makes me feel like I'm ugly because I don't get much activity with messages and the like. I'm okay, though. Just in a negative head space!
 
This Grindr/Scruff app dating stuff is rough. I hate being ghosted on after a morning of intimacy weeks ago. That and all the non-responses. It just makes me feel like I'm ugly because I don't get much activity with messages and the like. I'm okay, though. Just in a negative head space!
I'm not one who thinks I'm super attractive by any means but once I was able to let go of the "they're not responding because I'm ugly" thing I felt so much better. Hopefully you'll get there too!
 
Oct 26, 2017
1,167
I'm sorry to hear that. I've been going through some things lately myself and have been doing a lot of that too. I hope you feel better soon, and I hope their surgery goes well.
That sucks, hope all goes well. If you're looking for other relaxing/beautiful OST's I can recommend the Star Onions' renditions of different FFXI songs. Always have it on whenever I wanna zone out :)
Thank you very much for your kind words :-) I'm feeling a little better today. I'm worried sick about my friend, but there is nothing I can do about it expect being there for him. Everything should be fine, but he is someone very important to me, so the emotional part of my mind goes overdrive (can't really say that to him though, he already has enough on his plate as is).
Thank you DrainedSpirit for the recommendation. I happen to love FFXI's OST (I think the moment I was genuinely captivated was when I reached Gustaberg as a level 10 character doing its pilgrimage from San d'Oria to Bastok - damn that music is good, and it really felt like a reward to reach that area and to be greeted by that splendid piece), and I didn't know about this lovely revisited soundtrack by the Star Onions.
 
Oct 25, 2017
639
Canada
I'm tryna find a summer boy, and it's so hard in this small town. Someone please just give me the D and all their affection without expecting commitment! I had it good with this one guy I was seeing over the winter, but he caught feelings and went psycho on me. :(
 
Oct 28, 2017
1,260
This Grindr/Scruff app dating stuff is rough. I hate being ghosted on after a morning of intimacy weeks ago. That and all the non-responses. It just makes me feel like I'm ugly because I don't get much activity with messages and the like. I'm okay, though. Just in a negative head space!
Yeah I'm actually starting to really dislike the way people act on there. I swear it's like talking to bots sometimes. They don't communicate like real people. I've lost track of the number of times someone who dropped off while chatting messages me again later like I'm a new person.

And this expectation that I will send stats, pics of every detail before people want to meet also winds me up.

I mean just look at this:

...
 
Nov 11, 2017
1,871
Florida
Yeah I'm actually starting to really dislike the way people act on there. I swear it's like talking to bots sometimes. They don't communicate like real people. I've lost track of the number of times someone who dropped off while chatting messages me again later like I'm a new person.

And this expectation that I will send stats, pics of every detail before people want to meet also winds me up.

I mean just look at this:

...
There's a guy in my area who is creepy af so I blocked him. every few days or so he deletes his account and then messages me or taps me and i block him. Over and over and over and over. There's no way that I can find to report him for harassment but he's clearly getting the same treatment from other people but knows that making a new account will let him see everyone again.
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,548
I got gently put down as "Sorry. You're not my type," on Grindr. I did not know people could be so pleasant. lol I wished him a good weekend and moved on. Currently talking to this jock tribe guy on Grindr. We'll see if anything happens. I accidentally deleted the app last week, and lost contact with someone else I was in a deep conversation with, which sucked. :(

As an aside, no wonder I haven't gotten a PM invite to the Discord, Sai hasn't been on in about a week. Hope Sai's doing well!
 
Oct 25, 2017
482
I got gently put down as "Sorry. You're not my type," on Grindr. I did not know people could be so pleasant. lol I wished him a good weekend and moved on. Currently talking to this jock tribe guy on Grindr. We'll see if anything happens. I accidentally deleted the app last week, and lost contact with someone else I was in a deep conversation with, which sucked. :(

As an aside, no wonder I haven't gotten a PM invite to the Discord, Sai hasn't been on in about a week. Hope Sai's doing well!
Sai got temp banned as part of the Avengers: Endgame forum game IIRC.
 
