LGBTQera |ERA1| (We're Queer)

firehawk12

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,744
I'm doing a bit of processing for a queer archive, and I came across a note from the 90s by someone who was REALLY angry that someone would use the word "Queer" to describe... well, the queer community (there was a course on Queer film being advertised). It's interesting because I remember when I first used the term "Queer studies" outside of academia back in the 2000s and someone told me that I was being offensive and I was just confused because I didn't know what I was saying wrong.

Anyway that just reminded me of how that word was re-claimed in the last 20-30 years and became normalized in less than a generation, perhaps much to the chagrin to people who would probably be in their 60s or older now.
 

Manipular

Member
Oct 27, 2017
468
Detroit, MI
I'm doing a bit of processing for a queer archive, and I came across a note from the 90s by someone who was REALLY angry that someone would use the word "Queer" to describe... well, the queer community (there was a course on Queer film being advertised). It's interesting because I remember when I first used the term "Queer studies" outside of academia back in the 2000s and someone told me that I was being offensive and I was just confused because I didn't know what I was saying wrong.

Anyway that just reminded me of how that word was re-claimed in the last 20-30 years and became normalized in less than a generation, perhaps much to the chagrin to people who would probably be in their 60s or older now.
Yeah, it is kinda funny to look at stuff like that in hindsight but I know quite a few older members of the LGBT community who aren't nearly as comfortable with the word as people my age are. It's understandable. I myself wasn't comfortable using it until about 3 or 4 years ago.

It also makes me think about how the word "fag" will be perceived in a few more decades. Myself and several of my queer friends jokingly use it all the time but again, I can name just as many people who don't think the word should be used under any circumstances. It's more of a mixed bag than with "queer", I think.
 

firehawk12

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,744
Yeah, it is kinda funny to look at stuff like that in hindsight but I know quite a few older members of the LGBT community who aren't nearly as comfortable with the word as people my age are. It's understandable. I myself wasn't comfortable using it until about 3 or 4 years ago.

It also makes me think about how the word "fag" will be perceived in a few more decades. Myself and several of my queer friends jokingly use it all the time but again, I can name just as many people who don't think the word should be used under any circumstances. It's more of a mixed bag than with "queer", I think.
Yeah, it's a strange quirk that I forgot about until I saw that note. The form had like three blank lines for feedback and this person went on for a page about how people shouldn't use it.

It's also funny because, perhaps again in academia, "fag" has also been kind of normalized. I was in a class where we talked about "performative faggotry" (which I still think is a hilarious term I kind of want to use in real life), but I can understand that "normal" people would at least raise an eyebrow at it.

(Although I know Dan Savage uses it a lot on his podcast too come to think of it)
 
OP
OP
Sai

Sai

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,325
Chicago
happy almost-pride month, everyone! this is your somewhat semi-annual reminder that we have a lovely Discord channel where you can chat a little more freely and shitpost a little more than usual! feel free to pm myself, Delio, Sibylus, or kitchenmotors to get an invite! we'd be happy to get even more of you in the server, we've almost got about 150 people who've joined in total :D
 

lokiduck

The Fallen
Mar 27, 2019
604
Washington
Thanks to the avatar thread, I now have an appropriate avie for pride month and I am hyped yo. (Part of that is because my friends are coming with me to pride this year) I even wore my bi colors tie dye shirt to work today.
 

daripad

The Fallen
Oct 29, 2017
243
Happy pride month peaple :)


Yesterday was the pride parade in my city, but I'm still closeted to my family so I couldn't attend again, but I hope next year is finally the year I march.
 

Sheentak

Member
Oct 25, 2017
432
Not sure if i should leave this here or Transera but for Pridge Granblue fantasy has a event going on where the Transwomen Ladvia is the main focus and well Twitter is loving her, I even made a thread about it.

People seem to be really happy about her on twitter, IF you search Granblue, Ladvia its great to see so many people happy with some representation.
 

JCX

Member
Oct 25, 2017
632
Lighting looks really' cool whitehawk !

I get kind of anxious during June in a fomo way because there are so many events, especially since it's WORLDPRIDE (whatever that is) in New York. I only plan to do one big party, but mostly want to chill with my friends.
 

lokiduck

The Fallen
Mar 27, 2019
604
Washington
I've gotten to know one of the queer ladies at my work, and she has basically become my in for knowing about any queer events going on my county which is both cool and nerve-wracking because I'm an introvert who prefers to stay at home when I can. But hey at least I now have the option to get to hang with more queer peeps if I want to, and maybe I'll actually meet more people.
 

Nostremitus

Member
Nov 15, 2017
3,330
I'm not a member of an LGBTQ+ community, but I hope it's OK that I post here. I caught an interview on NPR on the way home and wanted to share.

Ty Herndon re-released his iconic country song "What Mattered Most" but this time he sang it with the original lyrics that he couldn't include on the 1995 release.


Happy Pride!
 

RatskyWatsky

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,607
I'm not a member of an LGBTQ+ community, but I hope it's OK that I post here. I caught an interview on NPR on the way home and wanted to share.

Ty Herndon re-released his iconic country song "What Mattered Most" but this time he sang it with the original lyrics that he couldn't include on the 1995 release.


Happy Pride!
:)
 

X05

Member
Oct 25, 2017
388
Guess it's time
  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? Cis male
  • Your sexual orientation? Bi
  • Where Are You From? Uruguay
  • Where Do You Live? Uruguay
  • How Old Are you? 32
  • Favorite Type of Music? Rock, Metal, Punk, Indie, and many others
  • Profession or Career interest? Software Engineer
  • Favorite video game(s)? I haven't been gaming much lately so I have a pretty insane backlog, but anyway: LucasArts point and click stuff, Metroid series, RE4, Mario games, Smash, and a bunch more
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Watching movies/shows, listening to music, reading, hanging with friends, doing exercises, and some other stuff
So I came out this year, first to a guy I met last year that had me lovestruck, he was actually the first guy (and only so far) that ever interested me. My first kiss with a guy was with him, and even though we had our up and downs throughout the year, we were working towards something nice.
Or so I thought, yesterday he broke my heart in a pretty awful way.
And as mad, angry, frustrated, disappointed and everything else that I am right now because it fucking hurts like a bitch, I don't hate him... I'm still in love with him, and that's probably what hurts the most.
Happy pride everyone.
 

GameShrink

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,621
Hey Trans-Era, looking for some feedback regarding a complex issue. The campus I work at has a large trans population, and this is coming up more frequently in the students I counsel.

How does the community feel about cis straight men who are interested in dating trans men (and, though it seems to be more of a rarity, cis straight women who are interested in dating trans women)?

As in, these men and women will only date people of the opposite birth gender, including those who have transitioned, but will not date people who are of the same birth gender as themselves.

Thanks in advance for your insights!
 
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Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,757
Hey Trans-Era, looking for some feedback regarding a complex issue. The campus I work at has a large trans population, and this is coming up more frequently in the students I counsel.

How does the community feel about cis straight men who are interested in dating trans men (and, though it seems to be more of a rarity, cis straight women who are interested in dating trans women)?

As in, these men and women will only date people of the opposite birth gender, including those who have transitioned, but will not date people who are of the same birth gender as themselves.
It's kind of a tricky subject to tackle in that it really depends on their reasoning for dating someone based on birth gender. Typically, this is how I look at situations like this from my own point of view as a transwoman. Usually, when a straight cis man sits down and says that he is only interested in ciswomen and transmen while identifying as straight it does give off a vibe that they aren't taking the gender identity of the transmen seriously and that they still see them as women in some way.

It's entirely possible that they might not be completely straight, but they aren't comfortable moving past that label or talking about feelings beyond that. Or that they have a preference for certain genitals, or any other number of reasons. People are free to identify as they like, and date who they like, but it does make me wonder how they really feel about their partner's identity when it's that specific. If they do see them as men and everyone involved is happy, then it's honestly fine.
 

GameShrink

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,621
It's kind of a tricky subject to tackle in that it really depends on their reasoning for dating someone based on birth gender. Typically, this is how I look at situations like this from my own point of view as a transwoman. Usually, when a straight cis man sits down and says that he is only interested in ciswomen and transmen while identifying as straight it does give off a vibe that they aren't taking the gender identity of the transmen seriously and that they still see them as women in some way.

It's entirely possible that they might not be completely straight, but they aren't comfortable moving past that label or talking about feelings beyond that. Or that they have a preference for certain genitals, or any other number of reasons. People are free to identify as they like, and date who they like, but it does make me wonder how they really feel about their partner's identity when it's that specific. If they do see them as men and everyone involved is happy, then it's honestly fine.
Thanks for the feedback!