Oct 28, 2017
399
Hey everyone. I’m new to this thread, I’m a pansexual-guy (previously questioning). I’m from the midlands, UK and extremely recently single. Realised I don’t actually have many LGBT friends or people to talk to so thought I’d join in here.

Not sure if that’s the proper way to enter this thread, but ehh, I tried!

Hope you’re all good!
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,548
I can't deal with "youre not my type" I always press further after that and its something stupid like race or height.
He said he was looking for someone "masculine" in his profile, so I guess I wasn't masculine enough with my "I like to cuddle" line in my bio. ha At least that's my assumption. Too many other good looking guys to message than worry about someone like that. :)

Hey everyone. I’m new to this thread, I’m a pansexual-guy (previously questioning). I’m from the midlands, UK and extremely recently single. Realised I don’t actually have many LGBT friends or people to talk to so thought I’d join in here.

Not sure if that’s the proper way to enter this thread, but ehh, I tried!

Hope you’re all good!
Welcome, welcome! Sure, there was no flashy entrance or anything with fireworks and stuff, but that was a proper way to enter the thread to me!
 
Apr 14, 2018
675
Canada
Hope it's not too long of a temp ban. I need some real-time discussion. lol :)
They get unbanned after the premiere, which is next Friday, I think?

For the record I'd like a discord invite too, please :)

Hey everyone. I’m new to this thread, I’m a pansexual-guy (previously questioning). I’m from the midlands, UK and extremely recently single. Realised I don’t actually have many LGBT friends or people to talk to so thought I’d join in here.

Not sure if that’s the proper way to enter this thread, but ehh, I tried!

Hope you’re all good!
Welcome! Sparklers are usually the accepted way of joining but I think you've done just fine.
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,548
Ah, neat-o. I'm so out of the loop on the MCU stuff. ha
Only saw Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Let's see if I can get this function working:
You need to reply to this in order to see this content.
That's in case I want to share a pic but am too self-conscious to do so for all passersby.
 
Oct 28, 2017
399
They get unbanned after the premiere, which is next Friday, I think?

For the record I'd like a discord invite too, please :)


Welcome! Sparklers are usually the accepted way of joining but I think you've done just fine.
Think so? I almost took part but backed out. Been fun following the thread though heh

Discord wouldn’t be too bad either! I’ll try bring Sparklers there
 
Apr 14, 2018
675
Canada
Ah, neat-o. I'm so out of the loop on the MCU stuff. ha
Only saw Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Let's see if I can get this function working:
[Hidden content]

That's in case I want to share a pic but am too self-conscious to do so for all passersby.
I just logged out to check for you and it's working, so you're good!

Hello, everyone. I'm still new to this section of the forum.
Welcome!
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,548
After dealing with an eating disorder in high school, and having body image and self-confidence issues ever since, I've been trying to keep a positive outlook and doing things to feel better about myself. I'm putting myself out there more, and I'm also taking more pictures of myself (something that I really loathed doing), embracing who I am, faults and all. There's roadblocks, like wondering why people don't respond to messages I send on Grindr/Scruff (like 1 out of 20, maybe, if even that ha), and then falling into a negative downward spiral of thoughts from there, but I'm trying my best.

I recently came out as bi, and my mom's having problems being comfortable of the idea of me with other guys in a relationship setting. Haven't told my dad yet because I just reconnected with him after a long time apart. But, I'm in a good place overall.

Also, I forget, is this the thread where we sometimes share Instagrams to follow our fellow LGBTQ ERA friends, or am I thinking of a different off-topic ERA group? My old age of 33 is making me forgetful. :P
 
I'm so conflicted... I haven't had anything serious in a very long time, over a decade, not cause i didn't want to, but life got in a way. My mom had cancer, i took care of her for 6 years, and now 2 years after her death (which destroyed me emotionally for a long time, and still kinda is) i'm kinda ready to enjoy my life again. So i had sex here and there (sometimes really a lot), and there was this one guy who was really into me, and we met like 2-3 times a month, had fun, he even cooked, and i slept over. At first i didn't like sleeping over, but then i kinda got into it and enjoyed it.

But here is a catch. First, we never talked about relationship, cause i met him on Grindr, so i didn't think about it in that way. I just told him, i don't want to know what he is doing when i'm not around, i mean it's his life, he should enjoy it, but just don't tell me about other guys. Then one night he just wrote me, that he had sex with a guy, and he is telling me cause he likes me, and respects me. I was so confused why he did this, why he hurt me on purpose, and i had to think about him having sex with other guys all the time from that day, cause he planted a seed in my head, that was growing and growing. We talked about it, and i'm pretty straight forward person, i don't hide my emotions/feelings, and he admitted that he wanted to test how i feel about him... i mean, why? He is almost 40, why playing such childish games? But okay, maybe he got hurt a lot in the past, and this is his way of dealing with his emotions, or something else.

Second problem is, he wants an open relationship, and i don't know if i'm into something like that. Or maybe i would be, if everything progressed naturally, you know what i mean? If we dated for few months, had fun like crazy kids, and then wanted to open it more or whatever, this kinda of naturally progression. I mean, i haven't had one before, so i can't really say if it's for me or not, but demanding from the beginning this in that, i feel like he put me in a corner, where i don't have any room to move around, no room to feel comfortable.

I kinda know that he is not good for me, and that he is still playing games, but i kinda like him, and it saddens me, that we couldn't be so much more... But, i have learned through him, that i'm ready to fall in love again, to have fun, to relax, and that's a good thing.


After dealing with an eating disorder in high school, and having body image and self-confidence issues ever since, I've been trying to keep a positive outlook and doing things to feel better about myself. I'm putting myself out there more, and I'm also taking more pictures of myself (something that I really loathed doing), embracing who I am, faults and all. There's roadblocks, like wondering why people don't respond to messages I send on Grindr/Scruff (like 1 out of 20, maybe, if even that ha), and then falling into a negative downward spiral of thoughts from there, but I'm trying my best.

I recently came out as bi, and my mom's having problems being comfortable of the idea of me with other guys in a relationship setting. Haven't told my dad yet because I just reconnected with him after a long time apart. But, I'm in a good place overall.

Also, I forget, is this the thread where we sometimes share Instagrams to follow our fellow LGBTQ ERA friends, or am I thinking of a different off-topic ERA group? My old age of 33 is making me forgetful. :P
Yeah, you will get used to it that some people don't respond. I just think, we can't be to everyones taste, i also don't like everyone (that's not possible), so if someone does not respond, i just shrug and move on. Don't think to much about it, cause it's pointless, especially on Grindr ;).

Congrats on coming out! You feel better now?

Sharing insta-accounts here is actually kinda nice idea!

How on Earth did I just wake up more tired than when I went to sleep? That shouldn't be possible.
Happens to me all the time, when i sleep to much XD
 
Oct 25, 2017
639
Canada
Phil32 I've been following you on Insta for a while now, and based on the brief story you just posted, I can tell you've come quite a way already! I can see those sparks of genuine happiness and confidence, not only in your appearance, but also in your own self/personality through the captions and hashtags you use. It's a journey, but you'll learn a lot about yourself along the way.

It's important to remember your own self-worth, and not let the actions of others interfere with this journey that you're on. Especially in this digital age where people can be as cold and callous as they want online while remaining [mostly] anonymous and not facing any real consequences. Also, in the dating world, there is a good chance a lot of people won't be interested in you. You can't be everyone's type, just like not everyone is yours. 1 out of 10 really isn't that bad of a ratio, lol.