I felt similarly, and this leads me to something I've been grappling with as a result: What if they simply see the person as a trans man? A separate category altogether.

Some of the trans students I counsel are frustrated by straight-identifying partners who view them this way, but I find it hard to view their partners as close-minded or bigoted because they aren't saying "I still view you as a woman," but instead "I view you as a trans man, which is different from a woman, but also not quite the same for me as a man."

It's tricky, especially as the students' belief that "people's chosen gender identity is paramount" and their partners' belief that "gender is nebulous and should never be fixated on" are both progressive viewpoints that are totally at odds with each other.
 

Aarglefarg

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,040
Guess it's time
  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? Cis male
  • Your sexual orientation? Bi
  • Where Are You From? Uruguay
  • Where Do You Live? Uruguay
  • How Old Are you? 32
  • Favorite Type of Music? Rock, Metal, Punk, Indie, and many others
  • Profession or Career interest? Software Engineer
  • Favorite video game(s)? I haven't been gaming much lately so I have a pretty insane backlog, but anyway: LucasArts point and click stuff, Metroid series, RE4, Mario games, Smash, and a bunch more
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Watching movies/shows, listening to music, reading, hanging with friends, doing exercises, and some other stuff
So I came out this year, first to a guy I met last year that had me lovestruck, he was actually the first guy (and only so far) that ever interested me. My first kiss with a guy was with him, and even though we had our up and downs throughout the year, we were working towards something nice.
Or so I thought, yesterday he broke my heart in a pretty awful way.
And as mad, angry, frustrated, disappointed and everything else that I am right now because it fucking hurts like a bitch, I don't hate him... I'm still in love with him, and that's probably what hurts the most.
Happy pride everyone.
Welcome, but sorry about the circumstances.
 

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,757
Thanks for the feedback!

I felt similarly, and this leads me to something I've been grappling with as a result: What if they simply see the person as a trans man? A separate category altogether.

Some of the trans students I counsel are frustrated by straight-identifying partners who view them this way, but I find it hard to view their partners as close-minded or bigoted because they aren't saying "I still view you as a woman," but instead "I view you as a trans man, which is different from a woman, but also not quite the same for me as a man."

It's tricky, especially as the students' belief that "people's chosen gender identity is paramount" and their partners' belief that "gender is nebulous and should never be fixated on" are both progressive viewpoints that are totally at odds with each other.
Personally speaking, I would not be a fan of hearing that someone does not see me as a woman, but as something else entirely. I would honestly be pretty hurt to hear that from someone close to me, and I would hope that we could talk things through to help them understand that I am a woman, albeit one who has had a different experience than ciswomen. Do you know why they see trans people as not quite men or women?
 

Berordn

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,676
Orlando, FL
Apparently I'm (so far) celebrating Pride by getting really mad at timely/relevant injustices in the news.
And they all seem to happen more frequently during the month :(
The Crowder harassment stuff (specifically YouTube's response) would've pissed me off and had me reconsidering some subscriptions that I had, but the fact that Maza got the response he did from a rainbow YouTube logo actually got me to unsubscribe from a bunch of Google services and reconsider my stance on certain corporations.

So I guess Pride is awakening my inner Marxist. That's probably a good thing?
 

Soupman Prime

The Fallen
Nov 8, 2017
2,542
Boston, MA
Have a Saturday off and weather was just gorgeous. I’m here at the Common and the crowd is just insane. Been to a few chmapionship parades and this just feels so much bigger.

No idea where the straight pride parade is but I hope it doesn’t even have a tenth of people showing up.
 

overcast

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,353
Boston pride was awesome. Was only able to go for a few hours but the crowd was just insane. Wish I was able to stay longer but gotta go back home (LA).
 

GameShrink

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,621
Personally speaking, I would not be a fan of hearing that someone does not see me as a woman, but as something else entirely. I would honestly be pretty hurt to hear that from someone close to me, and I would hope that we could talk things through to help them understand that I am a woman, albeit one who has had a different experience than ciswomen. Do you know why they see trans people as not quite men or women?
The general impression I get is that they see gender as nonbinary.