Also, for what it's worth, I think you're cute :)
 
I'm so conflicted... I haven't had anything serious in a very long time, over a decade, not cause i didn't want to, but life got in a way. My mom had cancer, i took care of her for 6 years, and now 2 years after her death (which destroyed me emotionally for a long time, and still kinda is) i'm kinda ready to enjoy my life again. So i had sex here and there (sometimes really a lot), and there was this one guy who was really into me, and we met like 2-3 times a month, had fun, he even cooked, and i slept over. At first i didn't like sleeping over, but then i kinda got into it and enjoyed it.

But here is a catch. First, we never talked about relationship, cause i met him on Grindr, so i didn't think about it in that way. I just told him, i don't want to know what he is doing when i'm not around, i mean it's his life, he should enjoy it, but just don't tell me about other guys. Then one night he just wrote me, that he had sex with a guy, and he is telling me cause he likes me, and respects me. I was so confused why he did this, why he hurt me on purpose, and i had to think about him having sex with other guys all the time from that day, cause he planted a seed in my head, that was growing and growing. We talked about it, and i'm pretty straight forward person, i don't hide my emotions/feelings, and he admitted that he wanted to test how i feel about him... i mean, why? He is almost 40, why playing such childish games? But okay, maybe he got hurt a lot in the past, and this is his way of dealing with his emotions, or something else.

Second problem is, he wants an open relationship, and i don't know if i'm into something like that. Or maybe i would be, if everything progressed naturally, you know what i mean? If we dated for few months, had fun like crazy kids, and then wanted to open it more or whatever, this kinda of naturally progression. I mean, i haven't had one before, so i can't really say if it's for me or not, but demanding from the beginning this in that, i feel like he put me in a corner, where i don't have any room to move around, no room to feel comfortable.

I kinda know that he is not good for me, and that he is still playing games, but i kinda like him, and it saddens me, that we couldn't be so much more... But, i have learned through him, that i'm ready to fall in love again, to have fun, to relax, and that's a good thing.




Yeah, you will get used to it that some people don't respond. I just think, we can't be to everyones taste, i also don't like everyone (that's not possible), so if someone does not respond, i just shrug and move on. Don't think to much about it, cause it's pointless, especially on Grindr ;).

Congrats on coming out! You feel better now?

Sharing insta-accounts here is actually kinda nice idea!



Happens to me all the time, when i sleep to much XD
Yeah, I think I'd avoid the guy, or at least avoid getting into a relationship with him, if I were you. Aside from the head games he's apparently playing, open relationships require a lot of honestly and trust from both parties and they typically require more than one conversation for someone who's never been in one to get used to. If you really want to try it and he's serious about being with you, he'll give you some time to figure out how you feel about the arrangement and not pressure you.
 
Oct 26, 2017
654
I'm at a low point emotionally lately. Not the worst I've been, that would be my suicide attempt last year, but I just feel like no one finds me sexually attractive anymore and I wonder if I should just be celibate for the rest of my life. Shit sucks. Doesn't help that I moved to a new town when I'm used to city life and know no one here outside of family and my work schedule sucks. Graveyard shift and Tuesdays and Wednesdays off.
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,548
Tunichtgut I do feel better. It's just hard, as I think that even in the LGBTQ community, there's a section of people who think that being bi isn't a valid thing. I've been passed by folks who have said some really ignorant things about bisexuals, like for instance, someone on OKCupid said that I wouldn't be faithful to him because I'd need "the other gender, too". >_>

Tanooki Aw, you're sweet! What was your Insta account again?

Thanks to both of you for your positive responses and support!

As an aside, I'm just going to be bold and brave and put my Instagram here since I remembered we have shared our accounts here before:

https://www.instagram.com/philstortzum/

Would love to connect with other fabulous ERA folks!
 
Oct 28, 2017
2,548
I'm at a low point emotionally lately. Not the worst I've been, that would be my suicide attempt last year, but I just feel like no one finds me sexually attractive anymore and I wonder if I should just be celibate for the rest of my life. Shit sucks. Doesn't help that I moved to a new town when I'm used to city life and know no one here outside of family and my work schedule sucks. Graveyard shift and Tuesdays and Wednesdays off.
I know I'm double posting, but I wanted to dedicate a response to this separately. I definitely know all about the feeling of thinking that no one found me sexually attractive. I mean, I'm 33 and I've honestly never had an actual romantic relationship, and this year was my first real sexual experience. It made me fill myself with negative thoughts which spiraled out of control. I thought things like, "If no one found me attractive when I was young"--which by the way was a falsehood and just my negative, emotional mind speaking to me and not my logical part of mind--"then no one will ever find me attractive now that I'm older." We can't give in to our negative, emotional mind! We have to fight back against it! I can bet there's a big part of you that knows you're still sexually attractive and can find someone to make you happy, but currently the negative part of your mind is trying to beat that part down.

I might have just rambled there, but I hope I helped some, regardless!
 
There's a guy in my area who is creepy af so I blocked him. every few days or so he deletes his account and then messages me or taps me and i block him. Over and over and over and over. There's no way that I can find to report him for harassment but he's clearly getting the same treatment from other people but knows that making a new account will let him see everyone again.
Grindr is awful with this, I was being harassed for a while, and he also started to use my picture, I kept reporting and banning him but he kept popping up for weeks. I wonder if Grindr actually managed to get rid of him, or he just got bored.
 
Oct 27, 2017
637
Germany
Yeah, I think I'd avoid the guy, or at least avoid getting into a relationship with him, if I were you. Aside from the head games he's apparently playing, open relationships require a lot of honestly and trust from both parties and they typically require more than one conversation for someone who's never been in one to get used to. If you really want to try it and he's serious about being with you, he'll give you some time to figure out how you feel about the arrangement and not pressure you.
Yeah, the whole situation is awkward, and i also feel, like it's the best for me, not to start anything serious with him. Like i said, i don't know if open relationship is for me or not, but being said from the beginning only this or nothing is weird. Thank you for your input :).

Phil32
How old was this guy who said that to you? I mean, when i was younger i also had that thought, but rather cause i was insecure that i wouldn't be enough, and that the other guy would also need a woman from time to time, which is stupid.
 
Oct 26, 2017
654
I know I'm double posting, but I wanted to dedicate a response to this separately. I definitely know all about the feeling of thinking that no one found me sexually attractive. I mean, I'm 33 and I've honestly never had an actual romantic relationship, and this year was my first real sexual experience. It made me fill myself with negative thoughts which spiraled out of control. I thought things like, "If no one found me attractive when I was young"--which by the way was a falsehood and just my negative, emotional mind speaking to me and not my logical part of mind--"then no one will ever find me attractive now that I'm older." We can't give in to our negative, emotional mind! We have to fight back against it! I can bet there's a big part of you that knows you're still sexually attractive and can find someone to make you happy, but currently the negative part of your mind is trying to beat that part down.

I might have just rambled there, but I hope I helped some, regardless!
It's just hard to meet people with my work schedule and I feel like I just work and sleep at this point. I guess I just need to learn to be happy with what I got. I know from personal experience that it could be worse. Thanks for the response.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,464
Sorry guys I havent been in this thread and I saw people wanted discord invites so I sent them out. I'm one of the other mods on the Discord so if anyone needs any invite just tell me.

ALSO as an update I'm single atm and when I finally found someone who I super clicked with turns out they are straight. Just my luck who will like my nerdy ass ;_;.
 
Nov 9, 2017
847
Social media and hook-up sites/apps are too much of a headache for me. The cons seem to outweight the pros 9 times out of 10 (not to mention how these things are devastating for one's self image).

Sadly, for some, finding other people to meet can be quite the ordeal, and thus you have no choice but to use these. "Damn if you do, damn if you don't".
Interesting article, and I think it's true. Especially when you're very picky....

But nowadays I only use Grindr for networking.