I had one boyfriend articulate his feelings quite reasonably, saying to his trans male partner: "Before you started identifying as a man, you would always talk about how malleable and complex gender is, and I agreed with you. Now that you're a man, you suddenly act like you're super-invested in the gender binary, to the point where you're desperate to erase anything about you that you think is feminine." I ended up writing this verbatim in my notes, it's quite the conundrum.

Having advised this particular trans male student for years, I also told him that I felt his fixation on the way others perceived his gender was destructive. I still feel that way, and it's a common source of anguish within this population.
 

umop 3pisdn

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,699
And they all seem to happen more frequently during the month :(
Yep. It's almost like emboldened bigots can't help themselves, how odd lol :(

The Crowder harassment stuff (specifically YouTube's response) would've pissed me off and had me reconsidering some subscriptions that I had, but the fact that Maza got the response he did from a rainbow YouTube logo actually got me to unsubscribe from a bunch of Google services and reconsider my stance on certain corporations.

So I guess Pride is awakening my inner Marxist. That's probably a good thing?
Same! I already use mostly duckduckgo as my search engine, so now I guess it's goodbye gmail, hello protonmail? It's kind of impossible to cease using youtube entirely, but I'm thinking of ceasing using my youtube account & get on a vpn so they can't watch my engagement as easily, and maybe keep track of things via some unified bookmark system? Idk maybe it's fortunate to learn a more absolute lesson that these tech companies are not our friends.

And yeah time to actually read Marx! Normally I have a bit of difficulty with the firmness of more materialist philosophy. I'm normally the kind of kook that favors the fuzzy impressionist outlines of Hegel, or other kinds of continental conceptual dialectical stuff with no apparent concern for being penetrable or situated within any kind of practical action (Cuck Philosophy is probably my favorite leftist youtuber, and I like his videos on Derrida the most, as someone who hasn't read him yet, lol). So if our current conditions can get me interested in trying to learn about more concretely objective things like the global economy, foreign policy, workers unions, governmental structure, etc, then we're probably in dire trouble lol :p
 

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,757
The general impression I get is that they see gender as nonbinary.

I had one boyfriend articulate his feelings quite reasonably, saying to his trans male partner: "Before you started identifying as a man, you would always talk about how malleable and complex gender is, and I agreed with you. Now that you're a man, you suddenly act like you're super-invested in the gender binary, to the point where you're desperate to erase anything about you that you think is feminine." I ended up writing this verbatim in my notes, it's quite the conundrum.

Having advised this particular trans male student for years, I also told him that I felt his fixation on the way others perceived his gender was destructive. I still feel that way, and it's a common source of anguish within this population.
Gender can be malleable and complex while also having people who are a part of the binary though. Non-binary people are completely valid and wonderful, but I don't consider myself to be one of them and completely identify as a woman. I'm not exactly a super feminine person despite being a transwoman, but that does not somehow make me less of a woman because of that.

This is also a catch-22 that a lot of trans people have experience with and is kind of frustrating. If I don't act feminine enough, then people do not see me as a woman or as valid, while if I act too feminine, I can face accusations of trying to play into a stereotype by changing everything about myself. I do agree that your student is fixated on how other people see him, but that is harder to break away from than you think. Everything from pronouns, to how others treat you, all the way down towards a situation like receiving handshakes from people while my girlfriend gets hugs exist to remind us that some people don't actually see us as we identify and we're reminded of that in the moment.

Ultimately, acceptance has to come from within first and foremost, and that is the most important aspect of being trans, but the way that others treat us can and does have an impact on a lot of us. No one gets to decide who we are, but it really feels like this boyfriend is trying to argue against your student's identity and I don't feel great about that honestly. I would probably ask him why he does not see your student as a man, and why he feels that he knows something as intimate as someone's gender identity better than your student. Not in an accusatory way or anything, but more in trying to get him to really think about what expectations he has from your student now that he is transitioning.
 

Kaseoki

Member
Oct 27, 2017
484
Happy pride guys! I'm quite disheartened to see all the bigotry and homophobia on Xbox and PlayStation's Instagram pages. Majority of comments seem to be moaning about how pride month and all the rainbow stuff. Why are people so horrible :(
 
Oct 26, 2017
160
  • Female
  • Asexual (the best kind of sexual in my opinion because you can always say you're an ace)
  • from California but live in St Louis for now (want so much to move back to Brooklyn)
  • I'm cold and old not hot and ready (I'm 30)
  • I listen to podcasts over music
  • Manager at a debt collection agency--wanted to be a comic book artist but life doesn't work out the way you want
  • I like watching people play games instead of playing them
  • Drawing, reading manga, and pursuing cooking stuff

    Happy pride month and every month!
A print I did representing myself and some of my friends in our prideful glory

 

Delphine

Member
Mar 30, 2018
759
France
Oh hey. Name's Delphine.

  • Cis Woman
  • Bisexual
  • France
  • 31
  • Indie, Electronic, Industrial, Post Rock, Kpop and all sort of genres really.
  • Freelance Artist
  • Journey, Horizon: Zero Dawn & Dragon Age: Inquisition
  • Art, Games, Movies, TV Shows, Books, Cats & Tea

Took my time posting here at last. Still struggling to feel legitimate in the LGBT fam, because bi-erasure is real, and because I'm in a straight-passing relationship. Came to terms with the fact I was bi (honestly bi or pan I don't know which to really use, I default to bi as a habit) something like 5 years ago. I always kinda knew in the back of my head, since I have been attracted and had crushes on women throughout my life (I remember having a huge crush on my 9th grade math teacher, among others), but finally came to terms with using the proper word for it, and came out to my friends and partner back then. I don't think my parents would ever approve if I flat-out said I was bi so I never really properly came out to them, although I have not been subtle and always talked about the possibility of me falling in love with a girl. Whether they think I was serious or just defiant about it, is another thing though. I'm not sure I'm interested in involving them anyway, it's not their business. Didn't came out to my brothers either (although they'd most likely be OK with it), but I think they already kinda know anyway, for reasons stated above. It's also hard to feel legitimacy as a bi person when I never really had a proper relationship with a woman yet. To be fair, I have had only 2 partners throughout my entire life so it's not as if I'm huge on relationships in the first place. And I have had opportunities that I missed due to timing, or just because I wasn't mentally ready for anything anyway (and that is more related to my own emotional growth being a slow one, than to anything else here). So yeah, I took my time going there and feeling confident enough to claim it, and I know that I'm largely benefiting from straight-looking privilege in which I can hide in my closet more easily than most LGBT folks can do, and ugh, yeah, sorry about that. It's a weird place to be in.

I saw this comic on Twitter some days ago, and I felt seen while reading it. It was highly relatable to me.

 
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Berordn

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,676
Orlando, FL
Same! I already use mostly duckduckgo as my search engine, so now I guess it's goodbye gmail, hello protonmail? It's kind of impossible to cease using youtube entirely, but I'm thinking of ceasing using my youtube account & get on a vpn so they can't watch my engagement as easily, and maybe keep track of things via some unified bookmark system? Idk maybe it's fortunate to learn a more absolute lesson that these tech companies are not our friends.

And yeah time to actually read Marx! Normally I have a bit of difficulty with the firmness of more materialist philosophy. I'm normally the kind of kook that favors the fuzzy impressionist outlines of Hegel, or other kinds of continental conceptual dialectical stuff with no apparent concern for being penetrable or situated within any kind of practical action (Cuck Philosophy is probably my favorite leftist youtuber, and I like his videos on Derrida the most, as someone who hasn't read him yet, lol). So if our current conditions can get me interested in trying to learn about more concretely objective things like the global economy, foreign policy, workers unions, governmental structure, etc, then we're probably in dire trouble lol :p
Yeah, it's hard to just excise YouTube from my media diet because it basically is the medium of hosted video. Gmail's been my primary address for a lot of stuff, professional and otherwise so I can't just gut it, though I like the idea of not giving them my YT metrics. It is encouraging me to use something other than Chrome, though. Firefox is still free and now that I've freed myself from Chrome Password Manager I can probably jump ship just about anywhere.

I confess that you're talking way over my head on philosophy though, as someone with a... significantly less than 101 understanding. It's a subject I've wanted to educate myself in a little, but I'm an idiot, so I might have to watch more video than actually read.
 

IvorB

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,528
Is Atlantis a hotel or Party in Mykonos?. We are going to XLsior. I need a base tan for my vampire skin ASAP
It's nothing to do with Mykonos, sorry. It's the legendary gay cruise company: http://atlantisevents.com/

Yeah take it easy at first with the tanning and make sure you prep. Otherwise you will likely peel and end up with patch work tan which is like the worst case scenario. Greek sun is likely no joke.